33. McKenzie
THIRTY-THREE
McKenzie
It was a quarter to eight Friday night, and I was on my couch, surrounded by my mom, Kia, Jen, and Ravi. They’d come over to watch Luca’s interview with me for moral support. Everyone had brought food and drinks to share, but the mood was decidedly somber. I’d been on edge all day. My thoughts had me wound up like one of those creepy jack-in-the-box toys, ready to strike at any moment. There were a few too many people around, so the cats had made themselves scarce.
“You need to eat something, sweetheart,” my mom said, placing her hand on my leg. “How about I make you a plate?”
I shook my head. “I can’t. Not now.”
She nodded, but she couldn’t hide the concern on her face. “How are you feeling?”
“Not great.” I sighed. I’d done little besides go through the motions at work in the days since I’d talked to Luca. The letter I’d written to my brother earlier in the week had lifted a weight off my chest and given me a sense of clarity around his death that I hadn’t had in…well, ever . But I still missed Luca.
I was already thinking about him before I saw the commercial for “Live and Uncut with Luca Sterling” while channel surfing Wednesday evening, but since then I’d been going out of my mind with worry. An interview this big could be a turning point in his career, but it also had the potential to go south. The only thing people loved more than a comeback was a total takedown. And if the worst did happen, would that send him running again?
“I just want him to be okay, Mom,” I whispered, my voice choked with emotion.
“I know you do, Kenz.” She pulled me close and kissed the top of my head. “I do too.”
Another promo for the interview played on the TV screen, and my stomach clenched.
“Have you reached out to him at all?” Kia asked as she sat at my other side.
I shook my head, then buried it in my hands. “No. I’ve just been so fucking scared. I want to be with him, but I can’t stop wondering if I’ll lose him.”
“Hey, that’s perfectly understandable,” Kia said. “After the kind of losses we’ve suffered, it’s something we have to at least pause to consider. When Luca disappeared on you the way he did, it triggered something deeply painful for you. That’s not to say his response to that kind of stress was irrational. He was in survival mode, but it still shook you up.”
Ravi shifted in his chair nearby, and Jen propped herself against the armrest.
“After we lost our son, we struggled a lot with how to sit in our own grief while also holding space for each other,” Jen said.
“And we’d been together for years ,” Ravi added. “It’s not easy to be a support person when you’re hurting too.”
Jen nodded. “There was a point about a year after Carson died when I thought we might not make it. But we did therapy, separately and together. We learned to communicate better and realized we didn’t have to fix things for each other. That we couldn’t.”
“Yep,” Ravi agreed. “We were both putting a lot of pressure on the other to be everything—our comfort, our happiness. That’s too much responsibility for one person. So our therapist encouraged us to work on strengthening our bonds with our family and friends.”
“And that doesn’t mean we don’t love and support each other,” Ravi said. “If anything, we’re able to do it so much better because we’re not carrying the load alone.”
I stared ahead at the screen, not really seeing what was on it. There was still a part of me that felt like I had to be everything for Luca, but that wasn’t true. Over the past week, he’d been able to lean on his friends. Though I didn’t know the details of how he was doing, I knew he wouldn’t have agreed to the interview if he didn’t feel like he had the support he needed.
“I think the important part of any relationship is that you can’t be two halves of a whole. You have to be whole all on your own,” Jen said. “Of course, that doesn’t sound as romantic.”
My mom spoke up. “You know, I think I have to disagree with that last part. I think there’s something really beautiful about not needing someone else to feel complete. It says you can survive without them, but you choose to spend your life together anyway because you love them so much.”
Jen beamed and gazed down at Ravi, her eyes filled with love. “Aw, babe. Look. We are romantic.”
“Your mom is right,” Kia said. “Honestly, that’s one of the reasons I haven’t gotten into another relationship. I haven’t met anyone I want to choose.”
Ravi held up a finger. “Not yet, anyway.”
Kia shrugged. “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. But either way, I’m gonna be okay.” She reached for my hand. “And so are you.”
Our moment was interrupted by the intro music to the Tonight with Warren Wright show as images from the terrible press about Luca flashed across the screen. I couldn’t even hear the voice-over through the sound of my heart thumping in my ears.
Kia squeezed my fingers, and my mom put an arm around me.
I held my breath as Warren’s solemn face appeared, and I realized he was in the living room of the hobbit house.
“Welcome to Tonight with Warren Wright ,” he said. “We have a special version of our program for you this evening as I chat live with the performing artist everyone’s talking about, Luca Sterling, right here in his own home. In this exclusive hour-long show, we’re going to be taking a look at the rumors surrounding his musical comeback since his days as lead guitarist of the acclaimed rock band, Midnight in Dallas.”
“Breathe,” my mother whispered, rubbing my shoulder.
“We’ll be talking about the Tate McCreedy controversy and accusations that Sterling is using mental health as a marketing ploy to engage new listeners.” The camera widened to show Luca sitting on the couch. “We’ll be diving deep into the rocker’s past as music’s resident wild child, and we’ll even have a surprise message from someone in the superstar’s past that will have everyone talking.”
The rest of Warren’s words faded away as I saw the expression on Luca’s face. His eyes widened slightly, and his jaw tightened. Whatever this surprise was, he definitely didn’t know about it.
“What kind of surprise?” my mom mumbled.
“I don’t know.” My mind whirled with the possibilities of who it could be. I doubted it was someone like Mr. Fink or Aunt Gladys, because I felt sure they’d have told Luca if it was them or someone they knew. Anyone even remotely close to him knew a surprise like that could throw him off his game.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and texted Grace.
Any idea who this surprise person is?
Her reply came only seconds later.
No clue, but Luca looks scared. Jo’s trying to see if she can find out something.
“Shit,” I muttered. “Grace said they don’t know what this is about either.”
I shoved my fingers through my hair and took in a shaky breath as the program went to commercial.
“I should’ve been there,” I said, my voice a hoarse whisper. “I didn’t even send him a text to let him know I was thinking about him, that I was in his corner.”
“Well, what are you waiting for?” Kia asked.
“I can’t text him now,” I cried. “He’s on national television.”
“No, you can’t text him.” Kia rose to her feet and held out a hand to me. “But it’s not too late to show up. If we leave now, we can be there by the middle of the interview. And whatever this surprise is, you know they’re gonna save it for the end.”
I took her hand and jumped up. “You’re right.”
My mom, Jen, and Ravi all stood.
“You guys don’t have to go with me,” I said.
“We’re going,” Kia insisted. “We want to be there for you.”
“And Luca’s important to you, which means he’s important to us,” Jen added.
My mom nodded. “If that Warren Wright has some sort of tricks up his sleeve, I’ll take him down myself. Give that jerk a real story to report on.”
“Come on,” Ravi said, starting for the door. “I’ll drive.”
We quickly made our way outside, filing into Ravi and Jen’s SUV. My mom placed her hand on my knee as Ravi turned onto the street.
I reached for my phone and typed out a text to Grace.
I’m on my way.