Chapter 18
A single thought permeated my mind as I awoke the next morning.
I’d had one hell of a weekend.
I slunk out of bed and changed into shorts and a t-shirt while my coffee brewed in the kitchen. It was my usual morning routine before I hopped on my computer and clocked into work. It all seemed so ordinary, so mundane…it was hard to believe everything that had happened over the past few days was real.
It all flashed through my mind as I settled into work, digging through files and scanning through manuscripts with Devin heavy on my mind. I relived it all, from the harrowing experience at the hospital to the heart-fluttering kisses in the parking lot after our first date. It left me feeling giddy, weightless, and a bit distracted.
Twenty minutes later, my phone buzzed with a message, and in turn, it made my heart buzz with happiness .
Good morning sweetheart. I hope you’re having a good day at work.
As much as I wanted to spend my morning conversing with him, I had manuscripts to typeset, so I exchanged a few quick texts with Devin before putting my phone aside. He was off on Mondays, but that didn’t stop him from working. In addition to errands and chores, he planned to do some bookkeeping later that afternoon.
I loved how passionate Devin was about the shop. But I was also starting to realize that he was a workaholic.
It’s a shame we never have the same days off .
But with warm, happy thoughts of Devin pushed out of my mind for later, it allowed another new reality of my crazy weekend to sink in.
The hospital visit. My endometriosis.
I need to call that doctor.
I did so on my lunch break, and I discovered that the surgeon was incredibly busy. The next available consult was several weeks away. I swore I could feel my period cramps resurging as frustration boiled in my stomach.
But just as I was about to resign myself to another few weeks of suffering, the medical assistant I was on the phone with exclaimed that she’d found a cancellation. The problem was that it was that same day. At 3:30 pm. Which was during work hours.
I felt both relief at being able to see a doctor right away and dread at the thought of telling my uppity boss that I needed to use personal time on such short notice. But now that I knew what was wrong with me, there was no way I was going through another period cycle from hell. I wanted that surgery.
The other issue was that Lakeland was over an hour away, which meant I would need to clock out at 2 p.m. and prepare for a long drive ahead of me. I slipped away at 1:45 since I needed to fill up my tank, and snacked on a gas station coffee and pretzel on the way to the doctor’s office.
The gynecological surgeon was a specialist who was very familiar with endometriosis cases. They were one of the few surgeons in the area that performed the procedure, hence the 50-mile drive away from Orlando.
Once I got to the tiny office, I also realized the doctor was male.
It left me with a feeling of unease as I shook his hand. I’d only ever had female gynecologists. Not only was my religiously raised self uncomfortable with a man poking around down there, but I’d always had a bias against male doctors specializing in female anatomy. How could he possibly understand my condition? Would he be rough and callous like my previous gynecologist?
It turns out, my prejudices were mistaken. Dr. Rojas, a tall, tan-skinned man with thick glasses and an even thicker accent, quickly became my new favorite doctor. He was both knowledgeable and attentive, taking the time to explain my condition in full detail and answering my numerous questions. It nearly brought me to tears; after a decade of my symptoms being either brushed off or misdiagnosed, I felt acknowledged. I felt heard. I felt like it wasn’t all in my head.
When I brought up the laparoscopy, he immediately agreed to perform the procedure and send me in to meet with his surgery scheduler. He did make sure I was aware that he couldn’t definitively confirm my condition without the surgery, and that there was a chance they could be incorrect about me having endometriosis. But I didn’t care. Every symptom he’d described matched up with what I was experiencing. Even when it came to symptoms that I didn’t know were related, such as my sensitive stomach and digesti ve issues.
I wanted this surgery more than anything.
But it wouldn’t be immediate. The surgery was scheduled for the first Monday in July, exactly two weeks away. The scheduler explained that it was because they needed time to process everything through my health insurance. At least having the procedure two weeks away meant that I wouldn’t have to go through another period in severe pain.
I left the doctor’s office with a giant weight lifted off my shoulders. But a new one immediately came crashing down on me once I realized who I needed to call.
My parents.
Who I generally spoke with as little as possible.
I stared blankly at their number in my phone as I sat in my car. There was no way I could go through this surgery alone. The hospital wouldn’t even let me drive myself home coming off anesthesia, and I likely wouldn’t be able to take care of my stitched-up self for a few days. I needed them to come stay with me.
Which, after a brief phone call, my mother enthusiastically agreed to. She was shocked with I told her my initial diagnosis, expressing sympathy for not having picked up on my symptoms before.
It made my stressed-out heart soften. I loved my mother. Preconceptions aside, she was a warm, loving person, and I knew she missed me.
My father was a different story. Which meant that I was very surprised when my mother told me he would be coming along. She explained that he was worried about me, which nearly made me scoff. My father had never been one to show much emotion toward anything, let alone his own children. My brothers, who were fifteen and eighteen, were old enough to be left alone for a few days. I chuckled, wondering what sort of disaster my parents could come home to with two teenage boys ruling the house unattended .
Shortly after the call from my parents, I got a text from Devin. He wanted to know how I was doing, his message punctuated by a cute little heart emoji. I decided to take the initiative this time and asked when he was free again for dinner. He said the shop closed at 7 p.m. on Thursdays, so he could meet up with me then. I decided to take it a step further and asked him to take me to his favorite place in Orlando. He offered to pick me up from my townhouse, and I agreed, adding an extra layer of excitement by telling him to make our destination a surprise.
He loved it, sending me plenty of smiley faces and hearts throughout his texts. It made me feel light-headed and giddy the entire way home.
I couldn’t wait for Thursday.
Thankfully, the next few days of work flew by, and Devin’s surprise destination turned out to be a board game bar not far from Critical Games. Neither of us drank, but they had pretty good fantasy-themed food and a monstrous wall of games to pick from.
As much as I loved roleplaying and card games, I’d never played many board games. It turned out Devin was a huge fan of them. It made sense, as Critical Games was always well-stocked, and there was a small library of public board games available for patrons to freely play.
“I hadn’t played much either until I started running the shop,” Devin explained as he set up a game with a massive map. The tokens were cute woodland creatures, and I picked them up and studied the details of each one. They reminded me of Creatures to us, these conditions are terrifying,” Cassidy pondered. “Growing up, I was taught that all boys wanted was sex. As if that was all women were good for.”
I nodded in agreement, knowing that mindset all too well.
“Now that I’m older, I know that’s not the case,” she continued. “But it still lingers in the back of my mind. The idea that men need sex. But the way Aaron played it off like it wasn’t a big deal…it made me realize how much more there is to relationships. And that sexuality can look and feel different for people who aren’t ‘normal.’”
Cassidy’s last sentence clung to my mind. Since it would take time for me to heal and recover after the surgery, maybe Devin and I could find other ways to keep each other satisfied. But as a woman with little experience with intimacy, I had no idea what that would look like. Or where to start.
The thought lingered all weekend, even as Cassidy and I ran through our Saturday routine of chores and grocery shopping. I spent the evening alternating between playing video games and texting Devin. Although with a Wargavel tournament going on, it took him a long time for him to respond.
I fell asleep before he made it home, but I woke up the next morning to a beautiful message he’d sent well after midnight, just as he was crawling into his own bed.
Hey, I know you’re probably already asleep, but I just wanted to say goodnight. And tell you that this bed feels very empty without you. I know you’re not ready for intimacy, but I would still love to cuddle you all night.
I buried my face in my pillow as my cheeks burned. A month ago, I had no idea Devin could be so sappy. I didn’t even know he was capable of it.
But it was already 9 a.m., which meant I only had to wait a few more hours to see him at Creatures my belly was just swollen from inflammation .
Which means the issue was never my digestive system in the first place , I grumbled, remembering how my stomach pains had nearly cost me the first job I had when I moved to Orlando.
Dwelling on my health issues made thoughts of my impending surgery creep into my mind. A small bubble of anxiety formed in my stomach, one that not even the sight of my sweet boyfriend behind the counter could dissolve. It stayed there for the next few hours as we played Creatures he wore different rings every time I saw him, but I’d grown used to their familiar metallic chill against my skin.
“We can get food to-go if you want,” he offered. “Go to a park. Somewhere less hectic.”
I sighed with relief. That was exactly what I needed.
“Yes. That sounds great.”
We were near Baldwin Park, a ritzy neighborhood that had a walking path surrounding a large lake. The sun was just beginning to set, filling the air with a hazy, humid warmth that sunk into my skin and made my lungs loosen. The sky glowed a vibrant orange as we took a seat on a bench under the shade of a massive live oak tree. Since it was late in the day, we were mostly alone, except for the occasional jogger passing on the sidewalk.
Devin reached into our to-go bag and handed me a Styrofoam container full of tacos. They were delicious, but my anxiety was making my stomach issues even worse than usual. I finished two of them before handing the rest of the container to Devin.
“You done?”
“I’m not that hungry.”
“Avie…” He set his half-eaten container of tacos on the bench next to him, wrapping an arm around my back. “Do you want to talk?”
“I just…” My voice trailed off as my throat tightened again. “I don’t know if there’s much to talk about. I’m just nervous about my surgery. Am I overreacting?”
Devin shook his head. “No, that’s normal.”
“Have you ever had surgery?”
“Just wisdom teeth,” he replied. “It wasn’t that bad. I was really sore, but I got to skip my high school classes for a few days and lay in bed playing video games.”
I chuckled. “That does sound nice. But what about the surgery part?”
“Well, I was afraid of being put under, but honestly it happens so fast that you don’t have much time to think about it. It’s not like dreaming, where you feel a passage of time. One second you’re awake, then bam—you’re opening your eyes and the surgery is over. It’s wild.”
“That is a bit reassuring,” I replied, nestling my head into the crook of his neck. “Thank you, Dev.”
“Of course.”
He wrapped both arms around me and kissed my forehead. We remained that way, locked in a soothing embrace under the setting sun, for several minutes. I closed my eyes, trying my best to focus not on my surgery, but on how good it felt to have him hold me. The rhythmic rising and falling of his chest, combined with his thumping heartbeat, was a gentle remedy for my anxiety. I slowed my breaths until mine synced with his, and I became so relaxed that I nearly fell asleep.
“Here.” Devin shifted his hip, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “I have something that might make you laugh.”
“What’s that?”
“You, uh, have to promise you’ll never tell anyone about this.”
I raised my eyebrow, now itching with curiosity. “Of course. Now what is it?”
Devin unlocked his phone, scrolling through years of photos at rapid speed. I caught brief glimpses at some of them: silly selfies with friends, his sisters, and what looked like family pets. Finally, once he was almost fifteen years back, I saw a flash of white, and it turned my stomach upside down. Those were wedding photos.
But they were gone in less than a second, and as Devin slowed his scrolling, he tapped on a video. One from eighteen years ago, likely passed down from cloud storage through multiple phones. I could tell it was old, because it was small and grainy, nothing like modern-day phone cameras.
But I knew exactly who the scrawny teenager lying wide-eyed in a dental chair was.
He was much smaller and thinner, with his arms bare of tattoos and his hair still chocolate brown. But I knew that face, even if it was almost two decades younger.
And in the video, that face was mumbling incoherently about attending church.
“Oh my god,” I giggled. “Is that you?”
“Yup.” Devin shook his head. “My parents took this after I woke up from my wisdom teeth surgery. I’m absolutely stoned. I’m rambling about my childhood youth group for fuc k’s sake.”
As the video went on, and seventeen-year-old Devin bounced from topic to topic with little cohesion to his ramblings, I continued giggling with my head pressed against current Devin’s chest. He was right. This did make me feel better.
“The sad thing is, my dad stopped filming before the best part,” Devin said as the video ended.
“What was that?”
“I told one of the nurses I thought she was hot.”
I burst out laughing. “Well…was she?”
“She was like sixty.”
My laughter erupted into hyena cackling as my face flushed red. Devin playfully scowled and ruffled my curly hair.
“I’m just glad you’re less stressed now.” He smiled. “Even if it comes at my expense.”
“You’re the best.” I pressed my lips against his cheek.
Devin chuckled. “I try.”
We sat there, wrapped in each other’s arms, as we enjoyed the warmth and stillness of the evening sunset. From our spot on the bench, we had a perfect view of the lake, and I admired the way the melting orange sun cast a pastel glow on the inky water. In the distance, the faint rumbles of barking echoed from the nearby dog park, and a child’s joyful scream cut across the field as he chased a plump, irritated duck.
I was getting used to being with Devin—at least, in a dating sense. The feeling of his lips on mine and the way our fingers interlaced when we held hands were growing more familiar. More comfortable. I was no longer nervous like I was on our first date at the Greek café.
Instead, I felt completely at peace with him. Which is exactly what I’d been searching for through my months of online dating. Warmth. Comfort .
Finally, for the first time in almost a week, my anxiety about my upcoming surgery faded away.
Because at that moment, it was just me and him. Nothing else mattered.
Devin drove me home. I’d told him several times that I was perfectly capable of driving, though I noticed he always picked date spots that were close to my townhouse. But he’d explained that driving was something he enjoyed. He worked nearly sixty hours a week at Critical Games, and most of that time he was on his feet, bouncing from one task to another, surrounded by busy customers and plenty of noise. Being in the car was his one chance to sit down and relax. He could listen to music, focus on the road, and enjoy a brief period of solace.
“Plus.” Devin grinned as we pulled into my driveway. “It gives me more time to talk to you.”
I blushed, rubbing his shoulder. “I enjoy that too.”
“So…” Devin shifted the car into park and leaned back in his seat. “Am I going to see you again before your surgery?”
“Other than the game shop, no,” I sighed. “My parents are driving down from the panhandle on Sunday. They said they’d be here around three, and I’ll probably be entertaining them for the evening. They’ve never been down here before.”
“Really? You’ve lived in Orlando for five years and they’ve never come to visit?”
“Well, to be fair, I keep them at arm’s length,” I replied. “Although this time I don’t have much of a choice.”
Devin gave a long, deep exhale. “I hope it all goes well. I’ll miss you. Text me once you’re out of surgery.”
“That may not be a good idea. My texts will be gibberish if I’m high as a kite on anesthesia.”
“Exactly.” Devin’s usual devious grin returned to his face. “I eagerly await your drugged ramblings.”
“Devin…”
“I promise I won’t screenshot them.”
“You brat,” I scoffed, lightly shoving his shoulder. Devin took the opportunity to grab my arm and pull me in for a long, deep kiss.
When I broke the kiss a few seconds later, a sudden ache tugged at my chest. I desperately wanted him there with me when I had my surgery. In fact, I would’ve preferred him there over my parents. But there was a big, ugly elephant in the room, one that Devin and I both knew about but refused to acknowledge.
After only two weeks, I wasn’t ready to introduce my new boyfriend to my parents. But the bigger problem was that I feared ever introducing him. It didn’t matter how kind and sweet and wonderful Devin was, because my parents, with their uppity, staunch, traditional attitude, would take one look at his tattoos and piercings and write him off as a Satanic troublemaker.
They would never approve of him.
And it crushed my heart to think about it.
I lifted a hand to his face, brushing my fingers against his cheek. I slid a few strands of shaggy black hair out of his eyes and admired their sea-green beauty.
“I’ll miss you too,” I whispered, my voice both light and full of dreariness.
I turned my head away from him, studying both sides of the street. It was completely dark outside, and our driveway’s floodlights were broken. The car was completely cloaked in shadows, and there were no signs of pedestrians on the sidewalk .
We were alone.
And tonight was my last night with Devin before my surgery.
Fuck it. I stepped over the center console and into Devin’s lap, my legs straddling his hips. His eyes widened, both in alarm and intrigue, as a mischievous grin spread across his lips.
“Come here,” he rumbled in a low, hungry tone, grabbing my back and pulling me forward. He started with my neck, pressing kisses deep against my throat until I could feel the hard metal of his piercings on my skin. I didn’t hold back. I let out subtle gasps and cries as his hands explored me, feverishly and without restraint.
When they finally made their way up my legs and slipped under the skirt of my dress, I felt like I was about to explode with anticipation. The feeling of his hands rubbing my inner thighs made my cries louder and more heated.
This was dangerous.
But I couldn’t stop if I tried.
“Avie…” Devin rasped between breaths, the rawness of his voice unlike anything I’d ever heard from him. “My sweet, beautiful, sexy girl…”
He continued in his heavy tone, whispering all the things he wanted to do to me while his fingers trailed further up my thigh. Once they made it up to my underwear and he pressed a finger against my vulva, hot electricity jolted through every nerve in my body.
Curse my stupid, broken vagina.
I would’ve taken him right there in the front seat of his car if I could.
His hands moved up to my breasts, and he’d nearly pulled the collar of my dress down to expose them when the sound of a door slamming shook us back to reality.
I panicked, my arousal quickly replaced by adrenalin as I shot back into my own seat. It was a clumsy attempt; I ended up sideways with my legs still slayed over the center console. I pulled the skirt of my dress back down and the collar back up as I lay low and silent, fearing that someone would peep in the window at any moment.
“Avie,” Dev whispered. He was still upright in his seat, though his heavy breaths hadn’t returned to normal. “It’s just Cass.”
I lifted my head, peering out the passenger window. A tall, slim figure was bathed in the dull light of the front entryway. I squinted, and realized it was Cassidy grabbing a package off the front porch. She tucked the package under her arm and walked back inside without a single glance in our direction.
“Phew.” I let out a sharp exhale. I craned my neck around, locking eyes with Devin, and we both burst out laughing.
But as the humor died down, and we were left sitting alone in the car after our interrupted lustfulness, a deep sadness washed over both of us like a dampening blanket.
“Will I be able to see you at all while you’re recovering?” Devin asked, breaking the heavy tension in the air.
I sighed. “Probably not. My parents plan on being here all week.”
Devin cupped his hand around my cheek and gave me a final kiss, one that was difficult to pull my lips away from.
“Goodnight, sweetheart.”
I felt hollow inside as I stepped out of the car and watched his Escape back out of the driveway. I could barely make out the black car’s figure against the shadowy streets, only able to tell where it was by the ghostly white headlights. I stood in the entryway and watched until those lights disappeared, and the low hum of the engine faded away into silence .
Please don’t go.
My heart sank at the sad yet beautiful irony of those words, and I was left with nothing else to do other than walk through the front door and call it a night.