Chapter 14
S omething isn’t right.
My mind stirred, drifting back into reality. My eyes were closed. I was clearly asleep a moment ago. But I wasn’t at home. I couldn’t feel my usual comforter wrapped around me like a cocoon, and there was no toasty Florida sun streaming through my window. Instead, I was engulfed in the smell of air freshener, cardboard, and a familiar light, earthy cologne.
A deep ache strained my pelvis, and I remembered everything.
I was just about to leave Critical Games. I told Devin I was dropping because I didn’t feel well. He tried to stop me, and…
“C’mon Avery, wake up.”
I was suddenly aware of the thick sweatshirt fabric cradling my back and legs.
I had fainted.
And Devin was carrying me into the storage room .
He knelt down, and I felt cold, hard plastic beneath my body as he settled me into a chair. His hands gripped my shoulders as he gently rustled me awake.
I finally had the strength to open my eyes. My vision was blurry at first, but I knew that pale face and mop of choppy black hair.
“What happened?” I mumbled in a bleary tone.
“You passed out,” Devin replied. Once he was convinced that I wouldn’t topple out of my chair, he released his grip on my shoulders and pulled out his phone. As he furiously typed with one hand, I continued to regain consciousness, my vision sharpening and my mind becoming more aware of my surroundings.
It’s even more of a mess in here than it was last week.
I winced as another deep, throbbing ache stabbed at my pelvis.
“What are you doing?” I asked Devin through clenched teeth as I fought through the pain.
He stopped typing and looked up. “I’m calling an ambulance.”
“What? No! I’m oka—”
“Avery, you fainted! You’re clearly not okay!”
Devin’s sudden, sharp words made me snap my mouth shut. I wasn’t used to him yelling, but I could see the flickers of concern in his eyes.
He sighed, scratching the back of his neck. “Sorry. Pardon my tone. But healthy people don’t just pass out like that. Has this happened to you before?”
I hesitated before squeaking out a “yes.” My period had caused me to faint a few times over the years. It always ended the same way – those around me freaking out and calling 911 while I frantically reassured them that I was fine. I was even once forced by paramedics to sign a denial of care waiver so they would pack up and leave.
I was not going to a hospital over a goddamn period.
Devin stood up straighter, crossing his arms over his chest. “Do you know keeps causing you to faint?”
Yes.
But there was no way I could tell him. Even though I’d escaped the clutches of my religious family five years earlier, discussing menstruation with others still made my insides churn.
Especially men.
“It’s nothing,” I huffed. I attempted to stand up, but Devin pressed his hands into my shoulders and forced me back down. “Just let me go home.”
Devin snorted and raised an eyebrow. “Have I ever told you that you’re the most stubborn person I know?”
I shrugged, in too much pain to fire back at Devin’s snarky tone.
“Alright.” Devin slid his phone into the back pocket of his jeans. “Here’s how this is going to go. You either tell me what’s going on, or I’m calling an ambulance.”
My eyebrows furrowed as anger bubbled in my stomach. I’d just been pathetically pining for this man twenty minutes ago, and now he was giving me ultimatums like I was a child.
I opened my mouth, ready to tell Devin who I thought was stubborn, when a pang of sadness washed over my aching body. Devin wasn’t acting like this to be an ass. He was acting like this because he was worried. Because even though I’d callously rejected him a week earlier, he still viewed me as his friend. He still cared about me, and I’d just fainted right in front of him and refused to tell him what was wrong.
I needed to suck it up and tell him the truth.
Goddamn you, Dev.
Why must you be so nice?
“It’s…” The words struggled to roll off my tongue. “It’s just my period.”
Devin’s narrowed eyebrows suddenly raised with confusion and concern. “It’s that bad?”
I nodded.
He gave a deep, heaving sigh as he pulled his phone back out. “Alright. No ambulance. But I still think you can see a doctor.”
“For a period ?”
“Look, Avery…” Devin plopped down in the chair next to me. “I have three older sisters and an ex-wife. I know I’m a guy, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t supposed to hurt this much. And it’s certainly not supposed to make you pass out. Besides, can’t bad periods be a symptom of other health issues?”
Devin’s words sent a lightbulb snapping on in my mind. Maybe he was right. I’d never been able to sit through a full gynecology exam, so I had no idea if there was anything wrong with my reproductive system.
And the thought of there being a cure for these god-awful periods was enticing.
“Alright,” I sighed. “I’ll go see a doctor.”
Devin looked relieved. “There’s an emergency room up the street. They take walk-ins.”
“I’m not going to th—”
“You should, Avery. They can run tests and figure out what’s wrong with you. Tonight. Don’t you want to feel better?”
I clenched my teeth as another wave of pain shook my body. “Yes.”
“Good.” Devin stood up. A loud rubbery whir echoed across the cheap tile as he pushed his chair in. “Now let’s go.”
I froze. “ We?”
“Yes.”
“Devin.” I frowned. “I can drive myself.”
“Not when you’re hunched over in pain every five minutes,” he replied in a flat, sharp tone. One that indicated there was no talking him out of this. “Besides, didn’t you ride here with Cass?”
Shit.
My eyes flicked to the doorway. In the main storefront, the low drone of chattering voices carried into the breakroom. I didn’t want to pull Cassidy away from prerelease. Like me, she’d had a rough week, and she deserved to have fun tonight.
“Don’t you have a shop to run?”
“Jordan will be fine without me.” Devin stepped toward the doorway, gripping my bicep with his hand as I struggled to walk. In any other situation, Devin’s touch would’ve sent warm pulses buzzing through my skull like caffeine. But right now, I was in too much pain to care.
“Fine,” I grumbled. “Let’s go.”
“Great.”
More pain, this time so severe it nearly made me fall over.
“Here, hold onto me,” he wrapped an arm across my shoulder. “Otherwise, I’m gonna have to carry you again.”
I scoffed. His tone almost sounded flirtatious.
We approached the front door, barely noticed by the busy prerelease players in the opposite room. And I realized that in a sick, twisted way, I’d gotten my wish. Devin was talking to me again. We’d still have to discuss that night eventually, but at least he was no longer pretending that I didn’t exist.
Maybe he didn’t hate me.
Maybe we could still be friends.
As we strode across the parking lot, I collapsed in the middle of the road. My muscles tensed as his hands gripped my legs and back, once again lifting me up .
“It’s a good thing you’re tiny,” Devin chuckled as he walked across the parking lot, carrying me in his arms. Once again, the softness of his sweatshirt fabric contrasted with the firmness of his grip, and I had to resist the urge to press my head against his chest.
My heart plummeted.
I was never going to get over him.
I had never been inside Devin’s car before, and being lowered into the passenger seat sent a weird tingle down my spine. It made me suddenly aware of how little I knew about him outside the realm of the game shop.
It felt so foreign, but it was also exactly what I had expected. The car was a dark grey Ford Escape, not brand-new but no more than a few years old. The backseat was piled with cardboard boxes full of bulk C&C cards, but the interior looked freshly vacuumed without any crumbs or dust on the floorboards. A set of fuzzy dice hung from the rearview mirror, bright red and shaped like d20s.
I slumped in my seat as Devin hopped in and turned his key in the ignition. The car roared to life as incredibly loud punk rock music blared from the speakers.
“Sorry,” Devin muttered, turning the stereo down and flipping the transmission into reverse. I slouched down further, my body curling in on itself as another wave of pain pummeled my abdomen. I gritted my teeth and squeezed my eyes shut, determined to ride out the worst of it without making a sound. I didn’t want Devin to think I was being dramatic.
Once the pain dulled to a low ache, I sat up and tilted my head to the left. Devin was silent, his glassy gaze focused on the road. He looked deep in thought, and I studied his shadowy form in the hazy evening light. He had one arm hanging over the steering wheel, driving with the bottom of his tattooed wrist, while the other hand was plopped on his lap. He wore different jewelry every time I saw him, and tonight that hand was adorned with a black wristband and two silver rings. His fingernails tapped nonchalantly against his jeans as he drove, and an overwhelming ache to slip my hand in his washed over my aching body.
I huffed, quashing the feeling like a candle being snuffed out.
We came to a rolling stop at an intersection, and when it became clear it would be a while until the light turned green, Devin sighed and grabbed the bottom of his sweatshirt. He pulled it over his head, tossing it in the backseat atop the cardboard boxes. His tattooed arms were once again on full display, and it sent a pang of longing down my pain-riddled abdomen.
But it also made my heart ache. Even with the sun almost gone, it was still eighty-five degrees outside, and the car’s air conditioning did little to fight off the swampy humidity. I knew Devin took the sweatshirt off because he was warm.
But he also took it off because he had nothing to hide anymore. I’d already seen his scars. I already knew his secrets. And it made me realize that a part of him still trusted me. It made me hope that no matter how badly I’d fucked things up, no matter how callously I’d broken his heart, that we could move past this and be friends.
I gulped. The problem was that I didn’t want to be friends.
I want to be so much more than frie —
“Gah!” I yelped as my weary body prepared for another round of cramping. My temples throbbed as my fingernails dug into my lower stomach, and I cursed myself for vocalizing my pain. It’s just period cramps. Stop being so dramatic…
“Here.”
Devin’s voice was soft, but the car had been so silent that it rattled my eardrums. I managed to stop shaking enough to turn my head, and I noticed his open palm was resting on top of the center console.
“What?”
“You can squeeze my hand if you need to.”
A hot bolt of electricity shot through my body, one nearly as painful as my period cramps. My head was swirling with emotions—embarrassment, guilt, fear…but mostly more longing. I’d just fantasized about holding his hand a minute ago, and now here he was offering my heartless self comfort when I didn’t deserve it.
“I’m fine, thanks.”
To my surprise, Devin didn’t pull his hand away. It remained an open invitation just a few inches away from me, and it sent burning pangs of regret through my chest.
It was now nearly dark, but I could hear a long, slow exhale radiating from the driver’s seat.
“I wish you’d just tell me why you left last Sunday.”
That simple sentence was the most pain I’d felt all night. I peered back over at Devin, and I could see the tension on his face. It strained his cheeks and throat and made his eyes look dull. All this time, I’d assumed he was angry. That he hated me. But he wasn’t. He was just…sad.
I opened my mouth, wanting to say a thousand things and yet unable to utter a sound. For Devin, he had nothing left to hide. I already knew his secrets. I couldn’t imagine how hard it was to discuss his past, and there I was, too afraid to confess to the man I claimed to want, too afraid to rip open my wounds and be vulnerable .
Devin was the strongest person I knew.
And I was a coward.
Even if I wasn’t paralyzed by my own guilt, I was out of time to give him an answer. Devin’s car slowed as we pulled into a parking lot, and the blindingly white Emergency Room sign sent a new kind of fear galloping through my veins.
I hated hospitals.
“Here.” Devin pulled his key out of the ignition, and the car fell silent. “I’ll walk you in.”
As I stepped out of the car, he offered me his hand again, but I muttered that I was fine and stumbled past him. It was only a few hundred feet from the car to the entrance, but it felt like miles as I struggled to put one foot in front of the other.
Another wave of pain made my knees buckle, and I felt a firm hand tug me upright.
“C’mon, Avie. You can do it.”
He wrapped an arm around my back, and I tried not to focus on how his embrace made my nerves tingle as he dragged me through the giant, automatic glass doors.
It was bright, white, and sterile, and it immediately made me want to vomit. Devin noticed this, and he gripped me tighter as we approached the reception desk.
After chugging through the formalities and paperwork with pain in my abdomen that nearly rivaled childbirth, I plopped down on a hard, teal-colored cushion next to Devin. Now all that was left was to sit in the fluorescent nightmare of a waiting room while my fear of hospitals ate me alive.
“Have you ever noticed how hospital chairs are always the same color?”
“What?” I shook my head, the spontaneity of his odd question jolting my already frayed nerves .
He slid his phone into his pocket. “Every time I’ve ever visited a hospital, the chairs are always the same color. It’s like a…dull teal-green. I call it hospital green.”
My eyes flicked down at the cushion beneath my legs. He did have a point.
“Vomit green would be a better name for it.”
Devin chuckled. “Speaking of which, are you alright? You look sick, and not just from your period cramps.”
“I hate hospitals,” I muttered. Ever since I was a child, I’d never been a fan of visiting the doctor. And the fact that I was about to have my genitals poked and prodded was amplifying that dislike into cold, raw fear.
“Me too,” Devin sighed. “Have you ever been in an ER before?”
“No.”
“Well, let me give you the rundown. The first thing they always do is give you an IV.”
My face immediately paled, and Devin patted me on the back.
“Don’t like needles?”
“No. I hate them.”
“Funny enough, despite all this—” Devin gestured toward his tattoos and scars. “—I do too. But the IV means they won’t have to stick you again if they need to give you meds.”
“Alright.” My posture softened. I could handle one needle if it meant not dealing with multiple. “What’s next?”
“They’ll probably run some tests. CT scan, ultrasound, stuff like that. Until they figure out what’s wrong with you. And after that…well, it depends on what they find.”
I nodded, clasping my hands together to keep them from trembling. My legs were restless, and I bounced up and down on the tips of my toes as we waited. Devin, on the other hand, was completely still, lazily scrolling through his phone as if he were waiting at the DMV. It occurred to me that Devin knew much more about emergency rooms than I would expect from the average person. Then my eyes drifted back to his bare forearms, and a pang of sadness crept into my heart.
“You know, you don’t have to stay.” My shoulders slumped. “Cass can pick me up later.”
Devin looked up from his phone, giving me a suspicious glare. “You’re trembling like a chihuahua, and you want me to leave you here alone?”
I huffed, clenching the muscles in my arms. Crap. He’s right. I am shaking.
“I am not.”
To my surprise, he reached out and rubbed my shoulder. It made me want to both flinch away and sink into his touch, just like it had all night.
“You remember how I told you earlier that you’re the most stubborn person I know?”
“Uh… yes?”
I didn’t know where he was going with this.
“Well…” He cocked his head, a motion that I found adorable despite my situation. “You’re also a bad liar.”
I frowned. “I—”
“Avery Murphy?”
I snapped my mouth shut at the sound of my name.
Dread settled in my stomach like a rock as I stood up, fear thumping in my chest with every step I took toward the nurse. My nerves quelled slightly when I felt Devin’s presence at my backside. He walked just a few inches behind me, ready to assist if another wave of pain made me fall over.
The nurse led me into a small, tiled room that smelled sickeningly of disinfectant and latex gloves. Another nurse, one wearing a surgical mask, awaited me at one of those extra-wide benches with large armrests. It was the same vomit green as the seats outside, and I knew exactly what it was for.
“Alright,” she settled me into the oversized chair as she fiddled with her syringes. I was painfully aware of every heartbeat as they pounded like a gong in my chest.
Devin knelt next to me, once again offering his hand. This time I took it, squeezing tight as the nurse wrapped a tourniquet around my other arm. I winced. The tight rubber was almost as painful as the injection itself.
“Ready?”
I took a deep breath. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster at Disney World, about to take the big plunge.
My whole body jolted as the needle breached my skin. I hated the burning sensation it created, like acid being injected into my veins. I could feel my other hand, the one currently locked with Devin’s, grow damp and clammy with nervous sweat. I was embarassed, but Devin only squeezed my hand tighter. The pressure was reassuring, like a weighted blanket.
I knew I needed to think of something soothing to get through this. So I let my mind flip back to that night, feeling Devin’s lips pressed against mine and his arms gripping my back. I imagined myself embracing him, engulfed by him, like nothing else in the world mattered… and the nerves in my stomach settled.
“There,” the nurse announced as she taped a cotton ball to my arm. “All done. Now, grab your things and I’ll escort you to a room.”
I locked eyes with Devin as I stood up, my arm still sore and stiff from the blood draw.
“You really don’t have to stay,” I insisted.
Devin chewed his bottom lip, his soft, gentle eyes locked on mine. “I know you’re scared, and I don’t want to leave you in a hospital all alone. The shop is fine, really. It’s only two miles up the street, and Jordan can text me if he needs anything.”
I swallowed hard as tears pooled in my eyes. Devin was no longer just a concerned friend. His insistence on staying, his desire to comfort me when I was scared, was his affection welling to the surface.
“Okay.” I took his hand and pulled him upright. He placed a hand on my shoulder as we walked into the main ward of the hospital. It was then I realized how much comfort his presence truly brought me. I was a stubborn person, and I would brave the hospital alone if I had to. But there was no denying that I would be terrified.
I felt guilty for keeping him from the game shop.
But I also felt incredibly grateful.
“Hey Devin?” I asked as we walked down the eerily bright hallway.
“Yes?”
I smiled. A true, genuine, warm smile. “Thank you. For everything.”
He smiled back. His eyes burned with affection, the same way they had last week.
“For you, always.”