Now
GRAYSON
Violet sits there, staring into her lap. Her body whips back against the sofa.
I move next to her, but not too close. There’s a good amount of distance between us.
“Vi,” I say.
She moves her head in my direction. “What?”
“I’m surprised you’re not saying anything. You always had something to say when we were together.”
“Oh, I have a lot to say. I’m absorbing the information you relayed to me.”
“Take all the time you need.”
We sit in silence for five minutes, zoning out in the direction of the flat-screen TV resting on top of the white buffet.
This isn’t awkward at all.
“You were drinking that night, weren’t you?”
“What night?” I raise an eyebrow.
“The Halloween party during sophomore year.”
Violet had no idea I was drinking that night. I never told her because I didn’t want to. She knew about my father and his addiction. I didn’t want her to think less of me because of it.
Looking back and forth around the room and at her, I tell her the truth.
“Yeah, I was drinking that night. Your brother had flasks full of vodka, and he wanted me to try it.” I breathe out through my nose.
“I wanted to place the blame on someone for my addiction back then. I told you it’s because of Blake that I went down a rabbit hole that seemed impossible to get out of.
It’s not his fault, it’s mine. It was my choice to drink that night.
It was my choice to do what I did to my body because I was miserable.
I needed an escape, and drinking made me feel good, but the truth is I never needed alcohol in my life.
I never needed it to escape or feel good about myself because I had you. I had you, and I lost you.”
“Gray, I—”
I cut her off. “Let me finish. I’m sorry I made you feel like I was blaming you for what happened between us.
I’m sorry if I made you feel like you weren’t good enough to be in my life.
You were the best thing in my life. I kept telling myself I had to get my shit together, so I could be with you, but I fucked up.
Losing you was never in the cards for me at the time.
And that brings me to my next question.”
“Can I say something first before you ask your question?”
I nod. “Of course.”
“Was that night the first time you tried alcohol?”
“Yeah, it was.”
She exhales, bringing her knees up to her chest. “Okay, what’s your question?”
“I’m not one-hundred-percent over what happened six years ago, but I do know that I want you in my life again, Vi. What do you say?”
“Okay. I think we can try to be friends.”
I think my brain just short-circuited.
“Mm-hm.”
I remember what I said to her before I kissed her for the first time when we were fifteen years old. I told her I could never be just friends with her again. Guess our story is about to be rewritten, and I don’t know how to feel about it.
She gets off the sofa, walking over to her purse. Grabbing her phone, she glances at her lockscreen and up at me.
I understand why she wants to be just friends.
I’m not ready to be more than that quite yet.
I also need to find out why she left me that night.
It did take me by surprise though. I can’t pinpoint why exactly.
She knows how I feel about her, and I know how she feels about me.
We simply need time to make it back to one another.
Well, if our paths end up crossing that way.
“What are you doing?”
“And here I thought I was the nosy one.” She sits back down next to me criss-cross applesauce, facing me. “When I’m not working on stuff for my classes, I work on content for Instagram.”
“Ah, I see.”
“I can sense the sarcasm from a mile away.”
“I didn’t mean to say it like that.” I put my hands on my face, so she doesn’t see how embarrassed I am.
“I know you didn’t. I like messing with you.” She playfully punches me in the arm.
“So, you’re still making book content, huh?”
“Yeah, I’ve become a freelancer because of it. When I started my account, I had no idea I could make somewhat of a living by posting and talking about books.”
I know I’m going to regret asking her this, but what the hell.
“Did you ever end up posting the copy of Ignite Me that I annotated for your sixteenth birthday?”
“Well, if you ever checked your DMs on Instagram, you’d know I did. It’s still up there.”
Whipping out my phone from my back pocket, I open Instagram and go to the search page. “What’s your username?”
“Are you kidding me right now?” she asks, annoyance taking over her tone.
“No, I’m not. What is it?”
She hides her face in her hands, lifting her head up to meet my gaze. “You can find out by checking your messages.”
I smack my hand on my forehead. “Sorry, I forgot you told me that.”
Leaving the search page, I open my direct messages and scroll down to Violet’s name. I hit it, and I immediately regret it. The last message was from her a little less than six years ago.
I couldn’t bring myself to block her because I didn’t want to erase her from my life, even if it was the social media part of it.
She’s always been my other half. I’m nothing without her.
“Gray,” she says.
“What?”
“Do you need help finding the post?”
I nod. “Yes, please.”
“I love how you’re still horrible with technology. It’s like you’re a cute grandpa.”
“So, what you’re saying is that you think I’m cute?”
“I think you’re adorable.” She smiles at me. “Give me your phone.” She extends her arm in my direction, wiggling her fingers.
I place my phone in her hand, and she’s scrolling up so fast that everything is a blur. “Hey, Gray?”
“Yeah?”
“How come you never blocked me?”
“Um…I don’t know. I didn’t find it necessary because I don’t go on the app that much. Not like you do.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you correctly. Are you accusing me of being on Instagram too much?”
“Maybe.” I look down at the floor, smiling.
She chuckles. “Oh, I’m not denying it. It’s hard not to be on there all the time since it’s how I make some of my living. There are a lot of bells and whistles I didn’t know I’d have to maneuver through when I first started.”
“How many bells and whistles are we talking about here?”
“How much time do you have?”
“I have all the time in the world, Angel.”
Her lips curve up into a beautiful smile as she tries to hide her rosy cheeks.
“Did you find the post yet?”
“Hold on a second…” She taps on a post, hiding the screen from me. “I found it.”
She shifts closer to me, and it feels like I’ve been transported back to when we were teenagers. She still smells like vanilla orchid, grapefruit, and pink peppercorn.
She taps on the post, and it becomes bigger, filling up the entire screen.
I remember how Violet would always take her photos on her white bedspread because it fit the aesthetic she wanted. Pink was her favorite color. I’d like to think it still is, but I have no idea.
There are multiple photos in a carousel type of post. The first one contains the book, book tabs, highlighters, random hot pink hair clips, and light pink bows. The rest of the photos are some of the annotations I made.
“I’m surprised you kept this up.”
“I know I told you when I look at the book it makes me sad, but it also makes me happy. It takes me back to a time in my life where I was the happiest. And it’s because I was with you.”
I scroll down to the caption she wrote and read it to myself.
happy sweet sixteen to me! my sweet boyfriend annotated ignite me by tahareh mafi for me.
i told him to not get me anything, but he didn’t listen to me. i’m so glad he didn’t because this is the best present anybody has ever gotten me. if you know me, you know this book is my favorite romance book. that’s why i talk about it so much on here.
gray, if you’re reading this right now, i love you.
Swiping out of Instagram, I turn off my phone and throw it next to me.
“Is everything okay?” Violet’s icy blue eyes drill a hole into the side of my head.
No, everything is not okay.
“Yeah, everything’s fine.”
“Are you sure?” She crosses her arms in front of her breasts.
“Mm-hm.”
“Okay. Let’s talk about something else. Tell me more about being Captain of the SCU basketball team.”
“That’s an interesting pivot there.”
“I know it was abrupt, but one of your dreams came true. You’ve been wanting to be a Sunset Cove University Stingray for a long time. Well, for as long as I’ve known you. I’m really proud of you.” She places her hand on my thigh, looking deep into my eyes.
“Thanks. I had to work my way up the ranks. I became Team Captain during my junior year. I’ve discovered it’s not easy managing a team of horny, dumbass guys.”
“Oh, I can imagine. Are you studying sports management or something?”
“Sports business management and nutrition.”
Her mouth shifts to one side of her face, her eyes wandering around the room. “You’ve always had a talent for cooking. I’m not surprised you’re studying nutrition, specifically because you’ve always been a health nut.”
Both of my eyebrows lift up. “What is a health nut?”
“It’s my term or phrase for someone who prioritizes eating better and taking care of their body.”
“If I looked up health nut on Google, would that be the official definition?”
“If it’s not, someone needs to update it.” She winks at me.
Looking away from her, I smile and bite down on my bottom lip.
She’s doing this on purpose to test me.
When I turn back around, her eyes line up with mine. It feels like my heart is sinking down to my stomach.
Every time I look into Violet’s eyes, I’m transported back to my teenage years.
I’m reminded of the pain I experienced when she left me, but I’m also reminded of the good times we had together as well as the love we had for each other.
The love I still have for her rages inside of me, begging to be rediscovered, but now is not the time for this.
I blink my eyes rapidly to bring myself back to reality. “So…what are you studying?” I ask, taking a tour of her beautiful face.
“I’m majoring in entrepreneurship and working on my minor in marketing.”
“Wow,” I say.
She chuckles, lightly biting down on her lip. “What?”
“You were always an overachiever. Guess that hasn’t changed.”
“Oh, shut up.” She smiles. “I’d love to dive into the publishing world full-time, so I thought studying entrepreneurship and marketing would be right up my alley.”
“I know this is random, but if you ever need another place to work on content for your socials, you can use our place.”
“I appreciate the gesture. I’m curious though. What makes you think I’d need somewhere else to work?” She pauses. “Did Noah tell you I live with Sage?”
“Wait, you live with Sage? Like Dani’s friend, Sage?”
She nods, her lips twitching a little. “Yeah, I’ve been living with her since junior year. Wait, Noah didn’t tell you I live with her?”
“No, he didn’t.” My mouth gapes open. “How have I not seen you?”
“I’ve done my best to hide myself from you because I knew you would’ve lost it if you saw me. I wanted to see you and talk to you when I was ready to.”
“I probably would’ve done the same thing if I was you.”
Silence consumes the air surrounding us for a few minutes until Violet decides to fill up the room with her sweet, angelic voice. “It’s getting kind of late. I should go.”
Before she gets up off the sofa, I reach for her hand. The skin to skin contact causes my body to jolt and her to flinch.
“Or you could stay,” I suggest.
“What about Noah and Xander?”
“Eh, they’re spending quality time together.”
“Aw, that’s so cute.”
“I think it’s mainly due to me annoying the crap out of them a lot, but whatever.”
She looks down at the floor. “Do you really want me to stay?”
I never want you to leave me ever again.
“We have more to talk about.”
“Oh yeah, like what?”
“We didn’t finish talking about what happened on the night of your sixteenth birthday party.”
“Can we leave it unfinished? We don’t have to talk about it.” She gets up, pacing back and forth in front of the TV.
“Yes, we do. It’ll be okay.”
Violet breathes out. “Fine.”