Now
GRAYSON
What the hell?
The former love of my life was at the hospital that day, but even after she saw me lying in a bed connected to tubes and wires, she thought it would be a good idea to disappear from me for the rest of my life.
My best friend lied straight to my face, convincing me it was the truth when it wasn’t.
My mother knew about all this and didn’t say a word to me.
It’s hard for me to accurately dissect every emotion I’m feeling right now because I’m angry, disgusted, heartbroken, upset, and annoyed all at once. Those are just a few. There are more, but I’m too mentally drained to figure out the rest of them.
I’m tempted to break my sobriety and speed over to Stingray’s because a drink sounds really good right about now.
No, we can’t go back down that road again. You’re doing so well. You can’t break your sobriety over this.
When I make it to the second floor of our apartment complex, I try my best to compose myself before I get to our front door, but I fail. The second I get inside, I go off on Noah. “You fucking lied to me!”
Noah, Dani, Xander, and Bella are sitting in the living room. I stand in front of the TV to block their view, grabbing their full attention.
“Hi to you, too,” Noah says.
“No, don’t act like you’re the good guy here. I don’t want to hear that shit right now.”
“We have company,” Noah points out.
Dani and Bella wave at me, but they can tell how angry I am, so they stay silent.
“Oh, that’s right. I’m so sorry for interrupting your night. How’s your Halloween been? Mine is the worst one I’ve ever had in my entire life. Thanks for asking.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Xander asks me.
“You should ask our buddy, Noah.”
“I’m not playing this guessing game with you of trying to figure out why there’s smoke coming out of your ears. You’re an adult. Tell me what’s bothering you.”
“Okay, fine. You told me Violet wasn’t there at the hospital. She told me she was, but she ended up leaving. She just…left. You convinced me so hard that the lie you told me was the truth. What kind of person lies to their best friend like that?”
“You asked her to tell you what happened six years ago, didn’t you?” Noah asks, his tone stable.
“Do I need to make it more obvious that I did?”
“I told you to not do anything stupid.”
“Well, I didn’t listen. I’m glad I didn’t because I wouldn’t have found out that my mother knew she was there. They talked apparently. Oh, and Violet’s the one who drove my truck to the hospital. Not you.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Dani and Bella sneak out of our apartment. I don’t blame them because I would do the same thing if I was in the middle of an uncomfortable situation like this one.
“Why are you making such a big deal about this?” Xander asks, his voice going an octave higher than his usual tone.
“The former love of my life was at the hospital for maybe ten minutes. Why didn’t she stay? Why did she think that vanishing from my life was the best option? Why did she leave me?”
“Did you ask her these questions?” Noah asks.
“I stormed out before I could. I’m asking you if you know the answers to these questions.”
“If I did, I wouldn’t tell you. Do you know why? It’s not my place. Only Violet can answer those questions for you.”
“I can’t talk to her right now. I need time to process this.”
“How much time?” Xander asks.
“I don’t fucking know, Xander. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.” I speed walk into my bedroom, slamming the door shut.
A hand comes into contact with my door, and Noah eventually makes his way inside. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I was put in a tough position. You’re my best friend, and so is Violet. I care about both of you. You have every right to be mad at me, but I don’t want you to hate me for what I did.”
“I don’t hate you,” I clarify.
Noah sits down on my bed, and I take a seat to the right of him.
“I wouldn’t blame you if you did,” he says.
“Shit, you should’ve seen the way I exploded at her. She probably hates me now. I would if I was her.”
“It was that bad?”
“I know I ended off my rant with something like ‘you vanished from my life, and now I’m going to vanish from yours.’ I don’t know if she’s going to want to talk to me again after that.”
Noah scrunches his ugly face. “That was fucked up. I do think giving yourselves time to heal is necessary before you talk to her again.”
“Yeah. Like I said back in the living room, I need time. I’m sure she does, too.”
“So, what are you going to do to distract yourself from dwelling on all this?”
“Same as last time. I’m going to throw myself more into basketball, focus on my classes, and spend my time in the kitchen.”
Noah nods. “Sounds like a solid plan to me. Again, I’m sorry for lying to you. It won’t happen again.”
I point my index finger at him. “It better not. I never lied to you when it came to Dani. I knew you always had feelings for her, and I knew she reciprocated them back.”
“I know, and we wouldn’t be together right now if it wasn’t for you, so thank you.”
“Oh, yeah. What were you guys doing before I barged in here?”
“Um, we all talked a little. Dani and I had some alone time. At one point, I went to the bathroom and saw no conversation going on between Xander and Bella.”
“I hope they didn’t sit there in awkward silence the entire time.”
“I’m sure they spent their time aimlessly scrolling on social media to make the time go by faster.”
“Yeah.”
Noah gets off my bed, standing in the doorway. “I want you to know it’s going to get better. I don’t know when, but it will.”
“Thanks.”
He salutes me and disappears from my doorway, leaving me all by myself.
I know time will help heal the pain, but it’s going to be a difficult recovery process. The main difference is we’re adults now. We were teenagers back then, and we had a lot of growing up to do.
If there’s one thing for certain, it’s that I will talk to Violet again because I can’t spend another six years of my life without speaking to her. I just don’t know when that’s going to be since I need some time to sort out how I truly feel about everything that conspired tonight.
The more spirals I dive into, the more exhausted I will be tomorrow. I need to stop myself from doing that because I’m tired from all the thoughts I’ve been trying to articulate these past couple of hours.
Here’s to hoping we both get through all this.