215 Days
Rhea walked into Zoe’s house armed with a wrapped gift in one hand and a boyfriend in the other.
The day before, when Danny was driving Rhea home, he received a work call. He looked at Rhea apologetically and said, “We’ve been playing phone tag, so I’m gonna grab this, but I’ll make it quick.”
Rhea smiled and said, “Of course,” excited to see Danny work; watching him be a business owner had become foreplay.
He answered the call, listened politely for a moment, then said, “Hey, can I actually call you back in a few minutes? I’m just dropping my girlfriend off.”
Rhea froze and held her breath. The word girlfriend had slipped out of his mouth so effortlessly she was not sure he knew he’d said it. She snuck a glance at him, and a microscopic upturn of his lip gave him away.
“So…I, uh, just called you my girlfriend.”
“Uh-huh…”
“It was an accident—but…how do we feel about that word?”
“We love that word.”
They walked briskly up fifty-two steps and reconsummated their relationship for an hour. Danny made an extremely apologetic work call on his drive home.
The following day, as Rhea and Danny entered Zoe’s living room, Rhea leaned over to Danny and whispered, “I’m about to use that word a bunch, so buckle up.”
“Do you wanna do a practice run?” he asked.
“Hello, this is my boyfriend, Danny.”
“You’re putting a little too much mustard on it. Just let it roll off your tongue. Real casual.”
“Oh, hey, this is my boyfriend, Danny.”
“Perfect.”
—
Zoe’s house was decorated with vases of fresh flowers on every surface; she’d insisted on throwing Ada a baby shower to pay Ada back for throwing her a surprise baby shower.
But Ada had refused. Zoe had just given birth; she was not about to let her postpartum friend go through all the work of party hosting.
Zoe had badgered her for weeks until she finally relented, but, since this was her third child, Ada made everyone call it a “sprinkle.”
“Please don’t shower me, just a light sprinkle is all I need.”
So far, Zoe had gone against her wishes and drenched her house in baby-themed décor, complete with what looked like a four-tiered wedding cake and a massive pile of gifts. Rhea placed her gift with the others and internally promised herself not to let all the baby-crazy energy get in her head.
The inevitable had taken place: Due to their relationship consummation, Rhea was now emotionally barnacled to Danny; she could never give her Edible Gardener up under any circumstances.
She’d made her bed and was having amazing sex on it; there was no turning back.
She forced herself to be firm in her decision and made it official by ripping all the child models off her vision board and throwing them in the garbage.
But she knew her ego was going to try to ruin everything.
Her ego was a terrible roommate. She wished she could move far away from it, but wherever she went, her ego would follow.
So she gave her ego strict orders to think only of Ada on this day and not to for one second think about herself.
She told her ego to be happy for her friends, celebrate their blessings, and stop balking at the fact that this was technically Ada’s third baby shower and there seemed to be no end to all the fertility festivities.
She gave her ego one caveat: If it had to focus on Rhea Darby, she insisted it should only feel grateful about her new boyfriend and rejoice in the gorgeous man on her arm.
Her ego was already fighting back. What about all this love and attention?
Everyone gathered to commemorate Ada’s miraculous ability to create human life, and we’re just never going to have a baby shower? Ever?
Rhea reminded her ego that they could no longer live without Danny Beckett, and her ego reluctantly agreed, which allowed Rhea to take a calming breath and look for the friend she was determined to celebrate.
Ada was perched on a love seat, wearing a flower crown—a queen on her throne.
A queen holding her screaming two-year-old while trying to have an adult conversation with Zoe’s husband, who was holding his screaming infant.
Rhea and Danny approached the star of the sprinkle, and Ada took Ekele off her lap so she could stand up and embrace them.
Ekele cried so hard at this turn of events that he began choking.
Ada tried to give Danny a proper greeting, but Ekele’s life seemed to be on the line, so she turned back to her son, and Rhea slowly pulled Danny away from the drama.
Rhea moved through the shower, introducing Danny as her boyfriend to Marcus and Jason and Ada’s parents, siblings, cousins, and college friends. Rhea wished their reactions were slightly more subtle.
“Rhea has a boyfriend? Well, this is amazing news!”
“Boyfriend?! What?!”
Danny handled it well; he was charming and funny, and by the time they were each done with their second Bloody Mary and had witnessed shock about Rhea’s new boyfriend from almost everyone at the sprinkle, Rhea started to relax and enjoy herself.
She noticed Tiny exit the powder room, wiping her mouth, as if she had just thrown up. Tiny saw Rhea and Danny hand in hand and broke into a grin.
“Wow, this morning I thought I would never smile again, but this…How could I not smile at this?”
“And it’s all because of you,” Rhea said.
“Well…you guys helped a little.”
“Why’d you think you would never smile again?” Danny asked.
Tiny gave Rhea a look. He asks questions?
Rhea returned the look. I know, he’s wonderful.
“Because, Danny,” Tiny began, “I am one thousand months pregnant and it turns out pregnancy feels like being hit by a truck and getting stuck in the fuckin’ tires and just rolling ’round and ’round for almost a full year.
I slept in my bathtub last night ’cause sitting in water is the only thing that helps the searing pain all over my body, and Epsom salt shrinks my hemorrhoids.
But I am not allowed to sit in hot water because apparently that’s bad for this little asshole,” she said, pointing at her stomach, “so I fell asleep in lukewarm water, and when I woke up in freezing cold water, smiling ever again seemed like an impossibility.”
“Oh God, you spent the whole night in there?” Rhea asked. “Did Jason try to wake you up?”
“Jason and I are not on speaking terms.”
Rhea looked across the living room at Jason, who was standing with Marcus, drinking a Bloody Mary and lamenting the disappointing turn in the Dodgers’ season.
“Man, I’m so sorry,” Danny said. “Does eating help or make it worse? Do you wanna go sit, and we can make you a plate?”
Tiny looked at Rhea, utterly dumbfounded.
Rhea nodded. I know, he’s perfect.
Tiny turned to Danny. “Actually, what would help me a lot is if you would go over there and tell Jason exactly what you just said and have him come over here and repeat it to me. He seems to think there’s nothing he can do for me, but that’s only ’cause he never offers to do anything!
” She said the last part loud enough for Jason to hear; alas, he was locked in the Dodgers discussion.
“But to answer your question, food makes it much worse, and while I was barfing for the third time today, I decided I’m never eating again…and this is why Jason stopped asking me if I need anything, ’cause my answer is always no. It’s not his fault. He’s in hell too. I’m beyond help.”
“What is that?” Rhea asked.
Tiny turned and saw what had just pulled Rhea out of the conversation.
“Oh, Ada’s maternity shoots,” Tiny said.
They were looking at several eight-by-ten-inch photographs, all hanging on one string like a garland above Zoe’s fireplace. The subject in each photo was a visibly pregnant member of Ada’s social circle.
“What?” Rhea asked as her heart began thumping.
“Ada started taking maternity photos…just as, like, a hobby…. You didn’t know that?”
“No…I did not know that.” Rhea slowly walked toward them.
Zoe, at six months pregnant, wearing white underwear and a white button-down with the lower buttons undone, showing off her rounded belly.
Tiny, at five months pregnant, standing in front of her gorgeous garden boxes with Jason’s arms wrapped around her, cradling her womb.
Ada’s sister, standing in a field of poppies, wearing a poppy flower crown, one hand holding a single poppy while her other hand caressed her fertile uterus.
Ada’s friend from MIT, more of an edgy mom, standing in front of a graffiti-covered wall with her black jeans unzipped and her Ramones T-shirt tied in a high knot, exposing her perfectly spherical tummy.
Rhea started blinking. “Why are they…here?”
“I guess Zoe thought they would be a good baby shower decoration…like a celebration…of motherhood?” Tiny was now aware that Rhea was destroyed and struggling to stay upright.
“Why didn’t Ada tell me she started taking…maternity photos?”
“Oh…I’m sure she meant to, it’s just—”
“Totally fine. And makes sense ’cause…I’ve never been pregnant.
” Rhea coerced her eyes to stop blinking and arranged her lips into a smile.
She pulled Danny over to the kitchen counter so they could pour themselves another Bloody Mary.
She had to shake this off. Danny was too sensitive and aware.
He would soon piece together, if he hadn’t already, the wild emotions unleashed by those maternity photos, and Rhea was supposed to be his carefree, child-free girlfriend.
She didn’t know what hurt worse, the fact that her best friend would never get a chance to take her maternity photos or the fact that her best friend had taken up a new hobby, one she was obviously passionate about, without telling Rhea.
Ada undoubtedly did not mention her new hobby to spare Rhea’s feelings, which resulted in demolishing Rhea’s feelings.
“You good?” Danny asked.
“Oh, I’m great.”