Chapter Thirteen #2
At least for a small portion of it. For so long she’d felt as if she’d been drowning in far too many negative feelings: shame, disappointment, grief, anger, hopelessness.
In fact, she hadn’t been able to see a way out of that vortex for years.
Perhaps she hadn’t wanted to. She’d had no reason to pull herself out.
Yet when Laurence had arrived in her life in dire circumstances, she’d been given a reprieve, a project of sorts, a purpose again in bringing him back to health.
Then once he was definitely on the mend, she’d almost teetered back into that desolate place she’d been since her baby had been taken from her, except that once more, the captain had come to her rescue without knowing it.
As he’d convalesced, he’d spent time with her, went out of his way to make things easier for her or gave her little nudges toward more positive thinking and feelings.
She had been able to live life again, had come to the realization that her existence wasn’t over.
Yes, she would forever mourn the loss of her son, but she also took heart that he had a good life wherever he was now, and that perhaps she might have another child if fate was kind.
Society and her family be damned.
Along the way, she had grown closer to him through that time as well as the carnal intimacies they’d shared, and even though it had only been a week—how was that even possible?
—she felt as if she’d known him forever.
With every meeting, every smile, every joke, every chuckle, the connection between them strengthened.
Where would it end? She didn’t know, but now there were possibilities and excitement. She hadn’t had that in years.
It was lovely as well as a bit frightening to think about.
As they walked through the apple trees that had a bit of a spectral bent to them, she couldn’t quite keep a smile from curving her lips. “What of you, Captain? Did your family celebrate the harvest at your manor house? Did you do anything special for All Hallow’s Eve?”
“When my mother was alive, there was always something in the offing, for she did so enjoy entertaining. Her house parties were always well attended. Sometimes I’d sneak onto the stairs to spy on the guests to see them all rigged out in their finery.”
The grin in his voice prompted one of her own. “Did you carve gourds? Dress up to keep the evil spirits away?” A laugh escaped her. “Or, knowing you, you pestered your cook until she made mountains of food and sweets for you.”
“Oh, I did that all the time. Can I help it if women want to fall over their feet to make me happy?”
“Do stop.” Not able to help it, Rose playfully smacked his shoulder. “You treat everyone you meet as if they matter. That is remembered.”
“Everyone does matter. Regardless of who they are or where they stand in society. I learned that quickly in the military.”
“I wish everyone had that attitude. It wouldn’t make things easier, but it would make them more digestible.” She found his gaze in the darkness. His expression was inscrutable in the golden illumination from the lantern. “Did your mother enjoy the country or was she a London lady?”
“I don’t remember much since she died when I was ten, but she seemed more animated and relaxed in the country.”
“Did you ever go to London as a boy?”
“I only recall one time. It was shortly after my mother died. I went to Hyde Park with one of my friends and his governess. We sailed boats on the Serpentine.” A bit of bitterness entered his voice.
“Later I learned my father was meeting a courtesan and needed his townhouse unoccupied for a couple of hours, which was why I was able to spend the afternoon with my friend.”
“I’m so sorry.” She laid a hand on his arm. His muscles clenched beneath her fingertips. “Did he do that while he was married?”
“I didn’t have the courage to ask, but knowing him? Perhaps, unless grief changed him into a completely different person.”
“It’s possible.” Blowing out a breath, she drew him deeper into the orchard. “Do you still have the townhouse?”
“No, Papa rented it, and the lease lapsed a year before I came home from the military.”
What a horrible life. “We don’t need to continue speaking about your sire.”
He nodded. “I’d appreciate that. Like you, I harbor unsavory memories of the past, and while some of them aren’t of my own doing, they still affect my life.”
It wasn’t until they were through the orchard and into a meadow beyond that that she spoke again. “I feel it’s necessary to remind you, Captain, that you are not defined by your past.”
“Why am I not surprised you’d throw my own words back to me?” Yet there was no censure in his tone, only amusement.
“What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” Happiness mixed with daring in her chest. How long had it been since she’d felt anything beyond grief and hopelessness?
A grunt was his only response.
“Why do I have the feeling that you’re hiding something from me?”
This time, he glanced at her and his dark eyes twinkled. “Perhaps I am.”
“What?” Worry pulled through her belly. “Tell me.”
“No.”
“Are you leaving Landry Hall? You have seemed stronger these past couple of days…” Oh, she wasn’t ready yet!
“I can honestly tell you that is not the secret.” Then he winked, and she gave his shoulder another playful smack.
“That’s not fair!”
“Perhaps not, but I don’t want to spoil the surprise for you.”
Excitement twisted down her spine. “For me?”
“That is your only clue.” And he nodded. “But it’s my hope you’ll adore it.”
“If you tell me what it is, you can find out immediately.” When he remained quiet, she huffed in mock annoyance even as her mind raced and anticipation tingled over her skin. “Well, there are other ways I can try and force that secret from you.” Dear heavens, there was no stopping her now.
His brow crinkled. “How?”
“This.” Feeling more lighthearted than she had in far too long, Rose pushed into his arms, tugged his head down, and kissed him.
How much did she love feeling the press of his lips on hers and the heat of him seeping into her body?
When a low moan tugged from his throat, she giggled and shoved him away.
“Catch me if you can, Captain.” Clearly, she’d found her inner hoyden after all these years.
Interest lit his face in the light of the lantern “What do I win if I do?”
Awareness of him raced over her skin. “I guess you’ll have to catch me first.” Then with a laugh, she ran through the meadow and reveled in the chilly air.
It took the captain all of three minutes before he caught her.
The basket fell to the ground, and after he set the lantern carefully down, he pulled her into his arms, kissed her with a thoroughness that stole her breath.
When she lost her footing, he took full advantage by tumbling both to the tall grass and used an arm to cushion her descent.
“I’ll start my prize with another kiss,” he said in a low voice seconds before he claimed her lips again and didn’t let up even when a certain dizziness assailed her and the queer feeling of falling cocooned about her.
Was this what falling in love truly felt like? This being linked to another person despite the odds, despite the past, despite the uncertainness because their very presence bellied those fears?
If it was, she wouldn’t fight it any longer, for it was too delicious. Then she gave herself over to his care and eager hands, and it was as glorious as anything she could have imagined.