10. Luca
TEN
Luca
My hand ended up on the small of McKenzie’s back as I guided her toward the entrance of The Basement East. It was the second time my fingers had been drawn to the spot that evening.
I’d noticed a blonde as we were walking up the sidewalk, or more accurately, she’d noticed me. She was exactly the type of girl I normally would have gravitated toward.
But that was before. Before my entire existence had become an open wound, my emotions an exposed nerve. When I didn’t care about myself or anyone else. But now, I did care, and that shifted my perspective and everything I wanted. It changed me .
There was also a part of me that felt protective of McKenzie. Like when I’d seen those creeps leering at her at The Piccadilly Deli. And when I caught the blonde sizing her up in a way that made any beauty the chick possessed evaporate into thin air. I wanted to send a signal to her and anyone else who happened to be watching exactly who I was with.
“This place is packed,” McKenzie said over the noise of the crowd once we were inside. She drew her arms in close to her sides, making herself as small as possible.
“Are you good?” I asked as people squeezed past us.
“I just…” She trailed off and blew out a breath. “I need a drink, and then I’ll be fine.”
She bounded off in the direction of the bar, and I followed.
“Excuse me,” she said, wedging herself between two guys at the end.
At the sound of her voice, one of the guys looked down at her, his thin lips stretching into a smile.
“Get on in here, gorgeous,” he said. “Let’s get you a drink.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but I stepped in.
“Actually, I’ve got it,” I said, McKenzie’s back pressing against my chest as I threw my card down on the bar. “But thanks, man.” I clapped him on the back.
The guy’s jaw nearly disconnected as it fell open.
“Holy shit,” he muttered, elbowing his friend, who quickly turned around.
“Is that Luca Sterling?” the dude’s buddy whispered loud enough that I still heard him.
“What’ll you have?” the bartender asked McKenzie as she poured cheap tequila for another customer.
“I’m getting my own,” McKenzie started to argue, digging for her card, but I put a hand on her arm.
“I owe you, remember?”
“A shot of Jack and a whiskey sour,” she said, before tipping her head up to me. “And thanks.”
When the bartender returned with her drinks, McKenzie pounded the shot and grabbed her cocktail.
“Much better,” she said. “I didn’t want that perfectly good buzz I had going to waste.”
“Where do you want to stand?” I asked, gesturing toward the mob of fans hugging the front of the stage.
“How about over there?” She pointed to the back wall where there were only a few people lingering among a handful of high-top tables.
I nodded. “Yeah, that’s good.”
“That’ll keep us out of the crowd and give us plenty of room to dance.”
“Dance?” I asked. My brow furrowed as I followed her, my hand hovering at the top of her jeans. “I don’t dance.”
“Ah, so all that crap about wanting to have fun was bullshit, then?” she asked over her shoulder before taking a swig of her drink. “Whatever. It’ll give me plenty of room to dance.”
I studied her as we settled in the back of the club until she glanced up and caught my eye.
“What?” she asked.
“Nothing.” I smirked, stuffing my hands in my pockets. “Just looking forward to seeing your moves.”
She brought her glass to her lips and took a big gulp. “It’s a very rare occurrence that I’m drunk enough to dance in public. Or at all.” Another swallow and all that remained was ice.
“So tonight is a particularly special occasion?”
“Something like that.” Shadows darkened the corners of her eyes. “I’m going to go to the bathroom and grab another drink before the show starts.”
She sauntered off before I could say anything, but I kept watch from a distance, so I could step in should any other losers try to talk to her. Luckily this time, nobody bothered her at the bar as she pounded another shot before starting back in my direction with a drink clutched in each fist.
It did seem like she was drinking a lot, but she’d said she needed to let loose. All alcohol ever did was make me even more miserable than I already was. If it helped her relax and it wasn’t something she did all the time, who was I to say anything? Besides, I was there to keep her safe.
The house lights went out, and the room erupted as a single spotlight illuminated the stage.
“Right on time,” she said, a hazy grin spread over her berry-stained lips.
The opening guitar licks to “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” began to play and four regular-looking dudes stepped into the light. My expectations were low when I saw the lead singer was wearing a collared shirt and khakis, looking like he’d gotten lost on the way to a PTA meeting. But then he opened his mouth, and I was transported to a My Chemical Romance concert.
“Holy shit,” I shouted over the music.
“They’re good, right?” McKenzie asked, tipping back her drink. She threw her hands in the air, nearly spilling her liquor, and cheered.
“Hell yeah, they are.” I bobbed my head to the beat, and my fingers itched to pick up a guitar for the first time in months. They were fucking amazing.
McKenzie bounced in place like a rubber ball, singing along to the lyrics. When the song finished, the audience came undone.
That’s when the lead singer finally spoke. “We’re Helena’s Sweet Revenge. This next one’s called ‘Welcome to the Black Parade.’ Scream it if you know it.”
McKenzie gasped and gripped my arm. “This is my favorite.”
“Mine too,” I said, and I watched as the melody transformed her. She swayed next to me like a wildflower in the wind. Her eyes closed, and she dropped her head back onto her shoulders, face turned up at the ceiling as though it was the sun.
It was the most beautiful fucking thing I’d ever seen. I envied her because I longed to feel that way. Liberated. Uncaged. No longer held captive by my own mind.
The tempo picked up, and she reached for me in the darkness, threading her fingers through mine.
“Come on,” she shouted, knocking back the rest of her drink and slamming the empty plastic cup on one of the tables nearby. “You’re dancing with me.”
“Oh, I…” She wasn’t even trying to hear me as she grabbed my other hand. “I really don’t know what I’m doing.”
I nodded my head to the beat, suddenly self-conscious.
“You don’t have to know,” she said. “You just have to feel.”
Slowly, I began to follow her lead, moving in time with her like we were riding the wind of the same breeze. I twirled her and pulled her into me, our laughter lost in the noise of the crowd. The liquor had given her the courage to let go, but she was my shot of whiskey.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped thinking. The chatter in my head was overtaken by the music, the sweet scent of buttercream on McKenzie’s hair, and the warmth of her body in my arms. We swayed together, two wildflowers in a field of weeds, and in that moment, I was free.
“Easy there, Miss Independent,” I said, cutting the engine of my car in the gravel drive of McKenzie’s house. “Let me help you.”
“I don’t need help.” She’d already thrown open the door and was attempting to exit the vehicle with her seat belt still on. Luckily, the rain had relented or else the inside of my car would have been soaked.
“Right,” I said, clicking the button to free her from the strap.
“Hey, I had that,” she argued as her head lolled back against the headrest.
“Of course, you did.” I got out and hurried to her side where she was dangling from the seat, her legs buckling beneath her like pool noodles.
“I did,” she sang, before bursting into an adorable stream of giggles. “Not.”
“Put your arms around my neck,” I told her. “And I’m going to pull you up. Ready?”
She answered with a snort that made my shoulders shake with laughter, but I still managed to get her to her feet.
“This is nice,” she said, her voice taking on a slow, dreamy cadence. She planted herself face-first against my chest as I shut the door with my hip. “How do you still smell this good? I smell like the floor at The Basement.”
“Well, I did have to peel you off it,” I said with a chuckle, securing my arm around her waist. As the night had worn on, the liquor had taken its toll on her. By the end of the concert, she was struggling to keep herself upright.
“Excuse me, mister.” She twirled a clumsy finger around my face. “Are you judging me?”
“Nope. I’ve been the one on the floor many times,” I said, surveying the sidewalk and the front porch, which thankfully, only had three stairs. “You have a nice place.”
“Oh, the house?” she asked. “That’s not mine.”
“ What? Whose house is this?”
She exploded into laughter, and my eyes darted around, certain we were both about to get arrested.
“We should go back to the car,” I said, but she swatted my arm.
“No, I live here,” she explained. “But I don’t live in the house. I’m in the apartment. Up there.”
My eyes followed her finger that was pointing to a slim iron staircase.
“You don’t have to get me up there,” she insisted. “I can do it. You can go home.”
She attempted to step away from me and stumbled, but I caught her.
“Nice try,” I said, wrapping my arms around her. We made it to the base of the stairs that was nearly obscured by beds of shrubs. “All right, we’re going to take this nice and slow.”
She faced me, her arms circling around my neck, and my heart leapt into my throat. God, she was beautiful. But she was also really, really drunk.
“You’re pretty,” she said. “Like, unnaturally pretty. Are you an alien?”
I laughed. “I don’t think so?”
She moved closer, so we were almost nose to nose, and heat rushed up my neck despite the chill of the night air.
“Were you sent here to suck my blood?” she asked.
“I think you’ve got your aliens and vampires mixed up.”
A piece of hair fell in her face as she studied me, and without thinking, I reached to tuck it behind her ear.
She held my gaze, and the moment swelled until all I could see was her.
Her soft hands found my face, and my lids drifted closed, but my heart was split wide open. When I opened my eyes again, she was leaning in with parted lips.
“McKenzie,” I whispered. “No.”
My body was screaming yes, but I couldn’t. Not anymore.
“You know I think you’re hot,” she said, her words slurring together impatiently. “Isn’t this what you do? Isn’t this, like, your thing ?”
The blood drained from my face. “What do you mean?”
She huffed out a breath. “I hear you’ve got a lot of notches on your belt, dude. So, what’s another one?”
My jaw clenched. “That’s not…That’s not who I am anymore.”
“Oh. I see.” Her voice was cloaked in bitterness. “I’m not notch-worthy. Not hot enough for the rock star.”
“That’s not it,” I said. “At all . You’re…gorgeous. It’s just…I’ve changed. I don’t want to be that guy.”
“What guy?” she asked, not meeting my gaze.
“The one who takes advantage of a situation.”
“You’re not taking advantage of me when I’m throwing myself at you.” She slid her hands down my chest. “I don’t get it. Why don’t you want me?”
I did want her. But not like this.
“I…I can’t, McKenzie.”
Her pretty face fell, and she hung her head. “All I wanted was to forget.”
“Forget?” Forget what?
She buried her face in her hands. “Why don’t you just tell me I’m not good enough to fuck and put me out of my misery?”
“Because that’s not the truth,” I said.
She rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”
“It’s not.”
“Then what is ?”
I gripped her chin with my fingers, holding it so she was forced to look at me.
“The truth is, McKenzie, when I fuck you, I want you to be able to remember every perfect fucking minute of it.”
Her throat worked to swallow, and her eyes went wide. She opened her mouth to speak, but whether it was to agree or tell me to fuck all the way off, I’ll never know because she wrenched herself from my grasp, releasing a geyser of puke into the bushes.
The universe was humbling me.
“Oh my God,” she moaned, dropping to her knees.
I gathered her hair in my hands to keep it out of her face.
“Please go, Luca,” she pleaded. “Let me die in peace.”
“Not a chance.”
Once I was fairly sure she’d emptied the contents of her stomach, I picked her up as gently as I could, hoisted her over my shoulder, and carried her up the stairs. We got inside, and she pointed me in the direction of the bathroom where she tried to push me away again while simultaneously hugging the toilet.
Instead, I opened the closet door, found a washcloth, and soaked it in cold water before wringing it out. I gathered her hair into an elastic band I found on the sink and then pressed the cold compress to the back of her neck as I lightly rubbed her back.
“I’m gonna die,” she croaked, her insides deciding they had more fight left in them after all. “Can you let Katie know I’m calling out of work dead for the rest of my life?”
I bit back a laugh.
“Hey, Luca?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m gonna need you to leave.”
“I already told you I’m not—” I started, but she cut me off.
“Please,” she begged. “I’ve humiliated myself enough for one night.”
I narrowed my eyes in a glare that told her to save it.
“Fine,” she whined. “You don’t have to leave leave, but I have to pee, and I’d really like to keep some shred of my dignity.”
“Okay,” I agreed. “I’ll go get you some water and maybe a snack to help soak up some of this alcohol.”
She groaned. “Please don’t say snack.”
“Scratch the—”
“Don’t say it!”
I eased her to her feet before leaving the room, shutting the door behind me. Finally, I was able to take in McKenzie’s apartment. Lit only by the soft glow of a couple of funky-looking lamps, it was the very definition of cozy. There was a plush green sofa in the living area with an afghan draped across it. Framed art prints and photographs lined the wall that led to the small kitchen with a black refrigerator covered in magnets.
I felt along the wall for the light switch so I could see as I searched the cabinets.
“Glasses,” I muttered to myself. “Where are the glasses?”
Once I found them, I pulled one down, returning to the fridge for some ice and water.
As I was filling the glass, a pair of glowing yellow eyes pierced through me.
“What the fuck?” I yelped, stumbling backward and into the counter. A black cat leaped to the floor in front of me. It peered at me through slits, probably trying to decide whether I was there to rob the joint and how much of a fight it was willing to put up if I was.
Apparently, I wasn’t worth the effort, because the cat began cleaning itself, revealing the tiniest white patch on its chest.
McKenzie has a black cat. Of course she does .
With the water in hand, I started back toward the couch, taking in the pictures on the wall. There was some quirky pop art of cats, including one that was dressed like Dolly Parton. There was McKenzie with Katie and Dallas outside Katie’s Kitchen, and a few photos of her with more people I assumed were friends. Then there were some photos of what looked like a young McKenzie with a woman who had her nose and her eyes, and a slightly older boy who shared her smile.
He appeared in many of the memories along the wall, but my gaze snagged on one picture in particular. It was of McKenzie and that same boy, both of whom appeared to be teenagers at the time. He wore a My Chemical Romance shirt, and she was grinning up at him like he was her whole world.
The door to the bathroom flung open, and McKenzie stepped out on wobbly legs.
“How you doing?” I asked, rushing to her side.
“I’ve definitely been better,” she said, gratefully taking the water and chugging it down.
“I met your cat, by the way.”
“Which one?”
“There’s more than one?” I asked. “The one I saw was black.”
“That’s Binx,” she said. “I’ve always had a thing for Hocus Pocus . Creative, I know.”
“Where’s the other one?”
She snorted. “Probably hiding under the bed because there’s a stranger in the house. If you see a round raccoon-looking cat on stick legs running around here, his name is Earl Grey.”
“I’ll make sure to introduce myself,” I joked. “How about we get you in bed and let you sleep this off?”
She nodded, and I followed her to her room, hovering in the doorway.
“How are you feeling? Should I bring a trash can in here just in case?” I asked.
“Actually, that might not be the worst idea.” She gave me a weak smile.
“You have some ibuprofen? I could bring you some and refill your water while I’m at it.”
“Yeah,” she answered. “It’s in the medicine cabinet.”
“I’ll go get that while you get changed. Just open the door when you’re done.”
I didn’t run into any other cats as I took her glass and set about getting what I needed, and it wasn’t long before I heard the click of the door opening. When I entered, I found McKenzie in an oversized sweatshirt that nearly went to her knees and nothing else. I didn’t know how it was possible for someone to be that fucking adorable.
“Thanks,” she said, taking the water and pills from my hand, and knocking them back as I placed the bathroom trash can beside the bed.
I peeled the covers back, and she climbed inside.
“How’s that?” I asked.
“A lot better than the bushes, where I’d probably still be if it wasn’t for you.”
I grinned. “Glad I could help. Are you sure I can’t get you something to—”
“God no,” she groaned. “I can’t even think about food. Actually, I’m kinda hoping this bed swallows me up, and I can disappear into the abyss.”
I shook my head and chuckled. “All right. Well, I’ll just be in the living room if you need anything.”
“Luca, seriously. I appreciate you helping me. But please go. In fact, if we could just pretend none of this ever happened, that’d be great.”
My throat tightened. “I don’t want to do that.”
“God, I can’t imagine why,” she said, raking her hands down her face. “Especially after I literally turned into a volcano of vomit.”
“Maybe I’m into that sort of thing,” I joked. “You never know.”
That elicited a weak smile from her, and I wondered how much of this she’d remember in the morning. I wasn’t even sure how much I wanted her to remember. Not because I hadn’t meant what I said. But because I did with every fiber of my being. And that scared the shit out of me.
She looked up at me with her green eyes. The lightness from the concert had been replaced by a penetrating sadness. Even with all of the pain I’d been feeling, I’d have taken on the heaviness of whatever was weighing her down in a heartbeat.
She rolled over on her side, and I ran my fingers along her back and stroked her hair. The only noise came from the soft whir of the ceiling fan overhead.
Finally, she whispered into the darkness. “Thank you.”
The next thing I heard was the sound of her slowed breaths that turned into soft snores as she drifted into sleep.