Chapter 31
Standing at the foot of the staircase, I felt like I was eighteen again, fumbling with a girl's bra for the first time.
Except I'd never had that experience. My firsts had been stolen long before I was old enough to understand what was happening to me.
I pushed those memories away, focusing on the moment, on Cade standing before me, her purple hair dishevelled, her blue eyes wide and uncertain.
This morning, I'd told Ryder what I wanted to do. I'd expected resistance, jealousy, maybe even outright refusal. Instead, he'd surprised me with his enthusiasm.
"She needs you right now," he'd said, his usual manic energy subdued. "After what happened with Alyssa, she needs someone gentle. Someone who understands." His eyes had met mine, a silent acknowledgement of our shared trauma. "Just don't fuck it up, Bowers."
Now, with Cade standing in front of me looking fragile and beautiful, I was terrified of doing exactly that.
Fucking it up. I'd spent hours preparing, sending everyone away with maybe a few threats if they came home tonight, arranging the candles, changing the sheets three times because they didn't feel right.
I wanted everything to be perfect for her.
"Miss Cadence Turner," I said, my voice steadier than I felt, "could I ask for your permission to spend tonight with you?" Her lips parted slightly in surprise, then curved into a smile that lit up something in my chest that I'd thought died years ago.
"Only if I have your permission too," she replied softly, echoing our promise from the hotel room.
The sentiment wasn't lost on me. Permission.
Such a simple word, but one that had rarely been extended to me.
Aside from my encounters with Ryder, where the dynamic was different and controlled, my body had never truly been my own to give or withhold.
The fact that Cade understood this, that she saw me beneath the layers of control and dominance I'd built to survive, made my throat tighten with emotion.
"You have it," I said, extending my hand to her. "All of it."
She placed her hand in mine, her fingers cool and delicate. I nodded to the housemen, who discreetly made their exit, leaving us alone in the grand entrance hall.
"Wow," Cade said, looking up at the candle-lined staircase. "Are you trying to burn the house down? Because I'm pretty sure that would violate, like, a hundred fire codes."
I laughed, grateful for the break in tension. "They're battery-operated. I'm not completely reckless."
"Just mostly reckless then?" she teased, and I caught a glimpse of the old Cade, the one who challenged me and the other Regents at every turn.
It gave me hope that despite everything, her mother's cruelty, the revelations about her childhood, the manipulations she'd endured at our hands, the core of who she was remained unbroken.
"Come on," I said, tugging her gently toward the stairs.
"Let me show you what I've planned." As we ascended the staircase, I was acutely aware of her proximity, the way her hip occasionally brushed against mine, the subtle scent of her shampoo.
By the time we reached the landing, my heart was racing, my palms damp with nervousness.
I led her down the hallway to my room, pausing outside the door.
"If at any point you want to stop," I said, meeting her eyes, "we stop. No questions asked. No consequences. Just say the word." She nodded, a flicker of uncertainty crossing her face.
"I want this, Cole. I want you." I pushed open the door, revealing my bedroom transformed.
More battery-operated candles flickered on every surface, casting a warm glow over the space.
The bed was made with fresh sheets, the comforter turned down invitingly.
A small table held a bottle of wine and two glasses, and soft music played from hidden speakers.
Cade's eyes widened as she took it all in.
"Cole," she whispered, "this is beautiful."
I guided her into the room, shutting the door behind us. Her nervousness was palpable, her body tense beneath my touch. I led her to the edge of the bed and gently urged her to sit, then knelt before her, taking her hands in mine.
"We don't have to do anything you're not ready for," I said, my thumbs tracing circles on the backs of her hands.
"If you change your mind, we can just talk, or sleep, or watch a movie.
This isn't about sex, Cade. It's about you feeling safe.
Cared for." She reached out, her fingers tracing the line of my jaw.
"I do feel safe with you," she said. "After everything that's happened... that's kind of a miracle, isn't it?" I turned my head to press a kiss to her palm.
"Maybe. Or maybe it's just us finding our way through this fucked-up situation together." Her blue eyes searched mine, looking for something, reassurance, perhaps, or sincerity. Whatever she sought, she seemed to find it, because she leant forward and pressed her lips to mine in a tentative kiss.
I remained still, letting her set the pace, fighting the urge to take control.
When she pulled back, her cheeks were flushed, her lips slightly parted.
The sight sent heat straight to my cock, but I tamped it down.
Tonight wasn't about my desires. It was about showing Cade that she was worthy of tenderness, of care, of pleasure freely given.
"May I undress you?" I asked, my voice rougher than I intended.
She nodded, her eyes never leaving mine as I reached for the hem of her sweater.
I lifted it slowly, revealing her pale skin inch by inch.
She raised her arms, allowing me to pull it over her head.
Beneath, she wore a simple cotton bra, nothing like the lacy, provocative lingerie Logan and Ryder often insisted she wear.
Somehow, this was more intimate, more real.
"You're beautiful," I murmured, leaning in to press a kiss to the hollow of her throat. "So fucking beautiful, Pet." I trailed kisses down her collarbone, over the swell of her breasts, feeling her shiver beneath my touch. My hands moved to the button of her jeans, pausing there.
"Still okay?" I asked, looking up at her.
"Yes," she breathed, lifting her hips slightly to help as I eased the denim down her legs.
I took my time, kissing each new expanse of skin as it was revealed, the soft curve of her hip, the sensitive spot behind her knee.
By the time she was down to just her underwear, her breathing had quickened, her skin flushed with arousal.
"Your turn," she said, reaching for the buttons of my shirt.
I tensed involuntarily, and she paused. She looked up at me through her eyelashes.
“I can stop,” she whispered. Despite everything we'd shared, the thought of being completely exposed made me vulnerable in a way I rarely allowed myself to be. But this was Cade, who had seen the worst of me and still looked at me with warmth in her eyes.
“It’s okay,” I said with a smile, forcing my hands to remain at my sides as she unbuttoned my shirt.
Her fingers were gentle as she pushed the fabric from my shoulders, her touch lingering on the scars that marked my skin, reminders of my time in the Underground. She leant forward and pressed a kiss to a particularly jagged one that ran across my ribs, and I felt something inside me crack open.
"You don't have to do that," I said, my voice strained.
"I want to," she replied simply. "Every part of you deserves gentleness, Cole. Even the broken parts. Especially those." I closed my eyes, overwhelmed by the simple kindness of her words. When I opened them again, she was watching me with a mixture of concern and affection that made my chest ache.
"Stand up," I said softly. When she did, I reached behind her to unclasp her bra, letting it fall away.
Her breasts were perfect, full and soft, with pale pink nipples that hardened under my gaze.
I cupped them gently, running my thumbs over the sensitive peaks, watching as her eyes fluttered closed and her lips parted on a silent gasp.
"One day," I murmured, leaning in to take one nipple between my lips, "I'm going to have you tied up and begging, Pet.
" I swirled my tongue around the hardened bud, then gently grazed it with my teeth, drawing a soft moan from her.
"But tonight is about you. Just you." Her eyes widened at the subtle shift in my words, and I looked forward to a time when I could unleash with her fully.
But tonight was about the light, and not the dark.
I hooked my fingers into the waistband of her panties, drawing them down her legs until she stood completely naked before me.
The sight of her, vulnerable, trusting, beautiful, took my breath away.
"Lie down," I urged, guiding her onto the bed. She settled against the pillows, her hair a purple halo around her face, her eyes dark with desire.
I stood and removed my jeans and boxers, feeling her gaze on me as I revealed myself fully to her. My cock was already hard, aching with need, but I ignored it, focusing instead on her pleasure as I joined her on the bed.