Chapter 22
In the supermarket on his way home from shift, Noah put three different kinds of biscuits into his basket and grabbed more coffee in case he ran out. He picked up a cake, for goodness’ sake – he didn’t buy cake! He ate it, but he never bought it. He’d be purchasing those funny doily things his gran had used if he wasn’t careful, laying everything out with impeccable presentation. He was doing it again, overthinking tomorrow’s impending events, wanting to make a good impression. And for what? For a guy he didn’t like?
It was all in Eva’s best interests, he told himself, as he threw a packet of pre-sliced vegetables plus a packet of chicken and a stir fry sauce into his basket, an easy dinner to concoct in a wok for one this evening.
As he swiped the barcode of the carrot cake box, it made him think of eating the leftover cake earlier, the way he and Maya had laughed over the excessively thick chocolate icing that Bess had managed to get on her chin and that Dorothy had told them would add at least ten pounds to her hips before she accepted a second chunk from Nadia and gleefully ate it. It was nice to see Maya relax and laugh. She probably wouldn’t be doing much of that this evening when she had to go and see that ex-husband of hers.
At home, he unpacked the groceries and thanked Geraldine the way he always did when it was time for her to leave.
‘I enjoy looking after Eva,’ she smiled. ‘It’s like having babies of my own all over again, except without the full responsibility. It’s true what they say, you know…’ She handed Eva to him when the little girl reached for Noah as soon as he balled up the reusable shopping bag and stuffed it into its place in the back of a cupboard.
‘And what’s that?’
‘That being a grandparent is the best thing in the world. It’s the chance to do it all over again.’ She caught herself. ‘Oh, no, silly me, I know Eva isn’t my grandchild. It’s just, well, I imagine that this is what it feels like when?—’
He reached out and put an arm around her shoulders. ‘Stop apologising. You’re the closest thing this little one has to a grandparent and I’m pretty happy about that.’
She waved a hand in front of her face. ‘Oh, now you’re getting me all emotional.’
‘Dadda…’ said Eva.
Geraldine’s face registered the word. ‘Did she…?’
‘She did. I’m still trying to get used to it.’
‘Oh, Noah…’
‘And it was her first word. Unless you know otherwise.’
She shook her head. ‘No, the honour is all yours. You got to hear her first word and it was a good one.’ She nudged him. ‘How do you feel?’
‘Yeah, it’s pretty special.’ But his emotions began to bubble up. ‘I wish Cassie was here. It should’ve been mumma, not dadda.’ He gulped; he’d been too honest.
Geraldine put a hand on his arm. ‘I know you wish things were different. But you’re doing your best. I’m sure Cassie would’ve been proud of how you’re taking care of Eva for her.’
Noah bathed in the compliment but only for a millisecond because they both knew what tomorrow was: a second chance for Eva’s biological father to get to know her. Noah briefly hoped the guy wouldn’t show, problem solved. Last night, he’d had a dream that Paul had disappeared all over again, the way he’d done to Cassie, and Noah had taken Eva to school on her first day, walked her down the aisle when she got married.
‘I’ll leave you to it,’ said Geraldine, insightful to his emotions, knowing he’d likely need a bit of time to gather himself. She’d done it before, walked away when he had so much going on in his head, he needed a moment. He bet she was an amazing mother with her children, both when they were little and now they were adults.
But before she gathered her things, he couldn’t resist asking, ‘You don’t like him, do you?’ Her opinion mattered to him.
She zipped up her bag after taking out a set of keys. ‘That’s not for me to decide.’
‘Your opinion is all I’m asking; we’re all entitled to one of those.’
She didn’t hesitate for long and set down her bag again. ‘There’s something shifty about him. He wouldn’t look me straight in the eye.’
‘Maybe he’s shy,’ Noah teased.
‘Men like that aren’t shy; they’re brash, full of themselves. And I’m afraid I don’t think he can be trusted. Watch yourself, Noah.’ She gave Eva a little hug goodbye while she was still in Noah’s arms. ‘And watch this one.’
‘I will, don’t you worry.’
‘Trust your gut instinct. It’s important when you’re a parent.’
Her words stayed with him after she left and while he made his dinner as Eva played on her play mat, making a heck of a noise whacking a xylophone with a stick that had a big rubber ball on the end. This sort of noise had become the soundtrack of his life.
What if he was about to lose another piece of himself?
Paul arrived the next day without much fanfare at all. He seemed neither excited nor nervous; he simply turned up and came over the threshold, hands in his trouser pockets, something stuck in his teeth given the way he kept sucking at them as though trying to get it out without using his fingers. Noah supposed he should be grateful for that.
Noah offered Paul a coffee in an attempt to shake off his dislike of the man, for Eva’s sake, but when he spotted Paul’s obscene, bright-green, expensive car parked outside as if to announce his presence, Noah’s resentment and aversion towards the man came back.
‘I won’t bother today.’ Paul’s brash response reminded Noah of Geraldine’s parting words about gut instinct. ‘Can’t stop.’
The guy didn’t ask to hold Eva and he showed little interest in her this time and Noah’s feelings took a downturn from ‘dislike’ towards ‘despise and mistrust’. Something about the way he even stood here, cocky, hands in pockets as though he was sure all of this would work out for his benefit, made Noah increasingly uneasy.
‘What do you mean you can’t stop?’ Noah asked. ‘I thought you wanted to see Eva again.’
‘I do. And I have. She’s right there.’
Yep, in his arms!
‘I’ve come to tell you that I intend to fight for custody.’
‘You told me that the last time.’ Was he going to serve papers? Already?
‘Unless…’ Paul walked back through the house from the kitchen as if he owned the place and Noah had no choice but to follow after him. ‘Unless we can come to an alternative arrangement.’ The guy had the audacity to sit in the armchair devoid of any of Eva’s toys, manspreading his thighs, sitting there as if this was his throne and he was about to lay down the law of the land.
‘Arrangement? You mean like visitation?’ Maybe this guy didn’t want full-time fatherhood and it gave Noah an immense sense of relief.
‘No, not like visitation. I mean an arrangement.’ He slapped his hands onto his knees. ‘Look, I can see you and Eve have a bond?—’
‘It’s Ev-a,’ Noah corrected, emphasis on the ‘a’.
‘You have a bond, you’re good with her.’ Was he waiting for a thank you? ‘We could take this to court and I’m sure as the biological father, I’d stand a good chance of winning?—’
Noah interrupted again. ‘Not necessarily. You buggered off and I became the legal guardian.’ He was done with being polite.
‘There were extenuating circumstances.’
‘Like what? Come on, explain.’ He shifted Eva, who had no interest in this stranger, to his other hip. At twelve months, she wasn’t overly heavy but she was when held for a long time and right now, he didn’t want to put her down on her play mat with her toys because he wanted to guard her with everything he had. He had no idea where this conversation was going but he sensed it wasn’t anywhere good.
And when Paul spoke again, told Noah what he had in mind, Noah felt like a bull let out of the bucking chute and he was more than ready to hurl this cowboy off his back.
‘Get out! Get out now!’ His roar made Eva whimper.
‘You might want to think about that,’ Paul said calmly. This guy had some balls. His feet were rooted to the spot.
‘I don’t. Get out!’
Eva started to cry more, the ferocity in Noah’s voice enough to knock her off centre. He wished she was in her cot so he could physically take this guy by the scruff of his neck and send him packing.
Paul walked slowly towards the door, smug as anything, and turned back only once. ‘I’ll be in touch. But don’t even think of telling anyone about this little conversation because I’ll deny it and then you’ll look even worse in the eyes of the law when I go for custody and turn it around and say you offered me money to take Eve.’
It’s Ev-a, you moron!he wanted to yell.
‘Get the hell out,’ he said in a lower voice, not keen to upset Eva more than she already was.
With a smirk that Noah longed to smack right off his face, Paul left the old signal box cottage.
And Noah clung to Eva tighter than ever.
He never wanted to let her go.