1. Abi
1
ABI
Anxiety claws at my throat, threatening chaos and tears and a really bad first day at my new job.
I take a deep breath, shove the panic down and follow Olivia Austin up the stairs.
“And this,” Olivia, my new boss, says, “will be your office.”
She pushes the timber door at the top of the stairs open. The office is a converted hayloft in a refurbished barn that’s now a wedding and function venue. It has rustic timber floors and walls, with a window that looks out over the main reception room of the venue. Another window faces out at the end of the building with an incredible view of the wedding lawn, lake and the Wildflower Ridge farm sprawling out towards the horizon. It’s a beautiful part of the country and I can see why my ex Dallas settled here, especially with the way the Austin family adopted him and our daughter Sadie like two of their own.
I shake thoughts of my ex out of my head and refocus on the room, taking yet another deep breath to steady my nerves .
A desk sits in the middle of the space, facing the door. A laptop and several files are lined up neatly across its surface, and the wall behind the desk has floor-to-ceiling shelves filled with books, bridal magazines, framed photographs, dried bouquets and aesthetic storage boxes with labels for ribbons, fairy lights, tealight candles and more. A couple of small couches sit in the corner, a coffee table between them. That must be where Olivia meets with potential clients.
Where I’ll meet with potential clients, I suppose.
I trail my fingers along the edge of the desk. “It’s gorgeous,” I say. “The whole place is.”
“Thanks,” Olivia says, a blush hitting her cheeks. Her phone rings and she groans. “I need to get this,” she says, glancing at the screen. “Can I leave you to review all that paperwork on the desk? Feel free to have a look around. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Of course.” I smile and I hope it looks genuine through all my nerves.
Olivia turns, her boots clunking on the stairs as she heads outside, leaving me standing in the middle of my new office, at my new job, in a new town.
I sink into the desk chair and rest my head in my hands, my elbows propped on the desk.
What have I got myself into?
This job is an incredible opportunity. It’s an amazing role, managing the function centre. I’ll get to help plan weddings and parties and be paid for it. Sure there’s a lot of less exciting stuff like budgets and reports to Olivia, but she’s giving me mostly free rein to run the place .
It was supposed to be her job, until her father passed away last summer and she was left with an entire sheep and beef farm to run. She told me she has a great team working the farm, but there still isn’t enough of her to go around to run the farm and the venue. I can tell how disappointed she is that she doesn’t get to be hands on running her dream, but I’m going to take care of it in the meantime. No matter what.
Part of it’s for selfish reasons. I need to prove myself. Prove I’m reliable, responsible, fit to be a mother again. I’m done letting my daughter down.
I moved to Kauri Creek to be close to her, to try and reconnect. I didn’t realise I’d end up with a job on the same property where Sadie lives with her dad, who manages the farming side of Olivia’s operation.
When I found out Dallas and now five-year-old Sadie live here, I tried to walk away from the job, but Olivia wanted to interview me, regardless of my history of failing at the tasks most important in life.
When I sat down with Dallas to make a plan about reintroducing me to Sadie’s life, he not only insisted I at least interview for the position, but then also encouraged me to take it.
He’s the best person I’ve ever known, never once throwing my failures in my face, just wanting the best for me. And for Sadie, too.
I pull a file towards me and flick it open. Inside is a stack of new employee forms and documents, ranging from tax code declaration forms to a thick farm health and safety policy. Just some light reading then .
I settle into the chair and start working my way through the stack.
I drop the page I’ve been trying to read for the last five minutes onto the desk and rub at my eyes.
“Words going blurry?” The voice startles me. I must have been really focussed on trying to read that document because I didn’t hear anyone making their way up the stairs. My brain is already overflowing with new information.
“Yeah, too much reading,” I say to Dallas, who’s leaning in the doorway, his arms folded across his chest. God, he looks good. Sandy blond hair peeking out from under a faded cap, a blue shirt that matches his eyes and worn jeans stretching across his thighs. I shove the thoughts away. I can’t think about Dallas like that. I don’t even want to. He deserves everything. I’m not here to mess with his brand-new relationship. This place suits him though. He’s happy here.
“From what I remember you could read a whole book in one sitting,” Dallas says with a chuckle.
“I still can, but books have plots, and characters … and kissing. This is just policy.”
Dallas laughs. “That’s true. How’s it going?”
“This place is gorgeous,” I say. “It’s all a bit overwhelming but hopefully I’ll figure it all out soon.”
“You will,” he says, absolute certainty in his tone. He opens his mouth to continue talking, but nothing comes out. He rubs his hand across the back of his neck. I wait. “Do you want to see Sadie this afternoon?”
I blink at him. My heart stutters and a hot flush races through my body. Anxiety. I haul in a deep breath, counting slowly as I release it.
Before I have a chance to reply, Dallas speaks again. “I know you’ve had a big day already, so I understand if you want to leave it for another time, but I don’t want Sadie to feel like we’re keeping you a secret over here.”
“I thought you wanted to be certain I wasn’t going to flake on you again.”
He steps into the room and drops into a chair across the desk from me. “You’ve taken the job and Olivia mentioned you’ve rented a house in town.”
I nod. It’s an adorable little house and while I don’t have a lot of stuff in it at the moment, I’m looking forward to furnishing it properly and hopefully, the second bedroom will become Sadie’s when she stays with me. The thought makes my heart race again so I decide not to think about that just now.
“You’re nervous, huh?” Dallas says, voice soft.
“Utterly terrified,” I say.
A smile tugs at his lips at my brash confession. “You’ll be fine. I’ve been bringing you up a little bit with her. She knows we’ve been in touch. I’ll talk to her when she gets home from school and check she’s in a good space to see you. If she isn’t, don’t take it personally. Some days when she gets home she can barely keep her eyes open.”
“I don’t want to cause her any stress,” I say. “Any more stress, I mean.” I lift my hand towards my mouth, the urge to bite my nails strong. But I catch sight of the shimmery gold polish on them and refrain. I paid for this manicure, I’m not ruining it on its second day.
“Abi,” Dallas says and I drag my eyes back up to meet his. “I know this is easier said than done, but you’ve got to let the past go. It happened, none of it was your fault, and you’re back now. That’s what matters.”
Heat prickles behind my eyes. Dallas has never held my failings against me, even when he should have, even when I abandoned him with a two-year-old. When I first realised he didn’t hate me and wasn’t going to keep Sadie away from me, I cried for an hour—full on, body wracking, eyes nearly falling out of my head, bawling.
“I’m trying,” I whisper.
“I know. I need to keep moving, but I’ll call you after Sadie gets home and let you know where things are at.”
“Sounds good,” I say, smiling through my nerves.
As Dallas descends the stairs, I pick up the document I’ve been trying to read. It’s not any easier after taking a break, in fact, now that I’m thinking about possibly seeing Sadie this afternoon, it’s a whole lot harder to concentrate.