Chapter 50
Itake a deep breath before I open the door to the chapel where I know I’ll find Jessie. He’s barely come out of here these past few days and when I find him asleep with his head resting on the table I quietly step toward him and touch my hand on his shoulder.
“What?” He startles awake, searching around the room, until he looks at Prez’s empty seat and remembers why he’s hurting. I watch the sadness cloud his eyes and it breaks my heart that I’m about to add some more to them.
“Ella got a call from the prison governor this morning.” Tears prickle my eyes as I deliver the news he’s been expecting for days. “I’m sorry, Jess.” I have no idea how to comfort him as I watch the tears that he’s been holding back finally stream from the corner of his eyes.
He reaches out and takes a cigarette from the pack that’s resting on the table, then after he’s lit it he stares vacantly at the space in front of him.
“Do the others know?” he asks eventually.
“No, Ella wanted you to be the first.” I stroke my hand over his arm, as he remains focused on the oak table and slowly nods his head.
“Do we know who did it?” he croaks.
“The governor didn’t give any information, he told Ella it was under investigation, but?—”
“I’ll find out,” he cuts me off, his jaw clenching tight as all that hurt in his eyes turns to rage.
“Jessie, I know this is hurting, but you have to remember it’s the way he wanted to go out, and the more I think about it, the more I realize he was right. You can’t get all tied up in vengeance, not now.”
I don’t know if anything I’m saying to him is sinking in, he’s far too distant and when he stands up from his seat and steps toward the doors, I follow him onto the chapel porch and stand beside him as he looks out at the empty yard. It’s still too early for anyone else to be awake, and everything out here looks so peaceful, the birds chirping to each other from nearby trees is the only sound that can be heard.
“You don’t have to be strong today, Jessie,” I tell him, but he doesn’t seem to take in what I’ve said. Instead, he storms across the yard to his bike, starting the engine and tearing through the silence as he revs his throttle and skids out the yard.