Chapter 19
Girls’ night tomorrow. Hope you can be there.- Mae.
Do you guys want to come to Gran’s? I don’t have a sitter. We could make spiked eggnog and light the fireplace.- I offered to the group.
Allison responded immediately- I am so down!
I’ll bring Baileys for the hot cocoa.- Victoria added.
I’ll confirm with Gran and let you all know tonight after work.- I texted, then pulled my hair into a bun.
The girls were already dressed and having breakfast as I scooped Liam out of his crib. “Ready for a day at the farm?”
“Mama,”
he said with a smile.
“I love you.”
I kissed his nose, slipping my feet into my shoes before heading downstairs. “You girls ready to go? You have toys and books packed?”
“We’re ready,”
Eve said just as Kaley shouted, “I’m ready!”
“Inside voice, please Kaley.”
I shook my head and threw on my jacket.
“They really can stay with me,”
Gran offered as she plated her toast. “I don’t mind.”
I smiled as I grabbed Liam’s backpack of toddler essentials. “I know, but you deserve some free time, too.”
“I knew what I was offering when I said you all could move in.”
Liam reached to be set down as I tried to put his winter coat on.
“Oh, Gran? Victoria, Mae and Allison were wanting to do a girls’ night, and I was wondering if we could hold it here tomorrow?”
Gran’s face lit up. “Absolutely. I’ll make homemade pizza and margaritas!”
“Gran you don’t have to do that.”
She grabbed her grocery list and began adding to it. “I know. I want to. I miss girls’ nights.”
I stepped into the kitchen, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Thank you. For all you do for all of us.”
“Love you, Lucy Lu. Now, grab a muffin and get to work before you’re late.”
I chuckled and followed orders. “Yes, ma’am. Come on girls. We’ll see you tonight.”
“If you come home,”
Gran said with a knowing smile and wink.
I just stared at my grandmother, bewildered, before shaking my head and corralling my children into the car.
We jammed to festive music, specifically screaming the lyrics of a girl asking Santa for a hippopotamus. By the end of the song, we pulled into Garrett’s drive.
“Can we go to the barn?”
Eve asked as we got out of the car.
“Let’s get settled first,”
I countered, grabbing Liam from his seat.
“Garrett,”
Kaley squealed as she ran to where he stood on the front porch. “When you get home tonight, could we ride one of the horses? Please?”
Oh man, that tone. I could barely say no when she used it. I couldn’t imagine his inner battle right now. He met my eyes, letting me know there was no way in hell that he was saying no to her puppy eyes and sugar sweet request. “Yeah, sure.”
I laughed as I met him on the stairs. “Man, you’re going to have to work on your ability to say no.”
“She has your eyes, and she looks at me with so much hope. If you looked at me like that, I’d give you the world.”
He kissed my cheek. “Morning, Daze.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
I grinned, taking his hand in mine. “Morning, Sheriff.”
We filed into the house, the girls immediately joining Mr. Williams and Myra in the living room to watch the tail end of a cheesy TV holiday movie.
I set Liam up on the rug with some of his favorite toys. “What time will you be home tonight?”
“I think Dylan has to come in late, so probably around 7. Is that ok?”
Garrett filled his tumbler with coffee.
I nodded. “That’s fine. We have no other plans.”
“Do you have any other things in your car?”
Garrett’s hand skimmed my waist as he helped me put the kids’ jackets on the coat rack.
“Ya, I have Liam’s pack n play.”
I looked up at him and lost my train of thought, his blue eyes were heated and devouring me. To be fair, I was doing the same to him. His uniform hugged his muscles in all the right ways, I wanted nothing more than to run my hands over his chest and rip his shirt from his chest. I was a mess and apparently drooling.
“What I would give to read your mind right now.”
Garrett chuckled, kissing me lightly. “I’ll go get the pack n play.”
I cleared my throat and followed after him. I had conveniently also left my muffin in the car. I certainly wasn’t following this delectable man watching his form fitting pants cling to his ass as he walked. I would never…
“Is there something you want, Lucy?”
You to fuck my brains out. “You, and my blueberry muffin.”
There, that was civilized.
“You have me,”
he said with a smirk as he pulled the portable crib from my trunk.
“Hmm.”
I mumbled as I watched his muscles flex beneath the long sleeves of his uniform. “You are a beautiful man, Garrett.”
His cheeks flushed beneath his beanie. “Let’s head inside before we develop hypothermia.”
I took a bite of the muffin as we made our way and thanked all my lucky stars that life brought us together. Garrett made quick work of setting up the bed in the spare room.
“Mr. Williams,”
I asked as I made my way to the kitchen. “May I make you some coffee or breakfast?”
He looked to Myra as she crocheted on the couch next to him. She smiled up at him and nodded. “Why don’t you make a full pot, Lucy?”
“Sounds good.”
I began scooping the grounds into the filter as Garrett slipped his arm around my waist, waiting for me to look up.
“I’ll see you tonight, Daze.”
He kissed me slowly, with so much emotion that my heart stuttered and I considered crying from the tenderness. I cupped his cheek as I kissed him back.
“I’ll see you, Sheriff.”
The fact that I was able to get those words out without stuttering was a miracle.
He grinned as he nodded in confirmation, eyes bright with happiness. Garrett waved goodbye to everyone else and left for work.
“Mom!”
Eve shouted from the living room. “Liam just said my name!”
I rushed to the living room as we all gushed over Liam, trying to get him to say more words. He chose to stand up and toddle away from us as fast as he could, giggling as the girls chased after him.
“You have a beautiful family, Lucy,”
Mr. Williams said as he watched the kids.
“I’m pretty proud of them.”
I poured the coffee, handing Mr. Williams and Myra their mugs.
“Thank you,”
Myra said as she set her project down and took the drink.
I sipped mine as we watched TV. The kids eventually piled onto the floor in front of us, playing with Liam’s toys. I don’t know if it’s the expression on Eve’s face that makes me think about David or if it was the way Kaley’s eyes matched the exact color of David’s, but my chest suddenly ached at his absence, and the memory of our last Christmas together hit me like a freight train.
“Dad, Dad, look at me,”
Eve yelled from upstairs as she spun in a circle, showing off the shimmering red dress we found for the dance recital tonight.
“She is never allowed to date,”
David mumbled to me as he took in our beautiful daughter, glowing with excitement. “I’ll murder any boy that dares to make her cry.”
I rolled my eyes, laughing at my ridiculous husband. “Okay, but that’s not what tonight is about. Tell her she is beautiful.”
Eve made her way downstairs to stand in front of David. “What do you think? Do you like it?”
Her eyes are vibrant beneath her dark curls.
“You are absolutely stunning, Evalynn. I’m going to need you to stop growing up, though, okay? Just stay my little girl forever.”
He pulled her into his huge arms and wrapped her in a crushing hug, placing a kiss on her head.
“Dad,”
she whined as she pushed away from his chest. “You’re going to mess up my hair.”
He threw his hands up in surrender. “Sorry. Are we ready?”
Kaley ran into the foyer, her pigtails practically falling out of her hair. “Can we go see Santa on the way home please?”
She hit him with the puppy eyes and David melted beneath the stare. “Of course, KayKay. We’ll go see Santa after the recital. Grab your coats and let’s get going.”
“Do you even know where there will be a Santa tonight?”
I whispered as we made our way out the door.
“Nope, but I’ll find one.”
David kissed my cheek as he held my car door open for me.
“I’m perfectly capable of getting my own door, David.”
I smiled as I buckled in.
“You’re my date tonight, Luce. That means, you don’t lift a finger,”
he said as he helped Kaley get in.
“That’s a bit extreme,”
I said as if this wasn’t how he acted every time I’d been pregnant.
“I’ve got to look out for my girls. All of you. And that means showing Eve and Kaley what they should look for in a partner when they are thirty years old or older,”
he added while pointing at Eve for emphasis.
“Dad,”
she groaned. “I don’t like any boys!”
“Good,”
he grunted as he climbed into the driver’s seat. “Boys are gross and stink, you wouldn’t like them anyway.”
Shaking my head, I raised a brow at him. “Smooth, David.”
He popped a shoulder and pulled out of the drive.
We made it thirty minutes early to the recital. David had trained us all to operate efficiently. I blamed the military. He would always joke that if you weren’t an hour early, you were late. With two kids, an hour early was a bit excessive, but we were never less than thirty minutes ahead of schedule.
Eve’s recital was beautiful. She had grown so much this year. Her technique in tap and ballet, truly had improved. Kaley sat on my lap the entire time, so she could see over the grown-ups in front of her. David held my hand in his.
“I love you,”
I whispered as I laid my head on his shoulder.
He kissed my forehead with a smile. “I love you, Daisy.”
That nickname Garrett had given me when we were thirteen and I’d made a F flower crown while waiting for their football practice to end one night.
I smirked and watched as our daughter completed her routine and gave an elegant bow. We all erupted into cheers. She blushed as she made eye contact with us, but her brilliant grin told me she loved it despite the embarrassment.
“So, can we go see Santa now?”
David and I laughed.
The rest of the evening was filled with laughs, delicious pizza and an hour drive to and from the only Santa in the general area on December twenty-third at 8:30 in the evening. Both girls crashed on the car ride home. David, like the absolute beast of a man he was, carried both girls on his hips to their beds, stating his rucksack at work was heavier than the girls combined. In all reality, Brett and David were competing in their own version of the Strong-Man competition. I didn’t have the heart to tell David there was no hope in going against Brett, but I did enjoy the view as he bulked and did panty melting things like carrying me or the girls as if we weighed nothing.
I do love a full man, a thick man, one who’s tall and kind, but can toss me around like I weigh nothing, you know? And that had always been David.
“Mom, we’re going outside,”
Eve called out as she and Kaley put their shoes and coats on.
I took a deep breath as reality set back in. “Stay out of the barn, okay? Wait until tonight when an adult can go with you.”
“Yes, Mom,”
the girls said in unison, but Kaley gave a sideways glance to Eve, and I knew I’d be checking on them in the next ten minutes.
The door closed behind them, and I turned to Mr. Williams. “How are you feeling? Do you need any pain relievers?”
He frowned as he considered his discomfort. “I wouldn’t turn down an ice pack if you don’t mind.”
Nodding, I went to the freezer and pulled one out. “What are we feeling for lunch?”
The day passed quickly and uneventfully in a way that made me wish my mom hadn’t died and my dad hadn’t bolted the instant she passed. I missed the way we would sit around the living room like Myra and Mr. Williams did with us all, talking about inconsequential things and just being content in one another’s company. It was pleasant and just felt, well, like home. Garrett was a lucky many to have parents like them.
“Mom,”
Kaley said as she helped Liam build a block tower. “I think your phone is ringing.”
I paused my crocheting and looked to the kitchen island where I’d left it after lunch. The screen was lit up as it vibrated. I always forgot to turn the volume on.
I reached the phone on the last ring, heart stopping as I read the caller I.D. “Virginia State.”
A million options ran through my mind as it went to voicemail in my hands. My body broke into a cold sweat. Was there an issue with David’s military information? Was there an issue with the bank? But nothing prepared me for the message that was left.
“Good afternoon, Mrs. Ramirez. I hope your holiday season is going well. I am officer Howard with the Virginia State Police department. I, uh, well, something rather unusual happened. Someone came in and confessed to the hit and run accident that you were involved in. We need to know if you would like to press charges. They are currently being detained in Richmond. Call me back at your convenience.”
The message ended just as Garrett walked in the door. I’m not sure what my face showed, but my heart was about to beat out of my chest and the phone slipped through my fingers, landing in a startling thud on the tiled kitchen floor. Garrett was at my side in an instant cupping my face, saying something, but I couldn’t hear him. I wasn’t there anymore; I was reliving the crash. I was back in the car that was t-boned so hard it skidded across the road and wrapped around a telephone pole. Bright lights consumed my vision, wailing sirens played in my mind, my hands went to my stomach that had been seven months pregnant at the time. The memory of the girls screaming and crying from that night caused me to squeeze my eyes closed and cover my face. I couldn’t breathe.
“Lucy. Daze. I’m going to need you to take a deep breath for me, babe.”
Garrett’s fingers stroked my cheeks.
Kaley wrapped her arms around my legs and looked up at me with concern flooding her eyes. “Mom?”
Eve walked in slowly watching everything with wariness.
“They found him. The man who…the hit and run. Well, I mean, he turned himself in.”
The words left my mouth robotically. Everyone’s arms wrapped around me. I held the girls close as I glanced up at Garrett.
“Whatever we need to do, we will do it. Together.”
I swallowed and let my head fall against his chest. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t have to know yet.”
He stroked my hair as I held onto my girls, Eve quietly crying and Kaley trying to figure out what she felt. God, I wished I could have protected them from all of this.
Garrett was quick on his feet and stepped into action, offering the promised horse ride to the girls. Not only that, but he got the baby carrier and strapped Liam to his chest.
“Go to my room, take a bath, take a nap, take some deep breaths, throw something at the wall. Go have a moment. We’ll be back in a little bit.”
Mr. Williams placed a hand on my shoulder, causing me to look up.
“Go. Everyone will be ok.”
I nodded numbly and shuffled my feet down the hall to Garrett’s room as he and the girls made their way outside to the barn.
I stood in the middle of the room and stared out the large window for who knows how long. I stared and stared, my mind both empty and racing all at once. After I regained control of my body, I stepped into the master bath and stared at the tub. Move. Move. Just do something. Breathe. In through your nose, out through your mouth. In and out. In and out. Turn on the water. Close the drain on the tub. Take off clothes. Step into tub. Gasp at the initial touch of water. Sit in the basin. Breathe. Shut off the water once it reached three-quarters full.
Tears inevitably began streaming down my cheeks. I pulled my legs to my chest and heaved a breath just before the dam broke and my silent tears became sobs, until those sobs became wails. Somewhere in the recess of my mind, I was cognizant that I should compose myself and that this wasn’t my house, but I couldn’t. It was too much. I was blindsided. I had been prepared to live my whole life thinking the man who hit us just got away. I never planned for this day. I never wanted this day. Well, did I? Maybe.
I pulled the towel from the rack and screamed into the material until my throat ached and my voice was hoarse.
Once the water cooled and my skin wrinkled, I climbed out of the tub, wrapped myself in the towel and dragged my feet to the bed, where I collapsed and stared at the ceiling until my tears dried, my eyes burned, and I had nothing left to give.