Chapter 12 #2
“Then believe it.”
“I wish it were that simple.”
“It is.” He took a broad step toward her.
“It’s really not.” She pulled in a deep breath. “The truth is, the last serious relationship I was in ended because I literally caught the guy with his pants down. The jerk was having sex with his personal assistant in our apartment,” Alex huffed. “In our bed.”
A low curse escaped from under Colt’s breath as his hands came to a rest at his hips. “The guy’s obviously a moron, but I’m not him, Alex.”
“No.” Alex smiled sadly. “You’re not. Evan’s a terrible liar.
In my gut, I knew. Even before I saw it with my own eyes.
Not the specifics, but I could feel that something was off.
It’s why I went home early that day. Deep down, I think I knew exactly what I was going to find.
But with you . . .” A rush of tears welled in her eyes.
“The truth is, Coulter, I want you, too. I have for a really long time.”
Surprise crossed over him. “Why didn’t you ever say anything before now?”
“What would have been the point? Like I said, you’re never here, so even if you—”
“What if I was?”
Alex sent him a look of confusion. “What do you mean?”
“I mean”—Colt moved closer—“what if I wasn’t always gone?”
“But you are.”
“But what if I wasn’t?” When she hesitated to respond, he said, “Answer the question, Alexandria.”
Her heart gave a hard kick, and a line of shivers followed the length of her spine. Alex didn’t know what it was about this man saying her full name, but every time he did, it made her feel all tingly inside.
“Fine.” She sighed. “If you were here in Charlotte full-time, then things might be different. But hypotheticals are worthless, because the fact is, you’re not.”
Rather than frown, as she’d expected, something akin to hope shone behind Coulter’s magnetic gaze.
“What if I told you I’m leaving the agency?”
Alex didn’t dare let herself hope. “Colt, don’t—”
“I’m serious, Alex. Once this thing with Crawford is put to bed, I’m out.”
Her pulse raced, and her heart pounded hard against her ribs. She searched his blue stare, looking for so much as the slightest sign of deception.
“I can’t tell if you’re lying,” she whispered.
And wasn’t that the crux of the problem? Her inability to know for sure whether he was telling her the truth.
“I’m not lying.” He took another step forward. “I put my papers in after L.A.”
“Why after L.A.?”
“Relax.” Colt smirked. “I’ve been tossing around the idea of leaving for about a year.”
“So it has nothing to do with me?”
His spicy male scent consumed her as he stopped well within her personal space. “I didn’t say that,” he rumbled low. “But you’re not the only reason.”
“You’ve been with the CIA for a long time, Colt. Why do you want to leave now?”
“It’s time.” He shrugged. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s been a fun ride. But I’m ready for a change.”
“And you think you’ll find it here?”
“Honestly? I’m not sure. What I do know is I have to at least try.”
“Try what, exactly?”
“Putting down roots. And I’d really like it if I could start with you.”
“You want to put down roots with me?”
“I want to date you,” he amended. “I want us to go to dinner and the movies and do normal couple things.”
“What about work?”
Colt shrugged the concern away. “I’ve already put out a few feelers, and with my background and experience, finding steady employment won’t be an issue. The thing that worries me, the only thing that’s been keeping me up at night, is not knowing what’s going to happen between us.”
Alex stared back at him, unable to find the words to form a proper response. Countless questions and thoughts swirled around in her head as a wave of emotion caused her heart to swell.
“You want to . . . date me?”
“Among other things,” Colt rumbled, his kissable lips rising into a breath-stealing grin.
“What about Garrett?”
“Meh.” He shrugged. “The guy’s cute enough, I suppose. But I have no interest in dating him. Plus, he’s my brother, so that would make things even more awkward than they already—”
“I’m serious, Colt.” Alex crossed her arms at her chest like before. “Have you even told him you’re CIA?”
“Not yet, but I will.”
“When?”
“Tomorrow.” He looked and sounded sincere. “I would have told him tonight, but I figured it was best to have that conversation in private.”
“You’re really going to tell him?”
“I already have plans to swing by the office tomorrow afternoon. I’m going to tell him the truth while I’m there.”
“What about us?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you plan to tell your brother about us, too?”
“There’s an us?” He smirked with a repeat of her earlier question.
Alex’s heart felt like it would burst out of her chest. “I don’t know, is there?”
“That’s up to you, sweetheart.”
Was she ready to put herself out there again?
If not now, then when? And if not with this man, then who?
She questioned her sanity because, in that moment, Alex found herself wanting to say yes. To the dating. The dinner and movies. Because deep down, she also wanted more.
So what’s stopping you?
Not a what.
A who.
Evan, or rather, the pain and heartache she’d suffered because of the cheating asshat, is what kept her from an immediate yes. If they did this, if they actually attempted to be together as a real, normal couple, it would open her back up to the possibility of being hurt.
On the other hand, if she continued living a life of guarded solitude, she’d end up all alone. And wasn’t that the very reason she’d used to push Avery into taking that cruise?
It’s where her sister first met Garrett and what brought both him and Colt into both their lives. And as scary as strings and roots were, Alex knew she’d be a giant hypocrite if she didn’t follow her own advice.
Don’t you want more out of life?
That had been the question she’d asked Avery all those years ago. Back when Alex was spending a lot of nights out on the town, still fresh off of her breakup with Evan.
She and Avery had been sitting at a bar, and Alex had been encouraging her introvert sister to put herself out into the world. She’d dared the other woman to go on an adventure by taking a cruise to the Bahamas all by herself. If memory served, the exact words she’d used that night were—
It’s time you crawled out of your shell and start living.
“If not now, then when?”
“Sorry, what?”
Alex blinked with the realization that she’d whispered the words aloud.
The question was one she’d asked Avery that night at the bar. She hadn’t meant to actually say them aloud. But now that she had, Alex couldn’t bring herself to think of anything else.
If you don’t take a chance on something real now, you might wake up one day to realize it’s too late.
Colt lifted a hand slowly toward her face before palming one cheek.
“Alex, you and I both know how short life can be. We’ve witnessed too many close calls not to see it.
And I know that, whatever’s going on between us, it might seem like it’s coming out of left field.
But the truth is, you and I have been dancing around each other for years, and frankly I’ve decided it’s time for us to stop. ”
“Stop what?”
“Pretending.” His toes slid closer to hers as his entrancing blue gaze held her captive. “Come on, Al. Whatdoya say we take this thing for a spin and see where it goes?”
She wanted to. For years, Alex had secretly wished for this moment to come. Now that it was here, she couldn’t help but wonder—
“What if we crash and burn?”
“Then at least we’ll know we tried, and we won’t live the rest of our lives wondering ‘what if’.”
“What ifs do suck,” Alex nodded, the muttered comment meant more for herself than him.
Colt’s deep chuckle rumbled through the space between them. “Hell yeah, they do.”
Her heart skipped and her breaths stuttered as she whispered a soft, “Okay.”
“Okay?” His dark brows shot up. “As in you want to—”
“See where this thing goes?” She covered the back of his hand with hers and leaned into his touch. “What the hell?” Alex shrugged. “I mean, really, what do we have to lose? It’s not like you and I were that close to begin with.”
As expected, Colt let out a boisterous laugh. “See?” He rested his forehead against hers. “That’s what I love about you. I can never predict what you’ll do or say.”
She pulled back so she could see his eyes. “Is that all you love?”
“I also love touching you.”
“Yeah? Why don’t you prove it.”
He brought a hand to her lower back and pulled her body flush with his.
Alex grinned. “Is that all you’ve got?”