Chapter Thirteen
Laurence couldn’t believe his luck as he walked at Rose’s side in the rapidly gathering darkness.
Last night in the ballroom had been everything he could have imagined and more as he’d shared a waltz with her.
To see the delight and joy in her eyes while twirling her about the floor in the candlelight had bound him to her in ways he hadn’t anticipated.
And the kiss they’d indulged in afterward had made him believe in love and romance, had made him think that he wouldn’t be his father’s son after all when it came to women.
Within that ballroom, he’d lost a piece of his heart to the woman at his side, the woman who considered herself too sullied to attract any sort of man.
Was he courting her? Absolutely, he was, or at least he was trying to in a roundabout way despite having nothing to his name.
If he thought too long or too hard about it, he’d talk himself out of getting too close to her because of his failings, so he concentrated on shoving those thoughts away for the time being.
So far it was working.
He hoped.
“Where are we headed tonight?” he couldn’t help but ask.
The lantern he carried made the small pool of golden illumination bounce and swing over the dark grass, and coupled with the chill and the scent of wood fires in the air, it was a scene that invigorated him.
So much so that he filled his lungs and exhaled deeply a few times, for his healing was very nearly complete.
Some of his good humor faded. Since he felt better than he did when he’d arrived on the estate, didn’t that mean he needed to get on with his life?
“I thought we’d have a nighttime ramble through the orchards.
” She held up a wicker basket. “There is something about the transition into night as the shadows of twilight fall before it that I can’t resist.” When she turned her head and met his gaze, amusement twinkled in those blue gray depths.
“Also, Cook has asked that I pick a basket of apples so she can make tarts for breakfast as well as bake some for dessert on the morrow.”
An insistent growl emanated from his stomach, prompting a chuckle. “That sounds far too tempting.”
“I agree.” Her shoulder brushed his as she stepped around a small hole in the ground.
“This is my favorite time of year. The way the air feels and smells. The foods. The spices that are used. All the entertainments.” Then she huffed.
“Well, the entertainments that I used to indulge in. Landry Hall hasn’t hosted those for years. ”
Wouldn’t she be surprised when she discovered the bonfire he’d arranged and the small gathering on the lawn near the hedge maze? “That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t visit the parties and such thrown throughout the village or on some of the farms.”
She snorted. “You don’t think those hosts and hostesses will ask me to leave?”
“Doubtful. From all I’ve seen, everyone in the country adores you.
At least from the staff here, they’ve sided with you over your family.
” After transferring the lantern to his other hand, Laurence caught hers in his other, holding on tight when she tried to pull away.
“Regardless of how you keep berating yourself and thinking you need punishment for what happened to you, I rather doubt you are the only young woman in the whole of England who laid with a man and then fell pregnant to have a bastard child.”
“No, I’m not, of course, but—”
He drew them to a halt in order to peer into her eyes. “Do you feel guilty for what you did?”
“No, but—”
“Do you regret that you got with child or bore a babe?”
“Of course not, yet—”
“Did you believe at the time that you truly loved the earl and that you would marry him?”
“I did, however—”
“Then stop torturing yourself. That was years ago. Whether it was fate or destiny, you lived through it and those decisions gave you experience.” He squeezed her fingers.
“Society is too judgmental because most people who speak out against these things are afraid that their sins or mistakes will suddenly be shown in the light of day and then they’ll have to face them. ”
For long moments, she stared at him, her gaze searching his.
What she looked for, he had no idea, but he hoped to God she found it.
Finally, she nodded. “I will mourn the loss of my babe for the rest of my life,” she admitted in a soft voice as a wash of sadness went over her face in the anemic light.
“I know, and nor should you forget.” With another squeeze of her fingers, he moved his hand to cup her cheek. “Keep those memories—that hope—in your heart, but leave the pain and the shame behind. It’d time to step into your future.”
“Even if it’s frightening because I’m not as sterling or good as other women?”
It was heartbreaking that she felt herself not as worthy as anyone else. Yet neither did he, so perhaps he didn’t know what he was speaking about. “I suspect you are better than most of the women in the ton, Rose. Never doubt that.”
“Oh.” She blew out a breath and nodded. “You are far too lovely for my ego, I think.”
“Mmm, I don’t know about that.” But he didn’t release her hand until they’d reached the apple orchard. Beyond that, a smaller plot containing pear trees waited. “I might fancy taking an apple or two for myself tonight.”
“Me, too. I’ve always adored the orchards, and though I’ve been down here many times over the past few years, I don’t know that I’ve indulged my appetite.”
He tossed her a look that felt like confusion. “Why not?”
When she shrugged, the gesture only lifted one shoulder. “I like to walk beneath the branches. Something out here brings me peace and makes me think upon times when everything was simpler, easier.”
Fair enough. It made sense in a roundabout way. “Perhaps those days weren’t easier, it’s just that you have met challenges that have made you stronger. Which you show every time a new problem or concern comes along.”
“I suppose, but there is a time when even a strong woman can’t carry anything else,” she said, but her concentration was on the tree branches overhead.
His chest tightened. “Lean on me if you wish, whatever way you need to.”
Had he revealed too much, too soon?
“You’re a good man, Captain.” Releasing his hand, she went deeper into the orchard. “For now, let us concentrate on the apples.”
Did that mean she was hiding behind her past trauma or that she merely didn’t wish to discuss future possibilities in this moment? Knots of worry pulled in his gut. Or she didn’t think him good enough. Too much a coward to push the issue, Laurence nodded and followed her.
“How many apples does Cook want?”
“Enough to fill the basket I’d imagine. She is quite generous when it comes to desserts.”
For the next half hour, as the shadows of twilight gave way to the midnight velvet of night. Laurence picked apples from the branches above Rose’s head while she took the lower branches. In short order, they’d filled the basket as well as ate an apple each.
“When I was a girl, I looked forward to this month all year. Once the harvests were completed, everyone was in high spirits and looking to have some entertainments to celebrate.”
Laurence heard the smile in her voice before he ever saw it on her face. “What was your favorite game or food or activity?” It was so cozy hearing her speak of something from her past that didn’t bring her pain.
“I remember bobbing for apples was proper fun but cold because water went everywhere.” A chuckle escaped her as she wended her way deeper into the darkened orchard.
“One year my sisters and I dressed up as Muses for an All Hallow’s Eve party my parents threw.
Another year, we were the fates from MacBeth. ”
“I wish I could have seen that,” he murmured as he trailed after her with both the lantern and the basket. “Hearing you cackle would have been worth it as you put candles into carved gourds.”
“Ha.” She shook her head. A gentle breeze flirted with the hem of her skirt and the cape she’d worn. “It was the best fun running amok over the lawn, scaring the adults, and indulging in all the sweets or foods we wanted. On that night, there were no rules.”
“You should plan something like that again, either for this season or for Christmastide.” At the last second, he stopped himself from betraying his secret about the bonfire and small celebration.
When she glanced over her shoulder at him with the light dancing in her eyes, she had every look of a woodland sprite or a fairy elf. “I have thought about it over the years.”
“And?” He hadn’t realized he’d held his breath until she answered, and he let it expel.
“And I might just do that for the Christmastide Season. The outlook for the future is brighter than it has been in years past.”
“What if your parents come for the holiday?”
Again, she shrugged. “Then they do, and they can partake if they want, but if I do this, it is primarily for me. It’s time to bring celebrations back to Landry Hall.
” She drifted close to him and laid a palm on his chest. “And it’s time to start living again.
You’ve made me see that, so thank you, Laurence. ”
“My pleasure.” It didn’t matter that she hadn’t mentioned if he was a part of the future she spoke of. His only goal since he’d arrived was to help her heal and to give her back the happiness she’d lost. In that, he’d finished the mission.
Perhaps it’s time for a new one.
Rose was quite content being in the captain’s company. Coupled with her favorite season and the chill in the air, she realized this night had the potential to be everything she’d ever wanted for her life.