Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
They’d spent nearly four weeks mostly in his bed together, only getting up when he had to teach his classes or had meetings with Derek, or for her to work the few shifts on her schedule. It seemed Sadie and Luna had conspired to give her an awful lot of time off work.
She and Brody spent plenty of time with the rescue animals, and Brody had long talks with Reese and Arlo, taking notes. He and Arlo got along great, and they all had dinner together in one of the restaurants one evening. Claudia could only have been happier if Brody wasn’t leaving soon.
They had also played in the Dungeon again, and at his place.
Every time they went into a scene, he began by tying that delicate gold ribbon around her neck, and it quickly developed into a sort of muscle memory in which she started her journey into the dreamland that was subspace.
After, they’d get into the shower together, and he washed her so carefully, as if she was fragile, precious in some way, and it blew her mind how gentle this man could be with her.
How caretaking. Then they’d get back into his bed and stay there for hours.
He even insisted on giving her a massage when her leg cramped, his hands strong but tender.
They’d talk for hours and hours, about everything.
They talked about their favorite books and discovered they both loved visiting museums. They talked about the state of the world, wanting to do what they could to heal the climate.
Brody talked passionately about his goals, and what it meant to him that he now had some property so he could make that dream come true.
And he seemed truly interested when she talked of her dream of an organic garden and making her own botanical products.
Her ex had always blown it off as a silly idea, but Brody brainstormed ways to make it a profitable endeavor.
Everything about him was different, in the best way possible.
The sex was mind-blowing, even more so because he incorporated bits of kink here and there: pinching her, biting her, spanking her with his bare hand, then with a rice paddle he’d pulled from his toy bag.
When they got hungry he’d bring snacks to bed, where they watched movies, or talked late into the night.
He talked a lot about the rescue work he wanted to do when he got home, and she loved that he cared about animals so much.
For a huge, badass ex-football player and sadistic Dominant, he had the sweetest gentle side. It was a devastating combination.
They’d had one of their long, lovely days spent in bed in which he’d tied her up, made sure she came over and over again, spanked her, and then he made omelets for dinner, not allowing her to get up and help.
“I thought I was the submissive,” she commented.
“You are. And when I tell you to stay in bed, you’ll stay.”
She laughed. “You know that’s not what I meant. Aren’t I supposed to wait on you?”
He shrugged, a sparkle in his eye. “And you do, in exactly the way I want you to, pretty girl.” He brought a plate back to the bed, handed her a napkin, and cut a bite of omelet. “Tell me what you think.”
“You don’t have to feed me,” she said, feeling a bit self-conscious as he held the fork to her lips.
“Yeah, I do. Now take a bite,” he ordered.
She did. “Mmm. That’s good!”
“I took some online cooking classes when I left football,” he said. “Here, have some more.” He tucked another bite into her mouth, then took one himself.
“I’ve taken a lot of online cooking classes, too. I enjoyed it, and I learned a lot. But Brody, you really don’t have to wait on me like this.”
“Oh, but I do. Did you not know by now that I’m a service Top?”
“I know you’ve mentioned that before, but I suppose I’ve never really quite believed they existed. I just thought… I don’t know what I thought.”
“Well, we do exist. For me a really great kink dynamic is about serving each other’s needs—and that means it goes both ways. Power exchange, right? It should be a total energy exchange, in my mind. Or, that’s what works best for me, anyway.”
He held another bite of omelet to her lips, and this time she opened her mouth without being asked, then chewed thoughtfully.
“I have to say, I do like it. It just takes a little getting used to. I’ve always been the one to serve, in every capacity. And I’ve never been with a man who can cook, other than outside on the grill.”
“Oh, I can cook, and more than eggs. My newest thing is a Moroccan tagine. I ordered the perfect clay pot just for that, and it’s so damn good. And I finally convinced my mother to give me her famous lasagna recipe.”
“You haven’t talked much about your family,” she said, “other than mentioning you were close with them, that one night we talked by the firepit at Micah and Arrow’s place. You have one sister, if I remember correctly?”
“We’re all pretty close. And yeah, my sister Kylie is older by two years.
She’s married to a really good guy, Parker, and my niece is about to turn three.
Olivia is as sassy as her mother is—they have their hands full with that little girl, but she’s a lot of fun.
They live not far from my parents, so they see each other all the time.
And now that I’m no longer playing ball, I see them a lot, too.
I have four aunts on my mom’s side, so there are a lot of cousins.
Micah’s dad is my father’s only brother, but Mom’s side definitely made up for it. ”
“That’s a good sized family.”
“Not huge, but I guess there are plenty of us, and we love each other a lot. I know your family experience hasn’t been the best.”
“It hasn’t, no. I’d always dreamed of having siblings. Maybe my life would have been a little less lonely if I had.”
Brody put the plate down and took her hand. “You’re not alone anymore, though.”
She looked up at him, and his gaze was steady on hers. What was he trying to tell her? Not that he was going to be a permanent fixture she could count on. No, surely not. That would be unrealistic.
“Yes, I’ve created a whole chosen family here at the Ranch. And I have Micah, and now Arrow, who feels like a big brother to me. So, I suppose I do have family now.”
He looked as if he was going to say something, then he picked up the plate again. “Yeah, you sure do,” he said before spearing another bite of omelet and offering it to her.
She took it, chewed, then swallowed without really tasting it. Had she insulted him? She hadn’t meant it as a rejection. Or maybe she was reading far too much into the whole exchange. Yes, that had to be it.
But after cleaning up the dinner dishes, she wasn’t so certain.
She was just as uncertain about how she would handle it when his time at the Ranch was over, and he was gone.
In these few weeks she’d become so used to his presence, whether they were having sex, or simply talking.
He made her laugh a lot, and it wasn’t as if her friends didn’t make her laugh all the time, but it was so different with him.
She would miss him when he went back home.
Don’t think about it now.
She was usually pretty good at compartmentalizing. Why was it proving to be so difficult when it came to him? Not only difficult, but impossible. And that was very dangerous territory.
Anxiety rippled through her, making her stomach go tight and her limbs weak.
This was not good. And it was only going to get worse. She had to face reality. Because this wonderful thing between them was temporary, could only be temporary. And what would happen to her after it was over?
She couldn’t stand to even consider it.
“You know, I should probably go home for a bit,” she said, trying not to reveal the panic coursing through her. “To get a change of clothes, and… you know. Take care of a few things.”
“Sure,” he said from where he was drying his hands on a dishtowel by the sink. “You’re right next door, so easy enough.”
“And… maybe I’ll sleep at home tonight.”
“Okay.” He set the dishtowel down and sat at the table next to her. “You don’t have to live in my t-shirts, certainly. But is something else going on? Because we haven’t spent a night apart in weeks.”
She shrugged trying for a nonchalance she didn’t feel, and pretty certain she’d failed miserably. “Just that, I think. I need a little time on my own.”
“Yeah, I get that. Want me to help find your jeans and your sweater? I think they’re on the chair by the bed, but I have no idea what happened to your underwear.”
She got to her feet, her stomach twisting into a small knot. “I know where they are. Thank you, though.”
She retrieved her clothes and quickly changed, then picked up her boots from the floor. “I’ll… I’ll text you. Okay?”
“Yeah. Let me know if you need anything.”
“I will,” she said, trying to smile.
He leaned in to brush a kiss across her cheek. “You can, you know. You can let me know if you need something. You can let me know if you need to talk.”
“I know. Thank you.”
He took her hand and kissed the back of it, holding on a moment too long, and she pulled away as gently as she could as her pulse raced and her heart thudded in her chest. She tried to smile again before she turned to leave, then made the short walk to her own door.
Once inside her apartment, she shut the door behind her and leaned her back against it. But she didn’t feel any safer. She didn’t feel any sense of relief, even though she’d been desperate to get out of there and into her own space. All she felt was bereft.
“Stop it,” she said to the empty air.
Too empty.