Chapter 31
Ava
@LIGHTS_OUT_GOSSIP
Viva Las Vegas, baby! It’s off to Sin City for this week’s grand prix. We can’t wait to see the drivers step into the paddock and be accosted by Elvis impersonators. That’s our favorite genre of photos tbh.
And we can’t forget to say happy anniversary to Thomas and Stella Maxwell-Brown!
The two are celebrating their first year of marriage after their spontaneous Las Vegas wedding this time last season, right before the grand prix.
Considering they’ve had another wedding since then and look obsessed with each other every time we see them together, it seems like their marriage is going strong.
Hopefully someone else will follow in their Vegas wedding footsteps – maybe even Dev and Willow now that those two are engaged. Vegas definitely seems like Dev’s vibe, doesn’t it?
The next two weeks fly by in a haze of never-ending diaper changes, two a.m. feedings, and more love than I ever thought possible. But the day has finally come for Zaid to return to the circus.
Sami and Adnan are currently cooing over Noor in her nursery, the two of them here to escort Zaid to the airport so he can head for Las Vegas, while he and I sit together in the kitchen sipping coffee and refusing to say goodbye to each other just yet.
‘I’ll be back right after I’m done in Vegas,’ he tells me for what must be the dozenth time today alone, but it’s more for his sake than mine.
I know he needs the reminder that he’ll see us again in less than a week, even if it’s only for a handful of days before he heads to Qatar for the penultimate race.
‘I’ll fly out as soon as I’m done with the team debrief. ’
‘We’ll be waiting for you,’ I assure him. ‘But really, if there was ever a time for you to be away, it’s now. All she does is eat, cry, sleep, and poop. You’re not going to be missing much.’
We both know he’ll miss more than that, but I’m not completely wrong, and I hope he can take some comfort in it. I couldn’t imagine being away from Noor at this point, and even though we’ve both known this moment was coming, it’s still tough.
‘Oh, be sure to tell Thomas and Stella happy anniversary for me,’ I tack on, wanting to change the subject. ‘I asked Sami to send them a gift from all of us.’
Zaid sighs and lifts his coffee mug. ‘I’m only going to that anniversary dinner they’re hosting because of you. Hopefully you’ll be ready to travel again when Dev and Willow finally have their engagement party, because I am not going to that one alone.’
I laugh, not surprised by his grumbling, since he’s been complaining about how insufferable Dev has been since he and Willow got engaged last month.
I know he’s happy for them – and I absolutely screamed when Willow texted me a photo of her ring – but I understand that this is his anxiety manifesting, and I don’t doubt that Dev has been insufferable with his adoration of Willow.
But if anyone could see us right now, I’m sure they’d think we were just as insufferable, especially when Zaid sets his mug down and reaches for my hand across the table, bringing my knuckles to his lips.
He kisses each one before turning my palm over and pressing his lips to the pulse point of my wrist, which flutters under his touch.
‘I haven’t even left yet and I already miss you,’ he murmurs against my skin.
‘That sounds like a real problem,’ I tease, but I lift my hand out of his grasp to cup his stubbled jaw. ‘I’ll be counting down the days until you’re back with us. Do us both a favor and win as much as you can, yeah? Preferably the entire championship.’
He chuckles and leans into my touch, dark eyes closing for a moment before reopening and focusing on me. ‘I did promise I’d do anything for you, so I guess this counts.’
He turns his head to teasingly nip at my hand, making me laugh as I pull my fingers away.
He stands a moment later, coming to my side of the table and planting a hand on the back of my chair so he can lean down, his face close to mine.
When our lips touch, it’s with a tenderness that says just how hard this is for both of us, and it’s a long moment before Zaid pulls back again.
‘See you soon, princess.’
——
On the morning of the Las Vegas Grand Prix, I’m woken by the sound of my phone chiming. The text on the screen from Edith reads Open your door, it’s bloody freezing out here.
I throw on my robe and pad quietly to the front door, not wanting to wake Mariam, who handled the night shift with Noor and is sleeping in the nursery–slash–guest room.
I’ve never been so grateful to a person in my life, especially one who babies both me and my actual infant child. She deserves all the rest in the world.
When I open the door, Edith immediately kicks her off her stilettos, sheds her heavy designer coat, and strides past me while asking, ‘Where’s my baby?’
I grin and point to my bedroom, taking my time following her as she disappears around the corner.
She’s just come out from the bathroom after washing her hands when I find her again, and this time I’m spared a grateful smile before all her attention goes to a sleeping Noor in her bassinet by my bed.
‘I think she might be the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen,’ Edith whispers as she stares at my daughter in awe.
I cut her an amused look as I come to stand beside her, but pride warms my chest. ‘Sometimes I wonder if you forget you have four kids of your own.’
She waves me off, still not looking over. ‘Love them with all my heart, of course, but this . . . this is our little dream come true.’
My hormones remain a mess, and I’m sure that’s part of the reason why my eyes well with tears at her description of Noor, but also .
. . Edith is right. She is our little dream come true.
Edith has been along for this ride since the very beginning, from the months I spent trying to get pregnant to the surprise of the positive test. Through my pregnancy, she’s been the person I could text at all hours of the night to ask Is this normal?
?? or to simply vent about how I was feeling.
And now, as she stares adoringly down at Noor, I know Edith will always consider this baby one of her own.
‘I know we’ve been talking about this for years and it’s a given at this point,’ I say to preface the question I’m about to ask, ‘but . . . will you be her godmother?’
Edith’s silent for a moment as she continues to stare, and I nearly jump when a sound escapes her that I never expected to hear. When she lifts her head again, her bottom lip is trembling and there are mascara tracks on her cheeks.
‘I wasn’t even this emotional when Peter proposed.’ She sniffles. ‘But yes, Ava. Of course I’ll be her godmother.’
I wrap an arm around her waist and lean into her, sighing contentedly when she tugs me closer. We stand there like that until Noor starts to wake from her nap, and I gladly let Edith lift her from the bassinet to soothe her.
‘How’s Zaid taking to fatherhood?’ she asks as she bounces and sways.
‘Like it’s the easiest thing in the world,’ I confess, still amazed, because even though I prepped and planned for years, my adjustment to motherhood has had its speed bumps.
But him? I’ve never seen a person so perfectly made to be a parent.
‘He has a nephew, so obviously he’s spent time with a baby before, but I swear, the man is magic.
All he has to do is be near Noor when she’s fussy or crying and she settles down in a heartbeat.
And if competitive swaddling was a sport, he’d be a world champion in that too.
’ I smile to myself. ‘It was almost impossible to get him to leave for Vegas. All he wants is to be here with us.’
‘You’re going to have that soon enough.’
I am, though that’s still a secret we’re keeping from everyone else in the world.
I’m so relieved that he hasn’t wavered on his plans for retirement, because I wouldn’t be able to take this stress season after season, no matter how much I love watching him drive.
I’ve never had more respect for all the other WAGs than I do now. It’s a life I’m not cut out for.
‘I can’t wait,’ I say honestly. ‘I just hate that I can’t be there for the last race of his career.’
Edith motions for me to get comfortable on the bed so she can hand Noor over for me to feed her. ‘Who says you can’t be?’ she challenges, not even blinking as I open my robe. ‘If you want to go, I will put you on my family’s jet myself.’
I shoot her a look as I settle Noor against me and the nursing pillow. ‘I can’t ask that of you, Edith.’
‘You’re not asking. I’m telling you.’ She sits down on the bed and gently adjusts Noor’s position to help her latch. ‘If you feel up to it, and if you get clearance from your doctors, then you’re going to be there to watch your man win the last race of his career.’
I stay quiet for a moment, staring down at Noor and listening to the soft sounds she makes.
Tradition says I’m not supposed to do much for forty days after giving birth, but I’m willing to fudge the numbers.
Besides, I’ve already been to one postpartum appointment where my doctor said that if I was feeling healthy and up for it, I could travel once Noor was four weeks old.
She’ll be a little older than that the weekend of the last race in Abu Dhabi.
Right now, even though I’m recovering well, I still feel like all my internal organs are trying to find their rightful place, and my stamina is nonexistent. I imagine I’ll be feeling better in two weeks, but will it be enough of an improvement to brave a fifteen-hour flight with a newborn?
‘I’ll think about it,’ I tell her. ‘But . . . maybe keep the jet on standby.’
——
I’m sitting in the kitchen with Mariam the next morning, waiting for Zaid to get home, when there’s a knock on the front door.
‘Must have forgotten his keys,’ Mariam says, motioning for me to stay and enjoy my coffee while she goes to retrieve him.
But I nearly spit out my sip when she comes back around the corner with someone in tow – someone who is definitely not Zaid.
‘What are you doing here?’ I splutter to Axel, setting my mug down with a surprisingly hard thunk on the table. ‘And how did you get here before Zaid?’
‘I have a better jet than him,’ he says, so casually smug, but I see the hesitance in his eyes. He’s less than sure of himself right now. ‘Is it . . . is it okay that I’m here?’
Despite my shock, I nod, swallowing past the emotion welling up in my throat. ‘Yeah. I’m – I’m really happy to see you.’
Mariam, on the other hand, looks displeased to have her son’s biggest rival standing in my kitchen, but she’s gracious enough to excuse herself by saying she’s going to go get started on the laundry.
Axel relaxes a bit when she disappears around the corner, but his eyes flick to the empty doorway when he whispers, ‘I thought she was going to shut the door in my face when she saw me out there.’
‘I’m genuinely shocked she let you in,’ I whisper back. ‘Something tells me she’s not your biggest fan.’
Axel snickers and sheepishly ducks his head, and I’m reminded of the shy teenage boy I first met all those years ago, the kid who would become my brother in practically every way except legally.
‘Can’t blame her,’ he says, and then his eyes flick over me, cautiously taking me in. ‘How are you feeling?’
I blow out a breath and lean back in my chair, pressing a hand to my still-healing scar. ‘Like I was sliced open and had a human yanked out of me. But fine otherwise.’
He grimaces at the mental image. ‘And the baby? She’s okay?’
‘She’s perfect.’
‘Good,’ he says on an exhale, as if that’s been a worry on his mind. ‘That’s really good.’
I pause, taking a moment of my own to assess him.
We’ve been in contact with each other recently, but it’s only been cursory, never anything emotionally deep.
Checking on each other, but not past the surface level.
There are shadows under his eyes and I swear he’s a little thinner than usual, like the past few months of his battle for the championship have taken their toll on him.
Once upon a time, I would have been the first person he would drop his anxieties and complaints on, but that went away the second I told him I was expecting a baby with his rival.
The fact that he’s here now means something must have changed, that maybe he’s gotten over his hangups and is ready to have me fully back in his life. Maybe he’s ready to be the uncle to my daughter that I hoped he would be.
‘Can I see her?’ he asks timidly.
I have to blink away tears as I smile and stand. ‘Of course.’
In the nursery, a snugly swaddled Noor is sleeping peacefully, but it’s Axel I watch as we stand beside her crib. He’s quiet for a long while, simply taking her in, and I let him have the space to process whatever he’s feeling.
‘I hate to say anything nice about Yousef,’ he murmurs, eyes still locked on Noor, ‘but you two really did make a cute kid.’
I bite my lip to keep from snickering, but it doesn’t stop my grin. ‘I know how painful that was for you to admit.’
‘Don’t ever expect me to say it again.’ He spares me a quick glance before looking back to Noor, speaking directly to her this time.
‘Hopefully you’ll inherit my driving skills over your dad’s, yeah?
We both know I’m better. And I’m going to be the one to buy you your first kart when you turn three. ’
I let out a half laugh, half exasperated breath. ‘No earlier than four, Axel.’
He shoots me a disgusted look. ‘You have to start building a champion early, Ava. Don’t deprive my niece of that.’
‘Okay, time for you to go, weirdo.’
It takes some convincing to get him out of the nursery, but we linger by the front door.
‘So,’ I say, not really wanting to kick him out but knowing it’s probably best he’s not here when Zaid arrives. ‘Are you finally over hating me for this?’
Axel rolls his eyes, back to being a brat. ‘I never hated you,’ he points out. ‘I just didn’t like you for a while.’
‘Oh, wow, big difference.’
‘Yeah, huge.’ His eyes find mine after a beat, and there’s a sincerity in them that I don’t often see from him. ‘I’m sorry it took me so long to get over myself.’
‘It’s okay. I get why you needed that time.’ I brush my fingers over his wrist before pinching him in revenge lest this get too deep into heart-to-heart territory. ‘But I missed you, you little shit.’
‘Yeah, yeah,’ he says, turning from me to hide his grin as he opens the door. ‘I guess I missed you too.’
He can say it as grudgingly as he wants, but he wouldn’t be here if it weren’t the truth.
My family is knitting itself back together. Slowly and gingerly, sure, but they’re coming back to me.
‘Tell Zaid I say hi,’ Axel calls cheekily as he steps outside. ‘Hope he’s looking forward to me beating him again.’