32. Luca
THIRTY-TWO
Luca
It was around 10 p.m. the night of our family dinner. Everyone else had already left Jax and Liv’s for the evening except Ella and Cash. We were all sitting around talking, making sure to keep our volume low so as not to disturb the children sleeping upstairs. Mama, Liv’s sassy tuxedo cat, was curled up in Jax’s lap.
“This is wild,” I said, glancing at the faces surrounding me. “It seems like yesterday when Jax met Liv, and we all became friends.”
Cash nodded. “Back before kids and weddings and whole new careers.”
“I miss living here,” Ella admitted, leaning against the arm of the sofa and laying her feet across Cash’s lap. “Being close to everyone.”
“Do you think you guys might ever move back?” I asked.
“We'd love to, but it’ll be a while,” Cash answered. “The label is growing in LA, so that’s where I’ll need to be for the next few years. We’ll still visit often in the meantime, though. More often the older Betty gets.”
“Yeah, airplanes are stressful enough without wondering if your child is going to require an in-flight exorcism.” Ella blew out a breath. “But since Grace has decided to abandon me, the woman who gave her life, our visits will be more frequent.”
Grace chuckled. “By abandon, she means get married and move here so I can run the Nashville branch of Carrie On Records.”
I nudged her arm. “What? That’s amazing. Congratulations, Grace.”
“How is this possible?” Jax asked, shaking his head in disbelief. “I swear, you were only seventeen two weeks ago, and now you’re all grown up.”
“I can’t wait till you’re living here.” Liv smiled at Grace, who may as well have been her niece. “I’ll get to see you all the time.”
“Reveling in my pain, I see,” Ella teased Liv.
“Have you set a date for the wedding?” I asked Grace.
“Next October,” she said. “So, we’ve got about a year and a half to plan it.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to be a spinster?” Ella asked.
“I think I’ll pass,” Grace replied. “Actually, Luca, I was thinking I’d love to get married at the hobbit house if you end up keeping it.”
“I’d love that.” I said. “I’m hoping to hear something by the end of the week.”
“I really hope you get it. I know how much that place means to you.” Grace beamed before stifling a yawn.
I glanced over at her sleepy eyes. “It’s getting late.”
“Yeah,” Ella agreed, as everyone rose to stand. “It’s about an hour and a half past my bedtime. But man, tonight was fun. I needed this.”
“Me too,” I said as we all exchanged hugs.
Cash clapped me on the back. “You know we’ll do anything we can to help you prepare for that interview.”
“We all will,” Jax added. “We’re here for you, man.”
Liv placed a hand on my shoulder. “Always. We love you.”
“I love you guys too,” I said, amazed at how much more easily the words came.
Ella stepped in front of me, and I embraced her.
“Can I talk to you for a minute before we go?” I asked her.
She pulled back so she could look into my eyes, her brow furrowed with concern.
“Cash, do you mind getting Betty while I talk to Luca?” she asked.
“Of course,” he said. “Take all the time you need.”
“Let’s go to the kitchen,” she said, guiding me from the room. Once we were away from everyone, she spoke again. “What’s up? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I swallowed hard. “I just…I want to apologize….for not being there when your mom passed away.”
“Hey, it’s okay—” she began before I cut her off.
“No,” I said. “It isn’t. I care about you, Ella. I should’ve been there.”
“I understand why you couldn’t be.” She placed her hands on my arms. “But you’re here now, and that means everything.”
“How’ve you been holding up?” I asked, leaning against the counter.
She gave me a sad smile. “I’m okay. It’s been hard. With her Alzheimer’s, it felt like I lost her so many times before the end. I miss her, but there’s also a sense of peace in knowing she’s not suffering anymore.”
I nodded. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. I wasn’t there for you the way I wish I had been,” she said, her voice soft. “We should have tried harder to reach you…to find you.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered,” I assured her. “I wasn’t ready to be found. But I am now.”
“I’m glad. Our little group…our family…it’s not the same without you. And I’m sorry we ever let you forget that.”
“You didn’t let me forget,” I said. “I just…I guess I couldn’t allow myself to believe it. Because that meant I belonged somewhere, and I had something to lose.”
“Don’t you worry. We’re not going anywhere,” she promised. “You’re stuck with us whether you like it or not.”
“You know, I think I’m actually okay with that.”
“You better be.” She grinned, moving to stand beside me. “So, you and McKenzie, huh?”
I chuckled. “I’m amazed it took you this long to ask.”
“To be clear, it was killing me.”
“Yeah, me and McKenzie.” Thinking of her made my chest ache. God, I missed her so much. “We’re giving each other a little space right now, but I think we’re gonna make it through.” The words came out with more conviction than I felt. “I hope so, at least.”
“I hope you do too. Grace told me how happy you are with her.” She put an arm around me and gave me a squeeze. “You deserve that. You deserve to be loved.”
I felt like it might be true. Maybe I could show up exactly as I was, imperfections and all, and be worthy of love anyway. My friends had shown me that I was still loved even when I felt unlovable. They'd still be there when I wasn’t the best version of myself or if I tried to push them away. If they could love me then, maybe I could find a way to love me too.
Grace appeared in the doorway, yawning.
“You about ready to go?”
I nodded and gave Ella one more hug.
“Thanks again,” I whispered. “For being here.”
“Always,” she said.
Grace and I headed to the car, and we started back toward the hobbit house. She sang along to the radio, but my thoughts were on the McKenzie-sized hole in my heart.
I wished I hadn’t left the way I did the other night because even though I hadn’t intended to, I’d hurt her. But I’d come to realize that having depression was like waiting for a storm. It wasn’t a matter of if one would roll in but when . And I was so waterlogged Saturday that I hadn’t realized McKenzie was stuck in a deluge of her own. I’d been looking to her to hold the umbrella when I should’ve been holding her while we waited for the rain to stop. Now all I could do was hope that this storm would eventually pass and we’d weather anything else life threw at us together.
By Wednesday afternoon, Grace and Jo had managed to secure an interview for Friday evening. Apparently, the noise surrounding me was enough to warrant a prime-time spot with Warren Wright, the host of one of the most popular prime time news shows. The network had been so excited to secure an exclusive live interview that they bumped whatever had been on their schedule in favor of “Live and Uncut with Luca Sterling.” I still wasn’t turning on the television, but Grace let me know that the first promo came out the day they booked the spot. By Thursday morning, everyone knew it was happening.
I did everything I could to take my mind off what was coming. I had therapy with Lacey, I channeled my nervous energy into a song I was working on, and I even decided on a whim to go get my first tattoo.
As I lay in bed Friday morning, my finger swiped over the small semicolon printed on the inside of my left wrist. It could easily be covered by a shirtsleeve, a watch, or a bracelet. Nobody even had to know it was there, but I would know. It would be my silent reminder that I had a story worth telling—worthy of continuing.
I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and checked the time. It was a little after 9 a.m. I needed to get up and get myself together before the television crew arrived, taking over the hobbit house. Everyone I cared about would be here for moral support, letting me know they loved me and believed in me no matter how things shook out. Well, almost everyone.
McKenzie still hadn’t reached out, and the more time that passed, the more I worried we might not survive this after all—that the fear I’d caused her had been too much after what she’d been through, and though I didn’t blame her, it still hurt. Part of me wanted to call her. Because despite everything that happened, I knew she’d show up for me if I asked her to. But I wanted it to be her choice. I had to find it in myself to be okay, with or without her.
I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and stretched. What was the appropriate way to greet the day that had the potential to change my life for better or worse? Before I could consider the answer, my phone rang. My heart leapt into my throat, and I said a silent prayer that it was McKenzie. But my hopes were squashed when I saw my realtor’s name flashing across the screen.
“Hey, Darcey,” I answered.
“Luca,” she drawled. “Sorry to bug ya this mornin’. But I heard back from the homeowners, so I wanted to call you right away.”
“You did?” I asked, holding my breath.
“I’ve got good news, hon. They want to take your offer.”
“Oh my God,” I said. “Are you serious?”
“As a heart attack,” she replied. “And since you’re paying cash, we can get this show on the road pretty much whenever you’re ready.”
“Right. Yes. Okay. So, how does this work since I’m staying here and their stuff is still in the house? Do I have to leave until we close on it?”
“Actually, no. The owner said they weren’t attached to anything in the house. It was mostly stuff they bought used to furnish it as a rental property. They said you could keep everything, or they’d have it hauled off to Goodwill.”
“No,” I answered. “I’ll keep it.” The quirky treasures hidden within the walls of the hobbit house were part of its charm. It made me think of McKenzie and her penchant for loving thrifted items because of the stories they held.
“Well, they’ll be pleased as punch to hear it, I’m sure,” she said in her syrupy southern accent. “Listen, I know you’ve got a big day ahead of you. Everybody’s talking about the interview.”
My stomach lurched. Knowing it was news was one thing, but hearing it put so plainly was sobering.
“How about you touch base with me Monday and we’ll set a date?” she suggested.
“Yeah, of course. That’s a good idea,” I said. “Thanks, Darcey. I appreciate it.”
“And sugar, for what it’s worth, I don’t believe you’ve been given a fair shake. Not that what I think amounts to a hill of beans, but everybody has a past. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of.” She snickered, then dropped her voice low. “Heavens to Betsy, don’t you dare ask me about the Miss Tennessee Iris pageant of ’91. I definitely said some things about Miss Hickman County that I regret. Oh, and let’s not forget the Ex-Lax I accidentally let slip into Putnam County’s Diet Coke.”
I stifled a laugh as she continued.
“Now, let me tell you, the good Lord humbled me real quick. I didn’t even place in the top three,” she said. “What I did ate me up inside for months, but my mama, God rest her soul, she told me something that stuck with me. First, she told me to quit my cryin’ because I was gonna give myself premature wrinkles. But then she told me this gem. She said, ‘Darcey, every day you wake up is the chance to be someone else. Someone yester-you would be proud of. So you can sit here bellyaching about what you wish you could change, or you can go out there and change it.’”
The corners of my mouth tugged into a smile. “I like that.”
“I don’t know how much of this nonsense is real, and if you ask me, that Tate McCreedy fellow looks like a clout chaser if I ever saw one,” she said. “But even if every bit of it is true, honey, you can start over. You ain’t gotta be who you were yesterday.”
My throat tightened. “Thank you, Darcey.”
“You’re welcome, hon. I’m gonna go on, but I’ll get with you Monday so we can buy you this house.”
“Thanks again,” I said, ending the call. My throat tightened, a surprising wave of emotion crashing over me. I was in the bedroom of my new home. The hobbit house was going to officially be mine.
Darcey’s call and her words of wisdom, though unexpected and a little strange, felt like a sign that no matter how the day ended, I’d been given a chance at a new beginning. And I was going to take it.
“How are you holding up?” Grace asked as a woman with a nose ring fluttered around where I sat on the couch, using some sort of device to check the lighting in my living room. The camera crew had rearranged the furniture so it faced away from the fireplace, turning the space into something reminiscent of a late-night talk show set. There were giant lights set up everywhere and a dozen people I didn’t know buzzing around the place. It was completely unnerving.
“Um, honestly?” I answered. “I’m kinda freaking out.”
“You’re gonna be great,” she assured me as the tech pretended she wasn’t listening to every word of our conversation.
Grace grabbed my tattooed wrist and turned it so the ink faced me. She’d noticed it earlier in the day and asked me about it.
“Remember, your story deserves to be told,” she said.
I nodded and swallowed hard as I looked up to see all of my friends enter the room. Antoni had come bearing a couple of shopping bags, having taken it upon himself to find me something suitable to wear for the interview.
Cash stood at my side and squeezed my shoulder. “You ready for this?”
“As ready as I’m gonna be,” I muttered.
“I know it’s gotta be weird having all these people in your house,” Derek said.
“You’re gonna be great,” Jo assured me. “I don’t know Warren well, but he’s got a pretty solid reputation in the industry.”
“Wait, what? Warren?” Antoni wrinkled his nose. “As in, Warren Wright? Isn’t he the one that all but buried that quarterback from New York?”
My eyes widened, and my stomach sank. “What?”
“Antoni,” Liv said through gritted teeth as Jax scrubbed his hand over his face.
“Not helping, man,” Dallas mumbled.
“Yes,” Jo said, shooting eye daggers at Antoni before turning back to me. “But that guy had also been throwing games and gambling on them to the tune of millions. He did everything he was accused of and then some.”
That didn’t make me feel any better. I hadn’t exactly been the golden boy of the music industry.
“Why don’t we give Luca a moment to breathe,” Ella suggested, noticing the panicked look on my face.
“I think that’s a good idea,” Katie added. “Y’all come into the kitchen and help me set up the food we brought.”
Grace reached for the bags in Antoni’s hands. “How about you give those to me?”
“Sorry,” he whispered through gritted teeth before Nate steered him from the room.
“Oooh, you’re in trouble,” Ella said, filing out behind Antoni. “Grace is gonna eat you alive.”
Once everyone was gone, Grace turned to the tech who was still lingering.
“Do you have what you need?” Grace asked, tapping her foot impatiently.
“Oh yes,” she answered. “Sorry.”
“Great.” Grace grabbed my arm and pulled me down the hall toward the guest room that would be my makeshift dressing room. She closed the door behind us and placed the bags on the bed.
“Don’t let any of that get in your head,” she said. “What Antoni was talking about…that isn’t the same thing. It’s nowhere close.”
I sank down onto the foot of the mattress and pushed my hands through my hair.
“But what if this ends just as badly?” I asked.
“I don’t think it—”
“But what if it does?” I blurted, my palms starting to sweat.
“Breathe,” she said, moving to sit beside me.
I released a long exhale, then she continued.
“It’s not going to end like that, but even if it doesn’t go the way we want it to, so what? At the end of the day, those who matter are going to love and support you, regardless. Remember, people can say whatever they want about you, but only you get to decide what’s true.”
I swallowed around the lump that formed in my throat.
“Listen,” she said, “we can call this whole thing off right now if you don’t want to do it.”
“No. I’m gonna do it,” I said with a determination I didn’t quite feel. “I have to. I guess I just needed to panic a little first.”
“I’m gonna step out so you can get dressed.” She gave me a faint smile as she rose to her feet, sliding the closet doors open. “I hope you don’t mind, but while you were busy talking to the associate producer earlier, I took the liberty of pulling a couple of alternate options in case you don’t like what Antoni brought.”
She stepped aside, and hanging there was the “To Write Love on Her Arms” shirt McKenzie’s mom had bought me at the thrift store, my leather jacket, and a pair of gray jeans.
I chuckled and shook my head. “You know me too well.”
She shrugged. “I just know that if you want to show the world who you really are, you should feel like yourself.”
She was right. I didn’t even have to open the bags to know exactly what I’d be wearing.
“Thanks, Grace.”
“I’ll see you out there.” She exited the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I pulled the clothes Grace had collected from the closet and laid them across the bed, the message printed across the T-shirt staring back at me.
“Hope is Defiant.”
If hope could defy the odds, maybe I could too.