Chapter 36
Elle rolls over, her nose scrunching adorably and her hair a wild tangle, spread across the pillow like seaweed. She yawns, then smiles. “How long have you been up for?”
An hour and twelve minutes.
I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night for the first time since I’ve been outside the four walls of Leavenworth Penitentiary, and it’s amazing how much a solid stretch of sleep helps you feel wide awake. I’m used to waking up with dry, gritty eyes and often a pounding head, forcing myself to roll out of bed and chug enough coffee to get me to work.
When I woke up seventy-two minutes ago, I just stared at Elle. That’s all I’ve been doing for the past hour-plus.
“Ry?”
“Not long,” I reply.
She rolls over so she’s facing me, tucking her hands beneath her cheek. Stares at me like she likes the sight—me in her bed.
“I like waking up to you,” I say.
Elle blushes, and it’s a beautiful sight. We’ve known each other since we were fourteen. I love that I can still make her blush.
I reach out and carefully place the lighthouse keychain that’s been folded in my palm since I woke up. It wobbles on the mattress, but rights itself.
She glances at it.
“Happy birthday. It reminded me of you.”
“Tall and striped?”
I laugh. “No. Brave. Standing alone, facing storms. You don’t need me for that. You never did.”
Her face softens as she rubs a finger against the top tip of the lighthouse. The cupola, as I learned yesterday. “I love it. Thank you.”
“Also got you this.” I grab the condom off the bedside table and toss it to her.
Elle picks it up. She’s blushing again. Or still. “Gee, thanks.”
I grin. “Found a box of them in one of the bathroom drawers.”
She makes a face. “Keira told me this is the room her parents stay in.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s defective.”
Elle sits up, swinging her legs off the mattress. We fooled around last night, but she put pajamas on before falling asleep. I watch her walk across the bedroom in the matching set, one arm tucked behind my head.
“Where are you going?” I ask.
Not the response I was hoping for to the let’s have sex suggestion.
“To brush my teeth.”
I groan a laugh. “Elle, I don’t care.”
“I do. Also … I need to shave.”
“Don’t care about that either,” I call out.
“Well, I do. Can you take Scout out while I get ready?”
“Yep.” I climb out of bed.
I’ve been hard since I woke up, and waking up in bed with Elle didn’t help. I pull on a pair of basketball shorts that do a decent job of hiding my erection, glad I remembered to grab my bag out of the office before sneaking into Elle’s room last night.
Scout jumps all over me the second I let him out of his crate. I slip his collar on, but don’t bother attaching his leash. I take it though, just in case, peeking out into the hallway before we exit Elle’s room. It’s empty.
A few remnants of last night’s festivities—leftover hot dog buns and a few extra chocolate bars and some empty beer bottles—litter the counter as I pass through the kitchen.
As soon as I open the sliding door, Scout sprints down the steps to sniff around in the beach grass.
Two of the deck chairs are occupied.
“Hey, guys.”
“Morning, Ryder,” Keira replies.
“Hey, man,” Tuck greets. “Couch treat you okay last night? I feel bad you got stuck in the office.” He looks at Keira. “We have too many friends.”
She scoffs, then sips her coffee.
“Don’t worry about it. Couch was more comfortable than the twin in the trailer,” I say.
Tuck winces. “I can’t believe you’re still sleeping on that.”
“You get used to it,” I say.
I won’t move out of the trailer and leave my mom. But I’m hopeful, after last night and this morning, that I might be spending more nights in Boston soon. I’m positive Elle doesn’t sleep in a twin.
“Are you taking Scout for another run?” Keira asks.
I glance at the dog, who’s still sniffing. I wish he were a human I could tell to hurry up. I’m dying to get back upstairs to fuck Elle in an actual bed for the first time in forever.
“Uh, no,” I respond. “Just a bathroom break.”
“Huh,” Keira says. “That’s funny—that you’re the one taking out Elle’s dog.”
“Yeah,” Tuck chimes in with. “Almost as funny as the way you never answered when I knocked on the office door earlier to see if you wanted to go surfing.”
I look at Scout, who’s continuing to take his time.
“You’re blushing, Ry,” Tuck teases. “Tops of your ears are red.”
“For fuck’s sake, mind your own business, man.”
“Good morning.” Reese steps out onto the deck. “Wow, this view is insane.” She looks at me next. “Did you sleep okay on the couch?”
“The question is, was he on the couch?” Tuck says.
“Fifty bucks he wasn’t,” Reese comments. “They looked cozy at the fire last night.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t see them at dinner the night before. Elle wouldn’t even look at him and?—”
“That’s it,” I say, setting Scout’s leash on the railing and walking toward the sliding door. “Can one of you please keep an eye on the dog?”
“Can’t get enough of that couch, huh?” Tuck calls after me.
Reese’s and Keira’s laughter follows me inside.
Elle’s waiting, naked, when I slip back into her room. She rises up on her elbows when I shut the door, and I groan audibly at the view of her sprawled on the white sheets before ducking into the bathroom.
“What are you doing?” she calls out.
I grab her toothbrush off the sink, squeeze some toothpaste on it, and then step back into the bedroom.
“You’re using my toothbrush?”
“I forgot mine in the other bathroom. I’m not going to have morning breath while you taste like a Crest commercial. Besides …” I smirk. “We’re about to have sex, and you’re concerned about mouth germs?”
Elle doesn’t reply, just lies back down.
I scrub at my teeth as quickly as possible, spit, and glance in the mirror. God, I’m … nervous. Terrified this is going to get screwed up somehow. Whenever things go well in my life, it’s always been temporary. My dad left, or my mom moved us to live with a shitty boyfriend, or I got arrested. I’m scared to be happy, as sad and pathetic as that sounds. I wasn’t just protecting Elle, removing myself from her life. You can’t lose what you don’t have.
“Ryder?”
“Coming,” I reply, shoving away from the counter and walking back into the bedroom.
I pull off my T-shirt, step out of my shorts, and then slip into the warm heaven of smooth sheets and soft skin that smells like jasmine.
Elle rolls into me immediately, tangling our legs together. “Where’s Scout?”
“Keira and Tuck offered to watch him.”
“Meaning they saw you with him?”
“Yeah. You care that they know?”
Old insecurities flicker to the surface. Not just about the fact that I’m poor and she’s rich, or that she’s a lawyer and I’m an ex-con. Elle’s a good person, and I’ve done more than my share of destructive shit that speaks to the contrary. In nearly every way, we’re uneven.
“Of course not,” she answers before I can spiral too far. “I’m just going to have a lot of questions to answer later.”
“You are? Tuck is the nosiest person I know.”
She giggles, her right hand landing on my chest and journeying south in a way that’s very distracting. “You have more muscles.”
“Had a lot of time to work out.”
Her hand pauses, playing with the strip of hair that points straight at my dick. “I’ve never heard you … talk about it.”
“There’s not much to say,” I reply. “And then, other times, way too much.”
“I want to listen,” Elle whispers.
My immediate instinct is to push back. To tell her there’s no way I’m filling her head with the dark shit I saw and experienced. But then I look at her, focused on me with the most earnest, tentative expression I’ve ever seen.
I shut her out before. Long before I slammed the door closed on us, I was always so careful with how much I shared of my life. I gave her me, but I kept the rest of my world as separate as I could.
Elle’s tough. Stronger than most people give her credit for. I don’t know many people who would have stolen an ID to sneak into a state prison.
So, I say, “Okay,” and mean it.
Her smile is so wide that I feel like my heart is going to explode.
“Right now, I’d rather fuck you than talk to you though.”
“Right now, I’d rather get fucked than listen to you talk,” she replies.
I grin. “Glad we’re on the same page.”
Fucking finally.
Our mouths collide in a desperate, messy kiss.
I planned to draw this out. To kiss my way down her chest and play with her breasts. To lick her pussy and suck her clit. To savor every second of this in a way I couldn’t against the side of a busy bar.
But I’m also impatient. It feels like I’ve waited my entire life for this moment, and I want to be as close to her as possible. And every time I move my mouth to her jaw or her neck, Elle adjusts so my lips land on hers again.
She’s as needy as I am.
And she’s the one who fists my dick, rubbing the tip of my cock through her wet heat.
She’s never been with anyone else. I was shocked when she told me last night, and I’m still stunned by it now. Elle’s playing my body like a maestro. Squeezing the sensitive head of my dick and then rubbing the sensitive spot behind my balls. My control is slipping, which seems to be exactly what she wants. My muscles are tensed and burning, resisting the urge to thrust deep.
I pull away long enough to ask, “Where’s the condom?”
“I don’t know,” Elle replies cheekily. “You had it.”
I search around the sheets until I find the foil packet. Elle’s as unhelpful as possible, running her hands over every inch of my skin she can reach.
I roll the condom on as fast as I can, then settle over her again. The position is deliberate. I want to be able to see her face.
She moans when my penis brushes against her swollen pussy. I tease her a little, rubbing up, down, and around.
Elle lifts her hips, trying to take me. “Please.”
“What do you want, Elle?” I ask.
“You,” she breathes. “I want you.”
I give her an inch.
She arches her back, a rosy flush spreading across her chest. I grab her knee and hook it around my hip, pressing another inch deeper.
She’s tight. Wet. So tight and so wet, and somehow, this is better than every other time we’ve had sex.
There’s a feeling of permanence I’ve never felt before. I’m not terrified I’ll never get to touch her again. It feels like we’ll do this every day for the rest of our lives.
“Fuck, Ryder. More. I need more.”
Elle’s nails dig into my back, cutting deep enough to leave marks and break skin. I’ve always been hers, so it feels like a fitting brand.
I give her two inches this time. Maybe three. The snug clasp of her cunt is shredding what little remains of my willpower and blurring my focus. It’s taking all of my resolve to keep from pounding into her like an animal.
But Elle comes first. Always.
She wraps both legs around my waist. It shifts the angle, the head of my cock hitting a deeper spot, and she moans loudly.
I glance down, the sight of her spread around my cock making my dick swell even more. I knew I was her first. But knowing she’s never done this with anyone but me … that I’m the only one who’s ever seen her like this, who’s been inside of her … fuck, it messes with my head in the best way. Strips me down to all these possessive, primal urges.
I’d kill for this girl. Would lie or cheat or steal or beg or borrow for anything she needed.
I think I knew she was it for me the first time I saw her playing tic-tac-toe by herself. But I realize it all over again right now.
She takes the rest of me with a loud whimper of want, her hands sliding down my back to grip my ass as I pump into her. The breathy sounds she’s making are slowly driving me insane. Flames lick down my spine as pressure builds at the base of it.
“Harder, Ry,” she begs. “I’m so close.”
Thank God.
I wasn’t kidding about the thirty seconds last night. Feeling her beneath me, hearing her moan my name, smelling the arousal in the air? I’m barely hanging on right now.
I speed up my thrusts, slipping a hand between our bodies and finding the sensitive bundle of nerves right above where I’m stretching her.
Her cunt contracts, squeezing my cock so tightly that I can barely breathe from the acute pleasure. I grunt as my dick jerks, filling the condom. A hot wave of pleasure surges through me, the force of it staggering.
The relief is more than physical. There’s a lot of happiness mixing with the sexual satisfaction.
We’re both breathing heavily as I pull out of her, grabbing a tissue off the bedside table and using it to wrap it around the condom. I toss it toward the trash can, relieved when it lands right.
“Nice shot.”
I grin over at her. Elle’s cheeks are pink, her expression a little dazed. She looks sated and sexy and so gorgeous it makes my chest hurt. “Thanks. I’ve been playing some with Knox.”
“I’m sure he loves that.”
“Yeah. His dad isn’t around, so …” I reach a hand out, the few inches between our bodies too much.
She bites her bottom lip when I cup her left breast, my thumb rubbing the mark I left there last night. “There are more condoms, right?”
I chuckle. “Yeah. But this was supposed to be about you. I had this whole plan …” I lean over, swirling my tongue around her belly button and then kissing a line up the center of her stomach.
Elle’s hands weave into my hair, and she yanks my head up to hers. She kisses me again, just as eagerly as before, sucking on my tongue.
I’m getting hard again.
I can’t get enough of her. I don’t think I ever will.
“You taste like mint,” she comments.
I grin. “Back at you.”
“Do you want kids?” Elle blurts. Then drops a hand from my hair and moves it to cover most of her face. “Forget I asked that. Just … thinking out loud.”
I tug her hand down. “You can ask me anything, Lo.”
“I didn’t mean to ask that. I mean, we’re not even …”
“We’re not even what?”
“I-I don’t know what we are.”
“We’re everything,” I tell her.
Elle smiles, and I think she’s recalling the same conversation I am. When she told me we were nothing and I countered with we were something.
“Most people would probably call it dating,” I say.
“Most people would say you have to go out on a date to be dating.”
I smirk. “You asking me out, Clarke?”
She rolls her eyes. “I just … you didn’t freak out at the pharmacy the way I thought you might.”
“I wouldn’t freak out,” I tell her, running my fingers through her hair. Planned or not, I’d be thrilled. But we’re talking about the hypothetical, I think. “I’ve never really thought about kids. But I could definitely get on board with the idea.”
“I was watching you with Knox last night. You’re a natural.”
“Well, I sure didn’t learn it.” I continue playing with her hair. “I wouldn’t hate that part of it either.”
“What part?”
“Getting to be the dad I wish I had.”
Elle’s silent for a moment. “Have you talked to him lately?”
“He’s called a couple of times. I answered once.”
“Sorry.”
“S’okay.”
And it is. I have my mom and Cormac. Tucker. Reese. And Elle. They’re all the family I need. The people who have been there for me.
Her hand slides down my chest, tracing the ridges of my abdomen and then moving lower.
I groan, all the blood in my body following the path of her hand.
“Guess I didn’t kill the mood, talking about babies and your dad?” Elle’s voice is light, on the cusp of laughter.
I sit up, forcing her hand to fall away. “Nope. But you’re getting another birthday gift first.”
She gasps. “Keys to go with my keychain?”
The keychain in question is set carefully on the bedside table, closer to Elle’s side, out of harm’s way.
I smirk as I grip her knees, pulling them apart until her legs are flat on the bed and her pussy is fully exposed. “You’re about to feel really bad about mocking my gifts,” I tell her.
Then lower my head.