Chapter 20 #2
I fumbled for one of the condoms in my pocket, tearing it open with my teeth and rolling it on one-handed, never ceasing my gentle exploration of her body.
I imagined sliding into her, feeling her tight heat around me, hearing her moan my name, even as she slept.
The fantasy was so vivid, so consuming, that I barely registered the increased pace of my strokes, the tightening in my balls that signalled my approaching climax before I came hard, spilling the seed into the condom.
The impact of it took me by surprise and I yanked my hand away from her body to grip at her sheets, the way I wanted her to do when I finally fucked her.
"Is that all you do?"
The voice, her voice, cut through my haze of pleasure like a knife.
I froze, my hand still on her sheets, my cock still in my grip, my heart suddenly pounding so hard I thought it might burst from my chest. I looked up to find her eyes open, watching me.
Not glazed with sleep or confusion, but clear. Alert. She'd been awake the whole time.
"What?" I managed, my voice a hoarse whisper.
"I asked if that's all you do," she repeated, her voice steady despite the situation.
"When you come in here at night. Is this all you do?
Touch me and... take care of yourself?" The world seemed to tilt on its axis.
She knew. She'd known. For how long? How many times had she lain there, pretending to sleep while I fucked my own hand over her?
"Yes," I said, finding my voice at last. "This is all I do.
" I should have been ashamed, should have been scrambling for excuses, for apologies.
But the darkness in me, the part that had been shaped by years of my father's cruelty and my mother's twisted love, felt only a surge of excitement.
She knew, and she hadn't stopped me. Hadn't screamed or fought or called for help.
“How long have you known?” I asked, the curiosity eating at me. “How did you find out?” She shook her head slightly.
“Not long. Luce told me about your mum, why she was in Lexington, at lunchtime, and I put it all together.” Ah, yes that made complete sense, and was almost certainly why she was in my room earlier.
"It's not all I want to do," I admitted, the words spilling out before I could stop them. "But it's all I allowed. You know the rules."
“So you didn’t…” she seemed to hesitate, her voice fading at the end.
“Fuck you?” I asked, and she nodded again. I shook my head.
“No, I never fucked you.” She shifted slightly, watching as I pulled the used condom from my cock. It was still hard, probably more so now that I had been caught.
“But you wanted to?” It sounded more like a statement than a question. The words hung in the air between us, loaded with danger and possibility. I could lie, could downplay the depths of my desire. But something in her eyes, something in the stillness of her body, told me she wanted the truth.
"So fucking much," I whispered. "I want to taste every inch of you.
I want to make you come so hard you forget your own name.
I want to fuck you until you can't remember a time before you were mine.
" I paused, swallowing hard. "I want to own you, Poison.
Body, heart, soul. I want it all." She didn't flinch, didn't look away.
"Why don't you just take it? You have the power. I was asleep, I wouldn’t have known."
I shook my head, finally tucking away my hard cock, wincing slightly at the pressure of my pants.
“Because no matter how fucked up I am, no matter how much I want to violate your body in so many ways, I want to violate your soul so much more,” I said.
“And as much as I want to give in to the darkness inside me, I know that darkness is from my father, and I never want to be even an ounce like him.”
“So then why drug me in the first place?” I knew she would ask, knew that she would get around to it.
“Because, my sweet poison, as much as I don’t want to be like my father, I am still from his seed and his darkness is in me. My mum tried to protect me from it, and it put her in that place.” She narrowed her eyes on me.
“Your mum drugged you, how was that protecting you?” I closed my eyes against the memories, the earlier ones, before the hot chocolates. The banging, the screams, the beginning, and what happened when I tried to stop it.
“I was eight years old when I tried to stop my father hurting her,” I said, “He would beat her black and blue, and then rape her pretty much every night. Sometimes he even invited friends over to join in.” Cade gasped, and even in the dim light, I could see the tears in her eyes.
“That’s horrendous,” she whispered.
“I couldn’t stand it. So one night I stood up to my father.
Got one of his guns and pointed it at him.
But I was a young eight-year-old boy, and he was a full-grown man.
He got the gun and then he beat me with it.
” I felt lost in the memory of that night.
The pain of the repeated hits as my father called me every name under the sun for daring to defy him.
“He damn near killed me that night. The last thing I remembered before blacking out was my mum begging for my life.” I looked over at Cade and saw tears on her cheeks.
I reached over and wiped one away, capturing it on my thumb.
I could tell she wanted to flinch away, but she held steady as I relayed my horrors to her.
“It was after that, that my mum started making me hot chocolate. If I was asleep, I couldn’t hear what he did to her. ”
“I am so sorry,” Cade whispered again. I smiled sadly, knowing she truly meant it.
“But it doesn’t excuse you doing it to me,” she said suddenly and my stomach jumped.
“I know, I’m just trying to protect you from my darkness.” I laughed to myself. “Better the devil you know.”
“What do you mean by that,” her tone was sharp. “Logan said something earlier. How is any of this protecting me? You are all keeping me here against my will, holding the livelihood of my grandparents over me.”
"There are worse fates," I said softly, thinking of Dominic Blake, of what awaited her if we failed to protect her. "You have no idea how much worse it could be." She studied me for a long moment, something shifting in her expression.
"Do you record these visits?" she asked suddenly. I nodded, seeing no point in denying it.
"I record everything that happens in this house. And wherever I can on Campus. Every moment, every conversation." I hesitated, then added, "I've been doing this for weeks, Poison. Coming to your room at night. Watching you. Touching you."
"While I was drugged," she said, and it wasn't a question. I didn't bother to deny that either.
"Yes." She nodded, like she was thinking.
"If I want to see these recordings, all of it, I mean. Everything you had." The question caught me off guard. I'd expected anger, disgust, even fear. Not this calm curiosity, this negotiation.
"What do you mean?"
"You said you want me to choose. To submit willingly. To trust you, what would that look like? What would I have to do to see everything you've recorded?" I felt a surge of something that might have been hope, might have been triumph.
"Close your eyes," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "Close your eyes and let me show you what it would be like to be truly mine. Give yourself to me, knowing that there is no going back."
“Close my eyes?” she asked. “Let you win?” I nodded carefully.
My insides were jumping with excitement.
She held my gaze for what felt like an eternity, her blue eyes searching mine for.
.. what? Reassurance? Honesty? Whatever she was looking for, she must have found it, because slowly, deliberately, she closed her eyes.
The sight of her laying there, eyes closed, waiting for my touch, my command, sent a rush of power through me so intense it was almost painful. She was giving me permission. She was choosing this, choosing me.
I stood, my movements silent as I crossed to the door.
I could feel her tension, her uncertainty at what I was doing.
But she kept her eyes closed, trusting me in this small way at least. I closed the door fully, cutting off the light from the hallway, plunging the room into deeper darkness.
Then I turned back to her, my heart pounding with anticipation.
This was it. The moment I'd been waiting for since the first time I saw her sitting on that quad, purple hair gleaming in the sunlight, defiance in every line of her body. The moment she began to surrender.
"Keep your eyes closed, Poison," I murmured, moving back to the bed. "And I'll show you everything."