One final thing before you go
With Max leaving for Thailand in five days, he had a few things to do before he left.
After the Clapham Half, Max spoke with Anita and she accepted the job at Rab’s Sandwich Shop.
Max had remembered his conversation with Anita, where she had said that one of the hardest things about being old and widowed was filling the days.
She was also a brilliant cook and the sandwich shop needed someone, and so he thought she would be the perfect fit.
Robbie was on board too because the shop had been so busy, and he had been run off his feet.
He needed someone reliable, who could cook, and who wouldn’t mind working for minimum wage because it was all they could afford.
Anita actually offered to work for free because she didn’t need the money, but they insisted on paying her.
So, it was agreed that she would start right away.
It would give Robbie the help he needed, and Anita a purpose.
After the Clapham Half, Max and Bethan had a coffee together, and agreed to meet up after his trip to Thailand.
He was so relieved she had forgiven him, and was prepared to move on after everything that had happened.
He didn’t know where it left them from a romantic point of view, but having her as a friend again was a good start.
He hoped that one day they might be able to take up where they were before the incident at Anita’s, but for the time being he was happy to call her a mate.
On Monday morning, Max met with Grace for another session, and she agreed that they could still have their weekly therapy but just over FaceTime.
Whether he was in Bangkok or somewhere more remote, they should be able to connect.
She didn’t want him losing the help when he might need it the most. Max was grateful for Grace, and even after two sessions together, he was beginning to see the benefits of therapy, of talking about his feeling instead of bottling them up.
After therapy, he spent time packing his backpack for Thailand, and even though he wasn’t bringing much, it was hard deciding what to bring and what to leave out.
With a day to go before his flight to Bangkok, there was one thing left for Max to do.
He needed to go and see his parents. He hadn’t visited them since the incident with Barry Spencer, and he wanted to fill them in on all the latest news, and say goodbye.
So, on Thursday morning, Max took the train to St Albans, and did the usual walk from the train station to the church where his parents were buried.
Despite selling the house, Max still had a reason to come back to St Albans, and he was glad of it.
It would always be his home, the place that held so many fond memories, and where he could still speak with his parents.
It was the first day of October, and a slightly colder day, although still bright out.
Max heard birds chirping away nearby, and a squirrel shot up a tree.
Max cleared his throat and began talking.
‘Hi Mum, Dad, it’s me. I know it’s been a little while, but a lot has happened.
I’m flying to Thailand tomorrow. I took a three-month sabbatical from work to get myself together because as it turned out, I really needed it.
I should probably have done it a year ago, but better late than never, right?
The sandwich shop is going really well. We’ve just taken on our first employee, Anita, who goes to the run club with me.
She’s amazing, and I think it will be a match made in heaven.
Oh, I ran the Clapham Half Marathon at the weekend!
I know, not really me, but it was really good.
I could barely walk on Monday, but it was worth it. ’
Max took a moment, looking around the graveyard.
There wasn’t anyone else there on that Thursday morning, just him and a few squirrels amongst all the lives that were buried in the ground.
In the grave next to his parents was the grave of Helen Elizabeth Wells, born 1901, died 1997.
She was ninety-six, and he had no idea about her life, who she was, who missed her, loved her, and yet she was buried next to his parents for all of time.
‘I’ve made a lot of mistakes since the accident.
I’m sorry, but I didn’t handle your deaths very well.
I lost Emma, almost my job, and I nearly pushed Robbie away but fortunately he stayed.
It’s taken me a long time to get to this point in my life, but I’m glad I’m here.
Oh, I finally sold your house. I found a lovely estate agent, Tanya, you’d have liked her.
I sold it to a family with young kids, so hopefully they can create lots of wonderful memories like we did.
The last thing is that I’m in love. There’s a girl at run club, and she’s just perfect.
She’s beautiful, funny, smart and like me, she lost someone important to her.
We were on the verge of getting together when I ruined it, but I hope that one day I can win her back.
I’d love to be in a relationship again, maybe one day married, and who knows, perhaps I’ll move back to St Albans and have a family of my own.
Anyway, I’m off tomorrow. A month in Thailand to discover who I am and what I want going forward.
I hope I find out, but whatever happens, I’ll see you when I get back. Love you both.’
Max stood for a moment, looking down at his parents’ graves.
There had been so many months when he hadn’t been able to visit them because it was too hard, too painful, but like so much of life, it had become easier with time.
The hard, visceral heartache of losing them had dissipated a little, changed, and now being in that peaceful church graveyard in St Albans, the birds chirping, squirrels playing, the distant hum of life beyond, it felt like something worthwhile.
He could still speak with them, connect with them somehow, and it helped.
He stood there for ten minutes, drinking it all in, before he turned around and walked away.
He had just walked around the side of the church, when he almost bumped into Mark.
‘Oh, Max, I thought I saw you walk past earlier.’
Max hadn’t seen Mark since the Barry Spencer incident. ‘Hi, Mark. Just visiting with my parents.’ A pause. ‘I’m sorry about the last time I was here.’
‘Oh, it’s OK, Max, all water under the bridge. So, how are you?’
‘Good, actually. I finally sold my parents’ house and I’m off to Thailand tomorrow for a month. Time to finally sort myself out, and work out what to do with the rest of my life.’
‘Good for you,’ said Mark, but although he was smiling, the creases on his forehead and the look of apprehension in his eyes gave Max pause not to get carried away. Obviously, he had something else to say.
‘What is it?’
‘It’s just, look Max, I’m so happy you’re getting your life together.
It seems like you’re finally getting back on an even keel after everything that’s happened, but, and please don’t be offended by this, but Barry Spencer is a broken, depressed man.
He’s never got over what happened. I’ve seen him a few times since the accident, and I know what happened was a tragedy, Max, it was, and I understand your need to blame him, but he’s a lost soul.
In a way, he’s a victim too, and so I know this is probably hard to hear, but if you could give some thought to forgiving him for what happened, perhaps it might just save his life too.
God teaches us about the importance of forgiveness, but I think in this case, it’s so much more than that.
By forgiving him, I believe it will give you peace too.
To really move on, to move forward, we must be at peace with the past. Do you think it’s something you might be able to do? ’
Max was incredulous and didn’t know how to reply to Mark’s request. So, he took a moment to steady himself, before he replied.
‘Mark, I understand what you’re getting at, I do, but I just don’t know if I have it in me to forgive him. I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t apologise, Max, but please, while you’re away, will you at least think about it?’
Max didn’t want to leave Mark on a sour note, and so after a moment he agreed. ‘But I’m not promising anything.’
‘It’s all I ask. You could write him a letter, which I’d be happy to pass on.’
‘Like I said, I’ll think about it. Right, I must go, I still have things to do before I leave.’
‘Have a brilliant time, Max. Thailand, wow, it sounds incredible.’
‘Have you ever been?’
‘To Thailand?’ he replied, chuckling. ‘Gosh no. The farthest I’ve ever been is Dundee.’
‘In Scotland?’
‘Yes. I’m absolutely terrified of flying, Max. If God had wanted us to fly, he would have given us wings, but safe travels, and maybe I’ll see you when you get back?’
‘You definitely will. Goodbye, Mark.’
They shook hands, before he walked away and back towards the train station and home.
He still needed to finish packing, and he was going out for a goodbye meal with Robbie before his early flight from Heathrow.
The flight left at 9 a.m. and there was one stop in Dubai on the way.
He was beginning to get nervous about the trip now it was getting so close.
He had plans for Bangkok, and then for Koh Phangan, but what if he didn’t make any friends?
The thought of spending a month on his own, even somewhere as beautiful as Thailand, filled him with dread.
What if he was making a terrible mistake?
As he watched the beautiful green English countryside fly past the train window, sipping on the coffee he’d got on the way to the station, he thought about what Mark had asked of him.
Was it possible for him to forgive Barry for killing his parents?
His logical side, his sensible brain, knew it was an accident and should someone have to pay for it for the rest of their lives?
Barry could have looked at his mobile a thousand times and never even injured someone, but his parents were dead because of him, and every time he thought of Barry Spencer, saw his face in his mind's eye, it still felt impossible that he could forgive him for what he had done. Accident or not, his parents were dead because of what Barry had done. Mark was a religious man, and so, of course, he could forgive someone like Barry, but Max wasn’t like him.
He didn’t know if he was that good of a person, but then again, perhaps it was like Mark said, and forgiving Barry would give him peace of mind too.
He had done so much to get over his parents’ deaths, from joining Common People, selling the house, and seeing a therapist, but perhaps forgiving Barry was the final piece of the grief jigsaw puzzle.
As the train rumbled on towards London, he was no nearer to an answer, but he had a month in Thailand to think about it.
In the meantime, he needed to get back to the flat, finish packing, before a quiet dinner with Robbie.
Life was about to change, and whether he was ready or not, it was coming towards him at incredible speed.