1. KORIE #2
When Cole finally reaches us, his chest is heaving. He shakes his head as he clings to the rung of the ladder. “Remind me never to challenge you guys again.”
His awestruck tone hits something I can’t quite keep buried. Unexpected sadness creeps through me, darkening the edges of my heart. I turn away from Holden as he brags about old wins, too afraid I’ll see it—that flicker of heartache that never fully went away.
Every time I think I’ve moved past that part of my life, something drags me back—to the chlorine, the roar of the crowd, the scoreboard flashing my name.
My deadname.
We had been so close to victory. Expected to fight for gold at nationals. But two weeks before the biggest meet of our lives, I walked away without warning—even to Holden.
We’d trained together for nearly a decade. Talked about it every day. But living in that spotlight, at a time when I desperately needed privacy, was suffocating me.
Sometimes, it still does.
Taking a deep breath, I dive back into the water and swim over to Mateo, trying to slip into whatever nonsense he’s getting into with Camila. The past doesn’t linger long. It rarely does around my friends. Soon, I’m splashing and tackling Holden again.
When we finally climb back onto the boat, we’re all tired and dripping everywhere. Hattie lifts a bench seat to pull out some towels while I dig out the fried chicken for lunch.
We sit around the food, feet kicked up and talking as we fill our bellies. My limbs are heavy, and the conversation dulls to a quiet rumble in the back of my head. I’m suddenly drowsy.
Grabbing a towel, I sneak off to the shallow, exposed loft above the captain’s quarters. It’s small, barely enough space for two people to stretch out in the sun, but it’s been my favorite spot for as long as we’ve been using the boat. Somewhere I can listen in or tune everything out.
As I spread the towel out, I can hear Holden and Hattie laughing with the others, someone cracking open another can, and the crinkle of a chip bag.
I exhale slowly. I’m safe here.
As carefully as I can, I slip out of my swim shorts and set them to the side.
The bright green swim briefs I was wearing underneath are a little loose, so I tighten the ties on each hip before I lie on my back.
It’s not a swimsuit I’d usually wear in front of anyone, except for maybe Holden and Hattie. But it’s better for catching some sun.
Closing my eyes, I let my mind drift and muscles relax—at least until Holden’s voice startles me sometime later.
“What are you doing?”
I lift my head, glaring at him as he grips the railing of the ladder at my feet. He’s holding two water bottles and wearing his sunglasses.
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m tanning.”
“Looks to me like you’re avoiding people.”
“So?”
He nudges my leg. “Scoot over.”
I sigh and make room for him. We fit a lot easier in this space fifteen years ago.
Holden drops beside me on his stomach, offering me a water bottle. I take it but don’t open it.
For a moment, neither of us speaks, and then he lowers his voice and asks, “You okay?”
His worry is unmistakable. Of course he would’ve seen my pain earlier. No one recognizes that loss more than he does.
“Fine,” I say, forcing a smile. “Are you going to ask Cole out or what?”
He sputters a laugh. “What?”
“Oh, come on. He’s cute, and I saw you looking at him.”
Holden’s cheeks turn a little pink. “He’s… not interested in dating anyone right now.”
I tilt my head, then burst out laughing. “Oh my God. You already tried, didn’t you?”
He shoves me. “Shut up.”
I laugh harder. “You’re hopeless, Holden.”
He wraps an arm around me, stifling me against his shoulder. His skin is warm from the sun.
When I finally settle down, he pulls away and twists the cap off his water bottle, taking a long gulp. His smile is jaded. The poor guy has definitely had a bad streak lately—both in dates gone wrong and rejections.
I wish I understood it, because in my eyes, Holden is a catch. He’s genuinely the best person I know.
I shift onto my stomach and open my bottle. We lie shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip in the tight space.
He glances at me. “You going to the family dinner next week?”
I make my best what-do-you-think face. “It’s my mother’s birthday.”
He grins. “Right. Dumb question.”
“Why do you ask?”
“Caleb’s coming in.”
“Oh, yeah?”
He takes another drink. “I haven’t seen him since he moved to L.A.”
“Does he like it there?”
“I think so, yeah. I’d be surprised if he ever moved back.”
I don’t miss the longing in his voice. Holden misses his older brother more than he’s willing to admit, which is something I can relate to. Both of my adopted older brothers have moved away too, so our family get-togethers are not the same as they used to be.
“Sucks that things have to change,” I say quietly.
He catches my eye. “Sometimes, yeah. Other times, I think it’s needed.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
He gestures to the open sky. “I needed this, Kor. Today, I mean. I needed a break from routine.”
I fold my arms under my head and lie down, humming. “Yeah, I think there’s only one thing that could make it better.”
“Let me guess. It’s food?”
I gasp and kick his leg.
He rolls to his side, laughing.
“Remember that seafood restaurant we went to a few years ago?”
Holden squints. “You’re gonna have to be more specific. There’s like a thousand seafood places in San Diego.”
“The one right on the pier with the water beneath us. I think it’s called Calypso. We sat outside facing the ocean, and a gull tried to steal Hattie’s bun.”
It finally clicks, and his eyes widen. “Oh! Yeah. And they had those garlic butter shrimp skewers and the clam chowder that you made me try.”
“Which you loved,” I point out.
“Mmm, no. I tolerated it.”
I scoff. “Liar.”
He grins. “Okay, fine. It was good.”
Holden hates clams, so when I insisted he try it, he assumed that meant it didn’t taste like clams at all. I was right, of course. The food was delicious.
“We should go there for dinner when we get back.”
Holden shrugs easily. “Sure, but only if you buy me a drink.”
“Deal.”