11. Fate
ELEVEN
FATE
Vivian
I try to ignore the trembling in my bones and the uncomfortable prickle across my skin, having tucked myself into the opposite corner of the room with my thighs tightly clamped together and my tongue pressed to the roof of my mouth.
Ursula said it herself—she hoped I would turn up and come searching for Syasku. She’s been looking for a reason to reinvolve me with Father’s blessing.
The bitch.
I curl deeper into myself.
Syasku stopped cooperating after I was removed from the team. I thought I had been removed because of Ursula, but it was Father who demanded it.
She told me she wanted to continue using me, except Father said no after witnessing what happened during the interview. He supposedly argued that there are over a million women on The Dreadnaut , and the naga could be given someone else, someone less useful, less attached to him. They thought Syasku would bond easily with another; that was the hope. Father believed Syasku’s speaking to me and releasing his genitalia was circumstantial. I was the only woman he’s been in contact with at length besides Ursula, and out of the two of us, I was the fertile one.
But Father forgot Syasku isn’t a human, he’s an alien. His interest in me might not be circumstantial at all.
I could’ve satiated my arousal with someone, and I didn’t. I didn’t even want to.
So for the past month, Ursula brought Syasku women with the idea they could either use one to manipulate him or use sex itself to coerce him into speech. Try as they might, neither worked.
He didn’t respond or interact with any of them.
A heaviness saturates my chest, and my legs clench tighter, confused by the jealousy I feel over Syasku showing another attention. It doesn’t come close to Father’s betrayal or the betrayal of my boss and people I have known since I was a child. I begged them to let me interview him again instead of being locked up in here. I’m sure I could get more out of him. Ursula refused me and Father deferred to her. He never defers to anyone.
That was almost as shocking as discovering Syasku in the first place.
My father is impatient, Commander Pierce is too. Everyone is. Why? I know there’s a war going on and millions have already died, but that’s happening across the universe, not here. They act like the war is right outside the ship and the Ketts are upon us. It doesn’t make sense. Father has people on Earth searching and retrieving old artifacts, that much I know. The soldiers who have returned haven’t kept everything classified.
I understand the importance of encountering a species like the naga and that Father doesn’t play by the rules, but I can’t help feeling like there is a larger ploy I’m not privy to.
I wipe furiously at my face before I can cry again. I’m not one of my father’s favorites, nor have I ever tried or thought I could be; he has enough legitimate children to keep his attention. But I’d thought I meant more than this to him, more than… a pawn he could use whenever it suited him even if he must use me in my ignorance. Numbness spreads through me at the thought.
I have to survive this.
My life might not be great, but Pierce is right, I am lucky. I have always known I was lucky despite my circumstances. I could’ve been born to parents who couldn’t afford the rations to keep me alive. I could’ve been a military baby—war fodder, everyone calls them. I could be in the Dregs, begging for food, hunting roaches, and selling my body.
I could be one of the women Ursula convinced to come here, so desperate to make their lives better that they would put that very life in an aggressive alien’s hands.
Peeling my eyes open, I peer at my reflection in the view pane. My cheeks are ruddy, and my eyes are red and bloodshot.
Be strong.
Feel these emotions and move on. That’s what I’ve always done, and what I need to do now.
“They do not resssspond to begging.”
He did speak to me though.
Pushing aside the few curls that have fallen off my cheek, I shift slightly to peer at him in the mirror behind me. His gaze finds mine in the glass, and I quickly look away.
His chains have been loosened, yet he hasn’t come any closer. Other than settling into a lounging position against the wall, he hasn’t moved toward me at all. All he does is watch me, staring for hours on end. Every time I try to get a glimpse of him without his notice, he notices. It’s annoying. His hearing, sight, and sense of smell are all stronger than mine. I don’t think there’s much I can hide from him, at least not for long.
For hours it’s been like this, me sneaking a glance and him seeing it. It has almost become a game between us, and it’s one I wish I didn’t need to play.
I shift into a sitting position, resting my back on the glass, and face him fully. Unable to hold in a yawn, I flinch away from the bright lights above, wishing for darkness and privacy.
Avoiding his gaze, I peer around the room.
Syasku isn’t the only one watching me. There could be over a hundred cameras on me hidden within the walls. Although there’s probably no more than two or three. When I can’t find where the cameras are hidden, I inhale out my frustration and look at Syasku.
We stare at each other. For how long, it could be hours or days.
I take in his coloring, patterning, body, facial features… There isn’t a part of him I haven’t seen before. I’ve even sketched him. I’ve had ample time to get my fill of his unique characteristics while he was unconscious. He’s corded in muscle, from his biceps to the end of his tail.
He’s long, and if it weren’t for the large band around his lower half, he could easily reach me with his tail from across the room. Fortunately, the band keeps it partially hooked.
Hugging my knees, I know there’s not much I can hide from him. Not anymore. I’m glad I chose one of my more conservative uniforms yesterday. The added layers offer a shield against his eyes, easing how exposed he makes me feel.
Because I am exposed.
He smells so good. Closing my eyes, I shiver. The air is thick with earthy musk, almost good enough to distract me from the worst of my thoughts. There are no purifying air vents, and if I weren’t so determined to stay away from him, I would be struggling not to surrender to the way his scent makes me feel. But the longer I watch him and he watches me, the calmer and more collected I become, and as I do, he seems to relax as well.
He didn’t ask to be here anymore than I did.
Opening my eyes, I go back to watching him.
Time passes in silence. He doesn’t move. Every time I open my mouth to say something, it shuts again, the words lost before they can ever reach my tongue.
What can I say?
Sorry?
Please don’t kill me?
I’ve thought about nothing else, only you. I’m ashamed.
I don’t know why but your hissing comforts me. What’s happening to me?
What did you do to me?!
I’m sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I’m afraid to say any of this out loud. They’re words my father might hear and use against me.
Tiredness creeps in and my eyes hood. Syasku’s form fades. It’s been hours since Pierce dragged me in here, and that was hours after I’d been caught. I’ve been awake for almost two days at this point, and I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to keep from falling asleep. My adrenaline has run out.
Lying down on my side, I blink the sleep haze from my eyes and watch Syasku until I can’t any longer, praying he’s not just waiting for his chance, and this is all a part of some plan. Because if it is…
I’m becoming too tired to care.
As my eyes hood once more, a soft hiss fills my ears and drags me the rest of the way under.