Chapter Eighteen
Paddy came in from her morning swim and towelled her hair. It had become chilly and the promise of a long early summer seemed to be receding into a distant desire. Even spring seemed to be properly freezing. Slicing a grapefruit she settled down to her puzzles. She liked doing the harder ones first thing and the general knowledge later in the day when her mind wasn’t as sharp. Tutting to herself she was aware she was falling into rather a lazy routine. Plus she needed to make some friends down here. She liked her own company, which was a good thing, but since returning from London her most challenging conversation had been with the seals.
She wasn’t naturally gregarious but in certain circumstances she was extremely confident. Around her friends and family, where she felt safe and loved, she would shine. At work, where she was good at what she did and was appreciated for it, she would excel. For the rest of the time she would be happy to just fade into the background. Give her a good book or a box set, a horse to ride or water to swim in and she was content. Sometimes if she was feeling particularly rock and roll, she’d even do a jigsaw puzzle. Paddy didn’t need to be clever or talented like her sisters. She was happy and that was enough. It had taken her a long time to be happy again and she knew how precious it was. She had developed an unexpected pleasure in collecting shells and in weeding. She wouldn’t go so far as to call it gardening, but she had begun to clear the path up to the grotto. Everywhere around her the hedgerows were bursting into colour. She had recognised the primroses but had learnt about wild garlic and was delighted to see bluebells growing in swathes under the trees. When the weather permitted, she was constantly photographing the countryside, and every day at six am and six pm if she was home, she would nip up to the grotto and take a photo of the sea and sky. She wasn’t sure about a written diary, but she thought this was a nice way to mark her stay here.
Her phone buzzed and she frowned at the unfamiliar number. Answering it, it took a while for her to work out who she was talking to. She had almost forgotten about Mandz, the protestor from Truro, but now here she was asking Paddy to come along and help join the debate on animal welfare. Arranging a date and time, Paddy hung up reinvigorated.
She had come to Cornwall to reassess her life. It seemed silly to be thinking about ending her career at just twenty-four, she enjoyed modelling but it didn’t drive her. Now, her family’s inheritance had given her the opportunity to pause.
Whilst she wasn’t bored or lonely down here, she was beginning to feel cut adrift. Without a tight schedule and constantly being in the media’s eye, the freedom was going to her head. Her stupid one-night stand with Hal being the perfect example. Meeting him in London had hurt. She had almost managed to convince herself that he wasn’t really into his fiancée, but in reality, he was actually due to walk down the aisle with her. The fact Paddy was now currently married to him seemed the irony of the century. She had spent weeks daydreaming about what being his wife would be like only to discover she had been all along. And now that same marriage was about to be annulled. What a whirlwind romance that was. Her disappointment had been intense and surprised her. She hadn’t realised how much he had got under her skin. It probably explained why she kept bursting into tears.
***
A couple of hours later she was driving down the lanes towards a large country hotel by the sea. Mandz had told her they were hosting the event there because it was isolated and deliberately hard to get to. That didn’t make much sense to Paddy but she trusted Mandz knew what she was talking about. As she arrived a marshal waved her into a field. She wasn’t certain about driving on grass but everyone else seemed to be doing it. Getting out of the car she debated pulling on her wellies but the grass didn’t look muddy. She hadn’t been sure what to wear – what does one wear to a debate? – but she grabbed her mucking out jacket and figured it looked suitably scruffy and country.
‘Oh hello. New face! Are you here for the horse trials meeting? I can spot a pony club girl a mile off!’
Paddy turned to see a lovely older woman in smart leather boots, a dress, jacket and a silk scarf at her neck. ‘The horse trials? Yes, I think so, but I haven’t been here before, so I’m not really sure what to do?’
The woman smiled and stretched out her hand. ‘New to the area then? Londoner? Always good to have some new blood. What do you ride?’ Soon both women were chatting enthusiastically about their favourite horses, and Paddy was delighted to find out there were apparently loads of riding opportunities in the area. Having introduced herself as Caroline, she ushered Paddy into the hotel and was soon being warmly greeted by lots of friendly people.
‘Let me find you some young people to chat to, you don’t want to be stuck with us fuddy-duddies all afternoon or we’ll never see you again. My daughter’s around somewhere and she’s about your age. I won’t introduce you to my son, he’ll be boring and just stare at you. Wait here and I’ll be right back, I promise.’
Paddy watched Caroline weave her way through the crowd laughing and chatting with various people and headed out on to the balcony. Sitting at the bar she felt a little self-conscious. This wasn’t exactly what she thought a debate was like but at least everyone was friendly. She had never actually been part of a pony club, but she loved horses and that seemed to be good enough for Caroline. Her mother had always said manners cost nothing and also, if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all. She had tried to live up to her mother’s mantra and was probably the most successful of all her sisters at that skill. Thinking of them made her smile. Aware of someone standing at her shoulder she turned, expecting to see Caroline and her children. Instead she was staring straight into Hal’s lovely blue eyes. Damn. Had they got bluer, or was he just more tanned?
‘Well hello. Fancy seeing you here.’ He looked around uncertainly and then refocussed on her. ‘I thought you were just on holiday. Or are you with someone?’
Paddy just stared at him. What the hell was he doing here?
Hal tried again, running his hands through his hair. ‘Look, shall we call pax?’
Paddy tried to regain her wits. The way his fingers ran through his hair had sent her thoughts careering out of control and she tried to gather her senses. Who the hell was Pax, was he Hal’s solicitor? She didn’t want a scene. This was her trying to settle into Cornish life. Not have a discussion about her marital status with her husband. And if he could just stop being so bloody attractive. She was like a bloody teenager.
‘I don’t know Pax?’
‘Sorry, I meant peace. Shall we call a truce? I know it’s bloody difficult what with, well, everything. But shall we behave like we’ve just met and pretend there isn’t any horrible situation between us?’ His lips twitched in a small grin and Paddy found herself smiling stupidly in return.
She thrust her hand out. ‘Paddy Byrne. Pleased to meet you.’ As her mother had said, good manners cost nothing.
Hal clicked his heels and bowed. ‘Henry Ferguson. Enchanted.’
Laughing he poured her a glass of ice water and sat down at the bar beside her.
‘Tell me all about yourself.’
Not a hope she thought. ‘You first. I understand you’re a housekeeper?’
Hal coughed and gave her a friendly glare.
‘Not quite.’
‘Okay. Let me see. Are you married?’ Now Paddy decided to take pity on him as he coughed into his glass. ‘Okay then. How many brothers and sisters do you have?’
With a visible sigh of relief Hal poured himself a glass of water, ‘Ah, there I can’t help you. I’m an only child. And no I wasn’t spoilt before you say it.’
Paddy smiled. ‘You probably were. I mean look at you, you’re gorgeous, you must have wrapped everyone round your finger as a little boy. But no, what I was going to say was that must have been lonely?’
Hal paused. ‘I think occasionally I probably was, but my mother and father were aware of it. Mother had always wanted more children but wasn’t well enough, so they had to make do with just me. I went to a local prep and every weekend there would be sleepovers; the more the merrier as far as she was concerned. After rugby or sailing we’d all troop into the house, covered in mud or sand and then spend the weekend falling out of trees and eating biscuits until it was time for school again. Then I went to boarding school and it was more of the same. Honestly, I loved it. At Christmas and Easter, the cousins would invariably come over, so more noise and mayhem. In fact there were times when I just wanted the peace and quiet of being on my own. Does that sound mad?’
Paddy laughed, his childhood sounded idyllic. ‘I grew up with four other sisters, Mum and Pa all living in a three-bed terrace. A bit of peace and quiet doesn’t sound mad at all!’
‘Seven of you! Dear God, what was that like?’
‘Wonderful! Chaotic! Too much hairspray. But I tell you it gave us a perfect view of the best marriage ever. And then when Ari grew up, she’s my oldest sister, she married an arsehole and it gave us a view of the worst marriage ever. Just to balance things out.’
Hal grimaced; in light of his recent behaviour he should probably steer clear of this conversation, but once again he was falling under Paddy’s spell.
‘Was he that bad?’
‘It’s like she put her hand in the shitty bucket and pulled out the biggest turd in it.’
Hal roared with laughter and several people in the room turned to look over. ‘God I’m sorry. That was just so descriptive. Please tell me they’re not still together?’
‘No, she got married again and her new husband is wonderful.’
Hal watched as Paddy’s face lit up talking about her sister. Her hair was tied back and little earrings swung and caught the light as she chatted and pulled faces.
‘Phew! Glad to hear it, pretty women should be married.’
Paddy recoiled with a groan. He really was lovely to look at and he made her laugh loads, but good grief!
‘Seriously? Did you just say that out loud! That is so sexist!’
‘What, that she’s pretty or should be married?’
‘Both. And anyway, how do you know she’s pretty?’
‘There’s no way someone as beautiful as you has ugly sisters.’
Paddy laughed. That was such a corny line, but what the hell, who could resist such a compliment. ‘Oh please! But fair enough, my sisters are all gorgeous.’
‘Are they models as well?’
‘No. I mean Nick could be. She used to do the odd catwalk. God, you should see her walk. She gets on that runway and it’s like she owns the whole bloody world and everyone looking at her knows it. But she doesn’t enjoy it as much as I used to.’
‘Used to?’
‘Yeah. It’s hard work, but that’s not the issue. It’s the lack of privacy. It’s the assumptions.’ She arched her eyebrows and stared at Hal pointedly before carrying-on. ‘After a while it got tiring. Nick hated it pretty much straightaway. There was just something about my face that photographed just that little bit better than the others. To the untrained eye it’s not noticeable but a talent scout spotted me and the rest as they say…’
‘Were your sisters jealous at all? Especially if as you say they are also pretty.’
Paddy laughed. ‘I don’t think so but they certainly didn’t let me get big headed about it. I remember one day they pinned me down and drew a moustache and glasses on my face with felt tip.’ She saw him look concerned, and hurried to defend her sisters. ‘Totally standard brother or sister behaviour. Anyway I arrived at the photoshoot with Nick, she came with me to all of them in the early days, and my face was red raw from scrubbing off the felt tip and the photographer absolutely lost it. He screamed at me and called me every name under the sun. He was a big name so everyone just stood there. Nick tried to explain it was a joke and he screamed at her too. You could hear a pin drop. No one knew what to do and then just like that, he shouted at the crew to get the shoot ready and get me dressed. I was a bloody wreck by the time he took the photos; my skin was still scrubbed and blotchy and you could just about make out the moustache marks.’
Hal looked horrified, saying he sounded like a total bastard.
‘Oh a total one, but ironically, that photoshoot launched my career. Years later I read an interview with him claiming credit for the whole thing. As you say, a total bastard.’
‘What did your parents say? Did they report him?’
Paddy had been enjoying their chat. She had worried about what might happen if she should bump into him again. However, he was expertly dealing with the situation. This light-hearted bantering was avoiding all the genuine issues that lay between them. The difficulties of their unexpected marriage and on-going annulment were all in the hands of the lawyers. The fact that they had actually consummated the marriage was not something either of them was going to admit to.
For now, she was simply enjoying getting to spend some time with him. She hoped to God that his fiancée wasn’t here. That was certainly one person she didn’t want to get to know. However, as much as she was enjoying chatting to Hal she wasn’t prepared to start discussing the more painful sides of her life.
‘No, it’s your turn Farmer Hal. What did you do after your wonderful childhood?’
Hal paused and for a moment he looked incredibly sad and then smiled at her. ‘Yes, it was wonderful. Anyway, I came home for a while and did my A levels locally and then went off to uni. Normal route more or less, from there I went straight into Sandhurst. And from there out to Kandahar.’
‘Sorry, you’ve lost me.’ Even A levels weren’t the normal route for her. As soon as she’d got her GCSEs, she left school and started earning. ‘Isn’t Kandahar in Afghanistan? That sounds exciting. Was Sandhurst who you worked for?’
Hal poured her another glass of water and asked for some olives.
‘My fault. You tend to take things for granted and then assume everyone knows what you are talking about. Sandhurst is the Army training college. From there we went out to help fight the Taliban in Afghanistan.’
Paddy grimaced, talk about sounding ignorant. Going to a war zone – what fun. Just when she thought she was beginning to come across as reasonable and interesting she went and put her foot in it. ‘Oh. Not exciting at all then. God, I bet your mother was a wreck waiting for you to come home.’
‘She died when I was sixteen.’
His words fell into a distressed silence as Paddy stared at him in horror. She had been so quick to assume he had had a gilded perfect life. Paddy knew exactly what losing a mother was like, she herself had been fourteen, but what must it have been like to not have any siblings to turn to? Without thinking she leant forward and held his hand, her eyes glistening as he looked down at her, his face awash with an old pain. She could sense he was about to say something but instead he looked over her shoulder and gently removed his hand.
‘Henry, darling!’ Caroline joined them at the bar along with two others. Clearly from their looks, her son and daughter.
‘Hey Hal! Trust you to find the prettiest girl in the room!’ Turning to Paddy the girl introduced herself, ‘Hi I’m Jemima, Mummy said you needed rescuing from the oldies. Instead, I see Hal has been boring you about bloody rights of way, if I know Hal?’ Laughing, she punched his arm.
Her brother then leant forward. ‘Hi, I’m Malcolm, excuse my sister. I can only take her anywhere twice.’
The siblings chimed together. ‘The second time to apologise!’
‘Sorry, twin thing!’ said Jemima.
Paddy laughed. The change in mood was dramatic. For a moment she had felt a complete connection with Hal. She had wanted to stand by him, and let him know that she would always be there for him. That with her, he need never pretend to hide his grief. Instead she was swept up in the exuberance of these two excitable siblings.
‘Oh, tell me about it. I’m a twin as well. Non-identical. And no, we don’t know which of us is first. Mum didn’t want to know.’
‘Oh I wish I’d had your mother’s brains,’ said Caroline. ‘All I ever heard as they grew up was that Jemima was more assertive because she was born first.’
‘Or because I’m such a gentleman and let her go first!’
‘In your dreams, face ache.’
For a second, Paddy thought Jemima might actually try to put her brother into a headlock until their mother intervened. ‘For heaven’s sake, children!’
Bashfully, they apologised to their mother and Malcolm winked at Paddy. ‘Sorry about that but I’ve been working over in New York for the past few months and we’re always a bit high-spirited when we get back together. We promise to behave like grown-ups like Hal here.’
‘I seem to remember it was you who called the prefects when we tried to climb out the dorm windows that time, not me,’ protested Hal.
Paddy sat smiling, listening to these people laugh and chat. She loved the genuine banter of friends and family and was glad Hal had good people around him. Listening to them she felt homesick and wished she was back with her sisters. Taking a deep breath, Hal nudged her knee with his and raised an eyebrow, mouthing ‘okay?’ at her. She was surprised he had noticed and gave him a bright grin in return. She was about to join the conversation when someone called out across the busy room that the meeting was about to start.
Jolted, Paddy remembered she still hadn’t met Mandz or asked anyone what the strategy was supposed to be. Excusing herself she headed to the bathroom and quickly texted Mandz.
-Where are you? Are you in the meeting room already? Met some of the others, really lovely. Caroline? Should I stay with her?
-We’re outside. We got delayed. Where are you? Don’t know Caroline. Glad there are others there already.
-I’m in the loos. Can meet you in lobby?
-OK. Coming in now.
Paddy put her phone away and checked her hair. She had spoken to Ari about it but it hadn’t gone well. Ari had ranted for at least ten minutes about hunt saboteurs and people that claimed to be helping animals but were actually hurting them. Not to mention damaging properties, tearing down fences and gates. It seemed there were angles that Paddy hadn’t considered and it was clear she didn’t know enough about the subject. The next few days she had spent a lot of time online reading about various countryside issues and she felt confident enough to ask some questions and hopefully debate some of the answers. Having met Caroline and Hal she was confident she wouldn’t make a fool of herself and if she did dry up, she was certain they had lots of great questions as well.
Standing in the foyer, Paddy was pleased to see Hal coming back from the meeting room and heading straight towards her. Muttering to herself, she had to remember he was engaged. Smiling at him, she heard a large angry bang from the hotel lobby doors and she turned her head to see a group of about eight badly dressed people holding banners, shouting loudly and storming towards her. To her horror she saw they were being led by Mandz.
‘Hi Pat. You look great. Clive can you get a photo?’ she shouted over the other protestors, thrusting a sign into Paddy’s hand.
Paddy was instantly alarmed. This wasn’t right. Why were they shouting? What on earth was going on? This was like the time a militant group had thrown red paint over her and a bunch of other models. The irony had been that the fashion shoot had been to promote fake fur but the protestors hadn’t got the message right. Seeing a camera being pointed at her she twisted her face away, dropping the placard as she did so. ‘What are you doing? Don’t take my photo!’
‘Come on, Pat, it will be great for publicity,’ jeered Mandz. ‘We’ll get right onto the front cover.’
Having shouted for help, Hal turned, snarling at Paddy. ‘My God. Are you with these ruddy sabs!’
Paddy recoiled. ‘Of course not. They aren’t sabs. We’re all here to discuss hunting, aren’t we?’
‘No, we’re bloody not,’ Hal’s face was twisted in anger and Paddy felt genuinely frightened by his expression. ‘This is the annual general meeting of the Cornish horse trials and which courses we are going to run.’
‘Yeah, that’s what you say,’ shouted a skinny looking man, covered in a bizarre collection of piercings and blue tattoos. ‘It’s all the same to you lot. You get on your horses and trample all across the countryside, destroying it as you go.’
‘Paddy, seriously.’ Hal grabbed her by the arm. ‘What is the meaning of this?’
‘That’s right, ignore me.’ The man continued to heckle. ‘You’ve got nothing to say. You and your dogs destroy everything the common labourer tries to achieve.’
‘There are no sodding dogs. And what labouring have you ever done?’ Rounding on Paddy, Hal looked at her in disgust. ‘My god, what a nasty piece of work you are!’
Paddy looked up at him in alarm. The blood drained out of her face accentuating her freckles and her red hair. She was standing so close to him and was incredibly aware of his body as he held her arm but this was all wrong. He was looking at her in anger and great disappointment and she wanted to tell him he had got it all wrong.
‘Oi!’ shouted one of the women. ‘What are you going to do, get out your hunting whip and beat her?’
‘That’s all you can think about, isn’t it? Violence.’ He turned from the woman and looked at Paddy again. ‘What about the time they threw paint over Caroline’s car? That lovely lady you were trying to ingratiate yourself with. Do you know she slept in her stables for the next few weeks. She was so scared. Have you any idea what she went through? Were you with them when they tipped Brian’s horse box over with a horse in it?’ He was shouting over the volume of the chanting protestors. ‘They had to put the horse down; it had broken two legs, it screamed the whole time!’
Paddy was now openly crying. The image of that poor horse was horrible and the hostility from both sides was beginning to get physical. More men had now joined Hal and the voices had raised on both sides. Paddy wanted to die. This was not what she had had in mind at all. She broke free from Hal’s grip and dashed to the front door, legging it up the driveway and back to her car. Sobbing, her car skidded on the grass as she sped away. As she drove off, she cursed her stupidity in trying to get involved in country life. They were all monsters. Hal most of all.