Chapter 38
Applause explodes throughout the ballroom as Keira and Tucker appear as Mr. and Mrs. Franklin for the first time.
Elle is beaming as she leans against me, watching her best friend and mine walk toward the open section of the floor for their first dance.
“When are the speeches again?” I whisper to Elle.
“Not until after dinner,” she replies.
I reach up to fiddle with the knot of my bow tie.
I’m nervous, not only about speaking in front of the hundreds of people Tuck invited to his wedding, but also about what I wrote.
Tucker is more than my best friend. We’re as close as brothers. Closer maybe since I’ve shared things with him that I felt like I needed to shield Cormac from.
My little brother doesn’t look like he needs protecting though. He’s seated at the next table over, between our mom and his girlfriend, Brynn. Cormac had his doubts about how their relationship might fare after she returned to Ohio, but I’d say her coming all this way to be a plus-one at a wedding bodes pretty damn well. Not to mention, she’s sleeping in my lumpy twin bed this weekend while I stay with Elle.
She must love him, if she’s willing to endure that.
My mom glances over and catches me looking their way. With her hair styled and a full face of makeup, you can hardly tell she’s sick. There are starting to be some signs though. She’s lost weight, and she coughs frequently. The imaginary clock is ticking even if we can’t always hear it.
Her gaze bounces to Elle beside me, then back to me. She beams.
If there’s one person happier about us being back together than Elle and me, it’s my mom. It’s the best gift I ever could have given her. She sees Elle as a daughter, and she’s thrilled my life is finally moving forward in a positive direction.
Elle’s parents, who are seated right by the dance floor and were invited because they’re good friends with Keira’s parents, are much harder to read. I’ve had dinner at their house twice in the two months Elle and I have been officially dating. Both were awkward meals of polite, forced small talk. They obviously have no idea what to make of me—the guy with no college degree and a criminal record, the opposite of everything they ever wanted for their little girl. And they were clearly taken aback by Elle, noticing the same thing it had taken me a lot longer than a few hours to realize—Elle’s different around me. She’s less stiff and polished, more relaxed and playful.
Like now, her hand is dangerously close to my dick under the table.
“Don’t you dare,” I murmur to her.
“You’d be less nervous about your speech.”
I’d also be wondering if anyone could see the wet spot in my pants for the rest of the night. At my best friend’s wedding, an event her parents and my mom are attending.
I lean over to kiss her shoulder. “Later.”
The first dance ends, and everyone claps. Uniformed waiters start to move through the room, carrying trays covered with glasses of champagne and different appetizers. Hopefully, Tuck had some input on the menu. I didn’t dislike the food at The Franklin when Elle and I ate there, but Keira and I definitely have different culinary tastes.
People stand and start to mingle. The band is still playing, and some other couples are dancing now that Keira and Tuck have cleared the floor.
I talk to a few of the guys from the construction crew, plus some familiar faces from high school, then ask my mom to dance.
She protests, saying I should dance with Elle if I have “happy feet,” but gives up the closer we get to the dance floor. I promise her I will dance with Elle later.
“What a beautiful wedding,” she says, looking around the ballroom at the flower arrangements and the twinkling lights.
“It is,” I agree. “Do you ever regret not having one?”
She never married my dad. Or Cormac’s. Gave both of us her last name instead.
“Regret? No. If I had gotten married, it would have been a mistake.”
“Because you don’t believe in it?”
“Because I do. You get married when you’re sure it’s going to work out. Not because you’re not sure if it will. It’s not a repair or a solution.”
“I’m not sure when I’ll ask Elle,” I say. “I don’t know if she’s ready, if I am. I don’t know where we’ll live … what I’ll do for work …”
“It’s okay, Ry. It’s enough for me, seeing you like this.” My mom glances at her table, where Cormac is sitting with Brynn. He has one arm slung around the back of her chair as he sips at champagne. “Seeing both you boys happy—that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“I want you to be there.” The words are soft, a statement I’m not sure I should share with her. It alludes to the dark cloud I want to pretend doesn’t exist today.
For the most part, I’ve abided by her wishes. I’ve stopped suggesting treatment. Stopped asking questions after her doctor’s appointments. I go with her and sit in the waiting room, and then we leave. Sometimes, we stop for lunch somewhere. Once, we drove into Boston to visit Cormac on campus.
She squeezes my shoulder. “I will be, Ryder. No matter what, I’ll be there.”
My throat is too thick to say anything else. We sway until the song ends, and then I walk my mom back to her table. We pass Reese, who’s dancing with Keira’s older brother. I raise my eyebrows at her, and she smiles at me.
I guess she’s over her aversion to Ones. Or maybe it just helps if they’re male and good-looking.
After leaving my mom at her table, I grab some food and talk to Tuck’s dad for a while. He’s full of praise about the Warren house project, boasting that Tuck is going to sell the place for several million. I’m no real estate agent, but I hope he’s right. We’ve never talked about it, but I’d be shocked if Tuck has never thought about the same financial disparity with Keira that I’m aware of with Elle.
Not that you need to each have the same amount of money to be in a relationship, but it’s a strange balance when it’s so lopsided. It comes up at random times, whenever you see a movie or get ice cream or go out to dinner. It’s always a conversation.
After talking with Tuck’s dad, I head back to my table. Tuck intercepts me midway, giving me a huge hug. I’ve seen him since the ceremony, but there were tons of other people around. The rest of the wedding party, photographers, family members. This is the first moment we’ve had, just the two of us.
“So?” I ask. “How does it feel?”
Tuck’s grin is bigger than I’ve ever seen it. “Good, man. It feels really good.” He leans closer and whispers, “Can I tell you something?”
“Uh, sure?”
He snorts. “Reassuring. Anyway, Keira’s pregnant, and I’ve been terrified her folks were going to find out before the wedding. They’re stuck with me now, right?”
“Congrats, man. That’s awesome. And, yep, that’s great thinking with the in-laws. No way they’ll do the math.”
“If you knock up Elle soon, our kids could be the same age,” Tuck tells me. “Raise hell at Fernwood High together, just like we did.”
“Raise hell? What was the craziest thing you did in high school, Tuck? Go to a One party?”
“Hey! I was crazy.”
“Uh-huh. Ask Reese. She’ll back me up. Your kids will be baseball or softball stars with great grades, trust me.”
Tuck’s giant grin appears again. “God, I can’t wait to play ball in the yard with my kid.”
I clap his shoulder. “Really happy for you, man.”
“Thanks. And don’t tell anyone I told you, okay? Keira wants to—hey, Elle.”
“Hi, Tuck.” Elle pauses beside me, glancing between me and Tuck, who shoots me a nervous look. I’m not sure how much of our conversation Elle heard. “I came to ask you to dance,” she tells me.
“Thank goodness,” I say. “My mom was so worried we wouldn’t get to.”
“Ha. I saw you two out there. Come on.” She grabs my hand.
“See ya,” I say to Tuck, then let Elle pull me away.
“How much did you hear?” I ask once we’re swaying on the dance floor.
“Enough to know Tuck told you a secret,” she replies.
“I’m not supposed to tell anyone.”
She rolls her eyes. “You can stop worrying about choosing between your guilty conscience and me being mad at you. Keira isn’t drinking, and her boobs barely fit in her wedding dress. She’s pregnant. I’m right, right?”
I nod. If Tuck asks, I can swear I never said a word.
“I’m so happy for them.”
“Yeah, me too.”
We sway in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the moment.
“Do you want to get married?” I ask.
After my conversation with my mom, I’m realizing I don’t know her answer to that. I just assumed it was something she wanted—the diamond ring and a fancy wedding like this one.
Beneath my palms, Elle’s spine stiffens. She pulls back a couple of inches, her blue eyes wide as she glances up at me. “Is this your idea of a proposal?”
I laugh. “No. I’m more romantic than that.”
She relaxes a little, but continues staring at me. “Then, why are you asking?”
“Because I don’t know the answer. We’re at a wedding. I was just wondering if this is something you want. If it’s something you’ve thought about.”
“With you or just in general?”
I pinch the side of her ribs.
Elle smirks.
“I’m not talking that hypothetically,” I answer. “With me.”
“I wondered if a bigger commitment would have made it harder for you to end things,” she tells me. “We weren’t even dating back then really.”
Her honesty is what I always want, but I still wince. She’s right. Technically, we had our first date about seven weeks ago.
Elle notices. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. I asked.”
“I also used to practice writing Elodie James in all of my high school notebooks. I’ve got four years’ worth of a fake signature.”
I smile. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Her hands slide up to the back of my neck, tracing circles there. “With lots of flourishes.”
She’s not drawing circles, I realize. She’s writing it on my skin.
“I thought this would be us,” she whispers. “Before everything happened … it felt inevitable. I love Keira, and I’m so happy for her, but …” She lifts a shoulder, then lets it drop.
“It felt inevitable to me too,” I tell her. “I didn’t believe in much. But I believed in us.”
Her hands pause. “Do you still?”
“More than ever,” I reply, hoping she can hear the sincerity in the words.
“Then, you should ask me.”
“I’m going to.”
“When?”
“That’s for me to know and for you to find out.”
Elle pouts. “No fair.”
“Well, I’m the one asking the question. That’s the scary part.”
“Not when you already know my answer.”
“Don’t spoil it,” I say. “Keep me on my toes.”
“That’s a good idea,” Elle says, pressing closer against me. Her hands leave my neck and run down my back as her breasts rub against my chest.
“Lo …” I groan.
“What?”
“You know what.”
“People have sex at weddings all the time, Ry,” she tells me. “It’s a great place to meet single people.”
“That’s great.” I tighten my grip on her hips. “You’re not single.”
Her giggle makes me smile and my slacks even more uncomfortable.
She whispers, “Prove it,” and I know I will.
Because there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for this girl.