Chapter 30
Zaid
Our daughter is born in the early morning on the fourth of November, and she’s nothing short of perfect.
Noor and Ava spend three days in hospital before coming home, where my mother and – shockingly – Ava’s father wait for our return.
Mum has already met her granddaughter, so she rushes to Ava’s side when we arrive, determined to escort her straight to bed.
After a stilted greeting and press of his lips to Ava’s forehead, Omid comes my way, where I have a sleeping Noor in my arms.
I’ve witnessed nearly every second of my daughter’s life so far – her screaming entry into the world, her first slow blinks, her little grunts and sighs as she nuzzled against Ava’s chest for the first time – but I’m still awestruck at the sight of her.
Judging from Omid’s sharp intake of breath and the way his hand trembles as he strokes the tiny cotton hat covering Noor’s shock of black hair, he feels the same way I do.
‘She’s beautiful,’ he whispers, gaze unblinking as he takes her in, like he’s afraid to miss an inch of her. ‘She looks just like Ava.’
I’ve seen a few baby pictures of Ava, and he’s right – Noor is her spitting image.
I can only imagine what’s going through Omid’s head now, but I’d bet he’s caught in memories of Ava’s childhood, which I’m sure are tied to thoughts of his late wife.
While I’ll never understand how a father could all but walk away from his grieving child, loving Ava has made me conscious of how easily I would break if I lost her.
Noor is my life, the light of my eyes, but Ava is my soul.
Without her, I would be nothing more than a shell.
Omid and I are pulled out of the trance we’re in, simply staring at Noor, when she starts to fuss, face scrunching and tiny fists balling.
‘She’s hungry,’ I say. ‘I should take her to Ava.’
Omid clears his throat, voice thick as he murmurs, ‘Right. Of course.’
When I finally look over at him, I see the red rims of his eyes and the sheen of unshed tears. I turn away to let him have this moment privately and come to terms with the emotions that have hit all at once.
My mother is coming out of Ava’s bedroom as I brush by with Noor, and she offers me a small, reassuring smile that tells me all is well.
She’s been a godsend these past few weeks, caring for Ava in all the ways I couldn’t while off racing, and will once again be our saving grace as Ava recovers from her C-section.
When I step into the room, Ava is propped up in bed with a mountain of pillows that my mother undoubtedly arranged with careful consideration. Timmy, Robert, and Soup sit sentinel on the floor next to the bed, watching over Ava and craning their necks to see what’s going on when I pass Noor to her.
Like I always do whenever our daughter is in her arms, I stand back and pause to take them in, heart so full that my chest aches. My life and my soul are in front of me, nestled to each other, and I’m the luckiest man in the world.
After a moment, I sit on the edge of the bed next to Ava as she settles Noor in to nurse. ‘Did you know your dad was coming?’ I ask her quietly, stroking a thumb across our daughter’s soft cheek.
Ava nods, the shadows under her eyes a little more pronounced in the light of her bedside lamp, but there’s a tender joy to her exhaustion.
‘He called right after the race on Sunday and asked if he could be here when I got home from the hospital. I told him yes. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything to you, but I wasn’t sure if he’d even show. ’
‘No apologies,’ I remind her. ‘I’m glad he wanted to meet his granddaughter.’ And I’m glad he kept his promise to Ava to be here.
‘It’s going to take us time to fix things,’ she murmurs, eyes lovingly tracing our daughter’s face, ‘but this is a start. And I want him to know Noor.’
I have a lot of respect for Omid as team principal, but as a father he has plenty of making up to do. My hope is that he’ll be a better grandfather and that Noor will have grandparents who spoil and adore her in the way she deserves. In the meantime, I’ll do plenty of both for her and for Ava.
‘Besides,’ Ava says as a small smile quirks up the corner of her mouth. ‘Your mother will never let him get away with any kind of bullshit.’
I chuckle. ‘You’re right. She’ll make sure he’s on his best behavior.’ Just like she does with all the rest of us.
Ava’s smile widens and warms me from the inside out, her happiness radiating. ‘I love our little family.’
I love it too. And that love makes me want to stay right here with them instead of returning to my job.
But in order to give them my everything, I have to see the rest of my commitments through.
I have to know that I gave my best effort in this final chance at breaking records, that any kid who follows in my footsteps will see I left nothing on the table, and I’ll encourage them to do the same.
I want to cement my place in the hall of greats, even in my own mind.
I want to have no doubts that I laid it all out there and had nothing left to give to the sport that gave me so much in return.
When that’s all over, my next commitment will be to Ava for the rest of my life and everything after.
The ring to seal that promise is currently burning a hole in my suitcase, waiting for the right moment.
I picked it out the day after the Singapore Grand Prix from a specialty jeweler who specializes in vintage rings.
It’s one of a kind, just like Ava, and I can’t wait to see it sparkle on her finger.
One more month. Three more races. Everything still to play for.