Chapter 32
Zaid
Top of the Podium magazine
By Damian Larson, columnist
ONE LAST DRIVE
The last race of the season is here and we have yet to crown a champion.
Currently, after two consecutive P2 finishes in Las Vegas and Qatar, Zaid Yousef is sitting on 420 points.
His rival, Axel Bergmüller, is narrowly ahead with 425.
Today’s qualifying landed Yousef P2 for tomorrow’s grand prix and Bergmüller a shocking P4, which should make for a very interesting race day.
But it all comes down to this. Will Zaid Yousef break another record? Or will Axel Bergmüller steal it out from right under his rival’s nose?
Abu Dhabi
I’m trailing Axel by five points when I arrive in Abu Dhabi for the last grand prix.
I’ve had plenty of seasons come down to the wire, but none so hard fought as this. Axel is one of the best competitors I’ve ever come up against, and I’m certain his name will be on the list of greats in the future – but I’m not going to make that journey easy for him.
I have to win this weekend if I want to secure my eighth championship.
Second place on the podium won’t be enough to take home the title if Axel finishes in first. There are a few other circumstances I can win under – like Axel scoring no points for finishing outside the top ten while I finish P7 or above – and I’ve considered every outcome.
But the truth always stays the same: If I really want this, I have to win.
My odds are looking good but not great after qualifying today. Dev, of all people, put it on pole while I have to settle for starting P2 tomorrow. Axel’s on the second row, in P4 next to Reid in P3. It’s not exactly the straightforward ending I expected, but that’s racing for you.
I’m on my way back to the hotel from the circuit, sprawled in the back seat of the SUV, trying to resist the urge to call Ava until I’m in the privacy of my room, as Sami and Adnan talk quietly up front.
But the need to hear her voice wins out, and I’m dialing her a second later.
When the call rings out to voicemail, I frown.
‘Sami, have you spoken to Ava or my mother today?’ I ask as I tap Ava’s name on the screen again.
He turns in his seat to look at me. ‘Yeah, just a little while ago. Said they were taking Noor for a walk, so if Ava isn’t answering, she probably just has her hands full.’
Sami’s answer offers me a bit of solace as the call goes to voicemail once more, but it doesn’t stop disappointment from sinking in my chest.
‘Absolute lovesick puppy,’ Sami admonishes with a grin as he turns back around. ‘Don’t worry, you’ll see her soon.’
He’s not wrong, considering I’m not sticking around longer than necessary after the end of tomorrow night’s grand prix – not even if I win, and especially not if I lose. By Monday afternoon, she and Noor will be back in my arms, but that still feels too far away.
I drag myself up to my room when we arrive at the hotel, mentally going over everything I need to do tonight.
I should get in one more quick gym session, eat whatever bland meal my trainer sends up, and do some visualizations before bed.
Hopefully Ava will call back at some point, but if I haven’t heard from her in the next hour, I’ll—
The scent of jasmine brushes my nose as I step into the room, and I freeze.
There’s a chance I’m hallucinating merely because I miss her like a part of me has been ripped from my body, but that’s Ava’s perfume.
I’d know it anywhere. If you wafted the scent of her over my grave, it would bring me back to life.
My feet move before my mind can catch up, stopping short again when I turn the corner and find her perched on the edge of the bed, smiling in that coy way that makes my heart skip.
‘You’re here.’
Her smile widens at my dumbfounded words. ‘Perks of having friends with private jets,’ she teases, but she’s earnest when she says, ‘I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.’
I’m in front of her a moment later, hands on her cheeks as I crush my lips to hers. She kisses me back eagerly, like she’s as desperate for a taste of me as I am for her.
‘I missed you so much,’ I mumble against her mouth when we break to breathe, my fingers slipping into the silky waves of her hair. ‘I don’t ever want to be away from you this long again.’
‘I don’t either,’ she says, pressing her hands to my chest, my heart thundering under her palms. ‘After tomorrow, we’ll never have to be.’
She’s right. This is it. The end of this season, the end of my racing career, the start of a new life with her and our daughter and all the light they’ve brought into my life. I’m ready to run toward that future. Run to them. To Ava.
I tilt her head back for another kiss, a vow that I’ll do anything to be with her.
I skim my hands down her shoulders until I grip her elbows, gently guiding her to her feet so I can pull her closer.
Ava melts, molding against me like this is the place she’s always meant to be, letting me hold her in a way I was once only able to dream of.
I stroke a hand up and down her spine, reveling in the feel of her for a moment longer before asking, ‘Where’s Noor?’
Ava laughs softly against my shirt, like she’s been waiting for me to ask. Our little girl has me wrapped around her tiny finger. ‘Down the hall in your mother’s room with her and your brother,’ she answers. ‘I wanted our whole family to be together.’
It’s a comfort to know all the people I love are in one place, so far from home just to support me. But my home is wherever Ava and our daughter are, no matter what corner of the world they’re in.
When she eventually pulls back, her eyes lift to mine and I see the rest of my life staring back at me.
From my suitcase across the room, the engagement ring calls out, daring me to slip it from the zippered pocket I put it in for safekeeping.
I tried to imagine what the perfect proposal would look like, but I can’t think of a moment better than this when it’s just us. A moment only we’ll share.
‘I need you to close your eyes, princess.’
Ava’s brow raises before she grins and acquiesces, trusting me without question. ‘Ooh, do you have a surprise?’ she teases, fingertips trailing after me as I step back from her.
She gave me the best surprise by coming here, so it’s only fair that I give her one too. Though, really, how much of a surprise is it that I love her with everything in me?
‘Something like that,’ I answer.
I keep my eyes on her for a second longer before turning to my suitcase, swiftly reaching inside for the little velvet box.
I glance over my shoulder to make sure she hasn’t seen what I’m doing, but, true to who Ava is – pure sunshine with love for a hint of whimsy – and the faith we have in each other, she hasn’t peeked.
Drawing in a deep breath, I move back to her, quietly dipping down onto one knee as I stare at the lifted corners of her mouth. I expected my heart to race in the buildup to this moment, but it’s a steady drum.
‘Open your eyes, princess.’
Ava’s lashes flutter and then her dark eyes are open, searching the empty space above my head for a moment before her attention darts down. She inhales sharply, the sound catching in her throat as she blinks over and over again, her humor morphing into shock.
‘Zaid,’ she finally breathes out, a trembling hand lifting to my cheek. ‘Is this real?’
I can’t help but laugh as warmth floods through me.
‘It’s real,’ I reassure her. ‘I’ve been waiting for the right moment to do this, to plan something perfect for you, make it clear just how much I love you, but I couldn’t wait another second.
’ I gently take the hand she has on my cheek and pull it to my lips, brushing them across her knuckles.
‘I want you by my side for eternity, Ava. You’re it for me.
There’s not a moment I want to spend without you.
Whatever this life and everything that comes after it brings, I want you there. There’s nothing I want more.’
Her chest heaves with the effort it takes to keep breathing steadily, but she knowingly holds my gaze. ‘Really?’ she says, only a slight tremor in her voice. ‘Not even an eighth world championship?’
I smile indulgently at her joke, but I’m serious when I say, ‘I’d give up every one of my championships just to be with you.’
The sound that leaves her is a cross between a laugh and a sob, and tears streak down her cheeks as I open the velvet box. The diamond sits against a platinum band, a perfect complement to the little silver 45 she still wears at the hollow of her throat.
‘Ava,’ I say. ‘Will you marry me?’
She’s nodding fiercely before I can even get the question out, already blurting, ‘Absolutely. Yes. Please.’
It’s the only answer I could have hoped for.
——
The garage is awash with excitement as I ready myself to climb into the car.
There’s an undercurrent of tension that can’t be ignored, growing thicker with each second that ticks away leading to the race start.
I feel it wrapping around me, squeezing tight, but instead of putting me in a chokehold, it feels more like an easy embrace.
It’s a stark difference from the start of the season, when I feared I would suffocate within the confines of the cockpit, but tonight, I’m comforted by it.
Mechanics buzz around me, their chatter and laughter mixing with wheel guns shrieking and engines roaring to life down the pit lane.
I drink it in, savor it, do my best to catalog every minute detail so I can return to this moment when the ache of missing this world seeps in.
I’m making the right choice to walk away, I know that, but there will be times when I’ll wonder if I should have stayed a little longer. If I just could have stuck it out.
But for what? For more glory? More money?
More attention that I really don’t want or need?
I’ve already achieved more than anyone thought possible.
I’ve changed my life and the lives of countless others who benefitted from my successes.
I’ve done my part to make this sport better in a myriad of different ways.
I’ve made myself, my family, and – most importantly – my father proud. I’ve done enough.
From across the garage, I can feel Basil’s eyes on me, and I glance over to find him watching. His expression is impassive, but there’s a storm behind his eyes, warring between soul-deep understanding and grief.
I broke the news of my retirement plans this afternoon in a one-on-one meeting, and while he took it well and reaffirmed that he wouldn’t trigger anything in my contract to keep me from leaving, it was still clearly a heavy blow.
It’s hard enough to say goodbye to a driver who’s brought you hundreds of podiums, but one you’ve known for more than half of his F1 career? It’s like saying goodbye to family.
I nod to him and wait for him to nod back before turning away, focusing my attention on the VIP pen at the back of the garage.
The diamond on Ava’s ring finger catches the light as she lifts her arms to beckon me over, then slides them around my neck when I step in close.
The camera crews are certainly catching this, just like they homed in on the engagement ring when we walked into the paddock together earlier, but I don’t care who’s watching now.
I want them to see how much I worship this woman.
‘Noor told me to tell you that she hopes you win today,’ Ava says, sparkling eyes on mine like I’m the only person she sees. ‘But she’ll still love you even if you don’t.’
Our daughter is back at the hotel, being babysat by Edith Maxwell-Brown of all people, although I’ve been told I have her to thank for Ava being here this weekend.
I settle my hands on Ava’s waist. ‘Amazing how she speaks to you in full sentences. I can barely get a coherent grunt most days.’
‘Don’t worry, you’re going to have plenty of time for conversations with her soon enough.’
I am, and I can’t wait. Or, at least, I can wait a bit longer – long enough to see this last race through and make it across the finish line, hopefully for the win.
I’ll give it my all, like I always do. I’ll fight for it. I’ll do everything in my power to bring it home one last time for everyone at Mascort. For Ava and my family and all of my supporters. And, most importantly, for myself.
I press a lingering kiss to Ava’s lips before she wishes me good luck, arms slipping down from around my neck until only our fingers brush.
When the contact is gone, I turn from her and finish the rest of my pre-race rituals.
Once I’m in the car, the world feels quiet, even though it’s screaming all around me.
And when it’s time to head to the grid, when my lead mechanic gives me the signal to pull out of the garage, the breath I take is steady. There’s no flood of adrenaline or surge of anxiety this time, only a wash of calm.
Because win or lose, I already have everything I want.
I have the ending I deserve.