Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
Alex released the steam from a freshly popped bag of microwave popcorn, careful not to burn her fingers in the process. When it was safe, she pulled the bag open wide and dumped its contents into a large plastic bowl.
Grabbing it and the glass of wine she’d recently poured, she made her way into the living room. Her apartment was small, so it only took a few short steps to get from her kitchen to her bright red couch.
Like most of the things she owned, she’d gotten the vibrant piece of furniture on sale. Her apartment was filled with awesome deals and incredible thrift finds she’d discovered over the past few years.
They were awesome and incredible to her, anyway. Thanks to her creative mindset, her tastes were admittedly eclectic. Some would say strange, but to Alex, the space was beautiful.
As beautiful as a one-bedroom apartment in a just okay neighborhood can be.
But it was her space. The one place where she could let her guard down and fully be herself. A safe haven to hide out in after a long, stressful day.
Take tonight, for example.
After working hours at the gallery and then being forced to see Colt again, she’d been filled with tension the entire drive home. But once Alex got inside and took a long, hot shower, everything that had caused her anxiety seemed to melt away.
Almost everything.
Despite her efforts against it, Colt’s face kept popping into her head. His smile. Those eyes. The way he’d looked in his khaki shorts and black t-shirt.
The way he’d looked at her.
Alex set the wine onto a coaster on the coffee table in front of her before lowering herself onto the couch. Bringing her bare feet up so she could sit crisscrossed in her jammies, she grabbed the nearby remote and powered on her TV.
With the bowl of popcorn balanced in the center of her lap, she searched for something to watch. Her body was relaxed, but her mind still needed some help in shutting down. An hour or so of mindless entertainment should do the trick.
That and a glass or two of wine.
Alex reached for her glass, taking a generous sip of the sweet red vino before settling herself back against the plush cushion. Two handfuls of popcorn and another swallow of wine later, someone began knocking on her door.
Every muscle in her body tensed with a start, and she narrowly avoided spilling her wine.
Who the heck would be here at this time of night?
She sat the bowl and the crystal goblet on the coffee table and untangled her legs. Alex rose to her bare feet, making her way to the door. After unlocking the deadbolt, she left the metal chain in place and pulled it open only enough to see the face of the person who’d knocked.
“Colt?” Alex frowned. Though the door would only open a smidge, it was obvious the man had come to her apartment alone. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine. Sort of.” His brows dipped inward. “Look, I know it’s late, and I probably should have called first, but . . . can we talk?”
She was tempted to say no to avoid whatever uncomfortable conversation awaited her. Instead, Alex said, “Give me a sec.” Then she shut the door.
Releasing the chain, she turned the knob and re-opened the door. Alex took a step backward, shifting her body to the side to give him enough room to step inside.
“Thanks. I promise I won’t stay long.” He glanced around as he walked past. “Nice place.”
She shut the door and faced him. “Thank you. I like it.” A tiny shrug. “But something tells me you didn’t drive all the way here to assess my decorating skills.”
Crossing her arms at her chest, Alex waited to hear why he’d shown up on her doorstep unannounced. When his gaze wandered lower, she adjusted her arms, concealing her top’s inadvertent outline of her nipples.
His eyes met hers once more. “I guess you’re probably wondering why I’m here.”
“The thought had crossed my mind.”
Colt’s lips curved into a smile that didn’t quite reach his baby blue eyes. “I, uh . . .” He slid his hands into his front pockets. “I came here to apologize.”
“Apologize?” She frowned. “For what?”
“For earlier, when we were in Garrett and Avery’s kitchen.”
Alex’s mind scrambled to recall the details from the moment he’d mentioned. The only problem was—
“Nothing happened.”
“Technically, no. But . . . it almost did.”
She remembered the way he’d tucked some hair behind her ear. He’d been so gentle. His tone soft and caring. And the way he’d looked at her during those last few seconds alone, if Avery hadn’t interrupted them when she did—
He would have kissed me.
“It’s okay.” Alex blew it off. “Like I said, nothing happened, so . . .” She let her voice trail.
For the next few tense—and highly uncomfortable—seconds, they both stood still and silently stared. When Colt did speak up, his words weren’t any she’d thought he might say.
“You hear anything more from Crawford?”
A rush of disappointment raced through her veins.
“Is that why you’re really here? To try to see if I know anything more about your CIA target than what I’ve already told you? Spoiler alert, I don’t. So if that’s what brought you to my apartment—” Alex turned and started for the door.
“I’m not here about Crawford. I came here for you.”
She halted her movements mid-stride, and against her better judgement, she found herself facing him once again. Rather than repeating herself, Alex waited for him to further explain.
“I only asked about Gordan because I needed to know you’re safe.” Pulling his hands free from his pockets, Colt began moving toward her. “As for my reasons for coming here, I already told you I wanted to apologize.”
“Is that all?”
“I also wanted to talk about us.”
Her breath grew still. “There’s an us?”
A flash of hurt flew past his sullen gaze before he blinked it away.
“I know we had a deal, but this whole pretending like nothing happened . . .” His words fell away with a slow shake of his head. “It’s not really working for me.”
Every nerve ending in Alex’s system came to life, and she couldn’t decide which felt stronger, her hope or her fear.
She hoped his memories of that night had held his thoughts hostage the same way they had hers. But she was also afraid he regretted it so much, his intent was to cut ties with her completely.
“What do you mean?” Alex forced herself to ask.
She held her breath and waited, refusing to acknowledge how much she’d miss him if he wasn’t a part of her life.
“I mean what I said. It’s not working, Al. I can’t be around you and act like I haven’t seen you naked.”
His bluntness left her blushing. “Colt—”
“I can’t look at you and not think about that night.” He took another slow step. “I can’t see your gorgeous face and not remember the way it felt to hold you. What it felt like to have you.” His gaze darkened with desire and there was a longing there.
The hope Alex felt did its best to grow exponentially larger, but those damn walls around her guarded heart fought to keep it contained.
“I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with it.”
“Are you really going to stand there and tell me you’re not?”
That was exactly what she wanted to do. But it would have been a bold-faced lie.
“It’s late,” Alex blurted. “And I-I have to be at the gallery first thing in the morning, so—”
“I want you, Alex.” Colt continued closer, not stopping until he was inches away. “I thought one night would be enough, but—”
“It wasn’t,” she heard herself whisper.
His lips lifted to form a genuine smile. “Not even close. But I need to be clear about something. I didn’t come here tonight looking for a repeat of our one-night stand. Although”—his handsome face twisted—“would it still be considered a one-night stand, since it would be our second time together?”
“Coulter . . .”
“Right. Sorry.” He gave a quick shake of his head.
“My point is, I know it’s crazy, and trying to be in an actual relationship with someone like me would be complicated as hell.
But I want more, Al. Don’t get me wrong, sex with you was .
. . wow.” His wide-eyes blinked. “But amazing sex isn’t enough. Not when it comes to you.”
Alex’s heart leaped into her throat as it forced its way through her crumbling walls. “You want more?”
“Yes.”
“With me?”
Colt reached up and framed her face with his hands. “I want to be with you, Alexandria. As in officially with you. No walks of shame or sneaking around. No hiding from our respective siblings or our friends.”
Alex’s head was spinning, and her vocal cords refused to do their job. “I-I . . .” She swallowed hard. “But y-you—”
“No buts,” he cut her off. “I just need to know if you feel the same way. If you want to give this—give us—an actual chance. If you don’t, I’ll respect that and leave here with the promise to never bring it up again. But if you do—”
“I thought you said no buts.”
A touch of humor lifted one side of his mouth. “You’re making jokes.” His crooked smile grew. “Not a very good one, but still. That has to be a good sign, right?”
Alex’s lips twitched, but she cleared her throat and forced herself to step back, just out of his reach. “Your job.”
“What about it?”
“Well, for one thing, you’re gone more than you’re home.”
“Sometimes, yes. But—”
“Ah, ah, ah.” Her head slid slowly from side-to-side. “No buts, remember?”
Colt pressed his lips together in a thin line. “My apologies.” He motioned toward her. “Please. Continue.”
“You also make a living by lying and sneaking around. You’ve lied to me.” Her voice grew thick. “To our family and friends.”
“I already explained all that, Alex. I kept everyone in the dark because I wanted to—”
“Protect us. I know.” She nodded. “And I believe you.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“It’s still lying, Colt. And the thing is, you do it so flawlessly.”
“Uh . . . thank you?” He sent her a questioning stare.
“That wasn’t a compliment, you idiot.” Alex scowled. “I’m saying I don’t know how I can be in a relationship with you if I’m not even sure I can trust you.”
He flinched, a clear sign that her blunt honesty had hurt him. “You can trust me, Alex.”
“I want to believe that.”