CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE #2
I wanted to push back. I had visions of me holding her hand while she pushed our baby into the world. But I think she’d rather cut my arm off than hold my hand at the moment, so I knew I was being unrealistic.
“It’s a deal.” Maybe somewhere along the course of the pregnancy, she’d start to at least let me in as a friend. I pictured us eating at some of our favorite little cafes in town before or after appointments.
When I looked up, she was shooting daggers at me with her eyes. “I don’t want your mother or Olive around me at all during the birth process. They can meet the baby as long as I’m there, but that’s it.”
“Understood,” I said. “That’s not a problem at all. I don’t really want them around much, either.”
Her eyes softened. “Of course, Bryce and Celia are as welcome as my family is.”
I smiled at her, thankful that she didn’t think all the Caldwells were complete assholes.
My lawyer spoke up. “Regarding custody, my client wants joint custody after the point when Ms. Crenshaw is no longer breast feeding the baby. Before that point, he requests visitation three times a week.”
Carrie leaned over and said something to her lawyer.
“We’ll agree to the weekly visits while my client is breastfeeding as long as Mr. Caldwell travels to Indigo Falls to see the baby.
” His face changed. “As for joint custody, my client is not willing to agree to a fifty-fifty split. It’s important to her that her child grows up in Indigo Falls and makes use of the public school system here in town.
She doesn’t want the child having to go back and forth between two schools.
She’s willing to have primary custody, with you having two weekends a month, two major holidays a year, and one month in the summer. ”
I gaped at her. That’s all I would see my child? “That won’t work for me.”
Mrs. Johnson said, “Did you have something else in mind besides joint custody?”
I didn’t. My lawyer ducked his head to talk to me quietly. “I don’t think you’re going to get much better than what they’re offering without moving to town.”
“I never left town. I still live here.”
Carrie’s eyes shot to mine. “You’re still here? Why would you stay?” she blurted out.
I looked down, not knowing whether to be truthful or not.
I decided to just be honest. I’d done enough lying.
I locked eyes with her. “I wanted to be close to you. Even if we weren’t talking or seeing each other.
Sleeping in the bed we slept in? Living in the house we chose together?
It’s almost like having you with me. I… I hold your pillow every night while I sleep just to pretend you’re still with me. ”
After my confession, the room was so quiet you could hear Carrie’s lawyer’s freshly poured Coke fizzing in its glass.
I glanced around and saw different looks on people’s faces.
My lawyer clearly pitied me. The mediator surreptitiously wiped a tear from her eye.
Carrie’s lawyer squirmed awkwardly in his seat as if he were embarrassed for me.
But Carrie? She didn’t bat an eyelash, and her brown eyes were still cold.
“Maybe you should see if Madison’s willing to take you back so you’re not alone at night.
You might not remember this,” she said in a tone of voice I’d never heard from her before, “but I went to sleep alone night after night for months while you enjoyed fancy dinners with your first love. Your mistress. I don’t feel sorry for you.
” She hissed out the last words at me, and they sucked the air from my lungs.
The pain of what I’d done to her hit me again, even harder this time than it had in the past. I couldn’t contain a small gasping sound I made as I tried to draw breath into my lungs. “I’m so…”
“I don’t care.” Carrie looked at me like I was worse than a murderer. Then she turned to Mrs. Johnson whose eyes were bouncing between us to see what would happen next. “Ms. Iris? I don’t want to talk to him except about custody arrangements.”
“Of course.” She cleared her throat and sat up straight. Once she had composed herself, she said. “Let’s get back on track. Mr. Caldwell, you still live in town. But what position do you hold at your company?”
“I’m the CEO.”
She raised an eyebrow. “You say you’d like joint custody. I think we all need to hear the logistics of how that could work."
It would be hard. I knew that. But for my child? To be near Carrie and try my hardest to regain what I’d lost? I was willing to do anything. “I’ll make it work.”
Carrie snorted. “It’s easy to say that now. It’ll be a lot harder when you have to miss a meeting with an important client or board member. What happens then?”
My lawyer stared at me like he agreed.
“I’ll work it out. It’s as much Bryce and Celia’s company as it is mine. The three of us can handle it together. They’re more than willing. If I need to hire someone else or force Olive to grow up and take a position at the company, I most definitely will. I want joint custody.”
Carrie crossed her arms over her chest, and I could see in her face that joint custody was the last thing she wanted.
Finally, she sighed and her shoulders seemed to bow inwards as if she’d given up.
“Fine. We can try joint custody. But if it ever becomes a problem, I’ll file for primary custody immediately. ”
“Thank you,” I said, grateful she would give me a chance to be the dad I wanted to be.
“It’s not for you,” she said quickly. It felt like she slapped me and she must have seen the look on my face. “I’m not trying to be mean. Just honest. None of this is for you. It’s for my child.”
I nodded. She couldn’t even stand to call the baby ‘our’ child.
Everyone was quiet. Mrs. Johnson waited a few moments. “Well, then. Let’s get these changes drawn up, and you can sign the paperwork after your lawyers have a chance to look things over. After that, I’d anticipate your marriage being dissolved within three months.”
Carrie nodded, stood up, grabbed her things, and headed for the exit without ever looking back at me. I stared after her but got nothing in return.