Now
GRAYSON
Me
Hey
Violet
Why aren’t you asleep?
Me
My brain is a little wired
Violet
Oh, that sucks
Me
Yeah
It’s honestly crazy I’m texting you right now. I feel like I’m back in high school
Violet
I know
Me
Are you okay?
Violet
Do you have some type of freaky intuition when I’m sad about something?
Me
Or maybe I just know you pretty damn well
Violet
Let’s not get cocky now
There’s the Violet I know.
Anyway, Sage was being her usual self, that’s all
Me
How so?
Violet
I told her about you coming to the apartment tomorrow morning. She had the audacity to tell me not to get my heart broken again because she doesn’t want to deal with my sad alter ego
Me
What?
Violet
Okay, I added that last part for exaggeration purposes. I hate when she does this. She adds onto my anxiety when it’s bad on its own
Me
You know what I think?
Violet
No, but I know you’re going to tell me
Me
I think we should go to the arena tomorrow, and I’ll teach you how to play basketball
Violet
You lost the bet, remember?
Me
Yes, I do. I think this could help you relieve your anxiety. If you don’t love it, we can drive straight back to your apartment. What do you think?
Violet
I’m horrible at basketball. You out of all people know this. I’m sure I’ve hit you with the ball quite a few times when we were younger
Me
And I’m fine. You’re not horrible. You just need a little practice
Violet
Okay, you convinced me. Are you proud of yourself?
Me
I’m more than proud of myself
Violet
Well, I need to be a functioning human to play basketball and talk. I’m going to bed. Good night, Gray
Me
Good night, Vi
Why was that oddly therapeutic, and why did it also give me whiplash?
My anger towards her isn’t as elevated as it was when I first saw her. I feel kind of relieved and guilty at the same time. Relieved because anger and me are a deadly combination, especially when alcohol was involved. Guilty because I should be mad at her, right?
This is why I haven’t been in another relationship. I couldn’t imagine how challenging a relationship would be with someone entirely new.
If I'm being honest, the only person I want to be with is Violet. I know she’s not ready to be in a relationship with me again. As much as I want it, I’m not ready yet. Being friends is the best option for us right now.
“Hey.” Noah stands in the doorway until he decides to sit on my bed.
“Hey.”
He stares at me, drilling a hole in my face.
“What?”
He turns his face and points at it with his index finger with his cheek being at eye-level. “Hit me.”
“I’ve been thinking about it.”
“Well, do it.”
“I’m not going to hit you, man.” I glance at the doorway. “Where’s Xander?”
“He crashed. I think he ate too much at dinner.”
“I’m still amazed he can eat more than I can.”
“Me, too.” He looks up at the ceiling. “So…do you want to talk about it?”
“What? Seeing my ex-girlfriend and the love of my life who broke my heart after six years? Sure, why not?”
“We don’t have to,” he says.
“I don’t mind. I’ve come to terms with my anger. All I hope is that she tells me why she did what she did.”
Noah sits down on my desk chair. “She will. You need to be patient with her. You don’t know how bad it was. I was the only person she had to talk to. She didn’t have anybody, Gray.”
“I know. She told me. We aired out a lot of shit, but we still have a lot more to discuss. I’m meeting her at her apartment tomorrow. I forgot how intense her anxiety can be.”
“Did something happen?”
“She had a panic attack in our bathroom. I hate seeing her like that. It breaks my heart.” I point to the hallway with my thumb. “I danced with her because I know it used to soothe her back in high school when she’d have panic attacks.”
“Anxiety sucks. It always helps when you’re with someone who understands what it’s like, even if they experience it differently than you do.”
I’d do anything to have that with Violet again.
I sit down on my bed. “How was it when you and Dani went from hating each other to how you feel about each other now?”
“For years, you told me I had feelings for her, and I kept denying it. I knew deep down you were right. When I admitted my feelings for her, everything started to make sense. We were meant to be together and not work against each other. Why do you ask?”
“I remember feeling how you did when Violet and I got together. It was different with us because we never hated each other. It was always love and admiration. Now, I don’t know what or how to feel.”
“You don’t have to search through your feelings right now. See how this all goes, and don’t do anything stupid.”
I laugh. “I’m the captain of The Idiot Club. I’m prone to utter stupidity.”
“You’re not the only one.”
“Well, I’m getting tired. And I need to get up kind of early tomorrow.” I shoo Noah to get out of my room with a flick of my wrist.
“Sweet dreams.” He walks out of my room, giving me a kissy face.
After I set an alarm for tomorrow morning on my phone and plug it in to charge it, I lie back on my pillow and stare at the ceiling for a couple minutes.
I never could’ve seen this day coming. My ex-girlfriend and the love of my life came back into my life. I have no idea if her coming back into my life was the smartest thing to do or not. All I know is I hope this doesn’t end in me getting my heart broken all over again.
One thing’s for sure though.
I won’t be the one to break hers.
The alarm I set before I went to sleep last night blares out Paramore through my phone’s speakers, scaring the shit out of me and causing me to pop my head up from my pillow.
Glancing at the clock on my phone, I check the time. It’s 9:01 a.m. I set my alarm for 9 a.m. sharp because I wanted to give myself enough time to get dressed, brush my teeth, and eat something for breakfast.
I let the song run for longer than it technically should, closing my eyes and swaying my head from side to side. When I decide I’m done, I press the stop button on the alarm and the song comes to an abrupt halt.
I come to the realization that I didn’t ask what apartment building and number she lives in with Sage, so I decide to text Dani and ask her.
Me
Hey, I’m a dumbass. I forgot to ask Violet what building she lives in and what her apartment number is
Dani
why are you asking me when you could be asking violet?
Me
I’m captain of The Idiot Club, duh. Can you tell me where she lives?
Dani
true. sage and violet live in building 5, apartment number 220. that’s on the second floor
Me
I can read between the lines, Solomon
Dani
i know, i just wanted to clarify in case. noah told me you’re meeting with violet again today. good luck. i’m here if you need me
Me
Thanks
Gravity pushes my bedroom door wide open. Xander stands in my doorway, staring at me. “Noah told me about your plans with Violet today. He put me in charge of you.”
I fold my arms in front of my chest. “Say what now?”
“He wanted me to make sure you get up. Look at you. You’re up. Good job,” he says in a mocking kind of tone.
Releasing a sarcastic laugh, I stick my middle finger up at him as I get out of bed. “You’re so funny, bro.”
“I know you talked to Noah about everything. Do you want to talk to me about anything?” Sincerity embeds itself throughout his voice.
“What is there to talk about?”
“Gray, this girl was the love of your life. Your world revolved around her. You were in love with her.”
“You’re wrong,” I say.
“No, don’t do that shit. You’re not driving into denial town. I won’t allow it.”
“She’ll always be the love of my life. My world still revolves around her. I think I could still be in love with her. This is all too fucking complicated.”
Xander walks into my room and sits on my desk chair, rolling over to me. “How is it complicated?”
“Actually, it’s not complicated at all.” I lick the inside of my cheek.
“Violet broke my heart, destroying me in the process. Do you know how hard it was for me after everything that happened during senior year of high school? I thought I wasn’t going to be myself again.
” I let out a deep breath. “I know I can be a pain in the ass, but I’m lucky I have you and Noah.
I don’t know if I’d be here right now if I didn’t have you guys. ”
“That might be the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.” He gives me puppy-dog eyes.
“Oh, shut up,” I say.
“The fact that you’re willing to hear her out says how much you’ve matured over the last six years. No matter how much she hurt you. Noah did tell you she went through hell, right?”
“Yeah, he did. It doesn’t give her a free pass for me to forgive her. Forgiveness is something that can’t be bought. It needs to be earned.”
“You’ll be okay. I do have one suggestion though.”
I narrow my eyes slightly. “Okay. What is it?”
“Don’t lose your temper with her,” he says. “Violet is really delicate. I know it was hard for her to work up the courage to come and talk to you yesterday. Just be gentle with her, okay?”
I nod. “Alright.”
A dorky smile appears on Xander’s face. “What are you making for breakfast?”
“Since when have I become the designated breakfast maker?”
“Since forever.”
I roll my eyes, shaking my head. “You’re such a dork.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” He rolls my chair back over to my desk and gets up, walking out of my bedroom.
“Tell Noah he can make breakfast!” I shout, hoping Xander heard what I said.
Heading into the bathroom, I brush my teeth and fix my bedhead.
Why didn’t Xander tell me how weird my hair looks?
Once I’m done in the bathroom, I put on a white muscle tank, a pair of gym shorts, and black and white Nikes.
Grabbing my phone, I leave my bedroom and make my way into the kitchen. I see Xander sitting at the kitchen table and Noah sitting directly across from him. They’re both staring at me.
“I’m not making breakfast,” I say. “One of you can because I have business to attend to.”
A dumb smile appears on Noah’s face. “Are we calling Violet your business?”
I sigh. “Look, I need to shower and get dressed.”
Noah looks at me. “Fine with us. We’re capable of making our own food.”