CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Thatcher
Life was a drudgery.
I stared out my office window at the gray January day. Even though it didn’t get very cold in the South, I still hated winter. Everything looked dead or dull. The trees didn’t have their leaves, the grass was dormant and brown, and it rarely ever snowed to cover all of it up in a blanket of beauty.
The outside world was a perfect reflection of how I was feeling inside.
The holidays had been miserable. If it weren’t for Celia and Bryce, I would’ve drowned my sorrows in a whiskey bottle and spent the whole time reflecting on everything I’d ever done wrong in my life.
The two of them, who were also furious with our mother and Olive, had moved in with me for the time being.
There was plenty of room in the house Carrie and I had shared.
They said it was so we could all be together over the holidays, but I knew they were worried about me.
The fact that they were still at the house after the holidays had come and gone proved that.
I didn’t blame them. I was a fucking mess.
Celia had made me aware that we actually had a counseling department at Caldwell Financial for the employees to make use of. I was surprised to realize we had three full-time therapists and a psychiatrist on staff to handle employees’ needs.
“You should see Maya. Dr. Therot. Both Bryce and I see her a couple of times a month.” She’d said.
“What for?” I’d wondered if I needed to be worried about my siblings.
She’d looked sorry for me. “You do remember our shitty childhood, right?”
I had nodded wincing. Bryce’s and Celia’s had been worse than mine or Olive’s.
I was the first born, the heir, and that came with certain privileges.
Olive was the baby, so she was spoiled. Bryce and Celia fell in the middle and struggled to get much attention.
Because of it, Bryce had acted out in negative ways so our parents would notice him, while Celia became a hyper motivated mini adult.
“I’ll make the first appointment for you,” Celia had said briskly.
I’d been seeing Dr. Therot at work two or three times a week ever since then, and I wondered if she was getting sick of me.
I hoped not, because it was helping. I was starting to be able to see all the places I had gone wrong.
How if I would’ve just cut everything off with Madison when it still seemed somewhat innocent, things would probably have worked out fine with Carrie.
I could’ve confessed to her that I’d been engaged before, and I’d never gotten over the hurt of being so easy to leave.
And that when Madison had shown back up in my life, I focused less on who she actually was than on how she transported me back to a time before anything bad had happened to me.
I’d liked myself better then and possibly wanted to return to those times.
But, of course, you can’t go back. Everyone knows that.
I held my coffee, still staring blankly at the bleak January day outside. “I’d rather go back to the time before Madison returned. Then I’d still be happily living with Carrie.”
“Are you talking to yourself?” Lisa had poked her head in the doorway.
“Uh… yes, I guess,” I said sheepishly.
“Your lawyer is on line two. You must’ve been thinking really hard over there. I buzzed you twice, and you didn’t answer.”
“I didn’t hear it at all,” I admitted and shrugged as Lisa left. My hand hesitated over the phone before I picked it up. I’d been dreading this call but had known it would come any day. My divorce must be finalized.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Thatcher. I’ve got interesting news for you.”
I perked up a little. “What is it?”
“Carrie has asked for another mediation meeting.”
My mouth dropped open, and I couldn’t speak for a moment.
“Thatcher?”
“Yeah… Yes, I’m here. Do you think she wants to cancel the divorce?”
“Well, no. I wouldn’t go that far. But something has changed or we wouldn’t need to meet. This is short notice, but the mediator had an opening for this afternoon. Can you…”
“Yes!” I cut him off. “Absolutely. I’ll be there.
Later that afternoon, I practically danced into the mediator’s office. I was so excited to see Carrie again and to hear what she might have to say to me.
Carrie arrived completely differently. She walked in like she was being led into prison.
If possible, she looked even worse than the last time I’d seen her.
I was starting to wonder if she was sick.
Like, really sick. The thought terrified me, and I was suddenly worried that she had called the meeting to tell me she was dying and the divorce didn’t really matter anyway.
“You okay?” my lawyer asked. “You just went pale as a ghost.”
“Fine,” I lied, rubbing my hands on my pants.
After Mrs. Johnson, the mediator, had welcomed everyone, she asked what the purpose of the meeting was.
Carrie’s lawyer cleared his throat. “There’s been a significant change that could affect some of the terms of the divorce.”
Oh God. She was dying. I was going to be sick.
“Carrie, did you want to tell Mr. Caldwell about the development?”
“I guess.” She looked across the table at me. “I don’t know how to say this, but I’m pregnant.”
I blinked. “What?”
“I’m going to have a baby.”
I was completely dumbfounded. I sat there, staring at her with my mouth open.
“Close your mouth, Thatcher,” my lawyer whispered.
I ignored him. “How… how did this happen?”
Carrie turned bright pink. “Thatcher. Seriously?”
“No, no. Obviously I know how it happened, it’s just…” I stopped, also turning pink as the mediator and both lawyers looked at me as if I’d lost it completely.
“I was on antibiotics for a while back in the fall. It can mess with the effects of the birth control pill.” She shrugged. “I’m actually already about to start the second trimester.”
Tears of joy sprang to my eyes. I’d needed some good news desperately, and this was beyond what I could have ever expected. “This is wonderful!”
Carrie sighed. “I’m glad you think so.”
“You’re not happy?” That took some of the wind out of my sails.
“No, I am. It’s just a big mind shift from where I thought I was in my life.
I’ve been pretty sick but didn’t put two and two together.
Blair did, though, and brought me a pregnancy test.” She turned to the lawyers.
“She has five kids.” They all nodded as if that explained it.
“I’ve had it confirmed by a doctor. She set the due date for mid-July. ”
“Mid-July,” I repeated. I couldn’t hide my smile if I wanted to. Which I didn’t.
“Yes. We need to discuss several things, including how we’ll handle doctor’s appointments before the baby’s born and custody arrangements afterwards.”
“Carrie,” I interrupted. She turned to me, and I noticed the light had gone out of her pretty brown eyes. They looked flat, cold. I had done that to her. I wished I could take it back with all my heart. “Are you sure we can’t try to work this out? Not just for our sakes but for the baby’s as well?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I could never trust you again.”
It felt like a dagger being shoved into my heart, but I totally understood.
“My biggest fear is that your family will try to take my baby away from me,” she said, a tear rolling down her cheek. She bit her lip, trying to hold back her emotion.
It wrecked me that she would be worried about that. “I would never let that happen. I promise you.”
She locked eyes with me as if trying to gauge whether that meant anything or not. Finally, she nodded.
Her lawyer pushed a paper towards my lawyer, presumably with their proposed custody terms outlined.
Carrie kept the meeting going while my lawyer looked things over.
“I assume we’ll have another meeting to discuss custody arrangements, so there’s not much to talk about except whether you’d like to go to my next appointment.
They’ll take an ultrasound and listen for the baby’s heartbeat. You can come if you’d like.”
“You want me there?” Hope flared in my heart.
“No. Not at all. But I know how devastated I’d be if I couldn’t go to any of my child’s appointments. Even as mad at you as I am, I couldn’t do that to you.”
“Thank you. It’s more than I deserve.”
***
When I walked into the mediation room for our next appointment to discuss custody arrangements, Carrie was laughing and talking with both her lawyer and the mediator.
Her blonde curls bounced, her brown eyes twinkled, and she was wearing a pretty wrap dress that was elegant yet showed off her perfect curves.
I stared at her, drinking in how beautiful she was.
Now that she had gotten past the first trimester, she was glowing, and I was so glad she was feeling better.
I stood and watched her for a moment.
She was the type of woman who really cared about people. They sensed it and often shared details about their lives with her. I could see now that she was listening intently to her lawyer. He seemed to be telling her something personal, and I could tell she really cared about what he was saying.
Madison would’ve interrupted him to tell him something about herself. Or to remind him that he worked for her.
For the thousandth time, I wondered how I could’ve taken leave of my senses.
I’d had a wonderful woman. She was beautiful, kind, smart, interesting, funny—the whole package.
I’d thrown her away for a woman who’d already shown me who she really was years ago when she practically left me at the altar.
I sighed and walked into the room, drawing their attention.
I said hello to everyone and then sat next to my lawyer.
Mrs. Johnson got started as soon as I’d gotten settled in my seat. “I understand that the two of you have already agreed about doctor’s appointments before the baby is born. We just need to discuss the birth of the baby and custody plans.”
“I would like to be at the hospital for the birth of the baby,” I spoke up.
“You can be there when the baby is born, but not in the room with me,” Carrie said.