Chapter 31 Collette
My eyes popped open when Ian’s hand left mine. Fear raced through me at the thought that he might leave me again.
“It’s okay. I’m just going to get some dinner ready for us.”
He grabbed my hand again and lifted it to his lips for a kiss.
“Take a shower, then we can eat.”
The words he said made sense, but I wasn’t thrilled to have to leave his side.
I took a sniff and winced. Several days of no self-care had taken its toll on me.
“Got it.”
Not worried about him disappearing in my need to shower, I hoped that he hadn’t gotten too big a whiff.
Scurrying out of bed, I dove into the bathroom and took a look at my appearance.
“Ugh!”
I needed to brush my teeth first. After puking and then fainting, my breath smelled terrible. Not what I considered sexy or something that I could use to keep him from leaving me.
It must have been more than just attraction that he felt for me because I wasn’t anything to look at. The dark circles under my eyes made me appear weak and fragile.
The reflection staring at me looked horrible. No one could even be attracted to me with the way I looked right then.
I must have scared him pretty badly because he hadn’t mentioned my appearance until after I’d eaten and slept for a bit first.
Maybe it wasn’t love, but it was the only time I could remember that anyone besides Andy had cared enough to worry about what happened to me. I was filled with a bit of giddiness at that idea.
The warm shower spray felt soothing to my skin as I let the soap wash off all the grunge from the past few days. I felt revived already, and I knew it would be more so when the shower was over and I could get some more food in me.
My hair felt stringy and oily after not washing it for almost a week. I rinsed the shampoo out and rewashed it a second time before putting the conditioner in.
It felt like I was stalling, but I had to figure out what to do with all the emotions that I was feeling.
Even with all of the doubts I’d had about Ian, he’d still managed to sneak into my heart. I couldn’t decide if it was the real thing or because I wanted it so badly.
Was it because I was so needy? Did I have a sign flashing over my head that said ‘needs attention’ that drove everyone away? Why had Ian taken on the task?
I didn’t want to be someone’s project, but I felt like he was being genuine with his words. Like I was someone he cared about. Did that make it better, though?
Now, ninety-five percent certain that he wasn’t Andy’s killer, I wanted that last bit of proof.
The hallucination that I’d had of Andy caused me to pause as I thought about what it meant.
He wanted me to find the killer, but what if I died in the process? Dying had never worried me before. It had always been a foregone conclusion that it would happen someday. This instance had been a close call.
Now that I was an adult, I hadn’t had issues with staying alive. As a child, it had always seemed like I was about to die when I’d been tossed into the dark closets. From the perspective of a small child, it had always seemed life or death. Starvation had been the norm. I’d even dreamed about what it would be like to die from lack of food.
Now I wondered if maybe it had only been a few hours instead of days when they’d put me in the closets. To a child, my perspective could have been way off and it might not have been as drastic as I’d always imagined.
When Ian had first stuck me in the dark basement, I’d felt like it had been weeks, maybe months. Instead, it had been five days, less than an entire week. Time felt different in a place where things seemed timeless.
Perspective was a much different thing as an adult and I wasn’t sure that I’d had any of it right before.
The hot water would never run out in his fancy condo, but I needed to finish up so that I could eat. The thought of food made my stomach rumble.
I cut off the shower and got dressed. Clean clothes, and a clean body, always made things feel better. Circumstances might not have changed, but the way I was thinking had.
Ian was about to come into contact with the real me. The one that I didn’t let anyone else see.
For the moment, all my walls were gone. He had complete access, and it was time to let all the emotions in and see where it led me.
***
The doorbell rang just as I walked out of the bathroom and hurried into the living room.
Ian smiled as he gave the driver a tip before holding out the bag of Chinese food with the words Golden Kim Tar on the side.
“Dumplings? Noodle soups?”
I peeked and gave an excited little squeak.
I knew he’d paid attention to me, but this was above and beyond. He’d managed to order everything that I wanted to have as comfort food.
“My favorite foods, thank you.”
Impulsively, I kissed his cheek before prancing to the table.
Only Andy had ever done something like this. The similarities between the two men were amazing. The more I got to know Ian, the more I felt that they would have been great friends. I would have been the thing that brought them together.
Dinner was spent telling funny stories of food orders gone wrong. My past was full of them.
Laughter filled the air.
“You’re serious. You actually would wait for the pizza guy to be buzzed in and then meet him in the hallway to take it from him?”
Ian was incredulous. “No way.”
“Yep. Then my friend would meet him when he came back because of course we’d eaten all of the first set. Sometimes it would be a couple of different types of food in some of the larger complexes.”
I grinned.
“When you’re a hungry foster kid, you take whatever you can get. We’d eat everything we could until we were stuffed. Then the leftovers were snuck into the basement. In the winter, they didn’t have to be refrigerated if we sat them near the window. In the summer, it was a little harder to pull off, but we’d find an ice bin that wasn’t used often or keep the stuff in an ice chest down there.”
“You were something else, weren’t you?”
He chuckled. “All those brains and the best you could do was swipe food to help you survive. No one ever called the cops on you?”
“We didn’t do it often enough to have them called. It happens enough in the big city that most people don’t report it and the delivery companies wind up taking the loss because they made the mistake.”
“That’s one of the things that intrigued me when I interviewed you. You’re super smart. It’s something that you’ve proven again and again.”
He shook his head.
I smiled at the compliment and brought up the subject I’d been considering in the back of my mind while we’d been here. "I want to talk about the contract."
His gaze sharpened and cooled, the man I’d spent the afternoon with vanishing into his other face. "Need to talk" wasn't a phrase he enjoyed.
"You signed it, Collette," he replied, smirk curling his lips. "And you've always been free to leave. You've chosen this. You're not unhappy, are you?"
His words were smooth but I heard the new edge beneath them. I took a deep breath. It wasn’t like me to hesitate, but I didn’t want to spoil this either. I wanted him, but I needed to find Andy's killer too.
"Not unhappy," I said slowly, "but things need to change."
I pressed on, my words spilling out like a dam breaking. "You've controlled every aspect of my life since I started working for you. Kept me alone, kept me in the dark, denied me sex."
My heart pounded in my ears as I continued, "I want... no, I need to have some say in how this works. If we're going to continue—"
"If?" he interrupted, voice sharp.
"If," I countered, surprising even myself with my boldness.
For a moment, silence stretched between us, a taut string ready to snap. Then, he spoke, "A safe word. Limits. Rules. You want a new contract, don't you?"
I nodded. To my astonishment, Ian inclined his head.
"Fine," he said calmly. "We'll put it all in writing. You'll have your contract, your safe word. If that's what you need to feel secure."
I blinked, caught off guard by his ready acceptance. "You... agree?" I asked, unable to keep the skepticism out of my tone.
His lips twitched. "I'm a reasonable man, Collette. I value your presence. If this will ease your mind, we'll make it happen."
We turned our attention to the remnants of the meal on the table. I nibbled as we spoke.
Ian's tone was matter-of-fact, as if we were discussing a business deal. "Non-negotiables," he stated, steepling his fingers. "I decide the schedule. You'll agree to the measures needed to keep you safe. No other men."
"And my limits?" I interjected, my confidence growing.
He met my gaze, unflinching. "Specify them."
I took a deep breath, feeling more in control of the situation. "I want freedom to leave the basement, a clear understanding of punishments, and no physical harm that leaves lasting marks."
Ian's brow arched. "Reasonable," he said, jotting this down on his phone with lightning speed. I couldn't help but feel a glimmer of hope as I watched him take my boundaries seriously.
However, I knew better than to let my guard down completely. The contract still needed to be drafted, and it was yet to be seen whether Ian would truly honor its terms. I could only trust him as much as I dared, knowing full well there were consequences for pushing too far.
But for now, I reveled in this small victory. I had stood up for myself, and Ian had listened. It was progress, and I clung to that fact as we continued our discussion, the weight of what we were doing slowly sinking in.
Still, I knew I couldn't ignore the signs. Ian's willingness to negotiate, to listen to my demands and make concessions, spoke volumes. Perhaps there was a chance for us after all - a chance to find a balance between his need for control and my need for autonomy.
I just hoped I wasn't fooling myself. Only time would tell if this new contract would be honored. But for now, I was grateful for the opportunity to have a say in how things went, and I vowed to make the most of it.
“The safe word?”
Ian asked. His gaze was steady, his expression thoughtful.
"It should be something neutral," I said, my fingers tracing the condensation on my wine glass. "Something easy to say even under stress."
Ian nodded, considering my words. "How about 'amber'?"
I nodded, letting out a relieved sigh. "Amber it is."
With the safe word settled, we turned our attention to the task at hand. Ian retrieved his laptop from the study, and we settled back into our seats. His focus was intense, but there was a strange new patience to his demeanor.
"Punishments," he said calmly. "You mentioned clarity. Elaborate."
I took a moment to gather my thoughts. "No humiliation in public," I said firmly. "And no more isolation as punishment."
Ian's brow furrowed as he considered my words. After a moment, he nodded. "Reasonable," he said, his fingers flying over the keyboard as he made note of my boundaries.
"Read it over on the computer," Ian instructed, his tone soft but firm. "We'll go over it again when we've had time to think more and finalize it."
I nodded, skimming the document. I’d learned my lesson from the first time I signed a contract.
"Do you feel better now, Collette?" he asked, his voice low and laced with anticipation.
I nodded. The tension between us had shifted, morphed into something heavier, thicker.
Ian stood slowly, his chair scraping against the floor. He moved behind me, his hands resting on my shoulders, firm and possessive. His thumbs kneaded gently into my tense muscles. "You've been very brave tonight," he murmured, his lips brushing the shell of my ear. "But now I think it's time to remind you who's in charge."
My body responded before my mind caught up.
"Stand up," he ordered, his hands guiding me to my feet. I rose, my mind whirling.
"You're mine, Collette," he whispered, his lips brushing against my ear. "Never forget that."
I nodded, my throat dry. "I won't," I managed to say, my voice barely above a whisper.
Ian's hand closed around mine as he led me from the dining room. His grip was firm, an unspoken command to follow without hesitation. We crossed the expanse of his condo, dim lighting casting shadows across the walls.
My heart raced as we entered the guest bedroom. It was just as luxurious as the rest of his place - a massive bed with dark silk sheets, ambient lighting that felt intimate and dangerous.
"Stand here," Ian ordered, his tone brooking no argument.
I obeyed, pulse pounding in anticipation. He stepped closer, fingers tilting my chin up to meet his piercing gaze.
"Strip," he said simply.
Heat rushed to my cheeks, but I complied. My movements were slow, deliberate, as I removed each piece of clothing. The air between us grew more charged with every reveal of skin.
When I was finally bare before him, Ian's eyes roamed my body. I could see his approval in the way his jaw tightened.
"Kneel."
I sank to my knees, gaze dropping instinctively. My breath came faster. It felt different now. The contract, the negotiations, had shifted something between us. There was a new understanding, a fragile trust taking root.
I knew he would push me, test my limits. But I thought now he would respect my boundaries.
Ian circled me slowly, his presence overwhelming. I could feel the heat of his body, the weight of his gaze on my exposed skin. My heart hammered against my ribs as he stopped behind me.
His hands brushed my shoulders, trailing down my arms, igniting my skin with every touch. I shivered, goosebumps rising in the wake of his fingers.
"You wanted a safe word," he murmured, lips ghosting over my neck. "You'll remember to use it if you need to, won't you?"
"Yes," I whispered, voice trembling.
"Good. Now let's see just how obedient you can be."
He reached around, a silk tie dangling from his fingers. With deft movements, he bound my wrists, the fabric smooth against my skin. He was meticulous, ensuring my circulation wasn't cut off, but the restraint was undeniable.
I tested the tie, a thrill rushing through me at the restriction. I could get used to games like this.
"You look beautiful like this," Ian said, his tone filled with dark promises. He traced a finger down my spine, making me arch.
Heat flooded my body at his praise, desire coiling tight in my belly. It was a heady feeling, this mix of vulnerability and power. I was giving myself to him, but on my terms. The knowledge was intoxicating.
I felt the growing ache of anticipation as he continued to touch me, to circle me like a predator stalking its prey. Every nerve was alight, every sense heightened.
Ian's hands explored my body, his touch alternating between feather-light and demanding. He dragged his nails down my back, making me shiver, before gripping my hips firmly.
"You're so responsive," he murmured, his breath hot against my ear. "Every sound, every movement—you're giving them to me. Aren't you, Collette?"
"Yes, Ian," I gasped, my skin tingling wherever he touched.
He maneuvered me onto the bed, my body pliant under his guidance. His fingers found my clit, stroking and teasing with a precision that made my toes curl.
I writhed beneath him, lost in a haze of pleasure. Every kiss, every bite, every stroke was a reminder of his dominance, a demonstration of the power he wielded over me.
He built my pleasure with deliberate patience, stoking the fire within me until I was ready to combust. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, he pulled back, denying me that final push over the edge.
Damn it!
"Please, Ian," I begged, my voice strained. "I need to—"
"Not yet," he growled, his voice sharp and commanding. "You'll come when I say you can, not a second before."
I growled in frustration, my body taut as a bowstring. The denial only heightened my arousal, made me crave his touch even more. It wasn’t that long since all the denial in the basement.
He seemed to revel in my desperation, his eyes dark with satisfaction as he watched me squirm.
Time lost all meaning as he played my body like an instrument, bringing me to the brink again and again, only to deny me at the last moment. I was a mess of sensation, my world narrowed down to his touch and his commands.
He kissed me hard. "Now, Collette. Come for me now."
My release crashed over me like a tidal wave, my body convulsing with the force of it. I cried out his name, stars exploding behind my eyelids as pleasure radiated through every cell.
A moment later he drove into me, his thrusts measured and deliberate. Each snap of his hips sent a jolt of pleasure through my core, stoking the embers of my desire back into a raging inferno.
"You're mine," he growled, his breath hot against my neck. "Every inch of you belongs to me."
I could only moan in response, lost in the intensity of his possession. He reached between us, his fingers finding my most sensitive spot, and I nearly sobbed at the added stimulation.
"Come for me again, Collette," he demanded. "Show me how much you need this."
His words were my undoing. I shattered around him, my inner walls clenching around him as wave after wave of ecstasy washed over me. Ian slammed into me, his own release overtaking him with a guttural groan.
We clung to each other as the aftershocks subsided, our bodies slick with sweat and the evidence of our passion. Ian's demeanor softened, his touch shifting from demanding to tender as he eased out of me.
He untied my wrists with gentle hands, massaging the faint marks left by the silk.
As I drifted off to sleep in his arms, I was happy I’d brought it up. This might work. I just needed to be sure he had nothing to do with Andy’s death..