Chapter 11
Ava
Edith and Stella don’t waste a second after Zaid leaves to crash into my room.
‘So?’ Edith prompts, shooing Stella along to the sofa. ‘What happened? How did it go?’
Once they’re crammed together on the cushions, I spill it all.
To their credit, they don’t interrupt me until I’m done speaking – or, well, rambling, really, trying to process what’s just happened because .
. . holy shit. Zaid Yousef wants to raise this baby with me.
And he wants me with him the whole time.
When I’m finally finished, Stella and Edith share a pointed glance that has me wary.
‘You’re going to travel with him, right?’ Edith asks, point-blank.
‘I don’t – I don’t know,’ I splutter, taken aback by her expectant attitude. ‘I told him I needed some time to think. It’s going to be a lot on my body, and not to mention it’s probably going to end up being a PR nightmare for us.’
She stares at me for a long moment, narrow-eyed and unblinking. Then she declares, ‘You’ve already decided to go with him.’
I scoff, folding my arms over my chest and trying not to wince at how much my boobs hurt. It’s bad enough that I’ve already gone up a cup size and had to spend an outrageous amount of money on all new bras. ‘Last I checked, you weren’t a mind reader,’ I volley back.
‘Don’t need to be,’ she says breezily. ‘I just know you. You want to go. And if I were you, I’d do it.’
I gape at her, shocked that she of all people actually wants me to go – that she thinks it’s in my best interest. And . . . maybe she’s right that I’ve already made up my mind. I was 99 per cent there the second Zaid asked if I missed being in the paddock.
He’s given me an opportunity to return to the one place I thought I could never go back to. Sure, it’s so he can keep an eye on me through the pregnancy, but he offered exactly what it would take to get me to agree. Turns out, he knows me better than I thought, and I like it more than I should.
Stella’s eyes bounce back and forth between us, taking in our standoff. ‘I’m not going to wade into whether it’s a good idea,’ she says cautiously. ‘But if you decide to travel with him, I’ll be at the next race. You’d at least have an ally.’
It’s nice to know that I wouldn’t be completely alone, but with how things went at the pre-season party, I can’t imagine I’d be treated any better in the paddock.
Not to mention the sneaking around Zaid and I will have to do to keep our little secret under wraps until we’re ready to share it. It’s all too much.
‘Look, you want to be back in the paddock, don’t you?’ Edith asks when I’m quiet for a long moment.
I nod, holding myself a little tighter. ‘I do.’
‘And Zaid’s offering to handle everything imaginable for you?’
‘He is. And that’s the problem.’
I’ve been on my own for a long time, been in control of every detail of my life, and the idea of giving that up is terrifying.
But saying yes to Zaid would require it.
There’s no conceivable way I could do this otherwise.
I may be financially secure, and if I ever needed help, I know my father or Axel would pitch in to assist me, but my net worth is pennies compared to Zaid’s millions, and it takes more money than I’ll ever have in my bank account to keep up with the whirlwind of Formula 1 – not to mention keep up with a man like him.
We’re not equals. We never will be. To me, this isn’t an even trade, and it puts me on the back foot if the arrangement doesn’t work out.
Yet Zaid seems to think he’s being unfair to ask me to do this.
That in itself should be a good sign, right?
That he understands the imbalance here and is willing to lean into making things equitable instead?
‘Ava, it’s okay to let people help you,’ Edith stresses. ‘Let him do this for you. Let him step up in the way he wants to.’
Still, I’m waffling. ‘I don’t—’
‘Just say yes,’ she interrupts. ‘Get something for yourself out of this. Hell, get more out of Zaid if you want.’
‘Edith!’
She shrugs. ‘He’s already knocked you up. Might as well keep reaping the benefits.’
My cheeks burn as I roll my eyes and glance away, but she’s planted a reckless thought in my head.
There’s no denying that the attraction between us is still there.
I felt the pull immediately when I opened the door and found him on the other side of the threshold, and I saw the way he looked at me in return.
I can lie to myself as much as I want and say that our one night together got him out of my system, but considering how many times I’ve thought about it since, I think all it’s done is make me want him more.
But I can’t. We can’t. I made it clear to him that I don’t want to complicate our co-parenting relationship – at least not until we’re on steady ground with each other and the baby. I’m not ruling it out forever, but for now? It’s not a smart idea.
‘Edith’s not wrong,’ Stella agrees, crossing one long dark brown leg over the other. ‘Clearly there’s chemistry between you two. And I know from personal experience that there’s no sense in ignoring it.’
I pinch the bridge of my nose as I try to process everything.
Yes, I’ve always kind of had a thing for Zaid.
And yeah, I’m certain that staying strictly platonic is going to be a herculean task.
And of course everyone and their mother is going to speculate about us anyway, especially if I follow him around the world.
Which, the more I think about it . . . the more I’m interested in giving it a try.
Oh god. Edith’s right. I have made up my mind.
Being back in the paddock isn’t going to be easy, I know that. There will be whispers and gossip and horrible media treatment, plus traveling while in the best of health is tough enough, so it’ll be even harder while pregnant. But I’m still hung up on the fact that Zaid even asked me to join him.
Honestly, this is the first time a man has made it abundantly clear that he wants me with him.
Back when I was in grad school and working in IndyCar, I had a boyfriend who flat out said he didn’t want me coming with him after he announced he was moving to a new city for a job.
We’d been together for nearly two and a half years at that point, so this is truly the opposite end of the spectrum and it’s coming from a man I only spent a single night with.
Zaid really wants me there. And I’m going to say yes – on my terms, at least.
I exhale and let my arms drop helplessly to my sides, looking back and forth between Edith and Stella. ‘You two are the worst influences,’ I declare.
Stella preens and Edith offers me a smug but tender smile.
‘Go get what you want, Ava,’ Edith says. ‘All of it.’