CHAPTER NINETEEN
Thatcher
My attorney leaned in. “This is your last chance. I’ve told you so many times that you could fight this.”
“I know what you’ve said. I’m not interested in fighting anything. If she won’t agree to working on our marriage, then I’ll give her whatever she wants.”
He sighed, and I was pretty sure he mumbled “you’re no fun,” under his breath, but I chose to ignore it.
The mediator walked in. She looked familiar, but then everyone looked kind of familiar in Indigo Falls.
It was a small town. She gave me a neutral sort of smile and sat down.
She probably hated me. I was sure everyone in town did.
I couldn’t say I blamed them, either. They’d all known Carrie since she was born.
I was just the asshole who’d broken her heart.
I watched the minutes tick by as we waited on Carrie and her lawyer to show up. I knew she’d be here. She wasn’t the type to miss appointments. Of course, she wasn’t the type to be late to them, either, but she was.
“Gentlemen, if the other party hasn’t arrived in the next five minutes, we’ll have to delay mediation until…”
The door opened. “I’m so sorry,” Carrie walked in looking stressed. She smiled at the mediator. “Hey, Ms. Iris. Mom said you asked for this.” She handed her an index card with something written on it.
“Oh, her lemon bars. I’ve been asking her for the recipe for years! I can’t wait to make these.” She seemed to realize we were staring at her and cleared her throat. “I mean, please have a seat Ms. Crenshaw.”
“It’s still Caldwell,” I said, like an idiot.
Everyone turned and stared at me.
“Really?” my lawyer asked quietly. “That’s how you wanted to start things off?”
“Sorry,” I murmured, trying to give Carrie a smile.
She wouldn’t meet my eyes. I studied her.
She didn’t look good. I mean, she looked beautiful because she was always beautiful, but she looked thin and there were dark circles under her eyes.
She wasn’t getting good sleep. Her color was off, too, and I was concerned about her. This was all because I was a fool.
“Let’s get started. I’m Iris Johnson, and I’ll be your mediator going forward. I’ve looked over much of the paperwork, and it seems straightforward. Neither party is contesting the divorce, correct?”
“Not correct,” I said, loud enough to startle everyone. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to say it so loud. Carrie, I’ve been trying to contact you for weeks. I want to try and make our marriage work.”
Her eyebrows shot up and she looked completely skeptical. “Why?”
It was such a basic question, but it threw me. “Um… because I love you.”
“You have a strange way of showing it. Fucking his former fiancée isn’t exactly the biggest indicator a guy is into you.”
I went still. “You think…” I cleared my throat and started again. “You think I slept with her?”
“I know you did, asshole. Just in case those pictures I left you didn’t clear thinks up for you, I saw you.”
“I didn’t fuck her! I stopped it before it could happen.
That’s part of why I’ve been trying to talk to you!
We could have cleared all this up.” I was so frustrated, my voice was coming out angry.
I knew that wouldn’t help anything, but I couldn’t seem to calm my emotions down.
“I didn’t fuck her!” I yelled it this time.
“You must’ve walked in at the wrong moment. ”
The mediator’s face was pale, and she reached for a glass of water. “Well, let’s remember to keep our language appropriate and our voices moderate.”
“Sorry, Ms. Iris,” Carrie said. She turned back to me. “I don’t want to work things out. I want a divorce, and then I’d like to never see you again.”
I flinched, feeling as if she’d slapped me. “It doesn’t matter that I didn’t…” my eyes darted to the mediator’s… sleep with her?”
Carrie leaned forward, angrier than I’d ever seen her. “Tell me this—did you take her up to the bedroom suite in your office with the intent to have sex with her?”
My face flushed. “I…”
“Just answer the question,” she bit out. “Yes or no?”
“Yes,” I admitted reluctantly.
“And you think because you stopped it from happening it erases everything else? The months of ignoring me, not telling me you had an ex-fiancée you were still in love with when you married me, humiliating me in front of a huge group of people at your mother’s birthday party, skipping the Orchid Ball, almost sleeping with her, and then telling her that you never would’ve married me if she’d been available? ”
She ticked my transgressions off on her fingers.
I knew I’d gone pale. “No. No, I know it doesn’t erase any of the awful choices I made. It doesn’t erase how much I’ve hurt you.” I paused. “You heard me talking to her that night?”
She nodded.
“I found out later that she wasn’t who I thought she was. I know now that I was in love with you, Carrie!”
She scoffed and got a skeptical look on her face. “I doubt that very much. But it doesn’t matter anyway. You found out way too late for it to make any difference whatsoever to me.”
I started to say something else, to plead my case, but my lawyer leaned in. “You’re not making things any better.”
The mediator heard him and nodded. “Your lawyer is right, Mr. Caldwell. Let’s move forward, please.”
“I made a horrible mistake. I want you to know that I didn’t touch her in a sexual way until that night.”
She gave me a look full of doubt. “Kissing counts.”
I felt my face flush, but I defended myself. “I didn’t kiss her until that last night.”
“You mean to tell me,” she said, voice dripping with skepticism, “That out of all the times you ‘worked late’ you only kissed her once?”
“I swear. And there were several times that I did work late. I wasn’t always with her…”
“I think it says something about who you are that you’re going to focus on how many times you cheated instead of the fact that you cheated at all.” She turned to Mrs. Johnson. “Can we move on?”
“Yes. So, Mr. Caldwell, my understanding is that you’d like to reconcile?”
“Yes. I love you, Carrie. I fucked up, but I can be better if you’ll just give me a chance.
“I will not.”
She said it so unequivocally that it effectively ended the discussion. I was desperate and wanted her to listen, but I didn’t know how to get her attention.
“I’m staying in Indigo Falls,” I said quickly before the mediator could end this part of the discussion. “I’m not moving to Atlanta.”
Carrie looked at me. “How does Madison feel about that?”
“I’m not with her anymore. Do you really think I would still be with her but asking you if we could get back together?”
“I mean… I didn’t think you’d be with her while you were married to me, but here we are, Thatcher.”
She had a point. I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m staying here to be close to you. I’d like to propose marriage counseling.”
She stared at me. “Don’t stay in this town to be close to me. As I said, I don’t want to ever see you again after today. And I don’t want to go to counseling with you. I’m not the one who messed up our marriage. If you want to go to counseling, knock yourself out.”
Okay, then. I nodded.
“I want to sell the house,” she said flatly. “It makes me sad, and I don’t want to live there.”
“That’s fine with me.” If she didn’t want me to stay in Indigo Falls, then I wouldn’t. No one wanted me here anyway. I turned to my lawyer. “Can we make that happen?”
He nodded. “I just have to draw up some documents, and you both have to sign.”
Everyone got quiet.
I cleared my throat. “I know you don’t want to work on the marriage, but can I talk to you?” I gazed at her hopefully.
She hesitated, then nodded.
“I’m so, so sorry,” I said. “I’ve done so many things wrong. I’ll do anything to prove how much I love you…”
“Love me? You don’t love me. People don’t treat those they love the way you’ve treated me over the past few months.
You’ve texted her and emailed her for months, Thatcher.
You’ve let her make fun of me, my family, this town…
everything about our life together. You made it seem small and inferior, like what we had meant nothing to you.
” She pointed to the folder of evidence she’d brought with her to the meeting.
Apparently, she’d made copies. “The man who wrote those texts and emails? I don’t know him.
That person is a pompous, arrogant prick.
Is that who you were with her? Is that who you really want to be? ”
“No. Not at all. I… lost my way. I got wrapped up in what my life used to be like before you showed me that it didn’t have to be that way.
That I didn’t have to cover up who I really was under a layer of sophisticated boredom.
I thought that was who I had to be once I became CEO of the company.
I thought that was what I wanted again. But it’s not. That’s not even close to what I want.”
She scoffed. “And what is it that you want?”
“You. Our life together. This town. Our friends. I want it all back. I want to erase these past few months and start over. Pretend it didn’t happen.”
She shook her head. “I can’t do that. I won’t do that, Thatcher.
For months you texted her when you were supposed to be spending time with me.
You ate lunches and dinners with her at restaurants I begged you to take me to.
You missed my parents’ anniversary party.
You missed the Orchid Ball. You missed so many dinners with me.
And that was all while you were with her. ”
“I’m sorry about all of that. More than you’ll ever know. But there are two things in that folder you’re holding that I can clear myself of doing.”
She looked down at it and back up at me. “What?” she asked skeptically.
“Well, first, and most important, I didn’t sleep with her…”
“We’ve covered that. Move on,” she said.
Taken aback, I paused and took a deep breath.
“The other thing is that corporate credit card statement. I didn’t make those purchases.
Madison lied to me and said she needed extravagant jewelry for one of the commercial shoots.
I didn’t have time to take her to the jewelry store, so I gave her one of my corporate cards.
She misused it. She bought herself hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of jewelry, clothing, gifts, even the rent for her penthouse apartment.
One of the accountants caught it and Bryce filed preliminary charges asking that she pay it all back. ” I looked at my lawyer. “Didn’t he?”
He nodded but sighed. “Your mother paid for the all the charges and cleared Madison of the debt this morning.”
“What a shock that your mother would bail Madison out,” Carrie said with an eyeroll. “But I am glad to know that you didn’t shower her with gifts, at least. But it absolutely does not make up for the months’ worth of lavish meals you paid for and ate with her.”
My face colored with shame. “I can fix this. I swear I can,” I pleaded. “Just give me the chance.”
“Do you think that’s going to work? Did you have this affair with Madison thinking that if I found out I’d stay with you anyway?
In addition to your infidelity, there’s your mother’s birthday party.
I was humiliated at that party. You watched it happen.
You didn’t protect me from that. Isn’t that basic?
When you get married, isn’t it reasonable to think your partner will have your back? ”
I knew she wasn’t looking for an answer. I hung my head. She was right. I’d let her down in every way.
She took a deep breath as if she was trying to hold on to her composure.
“I told you after that party that we both needed to take the couple of weeks afterwards to think about what we wanted from our marriage. How to move forward.” She shook her head, her face flushed with anger.
“But things didn’t get better. You didn’t try to redeem yourself.
You chose to cheat on me, or ‘almost’ cheat on me, and miss the Orchid Ball.
You’re insane if you thought I would stay married to you. ”
I started to panic. This wasn’t going well at all. “I don’t know what I’ll do without you,” I blurted out.
She was unmoved. “You texted Madison that you’d forgotten who you really were after you married me.
Now you can feel free to find that person again.
And, hell, knock yourself out. You can even sign these papers and then marry Mads like you were supposed to in the first place.
At least your horrid mother will finally be happy. ”
“I don’t want to be with Madison. I want to be with you.” I leaned forward. “And I should have protected you from my mother and Olive from day one. I’m so damn sorry, Carrie.”
“You came to both of those decisions way too late. There’s literally no chance that I’ll stay married to you. None.”
I gaped at her. She was serious. It seemed like my marriage was really over. And it was because of my stupidity.
“Goodbye, Thatcher.” She stood up and pulled her wedding and engagement rings off her finger. She reached over and set them on the table in front of me. “Good luck.” She turned to walk out the door.
I stared after her before I came to my senses. “Is that it? That’s how you end a five-year marriage?”
She turned to face me once more. “I didn’t end the marriage. You did.” She gave me a wan smile. “Congratulations, Thatcher. You’ve done the thing you feared the most. You’ve turned into your father.”
I winced, feeling those words like a gut punch.
With that she turned and walked out of the mediation room.
“Carrie!” I ran after her even though both of the lawyers and the mediator were protesting behind me. I caught up to her as she was about to get in her car. “Please, Carrie. Please listen. I’ll do anything. Anything!”
She didn’t answer. Instead, she got in her car and started backing out of her parking spot. Her headlights flashed across me, and then she was gone.
The sky had turned dark while we were in mediation, and the wind had picked up. A storm was coming, and it matched the way I was feeling inside.
I sat down on the curb outside the mediator’s office. My lawyer gave me an awkward pat on the shoulder as he walked past me. I barely felt it.
As the rain started to fall, I put my head in my hands.
Carrie was right. Whether I had fucked Madison or not, I was just as bad as Fletcher Caldwell had been.
Hell, maybe I was worse. He hadn’t cared at all about the women he’d been with.
He hadn’t been invested emotionally. I’d given Madison all the love and attention that should have been Carrie’s for months. Months!
There was nothing I could do now. I’d begun to truly realize just how special Carrie was—right as she divorced me.