13. Flynn
13
FLYNN
The tractor rumbles beneath me as I guide it back to its parking spot beside the implement shed. I switch off the ignition and appreciate the moment of silence that follows. It’s a strange thing, because even though the world isn’t quiet, in the seconds following turning a tractor off it always feels like it is, before my hearing adjusts to a normal noise level again.
I glance across at the barn. No sign of Abigail, Sadie and Katie. I’m surprised because I didn’t see them out on the farm. I’d have thought we would cross paths on my way back in from feeding out to the Herefords. Maybe they went somewhere else, though I can’t think where they could have gone that I wouldn’t see them.
I climb out of the cab, dropping to the gravel with a satisfying thud. My farm duties are done for the day and now I have most of the morning and an entire afternoon to do whatever it is I want. The problem is, I don’t know what I want to do.
I should go home and clean. The bathroom is in dire need of it and I need to repair a dodgy piece of timber on the front porch steps. But my bike is sitting right there and because I’m never going to pick housework and chores over a ride, I stride over to it and wheel it towards my ute.
A quick ride and I’ll come back and be responsible.
Movement near the paddock catches my eye. Aurora and Scout are just inside the gate of their paddock. Someone with a head of dark hair is between them.
There’s only one person here with hair that dark.
Abigail.
I watch as she slips the halters off both horses and gives them a final pat before she heads back into the barn. I glance at the next paddock over. Paddy isn’t where he should be.
What is going on here?
I kick down the bike stand and once it’s stable, head straight for the barn. Did Katie and Sadie not show up? But if that was the case, I don’t think Abigail would have taken the horses out of the paddock. She seemed content to wait when I was here earlier.
I stride across the yard and pause in the barn door. Paddy, Henry’s old gelding, is tethered to the railing we get the horses ready at. Abigail is leaning against him, her arms wrapped around his neck and her face pressed into his mane. Her fingers are knotted in his thick, dark mane and she lets out a low keening sound, almost like an injured animal.
“Abigail?” I ask, taking a tentative step forward.
She jerks violently, spinning away from the horse towards me .
Tears streak down her cheeks and at the sight of me she lets out a broken sob.
“Abigail.” I race towards her, instinctively wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into my chest. “Shit. What happened?”
Abigail doesn’t speak, she just shakes her head and presses her face into my worn-out old t-shirt. I should start wearing something a little nicer if I’m going to have hot women pressing themselves against me. Fucking hell Flynn, now is not the time for those thoughts.
Abigail’s arm is wrapped around my waist, her other hand gripping my shirt, fingers tight in the fabric like they were in Paddy’s mane when I first walked in here.
I hold her close while she cries, one hand cradling her head, and I wait, murmuring soft words against her hair.
Her sobs peter out and when they do, I can feel the moment she realises how wrapped up in me she is. Her whole body tenses and she tries to pull away.
I don’t let go. “What happened?” I say softly against her temple.
Abigail sighs and softens against me again. I want to melt into her. I want to take away all this pain. She shakes her head against my chest.
“Why aren’t you riding?”
“Sadie tripped over,” Abigail whispers. “Katie took her home.”
“Is Sadie okay?”
“I think so,” Abigail says, leaning back in my arms to look up at me. She isn’t trying to run away this time, so I release my hold a little to allow the movement. “A few grazes, but Katie didn’t seem too worried.”
I don’t understand why she’s this upset. Sadie trips at least once a week and Abigail doesn’t even seem particularly concerned about Sadie’s safety. If it’s just a few grazes and Katie isn’t worried, then I don’t understand this reaction.
Abigail’s vivid green eyes are staring up at me, still filled with tears. I manage to keep my mouth shut, to stop myself asking why she’s this upset. It’s a fight, but I manage it.
“I—I froze,” Abigail whispers. “Sadie went down and I just … I panicked. I don’t know what happened.”
“You had another panic attack?” I ask and while I ask it like a question, it isn’t really one.
“Yeah … I guess I did.” She tips her head forward, her forehead coming to rest on my collarbone. “I haven’t had one in so long.”
My arms tighten around her. I don’t mean to do it, but I can’t help it.
“Oh,” she whispers. “Except for my first day here, I suppose.” She lifts her head again, a sheepish look on her face.
“You used to have them more often?”
Abigail nods. “After Sadie had her accident—do you know about that?” I nod and she continues. “After that, I’d have one whenever I was supposed to be looking after Sadie. It got to the point Dallas couldn’t leave us alone together. I … I kind of lost all reason. The anxiety spiralled into every aspect of my life. That’s why I left them.”
I hold my breath as she speaks. I can’t believe she’s telling me all this. Abigail seems to keep things close to her chest. She doesn’t like accepting help, and here she is, still wrapped in my arms, spilling her heart to me. As her voice breaks over her last words I resist the urge to pull her even closer, to tell her it’s all okay now. I’m saved from having to say anything at all, because she’s still talking.
“I moved back to my parents’ place and went to therapy. A lot of therapy. I started taking medication. It took a year just to figure out which one was best for me and then another six months to fine-tune the dosage.” She pauses for a long moment. “I thought I was ready. My therapist thought I was ready. I’ve worked so hard. Everything was going well.”
I smooth her hair back as she looks up at me again, her expression wary. I tuck the dark, silky locks behind her ear. “You are ready, Abigail,” I whisper. “Everything is going well. It’s a blip. You’ve got this. I know you do.”
She bites her lip and I slide my hand into her hair to keep myself from using my thumb to tug it free. Fisting her hair seems like the safer option, even though it’s also dangerous. I’m playing with fire where this woman is concerned.
“I’m sorry I cried all over your shirt,” she says, dragging a hand down my chest, trailing her fingers over the wet spot over my pec.
“It’s fine.” My voice is so gruff she glances back up at me. I have to let her go; I have to step away. The situation is becoming dire because I do not want her to realise the effect she’s having on me. I tilt my head back and stare at the rafters before taking a deep breath and telling my dick to calm the fuck down. She’s crying for god’s sake. I squeeze my arms tight around her for a final time, then force myself to let go and step back.
“So, no ride then?” I ask, willing my voice to come out normal. I step towards Paddy to give him a pat, and hide the bulge in my jeans.
“No riding.”
“Do you have other plans?”
“I might go finish tidying up from last night. Save me doing it tomorrow.”
“I have another suggestion.” What am I doing? I’m supposed to be getting away from her. This idea is a Flynn-special for its level of stupidity too, but if I leave Abigail alone, she’s just going to stew on what happened. She’ll probably cry again. I can’t have that.
“Oh, yeah? What’s that?” Abigail steps up beside me and unties Paddy’s lead rope. I cross my fingers that she doesn’t look down.
“How do you feel about a ride of a different kind?” Fucking hell could I have made that sound any more sleazy? “My bike, I mean.” I can feel heat rushing up my throat, which means my face is about to turn bright red. Spectacular. “We could take my bike for a spin. You’re dressed more appropriately today.”
And now I’m thinking about her on my bike in a tight skirt and sky-high heels and miles of bare thigh and her hot body pressed against my back.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. This is not helping the boner situation.
Abigail’s mouth curls into a wicked smile. She’s laughing at me and I can’t even be mad because I totally deserve it.
“You don’t have anything else to do?”
“Nothing,” I mutter, trying to think of the most unsexy thing ever but my brain is still stuttering over images of the other day.
“I—I don’t know …” She trails off and I glance at her. “I should go clean up.”
“You weren’t going to be doing the cleanup today if you went riding with Katie and Sadie.”
She purses her lips and I mentally slap myself. She’s trying to get out of it and I shouldn’t be pushing the issue.
“It’s okay,” I say, stepping away. I shoot her a smile but it’s not my usual. I bet she can tell too. “Maybe another time, if you want.” I spin to walk away but her hand catches my wrist.
“Wait, Flynn. Yes. Please. Let’s go riding.”
I study her, searching for any hint that she’s just humouring me. I get it. There is no discernible reason a woman like her would want to hang around a guy like me.
“You sure?” I ask eventually.
“I’m sure. I need to get out of my head, so let’s go freak me out about something else.”
“You know I’m not going to let anything happen to you right? I’ll look after you.”
“I know you will, Flynn. That’s why I’m coming with you.”