Chapter 31 Bode
By the time the sun rises, I’m asleep against the wall in a debilitating position, and Maggie is gone.
The blanket is laid over me, and Gus is staring at me like I’m a major disappointment.
I hoped I would wake up before her, or at least hear her get up, just for a chance to talk to her.
Instead, I’m left in the cold and with a horse whose mood is starting to match mine.
Outside the barn, I can hear my brother talking to someone.
“I was half a second from breaking that record.” I hear the sound of something bouncing off the bed of the truck and push myself off the bale of hay with a groan.
“Rooster’s tough, Levi. He’s been competing way longer, but he gets easy horses during the draws for a reason,” Crew responds. “His uncle is the biggest stock contractor in Montana.”
I hear Levi huff as I stretch and leave Gus in his stall. I knew he had a competition, but I figured he’d be on to the next show, not here.
“He was my friend,” Levi says, and I hate how much he sounds like a kid again.
For as long as I can remember, Rooster and Levi had been glued at the hip.
Everything had been fine until Levi started competing alongside him and then…
things eventually turned sour. Rooster moved to Eastern Montana to train with his Uncle, while Levi spent his early teen years here, training on horses no one could break until Crew came home.
“The rodeo ain’t good for anything but bruisin’ and strokin’ egos.”
“And girls, and fame, and money…” Levi finishes.
“All of which fade, and none of which truly matter.”
I’m grateful for Crew when it comes to Levi.
He has a much better way of understanding my brother when I can’t.
Levi followed in our father’s footsteps, and even though I’m supportive to his face, it doesn’t mean I don’t worry about him.
In fact, most of the time, I do worry about him.
He’s reckless, and I know how much winning means to him, but he doesn’t listen to me about anything it feels like, so if he’ll at least listen to Crew, then I know he’ll be fine.
“Listen, Walker,” Crew grunts, “quit worrying about what happened yesterday. We’ll go out on the lake today, catch a few fish, and tomorrow you’ll start again. It’s that easy.”
“Maybe for you. You didn’t embarrass yourself in front of all of Granite County.”
Fuck. I forgot about fishing today. Crew’s kumbaya way of getting Ford and me in the same vicinity without throwing a punch.
A part of me wants to check on Maggie, but the other part knows it would be a lost cause trying to get her to talk to me.
I step out into the cold and pause at the edge of the barn, just out of sight.
“No, I didn’t. But it’s not about the fall, it’s about how you get back up.”
Levi is quiet for a moment as they fuss with fishing gear before I hear him speak again. “You know, you should write country music.” And then his laugh fills the air, settling the worry for him I hadn’t realized had nestled in my stomach alongside Maggie's.
Crew grumbles and shoves his shoulder back. “Shut up and grab the coolers.”
I bite back my grin and round the corner to help pack the truck.
“What? All I’m sayin’ is you talk like one of those fancy TikTok therapists.” Levi shrugs and lugs the cooler into the bed.
“You invited this idiot?” I bark out.
Crew glances over his shoulder as he fixes the line on one of the rods and frowns. “I’m starting to regret it.”
“Whatever, you both can’t get enough of me, you’re just too afraid to admit it.” Levi’s grin spreads over his face, masking the disappointment that lingered in his voice earlier. “I’m just curious who’s going to tell Logan she has to share the grizzly with me now.”
He isn’t wrong. Having him home, as annoying as he can be, is a balm against my frayed nerves. If he’s here, it’s one less thing to worry about. When he’s on the road, I never know when my cell is going to ring with bad news.
We get the truck packed up, and Crew offers me the keys, but I shake my head.
I'm due for about twelve more hours of uninterrupted sleep, and driving is a bad idea right now. I move around to the passenger seat and watch Ford climb inside. The dirty look he gives me is cold and void of anything but anger. I forgot he was coming today, and now I’m running through a list of excuses to get out of it.
“You coming?” Levi chirps from the other side of the bed when I freeze.
I look up at him, and he’s smiling so bright he could melt the snow.
I nod, pop the back door open, and settle into the back seat.
I give Ford’s seat one good boot, and I know he feels it because Crew looks back at me and shakes his head.
“Children,” he mutters before getting the truck moving.
I look over my shoulder, watching Maggie climb down the hill to get back to work, and an overwhelming wave of guilt crashes over me. I know she doesn’t really want me around, fawning over her, but leaving to fish feels wrong, selfish.
It won’t do her any good for me to worry, but even as I pull my beanie down over my eyes and try to get some sleep on the drive, my mind lingers on her, trying to come up with ways to fix an unsolvable problem.
I don’t know when I fall asleep, but I’m shaken awake by the truck rolling to a stop, and I know we’ve reached the lake.
Crew starts unpacking the back with Levi as Ford tidies up the small shack we use on the ice.
I take a few minutes in the silence of the cab to collect myself before climbing out and carrying the last cooler to the shack.
Once we get situated, Ford drags his chair out of the shack to the hole that’s drilled outside without a word to anyone else. I groan and look over at Crew knowingly. “You gotta be kidding me?” I huff.
Crew chuckles, grabbing his stuff and moving outside, and Levi follows blindly because he’s none the wiser.
I feel a weird pang of jealousy ring through me that Levi has a buffer between the shit going on at the ranch, but he’s still my brother, and as I drag my own folding chair from the shack onto the ice next to him, I can feel his eyes on me.
“What crawled up your ass this morning?” Levi asks, watching me under the brim of his baseball cap. He’s slowly untying the fishing line from the eye on his fishing pole, but struggling with the knot while focusing on me.
“Nothin’,” I grumble and sink further into the chair, shoving my hands into my pockets.
I don’t want to fish, and the quieter the lake gets, the more the frustration I have against Ford builds.
I glance up and meet his gaze. My teeth ache from how stiff my jaw tightens the longer we’re stuck in this silent war.
I’m struggling to understand why we’re out here.
Why this was so important, especially now and especially when I should be with her. Even if she doesn’t want me.
Ford notches his pole into the stand and sits back, never breaking his stare, and it’s starting to piss me off. It’s like he’s daring me to speak up. Daring me to go against him. A silent, go ahead, say it.
“You two plannin’ on kissing now or…” Levi stops baiting his hook, his comment catches Crew’s attention, and it feels like now or never.
“He’s fucking Maggie.” The ice in his voice rivals the frozen lake beneath my boots. Levi’s eyes widen, and the low whistle he lets out echoes across the expanse. Crew, however, focuses on his fishing, and I realize that Logan still can’t be trusted with a secret.
“Watch your tone, Ford.” I swallow the urge to get off my chair and push the rage down through my heels.
His jaw ticks, and I know it’s coming back when he says it. My entire body tightens, “You hear that, boys? Bode Walker gets laid and suddenly he’s the law.”
“Lawson…” Crew finally speaks, and it’s a warning, which is surprising, but it’s clear he’s trying to keep the peace between us.
“No, Cassidy.” Ford’s tone is stern. “He’s got something to say, let him say it.”
“She shouldn’t be working, Ford, and you know it.” I don’t hold my tongue because if it’s a fight he wants, it’s one I’ll willingly give him today. I’m sick of his high-and-mighty attitude.
“I know more about Maggie than you ever will, and it’s fucking hilarious that you think otherwise,” Ford snaps, still sitting back in his chair like the conversation isn’t bothering him, but his hands strangle the fishing rod, and the line has gone slack from lack of attention.
“You’re going to sit by and watch her run herself into the ground?” I push, pissed off that he seems indifferent to her pain and grief.
“She’s keeping busy, it’s what we do.” Ford sits up.
“It’s what you did. Your Da died and you crawled to the ranch just begging for extra work to keep distracted!
” He points a violent finger in my direction.
Crew sets his pole down, and Levi’s eyes bounce to meet mine with a lingering sadness I wasn’t aware still lived inside of him.
“Yeah, because that’s what I needed!” I argue. “If you know her like you’re preaching you do, then you wouldn’t let her wander around the ranch like a ghost!”
Ford chuckles, it’s dark and telling.
“Working through the grief is healthy, it’s good for her.”
He’s trying to compare us together. Like what worked for me would work for her, but he’s wrong, and I can’t tell if it’s the fact that he knows he’s wrong that’s pissing him off or the fact that maybe I do know her a little better.
“No,” I say, shaking my head as I repeat the word again. “No.”
We are not the same.
I’m rough, like crumbling stone. Itchy on the skin like hay, or cracked lips after being in the cold for too long.
Maggie is the gentle beauty in the world, the kind that people keep to themselves in fear of losing it.
She’s the whispered words of ‘stop to smell the roses.’ She’s a sunrise, a warm blanket, that first spring day after the harshest winter.
Ford can’t push me around, not about this, not about Magnolia-Mae.
“You’re wrong, I know her better than anyone. And you’re pissed off because you know it.” I tell him, and I can’t even explain myself before he’s out of his chair. Crew tries to get his hands up, but it’s too late. Levi pushes backwards on the ice to avoid being collateral damage.
I stand up, throwing down my pole and brace for the impact. Ford’s hand cracks across my face, and it’s like lightning crashing over my skin. It connects with such force that I can feel the weeks of resentment and anger that travel through it.
“Quit pretending I’m some misfit kid trying to knock up your sister!” I snap at him, and he laughs.
“That’s exactly what you are!” He punches again. “You ain’t fit to be taking care of her, you can’t even figure out how to take care of yourself,” he accuses.
“Right, because you’re so fucking put together, Ford!” I charge him and throw my own punch that lands across his jaw. “Maggie’s different. She’s not like us.”
“You’re reckless, Bode. She deserves better than us,” he snaps before he punches out twice, harder than I expect, and it rattles down my spine, but I don’t let him win. I shake out the pain and roll out my shoulders.
“Better than you.” I spit out a large, warm clot of blood that pools at the base of my throat against the snow-white surface.
“You done?” Ford barks, and I shake my head. I’m not backing down from him because of one punch. If he wants to be right about Maggie, he’ll have to beat me to death for the right to say he is.
The next punch he throws, I duck away from it, steadying myself with two quick steps backwards.
I set up as he invades that created space without hesitation and barrel forward into him with my arms around his middle.
The ice makes it hard to keep our balance, and we stumble to the surface with a loud thud that rumbles across the lake and scares a nest of birds into the air above our tussle.
The echoing of fists on skin and a loud chorus of chirping ring out, tangling together as Levi mumbles something to Crew.
“Let them get it out of their system,” he warns him and crosses his arms as Ford rolls us over and gains control.
His jaw is already starting to bruise from the few shots I got in before he wrestled for higher ground.
The snow bites into my skin as he pins me down and swings again.
My head bounces back off the ice, and rage ripples up through me.
I kick out and send him toppling over top of me onto his back as I scramble upward and lay a boot into his ribcage.
“Get up!” I yell at him, and Ford plants his hand against the frigid surface, balancing himself as he pushes to his feet.
He surges forward, but I move out of his way and land another punch that makes Levi blow out a huff of air as Crew steps forward. “Alright, that’s enough,” he warns as Ford makes another quick, harsh assault. I feel the skin on my lip break.
I hit back, connecting with his stomach and then his face as he doubles over in pain. When he looks up at me, hands braced on his thighs and breathing ragged against the chilly air, I see it in his expression.
I lick the trickle of blood that beads on my bottom lip, never breaking eye contact with him. I pant, entirely out of breath, but a lazy smile breaks out on my face. “I love her, Ford. And no matter how hard you try, you ain’t going to beat that out of me.”