Chapter 48
Chapter forty-eight
Hendrix · Then
Therapy – All Time Low
Twenty Years Old
I shove through the throngs of people filling the lounge.
Metallica shreds through the speakers and lights flicker overhead, bouncing off the walls. I scan the room, but I can't spot Theo or the guys anywhere in the mass of huddled bodies.
It was supposed to be just the six of us hanging out tonight—a last hurrah before the guys shuttle off to Europe on a two-month tour—but somehow, word got out about a gathering, and now everyone we’ve ever known is crammed into Saint’s house.
Thick smoke chokes the air when I cut through the kitchen and out to the back garden.
I dig a keychain from my pocket, slip past the stoners, and duck into the rickety old shed. Saint and I always end up here on the bad days. He gave a set of keys a couple years ago, after he caught me hanging on the skate park, guitar in my lap, following a particularly bad night at home.
He hates being inside his house too, so the shed became our place.
A quiet haven for the both of us when the world gets too loud.
Saint’s already inside, hunched against the wall, whisky bottle dangling from his fingers.
I place my untouched beer on top of the small fridge and sink into the couch. His gaze flicks up and over me before he trudges over and collapses face-first into my lap.
I tug at the ends of his shoulder-length hair. Pretty sure this is another style he’s trialling because Theo mentioned David Beckham circa two-thousand-two. It’s not his best look, but he won’t listen to reason.
“You okay?” I ask, as he rolls onto his side and drapes his arm over me. “You’re looking a little green, bestie.”
“Got in a fight with Teddy.” He grunts. “Drank too much. Smoked. Think it was laced.”
I sigh, dragging my fingertips over his scalp “You wanna talk about it?”
Not that I’m in any shape to give advice.
Cole and I have been bickering a lot lately.
Since Reckless Abandon signed, they’ve been down in London recording, and every time he comes home, we find something to argue about. I find something to argue about. And with each argument, the silence between us only grows.
He mumbles a no.
I push his hair out of his forehead, and run my fingers over his clammy skin. “Cole and I are in a fight too.”
“What did you do this time?”
My hand stills. “Why do you think it was me?”
“Because it’s always you, Rix.” A choked laugh cuts his throat. “Just like it’s always me.”
Bitterness coats my tongue. “Do you ever think we’re just not meant for this?”
“This? You mean happiness?” He cracks an eye open and peeks up at me. I nod. “All the fucking time.” He curls a hand around my wrist, the one permanently inked for Cole, and squeezes. “But we’re still holding on, right?”
Air lodges in my lungs. “Always.”
“Things will be okay.” Despite the slurred tone, he sounds so fucking sure. All I want is to believe him. “Better days, Rix. Just you wait.”
“Yeah.”
I stroke my fingers through his hair as silence curls around us.
It’s not long until his breath softens and he’s slobbering all over me in his slumber.
My stomach knots as I try to smooth the creases from his brow with my thumb.
Saint’s been getting worse lately.
The highs, the lows.
If I didn’t know him so well, I’d be worried. With all the changes happening around us, it’s not all that surprising. Pretty soon, the guys will be off chasing their dreams and nothing will ever be the same again.
I slide deeper into the worn, velvet couch, my head lolling on the back as I zero in on the flickering lightbulb. My lashes flutter closed, my heart sitting too heavy in my chest.
I chase the darkness and let my dreams whisk me away to a brighter world.
Creaking wood cuts thought the quiet.
My eyelids flicker.
I scrub at them, moaning as the haze dims, and moonlight slithers into my periphery. The door slaps against the wall. I glance over my shoulder.
Carter looms in the frame. He watches both Saint and me for a long beat, his lips tugging down and his shoulders sagging. Phone in his hand, he drags his thumbs over the screen and steps into the shed.
“We’ve been looking everywhere for you two,” he says.
“You can't have looked hard,” I murmur, trying not stir Saint who is still snoring as I shuffle myself upright. “We've been in here the whole time.”
“You couldn’t text one of us to let us know that you’d slinked off?”
“You’re kidding, right?” I scoff. “Did any of you text me when you fucked off to God knows where? I was looking for you all for over an hour. I tried calling, texting, and not one of you could be bothered to pick up your phones and let me know where you were.”
Carter’s face falls and he steps closer. “We had something to do.”
“Cool. Glad we cleared that up.”
I ease Saint off me, tug down the worn blanket from the back of the touch, and drape a blanket over him.
He rolls onto his side with a soft grumble.
I suck in a breath as I face Carter. “I’m gonna head out.”
“Where are you going?” Carter asks.
I don’t answer him.
Saint's arms creeps out, warm, sweat-slicked fingers curling around my wrist. A gentle squeeze, and my stomach drops. I lean down and place a kiss to the centre of his head before peeling his hand away and stepping away.
Carter watches me closely as I slip around him. “Will you look after Saint?”
His gaze slants over me, searching my expression.
Then, he nods. “We’ve got him.”
“Good.”
I start for the door, but Carter wraps his hand around my bicep and pulls me into his chest.
He winds his arms around my back, tight and unyielding as he props his chin on top of my head. Every muscle in my body tightens. There was a time I could fall into any of these guys' arms and feel like I was coming home.
Now it all just feels empty.
“We love you. You know that, right?” Carter whispers, combing the ends of my hair with his fingers. “You’re our favourite girl.”
I bite down on my tongue, hard enough to taste the bitter tang of blood. “Uh-uh.”
“You and Cole will figure things out, and everything’s gonna be great. Tell me you know that.”
“I know.”
I blink away hot stinging, tears, my hands clenched into fists as I push Carter back gently.
He inches away, eyes hard as they burn into me.
I keep my expression blank. “I need to go. I’ve gotta be up early tomorrow to get back to uni.”
“But we were meant to hang out,” he says. “Just us.”
“It’s a bit too late in the day for that now.”
“I’m sorry, Rix.”
I pause in the doorway, my hand tight around the handle.
Twisting my fingers together, I glance over my shoulder.
“Yeah.” A short breath puffs from me. “Me too.”
I tug the door open.
Bitter air smacks me in the face, sinking into my already ice-filled veins.
My knees are heavy as I trudge through the now-quiet garden, and out of the side gate. The last thing I want is to deal with the disappointed faces of all my friends when they realise I’m dipping out before the night is over.
I’m already halfway down the street when I hear my name called from behind.
I spin, hugging my arms around my middle as Axel races after me.
“Hey, where you—” He halts, glancing over my pale, wind-blown face, my pebbled arms. “Fuck, Rix. You’re frozen.” He peels his zip-up hoodie off and drapes it over my shoulders. “Why are you leaving? The party’s wrapped up now. Cole’s just ordered pizza and we’re gonna watch a film or something.”
“I need to get home.”
“You never go home.” He frowns and wraps an arm around my back. I flinch. He looks down at me, his eyes creasing. “Did we do something?”
I shake my head. “Never.”
Unlike Carter, Axel can’t handle the fight simmering inside me. Not that any of them deserve my ire. It’s just easier to sit in anger than any of the other unspoken emotions swirling constantly through me.
I shake Axel off and press a kiss to his cheek. “I gotta go.”
He watches me for a long, silent beat.
Then, he drags me into his chest in a suffocating hug. “We love you.”
“I know.”
“You’re coming back to say bye before you leave tomorrow, right?”
“Yeah, of course.” I force a smile as I step out of his reach. “I’ll see you all tomorrow.”
I’m gone before sunrise without saying goodbye.