Chapter 33
James Island County Park was blissfully empty, mostly because of the persistent drizzle that still misted over us like a fine spray.
But the fresh air felt amazing after breakfast, helping to clear my head as we followed the paved path, bundled in parkas.
We walked in silence, just enjoying the scenery and company, both lost in thought.
My thoughts churned like a tornado, never settling and leaving destruction in its wake.
The pavement glistened under our feet as we stepped around puddles, finally stopping at a bench under a live oak.
The lake swirled in shades of gray, swollen from the rain, but the space to sit remained blissfully dry, protected from the elements by the sprawling branches above it.
I pulled my knees to my chest as we sat, turning to Mina, who adjusted her parka before joining me.
“When he walked away, I wanted to run after him and beg him to stay. But I didn’t. I watched him go. Now I’m wondering if that means I don’t value us enough to fight.”
Mina laid her head on my shoulder and sighed. “Absolutely not. It simply means you love yourself enough not to chase someone who is pushing you away. That’s strength.”
My throat tightened again, and I blinked, willing the tears to stay away. “It’s just… Every time I think about the court hearing, about all the awfulness that’s bound to happen, I see him as my anchor. How did that happen so fast? Needing him?”
“It didn’t happen fast, babe. You two have been circling one another for some time now. It only took his walking away for you to realize things.”
I scoffed, rubbing my hands on my legs to warm them.
“It’s true. And it’s not like you’ll be alone tomorrow. Your dad will be there, right?”
“Yeah. We’re going to get breakfast before.”
“Good. And I’ll come as well. Whatever you need.”
“No. You don’t have to do that,” I said, shaking my head.
“Well, the offer is there if you change your mind. Should we get going?”
The drizzle had turned into a steady pitter-patter. “Yes. My toes are numb.”
“Yep, same here,” she said, linking her arm through mine as we stood and started making our way back to her car.
“Thank you so much for today, Mina.”
“Anytime. I hope it helped.”
“It did, more than you know.”
“Then my work here is done. But next time, remind me that taking a walk on a rainy Fall morning isn’t the best idea.”
I chuckled, agreeing wholeheartedly with her as we headed to what could be my new apartment, doing my best to stay positive.
By the time I made it home, the clouds had thinned to let a pale sliver of sunshine through. The air was crisp, smelling of rain and wet leaves. I hesitated in the driveway, eyes darting to Bev’s place and feeling relieved when I didn’t see Maverick’s truck taking up space in her driveway.
I released a breath, puffing my cheeks and resting my head on the seat for a second before turning off the car. I grabbed my purse and got out, making it to the porch before the telltale sound of a door opening caught my attention.
“Hey sweetheart,” Bev said from her porch.
She had an apron tied around her waist and a tea towel slung over her right shoulder.
Her hands were on her hips and her expression unreadable as I struggled to raise my hand so I could wave.
“Come on over. I have a fresh pot of coffee brewing and cinnamon rolls in the oven.”
“Oh. Um. Maybe another time. I need to—”
“I didn’t ask,” she scolded, motioning me over.
I hung my head and went, practically dragging my feet across the pavement so I could delay this confrontation, fully expecting her to yell at me for hurting her son. Not that I could blame her, but this was a conversation I wasn’t ready to have.
Bev held the door open as I slunk inside and scooped Tito from the front hall, where he was yipping and struggling to get outside. I cooed at the puppy as he scrambled in my arms, licking my neck and face until I held him away from my body.
“Go ahead and have a seat while I fix you a coffee. I can see how tired you are.”
“Thanks, but my body is more caffeine than water right now. I probably need to ease up on the coffee for a while.”
“How about some orange juice then?”
“Yes, please. Thank you.”
“Of course, honey.”
I sat at the table in silence with my head bowed, Tito on my lap and Port running between my legs, listening as Bev moved around the kitchen. I knew I should get up and help, but I felt like my feet were encased in cement.
She put the glass of juice on the table and sat beside me with a sigh, sliding the sugar caddy over to doctor her coffee. The quiet stretched on, broken only by the yips and playful snarls of the puppies.
“So… Maverick told you—”
“That the two of you argued?” Bev said, finishing my sentence with a tone gentler than I deserved. I nodded, and she reached across the table and patted my hand. “He didn’t have to. I heard the back door slam. And my oldest doesn’t slam things unless his heart’s in pieces.”
I swallowed, my chest tightening. “It wasn’t just him, Bev. I lost my temper. Accused him of things he didn’t deserve to hear.”
“Because of her, right? His wife. My daughter-in-law.” She propped her elbows on the table and tilted her head to me, studying my face.
I nodded, staring at a shallow scratch in the table. I ran my finger over the mark, waiting for her to pass judgement.
“You told him exactly what he needed to hear.”
“What?” I said, almost getting whiplash from lifting my head so fast. “How can you think that?” She had to be leading me into some false sense of camaraderie before laying down the law.
Maverick was right—I let my temper get away from me, spewing hateful words because I didn’t like how the conversation was going.
“It’s easy. We’ve been trying to get Maverick to see reason for years, but it took him falling in love again to realize how fragile this life is.”
“I don’t understand. How can what we have be love when we said such hateful things?”
“For the same reason why children are the worst behaved for their parents. The person you love is your safe space, and you can say those things because, deep down, you know their love is unconditional.”
I shook my head, setting the pup down on the floor. He ran to the water dish with his sister hot on his heels, paws desperate for traction on the slick floor. Even watching the puppies couldn’t help my mood, which had sunk somewhere past the deepest trench in the ocean.
“Unconditional?”
“Yes. He’s afraid. Because admitting that he loves you means admitting that life could take you away in the blink of an eye. And that’s something he has to come to terms with.”
“But what if he doesn’t? What if, instead, he realizes that it’s not worth it. That I’m not worth it.”
“Oh sweetheart,” she said, grasping my cold hand between her warm ones and smiling.
“Then you don’t fight it. You stay right there, steady as a rock, until he gets it through his thick head that you’re not going anywhere.
And if he doesn’t realize it, then you take comfort knowing it wasn’t because you weren’t enough. ”
My eyes brimmed with tears, and I let them fall, dripping down my cheeks and cascading onto the table.
“My son has his faults, but losing you isn’t one of them.”
“What if we’re already lost?”
“I guess you’ll just have to trust that I’m right. Now, I have to go to the Twisted Stitchers to get more material. My grand kitten Phoebe needs a new winter sweater. So do Tito and Port. Why don’t you come with me, and I’ll show you how to knit afterward?”
“Oh. Um…”
“Come on. We can talk about mundane things like the incoming tropical depression, that great debate about margarine versus butter, or even your court date tomorrow. We could even spend the afternoon bashing your ex-husband. Petty vengefulness always makes me feel better.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, chuckling hard at how quickly my mood improved as we finished our drinks and said goodbye to the pups before braving the elements once more.