Chapter 17
C assidy and I spent the rest of the day together. We browsed through the mall the entire afternoon, alternating between trying on clothes in the department stores and sitting in the bookstore café with iced coffees and piles of fantasy novels.
By the end of the day, we both had a small pile of shopping bags dumped on the floor next to our café table. But it wasn’t just the thrill of bringing home new dresses and books that had me feeling relaxed and content. Shopping at a mall was nostalgic; it reminded me of my time as a teenager with my old high school friends, taking silly photos of ourselves in homecoming dresses until the sales clerk kicked us out. It was a time before online shopping and home deliveries, when malls were still the epicenter of activity on the weekends.
Now, the tiny mall near our condo was too decrepit to step foot into; full of empty storefronts, twitchy fluorescent lighting, and a dirty food court that even the popular fast-food chains had abandoned. Cassidy swore it was cursed. I joked that it was so creepy that they should run a haunted house there in October.
We had driven thirty minutes into the city center to shop at the bigger mall, one of the few left in Orlando worth visiting. After browsing the bookstore for another hour, we chucked our coffee cups and packed our acquired goods into my Camry. Cassidy teased me about popping into Critical Games and messing with Devin. After all, it was on our way home. I said hell no. I was not going to harass my new boyfriend while he was working.
“I don’t think you’ll be the one doing the harassing,” Cassidy replied with a smirk.
“Oh shut up.”
We stopped to go grocery shopping on the way home, and Cassidy insisted that we load up on ice cream. We spent the evening playing co-op games on her PlayStation, and once the sun set, we broke out the sugary desserts and watched YouTube videos until it was nearly midnight.
Once I’d finished my ice cream and tiredness began to seep into my bones, I turned off the television and rolled off the couch. Cassidy was asleep on the loveseat, her tall figure squished onto the tiny couch with a blanket draped over her legs. Her empty ice cream pint was on the floor, with wet drops of condensation dripping onto the linoleum. I chuckled as I scooped up her empty container and tossed it in the trash.
It had been months since we’d hung out like this. Spending a whole day together, laughing, talking, having conversations about our lives. We’d been living more like roommates and less like best friends ever since we moved in together.
I took a long, deep breath of contentment as I settled under the comforters in my dark bedroom.
It had been a good day.
And Sunday would be even better .
I’d texted Devin sporadically throughout the evening when he wasn’t busy with Wargavel , and now that I was alone in bed, I missed him. I both loved and despised the feeling. On one hand, I was thrilled that we were finally together. But I also felt weird about pining for a man I was yet to have a proper date with.
Either way, the thought of him sent warm, fuzzy pulses through my body as I succumbed to sleep. And I ended up dreaming about him that night.
I woke up earlier than usual the next morning. I spent extra time on my hair, making sure my curls were perfect ringlets instead of a frizzy mess. I laid three sundresses on my bed before deciding on a light purple one, and I slipped a quartz crystal necklace that Cassidy had given me over my head. It settled perfectly in the center of my chest, right above my cleavage. Which, conveniently, this dress showed off a tiny bit of.
It was perfect. Which meant Cassidy immediately commented on it once I walked out the door.
“Aw, dressing up for your boyfriend?”
I glanced down, smoothing out the bottom of my dress. “Well, I figured I wouldn’t go to dinner with him in jeans and a t-shirt.”
Cassidy’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. “Oh, I forgot! Your date is right after the shop closes. Well, I hope you two have fun.”
“We will.”
“Let me know if you need any… privacy in the townhouse afterward.”
“Cass! It’s just dinner. I’m not ready for that yet. ”
A smug smile made her eyes narrow. “You certainly were when you were drugged.”
“Oh my god,” I scoffed as I grabbed my purse off its hanger. “You’re as impossible as he is. Now let’s go.”
My heart was giddy with happiness by the time Cassidy and I made it through the doors of Critical Games.
The shop was packed for Creatures the way his touch seeped into my skin like a healing balm.
I couldn’t help but smile to myself as we wrapped up our session.
Devin was always going to drive me nuts.
And I would always be wanting more of it.
I lingered around the shop after Creatures I took after my mom. I even did a few solo pieces at our concerts, and I competed in the state choir competition every year.”
“Wow,” Devin replied. “I’d love to hear you sometime. It’s funny, because I can’t sing worth crap, but here’s something not many people know about me - I can play piano.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah. Years of lessons plus playing in my dad’s church every Sunday. Once I broke free of all that, I started learning songs that weren’t just religious hymns. But I’m pretty out of practice. I really need to get a keyboard for my condo.”
I nodded, digging through my mental archives and wondering if I knew any public places with a piano for customers to use. Orange Blossom Coffee came to mind; they had an old one tucked away in the corner of their shop.
“Well, I want to hear you play. There’s a coffee shop downtown with a piano.”
“Only if I get to hear you sing.”
“Not in public.” My cheeks flushed. “I just sing in the car. And shower.”
Devin laughed. “I remember you singing in my car the night I drove you home.”
“That doesn’t count. I was way too drugged to sing properly.”
He shrugged. “It was still cute.”
The waitress arrived, placing two glasses of water and a heaping plate of pita bread on the table. In the middle of the place was a small dish with a tan-colored spread that had the consistency of hummus, but a slight pinkish tint.
Devin picked up a piece of pita bread, giving me a suspicious glare as he held it above the dip.
“Go on,” I taunted. “It’s not like I’m trying to poison you.”
He laughed, dipping the bread in and taking a large bite. He chewed for a few moments, his face quizzical as he wondered what sort of strange food I was having him try.
“That’s pretty good,” he commented. “It’s…sour. What is it?”
I giggled. Devin rolled his eyes.
“C’mon, what is it?”
“It’s fish eggs.”
Devin’s eyebrows furrowed. “Wait, really?”
“Yup. ”
“It doesn’t taste like it,” he pulled out his phone, and I knew he was looking it up. “Damn, you’re right. Huh.”
“I took Cass here once. I told her what it was, and she wouldn’t touch it.”
Devin shrugged as he grabbed another piece of pita bread. “I’ll eat anything. Especially seafood. That’s another thing about me: in addition to his church activities, my dad loved fishing. In his free time, he was always fixing up boats. I was his helper from the time I could walk.”
“Wow. So you grew up out on the water?”
“Yup.” He took another bite of pita bread. “Every family vacation revolved around the boat. Even today, being out by the water brings me so much inner peace. I miss the beach. I haven’t been out there in months. Which is funny, because I sunburn in like five minutes.”
“I love the beach.” The thought of soft, warm sand under my feet as the shoreline lapped at my toes caused a wave of pleasure to wash over me.
“We’ll have to go sometime,” Devin smiled as he finished off the last of our appetizer.
I loved that idea. Spending a sunny afternoon out by the water with someone who I cared so deeply about sounded heavenly. And this time, there would be no fear, no anxiety, no impending worry for what was to come that night. I had never been on a date with someone who made me feel so free. So much like myself.
Someone who took my worries and insecurities away with a single adoring smile.
Our food arrived, and we spent the next ten minutes alternating between eating and engaging in more conversation. I learned all the little details about Devin. He was the youngest of four siblings, and the only boy. He was left-handed, something I’d noticed while he held his fork. His natural hair color was a dark chocolate brown, and he griped about how annoying hair dye could be while I giggled. When he was younger, he used to wear eyeliner and paint his nails black, although he fell out of many of his goth tendencies as he got older.
Which made a question pop into my head. One that was awkward to ask, but was one that I needed to know.
“Uh, Dev?”
“Yes?”
“Exactly how…uh, how old are you?”
Devin stifled a laugh, which turned into a cough as he chewed his food. “Yeah, I knew that question was going to come up. You’re what, twenty-seven?”
“Almost. My birthday is next month.”
“Oh damn, what day?”
“The tenth.”
Devin’s eyes widened. “Shit, that’s just a few weeks away. I need to start planning.”
“You don’t have to—”
“Oh hush,” he laughed, placing his fork on the table. He leaned back in his chair. “Well, I am quite a bit older than you.”
“How much older?”
“I’ll be thirty-six in December.”
I nodded, slowly absorbing the information as I swallowed a bite of salad. That age was about what I’d expected. In some ways, Devin looked very young, being clean-shaven with a full head of shaggy black hair. He had a youthful face, but his eyes had always had a melancholy aura around them. I wondered if having a difficult life in his twenties had aged him.
“That’s not an issue, is it?” He suddenly looked concerned. “I mean…we’re both adults.”
I smiled. “No, it’s not. I always knew you were older. As long as you don’t mind that I’m younger.”
Devin scoffed. “Please, you’re a hell of a lot more mature than I was at your age.”
We finished up our meals, engaging in more small talk and silly comments until the waitress came by with our bill.
Devin snatched it before I even had a chance to glance at the total.
“Thank you,” I said warmly, blushing as he pulled out a black wallet with silver studs.
“No worries.”
He slid his arm across the table, offering an outstretched hand. I took it, lacing his fingers through mine, and my blushing cheeks turned a vibrant shade of crimson.
I still couldn’t believe Devin and I were on a date.
But it had been a nice one. Maybe even the nicest one I’d ever been on.
It got even nicer once we made it back to Critical Games. Before I could even begin to say goodbye, he swept me into his arms. I kissed him eagerly as I leaned against the passenger side of his car, my whole body sinking into the door. I never wanted it to end. I even considered making a joke about slipping away to the storage room for some privacy.
As he pulled away, he cupped my face in both hands. We were both grinning like idiots as he pressed his forehead against mine.
“Goodnight Avie.”
“Goodnight Dev.”
“Text me when you get home, okay?”
“Of course.”
He gave me one more quick kiss before climbing into the driver’s seat and turning on the car. I watched from the dark parking lot as he drove away, blending into the sea of headlights on the main road.
We’d had a wonderful first date .
I drove home in silence, keeping my music off, and returned to my bedroom where I would sleep alone tonight. I knew that the more time I spent with him, the more I’d ache for intimacy. Frustration curdled my insides as I pondered what cruelty it was to have a sex drive yet be unable to perform the act.
I needed him. But I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know when I’d be ready.
And that was the part that scared me.
My phone buzzed shortly after I crawled into bed, and in my stupid lovesick haze, I’d forgotten to let him know I arrived home.
Make it home okay?
Yes, I did, sorry!
I had a wonderful time. Did you?
Of course. Thank you for everything.
I know we’ve only been on one date, but just to confirm…you are my girlfriend, right?
I laughed, my cheeks prickling with heat again. It made my heart leap to have him call me that.
Of course! I had already assumed so.
Fantastic. Goodnight sweetheart. I’ll text you in the morning.
Goodnight Dev. Sleep well.
I spent the rest of the night lying in bed, lost in the sickly-sweet fog of infatuation. But despite my happiness, I couldn’t fall asleep. Because my bed suddenly felt far too big and empty for just me alone.
One thing at a time, I reminded myself as I stared up at the textured ceiling. You’ll get there.
Even if it took a while, Devin had sworn he would wait.
And I truly, deeply believed him.