Chapter 39
As soon as I step out of the conference room, my phone buzzes with an incoming call.
“I’m on my way down,” I say. “Two minutes.”
“Okay,” Ryder replies. “I’m parked right in front.”
“Okay.” I hang up, adjust the folders tucked under one arm, and then hurry toward the elevator bank.
Two men are standing and talking in the small lobby on this floor of the firm. I pass them and press the down arrow, my foot tapping impatiently as I wait.
“Elle?”
I spin around. Prescott is walking toward me, the man he was talking to remaining by the chairs.
“Oh. Hi.” I blink twice, making sure it’s really him.
Prescott tucks his hands into his pockets. “I wondered if I might run into you here. Just stopping by for a lunch meeting.”
I force a smile. “Here I am.”
“How’ve you been?” he asks.
“Good,” I respond. “Busy, you know.”
“Yeah, I sure do.” He chuckles. “I thought law school was supposed to be the worst part.”
“Lies to get through it,” I tell him.
“Yeah. Right. Aside from work, you’re good?”
I nod. “Yeah. I am.”
“That’s great.” He pulls one hand out of his pocket to scratch at the scruff on his cheek. The stubble suits him. “Jenny and I started dating a few months ago.”
“I’m happy for you guys.”
Prescott peers a little closer. “You already knew, huh?”
This time, the smile comes easily. “Krista might have mentioned you two left her New Year’s party together.”
“Right.” The tops of his ears turn red, which makes my smile grow. “I hope you didn’t not show at that because of me.”
“No, no.”
He lifts an eyebrow.
“Well, maybe I avoided the group at first,” I admit. “But I had a conflict that night.”
The elevator arrives, dinging as the doors open.
“It was really nice to see you,” I say, holding my hand out to keep them open. “But I-I’ve got to go.”
His smile is good-natured. “Sure.”
“No, really, I do. It’s a, uh, memorial service.”
Prescott’s rueful expression immediately transforms to serious. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you.” I step inside the elevator. “Next time everyone gets together, I’ll be there.”
I catch his nod before the doors slide shut.
As soon as the elevator starts to descend, I slump against the wall and pull the clip out of my hair. I wish I had time to go home and change, but I don’t. We’re driving to the Cape to spread Nina’s ashes with Cormac, then driving back to Fernwood to have dinner with my parents. I’m guessing we’ll spend the night at the trailer rather than drive back to Boston.
My mom was insistent about doing dinner on this date, for some reason, and Cormac picked up Nina’s ashes from the funeral home yesterday. She died a week ago. Back in February, she’d had to be hospitalized for a few days, but she was able to pass away in her own bed, at home with her boys, the way she’d wanted.
I got to say goodbye to her. She got to see me and Ryder together.
Those are the things I’ve tried to cling to since we lost her.
Ryder leans over to kiss me as soon as I climb into the car, but he doesn’t say much as we drive through the city and merge onto the highway.
“Work go okay?”
“Yeah. I saw Prescott actually.”
“Oh, yeah? He good?”
There’s no trace of jealousy in Ryder’s voice, and I’m not expecting to hear it.
“He seemed it.”
“Good.” Ryder pulls his phone out of his jacket pocket and hands it to me. “Can you text Cormac, let him know that we’ll be there in about an hour? I forgot to before we left.”
“Yeah, of course.”
I message Cormac, then relax against the seat to look out the window for the rest of the drive.
Cormac is there, waiting, when Ryder pulls off into the gravel parking lot that only contains two other cars. This is a public beach, but it’s the beginning of April. No tourists around yet.
Cormac hugs his brother, then me.
“How are you?” I ask, squeezing his arm.
He offers me a sad smile. “I’m okay. Good moments and bad moments, you know?”
I nod. I do know.
“Brynn still coming to visit next month?”
“Yeah. She wanted to come this week, but I told her not to. I just need some time, you know?”
Again, I nod. “Time helps. Not a lot, but it does.”
“Anyway …” Cormac reaches into his car and returns holding a plastic bag filled with what looks like gray grit. “They gave me a cardboard box, too, but that didn’t seem necessary. Lady definitely judged me for not buying an urn, but I didn’t know what we’d do with it … after.” He glances at Ryder. “Figured you wouldn’t want it.”
Ryder half smiles. “You figured right.”
We walk across the sand in a single line, not stopping until we reach the water’s edge. It’s cold, wind whipping my hair around and making my eyes water. I should have worn a warmer coat.
Cormac goes first, grabbing a large handful of Nina’s ashes and tossing them toward the waves. “Bye, Mom.”
I go next. Before I reach into the bag, I grab the jasmine leaves out of my pocket. I stuffed them in there this morning. I toss the handful of tea toward the water, the wind picking up most of it and carrying it to the destination. Then, I reach into the ashes and fling them toward the sea too.
“Goodbye, Nina,” I whisper. “Thank you. For Ryder, for being there, for everything.”
Ryder goes last, scooping up the rest of the ashes. It’s strange, how a whole person can be decimated to so little.
“I hope you are watching, Mom,” he says. “I hope you’ll be there, like you promised.”
The last of Nina’s remains disappear beneath a whitecap.
Silently, we linger for a few minutes longer, then head back toward the cars without saying anything else.
Ryder and I say somber goodbyes to Cormac, then get back on the road.
“You’re sure about tonight?” I ask. “I can still cancel.”
“I’m sure, Elle. I’m fine.”
I’m not sure he is, but I know arguing about it won’t help. I’m mourning Nina myself, but I’m also concerned about how Ryder is handling losing his mom. He knew it was coming, but I don’t think that helps at all. It might be worse, honestly. He mourned her dying, and now, he’s grieving her death.
We stop by my brownstone so I can change and to pick up Scout, then continue toward Fernwood.
My parents are out in front of the house, standing by the stone fountain, when we pull into the driveway. I frown as I climb out of the car. Scout sneaks out, rushing off to sniff as much of the yard as he can.
“Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. What’s, uh, what’s going on?”
“Get back in the car,” my mom tells me.
“What?”
“Get back in the car,” she repeats. “We have something to show you.” She glances at Ryder. “To show both of you.”
“Um, okay.”
I whistle for Scout. He bounds over, but is much less thrilled about getting back in the car. Finally, I manage to wrangle him, then climb in myself.
“This is weird,” I tell Ryder, buckling my seat belt. “Right?”
“Your parents do weird stuff. Remember the last time we were over, your mom had bought an outdoor pizza oven just because I’d mentioned it was my favorite food the time before?”
“Yeah, but that was at their house at least.”
“Maybe they’re taking us out to dinner.”
“Then I should have left Scout at their house! He hates getting stuck in the car.”
Ryder sighs. “If we are going to a restaurant, I’ll drop you off and then drive him back to their house, okay?”
“I don’t think we’re going to a restaurant,” I say, peering out the window.
My dad’s car is headed in the opposite direction from downtown, deeper into the nearby neighborhoods.
Five minutes later, his sedan stops in front of the old Warren house.
“Okay,” Ryder says. “This is weird.”
“They know you work for Tucker’s construction company. Maybe they found out you’d worked on this property? Wanted to see it?”
“I don’t have the keys anymore. It sold. We can’t go inside.”
I step out of the car. My parents are already waiting, standing on the sidewalk.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
My mom points toward the house. “Welcome home!”
I stop mid-stride, my gaze bouncing between her finger and the house. “What?”
“We know you both have your own places. You don’t need to move in right away. But it’s so rare that anything comes on the market around here, and this was such a beautiful renovation. I couldn’t resist.”
She stares at me expectantly. Both my parents are.
The manners they drilled into me kick in.
“Thank you,” I say, gesturing toward the house. “This is … wow.”
I glance at Ryder, who looks too stunned to speak.
Or maybe he’s mad. They didn’t even ask us.
I’m less surprised than he must be. No part of me expected this, but it’s so typical of my parents. They have enough money that a purchase this size is moderate in their eyes. Like how most people might see splurging for an in-ground swimming pool. A significant expense, but not a big one.
And … this is their way of giving me the life they want for me. They always assumed—hoped—I’d end up with a wealthy guy from their world and settle down in Fernwood to raise my kids. They’re accepting Ryder on their terms. They’re making sure I live in the mansion, five minutes from them, regardless of who I’m in a relationship with.
My dad holds out keys to me. “Here are the keys. I’ve got the deed and all the paperwork in my office.” He glances at Ryder. “It’s in Elle’s name. Just simpler since you two aren’t married, but this is a gift to the both of you. I want to make sure that’s clear.”
“Thank you,” Ryder manages.
“Well, we should get going,” my mom says.
“Going?” I ask.
“We have a dinner at the Parkers’ to get to,” she explains.
“I thought we were having dinner.”
“Oh, that was just a cover for the surprise. I’m sure you two want to look around, enjoy some time to yourselves. We’ll do dinner a different night. I’ll send you some dates of when your father and I are free.”
“Uh … okay,” I reply, not sure what else to say.
I’m a little numb. Between the busy morning at work, emotional goodbye at the beach, and now this, I’m totally drained.
My mom kisses my cheek. “I have so many design ideas,” she whispers to me. “The space is gorgeous. And there’s a screened porch! I’ve always wanted one.”
I don’t dare look at Ryder.
“We’ll see you next Sunday?” my dad asks.
“Yes,” I reply. “I’ll be there.”
My voice is somber, reflective of the occasion. It’s the anniversary of Rose’s death.
“You’ll join us, Ryder?”
Ryder nods. His expression is grave, too, and I realize he remembers the date. He knows my father is inviting him to a cemetery. “Of course, sir.”
My father puffs up with a little importance. He’d never admit it, but he loves that Ryder calls him sir. Most of the guys I’ve dated took the chummy approach, referring to him as Michael and discussing the best golf club brands. I think Ryder’s moxie is growing on him too. That he respects how Ryder holds his ground whenever they disagree. That Ryder refuses to go golfing or drink his expensive cognac, sticking to football and beer.
My mom is harder to crack. But if Ryder ever proposes and she gets to plan the wedding, I think she’ll totally come around.
They see how happy Ryder makes me. And for all their faults, I know that’s what they want for me. They just had different ideas about what would make me happy.
My parents leave.
Ryder and I remain on the sidewalk, staring at the house. It’s even more beautiful now, fully finished, than it was the first time I saw it.
“Do you want to go inside?” I ask.
He glances over. “Can we come back tomorrow? I’d love to change, if we’re not doing dinner with your parents.”
“Yeah, of course.”
I’m relieved, honestly. There’s a big conversation looming, and it feels like leaving the house will avoid it—at least for now.
We stop to pick up a pizza, then drive to Nina’s—Ryder’s—trailer. She left it to both her sons, but I can’t picture Cormac ever living here. He only has one full year of college left and already has a job lined up in the city, working for the same company he interned for last summer.
Dinner is mostly silent, both of us lost in our own thoughts. I walk Scout up and down the road, stopping to say hi to Reese, who’s outside with Knox, and get ready for bed as soon as I’m back at the trailer. Scout makes himself comfortable on the couch, and I’m too tired to enforce the no furniture rule. He doesn’t have a crate here, so I can’t enforce it really.
Ryder heads into the bathroom as soon as I finish.
By silent agreement, we head into Ryder’s bedroom. Nina’s room is bigger, and all the medical equipment was removed, but it feels too strange to be in there with her gone.
“Going to be a tight fit,” he says, staring at the twin mattress.
“Heard that before,” I quip. “We always make it work.”
Ryder grins, but it collapses quickly. He climbs into bed first, so I crawl over his body, wedging mine against the wall. I end up half on his chest, the sheets pulled up to my chin.
“I love you.”
He kisses the top of my head. “Love you too, Lo.”
I relax into him, closing my eyes and trying to shut off my brain. I must succeed at some point because it’s a surprise when I wake up in bed, alone.
I roll over, squinting in the dark. It’s late. Or very early.
Eventually, my eyes focus on the figure by the window.
I slip out of bed, padding over to a still Ryder. He’s staring out the window, rolling an unlit cigarette between two fingers.
“Need a lighter?” I ask, resting my chin on his shoulder.
His arm wraps around my waist, pulling me tight to his side, but he doesn’t look away from the window. It’s not much of a view, grass that could use a mow and a stretch of vinyl fencing, but I know that’s not the point.
“No.” The syllable comes out raspy and thick. Ryder clears his throat. “No. I’m not going to smoke it.”
“Couldn’t sleep?”
“Not really. Sorry if I woke you.”
“You didn’t.”
“Do you want the house?” he asks.
I blow out a long breath. I knew the question was coming, but I wasn’t expecting it yet. “We don’t have to talk about that right now.”
“I want to,” he insists. “Do you want the house, Elle?”
“Only if you do.”
“It’s huge,” Ryder reminds me. “Five bedrooms.”
“I remember. I looked through them all, after we christened the kitchen.”
He glances over, scanning my expression.
I’m not sure how much of my face he can actually see in the dim light.
“The house is a gift, but there’s upkeep, utilities, furniture, taxes …”
“We can afford it.”
“You can afford it.” His tone is matter-of-fact, so similar to Nina’s that it makes my eyes burn.
“Does that mean you’ve changed your mind about getting married?” A question I’ve put off asking because I’m intimidated by the answer.
He hasn’t brought marriage up since Keira and Tucker’s wedding last fall, which seems like a bad sign. I know he’s committed to me, but if he no longer wants that … it’ll feel like losing momentum.
“No, I haven’t,” he tells me, sounding sure enough that I wish I’d asked sooner.
I could have saved myself some stress.
“But married or not, everyone will know where the money is coming from, Elle. That’s embarrassing for me. Don’t you get that?”
“Do you think Tuck should be embarrassed? Keira has more money than he does. Or would you care if I had no trust fund and you did?”
His head turns back toward the window, his thumb stroking the strip of skin exposed above my sleep shorts.
“I want to quit my job. Parts of working for Tuck are great, but I miss having him just be my best friend and not my boss too. I’ve been thinking about buying Hank’s old garage, reopening it. I was way better at working on cars than I am at construction.” He swallows. “Haven’t had much luck getting a loan. I don’t have much in the way of savings. I might have a shot now with the cut I’ll get from the house’s sale as part of the crew. But that …” He shakes his head. “Turns out, that’s your money too.”
“You earned that money, Ryder. You did a job, and you got paid for it. That’s how the world works.”
“They bought that place because they knew it was the only way you’d live in a house like that. That I’d never be able to afford it for you.”
I reach out and run my fingers along his temple. His eyes flutter shut for a few seconds.
“I grew up in a house like that, and I was miserable most of the time. I don’t need to own a mansion to be happy. My favorite thing about that house is that you made it look like the drawing I had shown you. Not how big it is or how much money it’s worth. That it reminds me of us. But that can be anywhere we’re together. It doesn’t have to be here.”
Ryder exhales, his thumb still moving against my skin.
“I wanted it to be a perfect moment,” he says. “That’s the only reason I haven’t asked you. I wasn’t sure what I was doing for work, and everything with my mom … I wasn’t second-guessing us. I swear.”
I twist my head so that my cheek is pressed against his neck. His hold on me tightens even more.
“You asking me is the perfect moment, Ry.”
We stand like that for a few minutes before his arms drop.
“I’ll be right back.”
I watch him leave with raised eyebrows, hearing the low murmur of his voice as he talks to Scout in the living room. And then he’s back, holding a small black box in one hand, solving the mystery of what he went to get.
I thought I was prepared for this moment. Lying awake at night, I wondered why it hadn’t happened yet. Worried the fairy tale was still going to fall apart. Planned out what I would say if he ever did ask.
Turns out, I wasn’t ready.
Salty tears slip down my cheeks as he walks toward me.
“Elle.” His voice is overwhelmingly tender as I continue to cry, the intimate tone settling around my shoulders like a warm blanket. “Lo, it’s okay.”
“I know,” I blubber.
This is the second time I’ve sobbed today, but these tears feel very different from the ones at the beach. These are relief, not sadness. For so long, I was so certain we’d never have this moment.
And I’m imagining Nina looking down at this, one of her rare smiles appearing.
“I’ve never seen you look so thrilled,” he jokes.
I choke out a watery laugh. “I’m happy. So happy. Just … overwhelmed. It took a while to get here, you know?”
“I know,” he says.
He does. He’s the only other person who knows exactly how long.
“I want the house, Elle. I want to see you sit on that screened porch for the three months it’ll be usable. I want to fill up those four bedrooms with kids. For them to go to the high school where I fell in love with you. For them to grow up with Keira and Tuck’s son. I want Scout to get to play in that big yard. With you, I want it all. As long as you do too.”
I’m crying harder now, but Ryder no longer looks concerned. More amused.
I’m not a crier normally. Since Rose’s funeral, every time I’ve cried, it has been connected to him in some way.
Around him, I just care more. And I think that’s a good thing, especially now that it’s no longer breaking my heart.
“Lo?”
“I want it,” I tell him. “All of it.”
He sinks down onto one knee. I swipe at my eyes, trying to clear my vision so I don’t miss anything about this moment.
“Elodie Lily Clarke, will you marry me?”
I gasp when he opens the little black box. I was expecting—well, I hadn’t even considered what the ring would look like, honestly. I didn’t even know Ryder had bought me one.
He smirks. “Yeah, this is why I have no savings.”
“You didn’t have to?—”
He shakes his head once. “Yeah, I did. You’ll wear this for the rest of your life. I wanted it to be perfect.”
“It is perfect.” I touch the diamond gently.
“You haven’t answered,” he reminds me.
“Oh, right. Yes!”
“Oh, right. Yes? How romantic,” Ryder says as he slips the ring onto my left finger, then stands.
I laugh. Maybe it’s not romantic, but it’s us. And he knew my answer already. I feel like I’ve known it since I met him.
“Shut up and kiss me.”
I rise up onto my tippy-toes before he can lean down, wrapping my arms around his neck. Holding tight, knowing I never want to let go.
My heart beats in my chest, warm and whole.
We finally got our different ending.
Our happy ending.
THE END