CHAPTER TWENTY
Carrie
It was Thanksgiving, and I was lying in bed with a watery smile.
It was weird to be both sad and happy about the end of things.
I was so angry with Thatcher, but I’d also loved him so much.
It felt… wrong to spend a holiday away from him.
But thank goodness I didn’t have to see his dragon of a mother anymore.
I no longer had to sit through one of her interminable meals and pretend to be happy.
I closed my eyes and fluffed the pillows under my head.
I was waiting to move out of my parents’ house until the divorce was finalized, and the house Thatcher and I had lived in was sold.
I was fortunate enough to have an inheritance from both sets of grandparents, but I didn’t want to use it unless absolutely necessary.
I’d been feeling so tired and sick lately, it was sort of nice to have my parents’ support right now, too.
“Carrie!” my mother called from downstairs. “Lunch is ready.”
All my friends were over to show support. Most of their parents were, too. My parents’ house was packed with people, which was both good and bad. It was nice to have such great people in my life, but it was also harder to hide how I was really feeling.
Maybe I wouldn’t even try.
My phone was buzzing like crazy, and I knew they were notifications from Thatcher. I would block him soon. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it yet. I glanced down and saw that he’d sent me Thanksgiving GIFs. I didn’t respond.
I walked down the stairs, not even caring that my hair was in a messy bun and my face was makeup free. If you couldn’t look like crap when you were going through a divorce, I don’t know when you could.
I was wrapped in hugs as soon as I entered the room.
I smiled in appreciation, and the tears flowed.
I’d been so emotional lately. I had never thought of myself as someone who cried easily before.
But I was now. “Thanks, y’all. This holiday feels so different, and I’m so glad you could all be here. ”
“I hope it fucking gutted him to wake up this morning without you on Thanksgiving,” Harrison said.
Nobody even got onto him for the language. “Me too,” Sadie said. “Just think of him having to navigate holiday lunch at his mom’s without you.”
I chuckled. “Serves him right.”
“He’s here in town,” Melinda said.
Everyone turned to look at her. “Really?” I asked.
“I’d heard that as well, dear, but I wasn’t going to tell you.” Mom gave Melinda a look, but she didn’t back down easily.
“Yvette Brubaker at the Piggly Wiggly told me,” Melinda continued. “The word in town is that he told his mom he didn’t know if or when he’d ever want to see her again.”
I was shocked. “Why?”
Mom couldn’t hold in what she knew any longer. She spoke up before Melinda could get the credit for all the gossip. “Do you mean besides the fact that he partly blames her for the divorce? Apparently, she conspired with that horrible Madison to break the two of you up.”
Sadie gasped. “How could she do that to her son?”
“Please,” I said. “There’s nothing that woman won’t do. I’m thrilled to never have to see her again.”
Blair seemed to sense that I didn’t want to talk about it and quickly changed the subject. “What’s everyone most thankful for this year? Scott, why don’t you start.”
Her husband swallowed hard. “Uh… food? Turkey? I don’t know why you started with me, babe.”
Blair laughed. “I don’t either. I’ll go. I’m most thankful for friends and Sadie’s mom’s apple pie.”
Everyone laughed, the tension was broken, and the day continued almost as if nothing life altering had happened.
But it had.
“You’re not eating much,” Sadie said quietly. “Is it because you’re upset?”
I put a hand on my stomach. “No, I don’t think so. I just feel a little… off, you know?”
“I lost a good bit of weight after what Harrison did.”
We both turned and stared at Harrison, who had just taken a bite of pumpkin pie. His eyes widened. “What?” he asked after he swallowed.
“Don’t ask, man,” Drake said. He grinned at us. He knew what we were talking about.
The longer I sat at the table, the worse I felt. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m sorry, but will y’all excuse me? I think I need to lie down.”
***
Things didn’t get better over the next few weeks.
Christmas and New Year’s passed, and we were fast approaching the finalization of the divorce if everything continued to go smoothly.
I’d continued to feel terrible, but it wasn’t anything I felt like I needed to go to the doctor for.
I was often sick at my stomach, extremely tired, and sort of head-achey.
One morning I came out of my bathroom to find Blair waiting on me.
“Did you just get sick in there?”
“Yeah,” I said. I was getting used to the routine. Wake up, get sick, use mouthwash and brush my teeth, get on with my day. “I think it’s heartbreak disease. I looked it up online. It’s a thing, apparently. One lady said she lost fifty pounds when she was going through her divorce.”
“Here.” She was holding a bag from one of the local drugstores in her hand. She reached in, pulled out a box, and handed it to me. It was a pregnancy test.
I stared at it. “Oh. No, that’s not possible,” I said.
Blair gave me a look. “From what I knew about your marriage, your sex life was not a problem. Did that change towards the end?”
I sucked in a breath. “Somewhat. But even when we barely saw each other, we still made time for… that. But I was on birth control.”
Blair was calm. “Weren’t you on antibiotics for an ear infection recently? I remember because you powered through Orchid Ball preparations even though you were sick.”
Shit. I had been on a strong antibiotic for two weeks. “Oh my God. Antibiotics mess with birth control.”
Blair nodded, sympathy on her face, and put the box in my hand.
I stared at the pregnancy test with dread. Oh, God. I felt so dumb. Why hadn’t I thought of this?
“Blair,” I groaned, “life couldn’t be this cruel, could it? I’ve just about gotten the Caldwells out of my life for good. Please, please, please, tell me I’m not pregnant with his child right before the divorce is finalized!”
“There’s only one way to know. Go take it. I’ll be waiting.” She patted my back, then pushed me towards the bathroom gently.
I peed on the stick, which was not as easy as I’d assumed. I swear, if men were the ones who got pregnant, they would’ve thought of a test decades ago where you didn’t accidentally get urine on your hands.
I set it down face up, washed my hands, and sat on the side of the tub. I didn’t go out and talk to Blair. I was too anxious. When the timer went off on my phone, though, I couldn’t look. I bit my lip and poked my head out the bathroom door. “I can’t look.”
She came in, walked over, and looked down. “Oh, honey.” She looked up at me. “You’re pregnant.”
“No,” I whispered, collapsing on my bed. “No, no, no, no, no.” I’d always wanted children. But now? This felt like a cruel trick. I did not want to be pregnant by my soon to be ex-husband.
Blair stood helplessly watching me. “I don’t know what to say. A baby is something to celebrate. This is just really bad timing.”
“You think?” I stared at my ceiling. “Sorry. I don’t mean to take it out on you. I just… God. Those stupid Caldwells. They’ll be all over this.” I sat straight up, my hand over my mouth. “They’ll try to take my baby.”
Blair shook her head. “Thatcher might be a dick for what he did to you, but he wouldn’t try to take the baby.”
“I didn’t think he was the type to cheat, either, but here we are.” Ugh. “Do I have to tell him? What if we just go through with the divorce, I never see him again, and he never finds out he’s a dad?”
Blair looked massively uncomfortable. “I hate what he did to you, and he deserves to suffer. But I don’t think it’s okay to keep his child from him. Or the child from his or her father. Once you’ve had a chance to think things through, I bet you’ll feel the same way.”
“I know you’re right. Why do you always have to be right?” I threw a soft pillow at her. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
“I’ll give you the name of my OBGYN. She’s amazing. And you need to make an emergency appointment with your lawyer.”
I nodded. She was right. I couldn’t be unprepared for whatever Thatcher’s family might do once they knew I was pregnant with the heir to the Caldwell fortune.
I waited for Blair to leave to really think over my options.
I could hide this baby from him. I could do it.
If he sold the house and left Indigo Falls, there was a good chance he’d never come back.
He’d never see me grow round with his child.
Then I could be sure that the Caldwells were never again in my life.
I bit my lip. As much as I hated him for what he’d done to me, I couldn’t deny that Thatcher would be a great dad. Didn’t my child deserve that? To have two parents that loved him or her unconditionally?
And what about Thatcher? Yes, he’d turned out to be a horrible husband. But did that justify keeping his child from him?
I grabbed a pillow, put it over my face, and screamed.
Why did life have to be so hard?