Chapter 30 Collette
“I chose this,”
I mumbled. I was stiff. It was so cold on the ground.
Why was I on the floor? Something wasn’t right.
A shadowy figure stood over me.
“Andy?”
I whispered. “Did you come back for me?”
Memories washed over me, clear and bright.
Andy holding out a hand when we’d snuck into the swimming pool. He’d pushed me in and then he dove in when he realized I couldn’t swim.
Then he’d managed to get me in the shallow end and taught me how to swim. He was the patient teacher. He never yelled, or rolled his eyes. It was his mission to make sure I could swim. It had taken three more times of going after hours to the pool before I was confident enough to take off swimming on my own.
I felt like I was floating in the air… his face was right in front of me.
“Why didn’t you save me? I saved you. Didn’t I matter to you?”
His voice was so sad and angry. All I could focus on was the bullet hole in the center of his forehead.
My eyes misted, but I couldn’t shed the tears.
How was he speaking to me? It must mean his ghost was tired of waiting for me to find his killer. I needed to get up, but I was too weak.
In the darkness, Andy moved over to shake hands with Ian. My heart lurched and I wanted Ian to be holding me. They talked and joked together before Andy turned to face me.
“What are you waiting for? Love? I expected better from you. What happened to rule number one?”
His pale dead face disappeared.
I was a horrible sister. How could I be so worried about if Ian loved me or not when my brother was dead?
I wanted to sob, but nothing would come out. I choked on it.
In the dim recesses of my hallucination, I heard an angry voice above me.
“Why do you do this shit, girl?”
Suddenly, I was floating through the air. Lifted in a pair of strong arms and carried into the light, far away from all the bad things.
Weightless and certain that I was making it all up, I gave in to the abyss pulling me under the waves.
***
The aroma of fresh coffee hit my nose and pulled a groan from me.
Every part of my body hurt, and I had no idea what had happened. This didn’t feel right. Where was Ian? Why wasn’t he here with me?
“Where am I?”
I looked around in the semi-dark room and found Rossi sitting in a chair by the bed in the condo.
He’d moved me from the basement and brought me here to a place of light.
Appearing very comfortable in the armchair reading, he eyed me shrewdly. He took a sip from the cup which must hold the coffee I was smelling.
Without saying a word, he got up to leave, only to return with a cup for me and placed it on the nightstand next to me.
He smiled, and his hard demeanor seemed a tad softer, even if it was a blink and you’d miss it expression.
“Mr. Holdt will be here soon.”
Moving back to his chair, he sat down and picked the tablet up again. His actions were easy and normal, like we did this every day.
I licked my dry lips, struggled up and sipped the coffee, savoring the rich bitter taste. “What made you work for a man like Ian? How long have you been with him as his bodyguard?”
He seemed to think about my question, but I fully expected him to ignore me as usual.
“Mr Holdt found me while he was in college. I was booked for a group function and there was an incident that needed cleaning up. I took care of what was needed and got him to the hospital. He didn’t know my name until about two weeks of searching. By then I had been fired on a made-up charge, so he offered me a job making three times the money to be his bodyguard. It has been the best decision that I’ve ever made.”
It was as if a statue had decided to speak.
I examined him curiously. Every time he’d been around, it was in the background. He was always in and out so quickly that I had no idea what he was really like. His job was to stay in the background, but he did it with the ease of a ninja or ghost.
Ghost. Rossi had ‘cleaned up’ an incident. What if he knew the facts about Andy’s killer?
Rossi took care of his boss’s problems. That was not only what he’d been paid to do, but he did it out of gratitude. Proficient in his actions, he could have taken care of Andy without Ian even knowing about it.
If that was true it meant I had been rescued by a killer. That didn’t sit well at all with me either.
The bandage on my arm and empty IV bag on the pole next to the bed made it clear to me the reason that I’d blacked out was because of lack of food. I hadn’t meant for it to happen, but my mood had been the cause, not any type of retaliation.
After Ian’s confession to me, it was going to look like I’d tried to get his attention by denying myself food when it had been just the opposite.
He had no reason to believe me. There wasn’t anything to prove that I wasn’t a liar or manipulating him.
Ian walked in, and Rossi gave him a warning look before leaving us alone with the door closed.
He took the vacated chair and leaned forward toward me. His elbows rested on his knees as he clasped his hands together, simply staring at me.
“What happened?”
The quiet words sent a shiver of fear through me.
I didn’t want to tell him. It wasn’t like he’d believe me, so I just frowned at him instead.
His piercing gaze felt like he could see everything that I was thinking. Nothing was hidden from him. I couldn’t hide anything from him if I wanted to have him in my future.
The thought of a future with him made my blood warm. I wanted to be with him, even if I hadn’t managed to entirely rule him out as the killer. I needed to know.
I was still tired enough to simply give him the facts. “You were gone. I felt abandoned. All my life people would get close to me and then be gone. It was terrible. I wsn’t thinking clearly. ANd just now, when I woke up here, I realized that I’d done the same thing that your mother did.”
He sat and stared like he was piercing straight into my heart. I couldn’t help but give him more because I wanted more.
“It was a reflex for my feelings. I wasn’t hungry, and it was too late when I started not feeling well. Then the world went black when I got mad at you. Pissed that I wasn’t good enough and you’d thrown me away. You made me want you and then you just left me.”
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I balled my hands into fists to keep from bursting into tears. I kept my gaze glued on his though, I wasn’t so weak that I couldn’t face my problems head on.
Ian let out a growl and said something under his breath that I didn’t quite catch before running his hands through his hair.
That was something he did when he was frustrated. Something I’d said had bothered him. Then again, what part of all of it wasn’t going to make him mad? I’d done everything wrong.
His pacing stopped, and he turned to me with a fire in his eyes.
“You need to eat.”
The gruff tone was hiding something, I just wasn’t sure what.
With a sudden movement, he scooped me up into his arms and carried me to the condo’s dining room.
The elegance of the room wasn’t lost on me and could have graced the cover of any home interior magazine.
He gently placed me in a chair before looking me in the eye.
“What would you like to eat?”
That was an unexpected question, as was the tenderness in his touch.
I’d craved feeling it again so much over the past few days I had to hold back a sigh as he touched me.
“If I can’t cook it for you, then I’ll have it delivered. I just want to make sure that you’re fed and taken care of.”
Biting my lip, unsure if he would really do as I asked, I made the request.
“Grilled cheese with apple slices cooked inside.”
His attentiveness shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did.
A little off kilter about the whole thing, I sat there while he puttered around the kitchen. Watching him doing something domestic, for me, was the sexiest thing I had ever seen. I softened for him more, but it didn’t ease the clamp around my heart. I screwed up bad enough that he would take it as me wanting to leave. To never talk to him again. That was the last thing I wanted.
Not long after, he put a plate in front of me with a bag of chips.
“Here you go, milady.”
He made a sweeping bow. “Eat up so that you don’t faint on me again.”
While I knew that it was more about the fact that I needed to stay healthy, I couldn’t help the warm glow inside that he cared for me.
“If you eat all of this, then I’ll do something a little more elaborate for dinner. It’s going to take a bit to get you back up to your normal energy levels.”
He sat down next to me and let me eat on my own.
Still awed that he was willing to cook for me and take care of me even though I’d screwed up, I melted just a little bit.
He must cook for himself on occasion because he seemed comfortable in the kitchen. It was as if he wasn’t some rich kid that simply had staff to wait on him, but could take care of his own needs.
Watching me eat each bite, I could feel him anxiously urging me to get better. It was as if he had always hand fed me to keep things monitored.
I took small, tentative bites, and chewed slowly. I was tired and eating was taking a lot out of me.
“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking about how my actions must have triggered you.”
I swallowed another bite full.
He’d left me, and I was apologizing to him. Then again, he couldn’t have realized that I would react in that manner.
“You don’t have to apologize. It was selfish of me to leave without telling you what was going on. Your reactions were your own. I never wanted to change who you are. Being with you has caused a reaction that I wasn’t expecting to have.”
He laid a hand over mine.
“I was letting you in and was scared that you were going to get close before leaving me. It’s something I’ve always worried about. Then I got a call about some unfinished business and had to fly out of the country. It took a little longer than I’d planned.”
That clamp around my heart eased a little, allowing my body to settle a bit. He was explaining to me and that was something I cherished from him.
“It’s okay. I understand. You’re a businessman, it’s normal for you to take care of business issues.”
My brain was reeling from the fact he’d gone overseas. The issue might have nothing to do with Andy, but the circumstances seemed more than suspicious.
Also, he’d said that I was getting close to him. It should have made me excited that I’d accomplished my goals, but instead I felt terrible like I was lying to him. In reality, I kind of was. But not totally.
“Come, lie back down. I want you to rest.”
He took my hand and helped me up.
With a hand on the small of my back, he guided me back to the bedroom.
I went into the restroom and then came back out to him, he was settling into the chair with a tablet next to him.
“Here let me help.”
He held the covers back and then pulled them over me after I got settled.
Gentle hands tucked them around me as he leaned over and placed a kiss on my forehead.
“Sleep. I’ll be right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
A goofy smile covered my face.
He sat in the chair, and I closed my eyes, but opened them again to find him looking at me.
“What’s wrong?”
“This is going to sound really stupid, but can you hold my hand? That way when I’m asleep, my subconscious self will know you’re here.”
My cheeks flushed and I ducked my head, feeling ashamed for even asking.
“Never be ashamed to ask for what you need.”
He scooted the chair across the floor and took my hand. “Now, close your eyes and sleep.” His thumb stroked back and forth.
With a sigh, I did as I was told. Contentment filled me, and for the first time since he’d left, I was able to sleep peacefully.
I’d chosen this.
It might just turn out okay.