Chapter 9 #2
He smiled. “Nah, she’s not going anywhere.”
“How do you know?”
“I’m keepin’ her with me,” he replied simply.
“Easy as that?”
“Easy as that.”
I glanced down at his lips, and he tensed beneath me.
“Not here for that,” he said so quietly that I barely heard him.
“Fuck it,” I murmured, closing the distance.
I should’ve been prepared for how the kiss rocked me, but I wasn’t. I’d told myself that I’d overinflated how good it was in my memory. Whenever I’d been with anyone else and they hadn’t measured up, I’d reminded myself that the only reason I’d imagined it was so good was because I couldn’t have Gray.
Kissing him again proved me wrong on every level.
I gasped, my nails digging into his wrists.
“Goddamn,” he murmured, his hands tangled in my hair as he dove back in again.
My hands raced over his arms and shoulders, one ending on his back and the other wrapped around the side of his neck. His skin was so smooth, the muscles beneath it tensing and flexing as he repositioned my mouth so he could delve deeper.
I groaned, and he jerked back.
“What?” I rasped, leaning forward again.
“Come on, baby,” he said, standing up with me in his arms.
“Fuck, that’s cold,” I gasped, grappling along his skin as I tried to hang on.
He set me on my feet next to our clothes and quickly began drying me with the small towel as I shivered. By the time he was done with my hair, the towel was soaked.
“How the hell are you going to use that?” I asked in dismay.
“It’ll work,” he assured me as he turned his back. “Get dressed before you freeze.”
I kept my eyes on him as I peeled off my bikini and tugged my clothes onto my damp body. It was a struggle to brush the debris off my feet before I put my socks and boots on, but I hurried because Gray must have been freezing his balls off.
“Your turn,” I said, straightening and turning away.
Gray let out a gruff laugh a second later. “I don’t care if you watch,” he said, handing me the flashlight. “Can you hold this?”
“No problem,” I replied, gripping it in my fist.
I didn’t turn around. I wanted Gray like I wanted air, but I wasn’t delusional enough to think that I could just hop into bed with him without some serious repercussions. For better or worse, I was still raw from Scott’s deception. I’d be taking another hit if things didn’t work out with Gray, and I wasn’t sure I’d recover from that.
“Ready?” Gray asked.
I spun to face him. He was fully dressed, and his wet hair was slicked back from his face.
Gray held my hand all the way back to his motorcycle. He didn’t let go until he had to get into his saddlebags again to put the towel away.
“How are you feelin’?” he asked.
“Well, my nipples are still hard as rocks,” I replied, crossing my arms.
He chuckled.
“And I also feel like I could sleep for a week.”
“You wanna ride a couple more hours or stop somewhere close?”
I thought about it. I wanted to keep going, putting as much distance as we could between ourselves and real life—but I was exhausted, and the hot soak hadn’t helped.
“Let’s find somewhere closer,” I finally answered. “Is that okay?”
“It’s your show, baby,” he murmured, coming back around the bike.
When we were back on the road and the vibration of the bike started lulling me into a fog again, I knew I’d made the right choice. Even with the wind whipping around us, I had a hard time keeping my eyes open. Twenty minutes later, we were pulling into the parking lot of a small motel that called itself a lodge.
“I’m guessing you’ve been here before?” I asked as I followed him toward the office.
“There’s a restaurant and bar connected,” he replied, opening the glass front door. “We can get you some dinner.”
I opened my mouth to tell him that I wasn’t hungry but closed it again. I was a little hungry.
Gray asked for a double room. Once we had our keys, he pulled the bike over so he could park it in front of our door while I walked down the sidewalk, counting the room numbers until I found the right one. Inside was a total trip. It was full of log furniture. The beds, the table, and chairs, the coffee table. The only thing that didn’t seem to be made by hand was the worn-out leather couch.
There were more than one pair of antlers on the walls.
“You think they’re hunters?” I asked as I set my bag on the bed.
“Probably bought ’em at a garage sale,” he replied, setting one of his saddle bags on the coffee table.
“You think?”
“Someone took the time to hunt those and get ’em mounted, they’re not puttin’ ’em in a motel room where someone could fuck ’em up.”
“That makes sense.”
“You wanna order food, and I’ll go grab it, or you wanna head to the bar?” he asked as I dropped onto the side of the bed.
I didn’t want him to have to go get my food, but I also didn’t want to deal with other people. Not yet. Standing silently while he’d talked to the night manager had been bad enough. I wanted to be in our little bubble a while longer.
“I’ll go get it,” he decided when I didn’t respond. “Any requests?”
“Whatever they have,” I replied apologetically.
“All right. I’ll be back in a few. You might wanna hop in the shower before you fall asleep. Wash the spring off.”
I glanced at my backpack. “I’ll try.”
He left the room, and I let out a long sigh. I didn’t want to get up again, but I forced myself to my feet and carried my bag to the bathroom. The water pressure was crap, but it got the job done. I didn’t realize until I was toweling off that I’d forgotten to bring pajamas.
Cursing, I pulled on a pair of shorts and one of my tank tops. I’d planned on using them for actual clothing, but it was too late now. They’d be my designated sleepwear for the duration of the trip. At least I’d remembered socks.
Fuck.
I’d left them in the saddlebags.
Tiptoeing out of the bathroom so less of my feet would touch the carpet, I found Gray sitting in one of the chairs with closed Styrofoam containers on the table in front of him.
“Chicken strips and fries,” he announced. “There wasn’t much of a selection.”
“They smell good,” I said, dropping my bag on the couch. “I need to run out and grab some socks.”
He nodded toward the saddlebag he’d set on the coffee table. Right on top were a pair of my fuzzy socks.
“How did you know?” I asked, leaning over to grab them.
“Other than the fact that you tiptoed out here like the carpet was toxic waste?” he asked in amusement as I pulled them on. “I figured you’d need clean ones. Come eat before it gets cold.”
“Thank you.” I sat down across from him as he slid the container toward me. “This smells so good.”
“Guy down at the bar said they’re good,” he confirmed, pulling little containers out of a plastic bag. “I got you ranch, honey mustard, and ketchup.”
“No mustard?” I frowned.
He froze, his hand still holding the little packages of ketchup.
“I’m fucking with you.” I laughed as he tossed a ketchup at me. “This is perfect.”
“So which direction do you want to go tomorrow?” he asked while we ate. “We can head out to Crater Lake if you want or go out to the coast.”
“I don’t care,” I confessed. “Pick the prettiest route.”
“The prettiest?”
“I’m here for the ride,” I replied with a shrug. “As long as the views are good, then I’m happy.”
“All right.” He was quiet for a while, thinking it over.
“Is it really that hard to choose?” I asked as I finished up and closed my container.
“Just tryin’ to pick the best one,” he said, his eyes soft. “Wouldn’t want you to be bored.”
“No chance of that,” I assured him.
I threw my trash away and walked over to the bed. The sheets were crisp and cold as I slid between them and lay on my side so I could see him. He was leaned back in his chair, one foot flat on the floor and the other stretched out in front of him. He’d lost the hoodie he’d been wearing all day and underneath it was a light-gray T-shirt.
I pushed myself up on my elbow. “You’re not wearing your cut,” I blurted.
“Just noticed?”
“Why aren’t you wearing it? I thought that was a rule or something.”
“It’s in my bags,” he replied calmly.
“Won’t you get in trouble?” I asked, dropping back onto the bed as he rose.
“Nope.”
“Thanks for the clarification,” I said in exasperation.
“Welcome.”
I threw a pillow at him. He caught it and tossed it back. “I’m gonna hop in the shower. You need anything before I do?”
“No.” I pulled the blankets up to my shoulder. “I’m good.”
He disappeared into the bathroom, and I rolled to my back, grabbing my phone from the table between the beds to text Lou that we were stopped for the night and all was well. Then I stared at the ceiling. I was in a motel with Gray in some minuscule town in southern Oregon. If someone had asked me that morning, it would’ve been the last place I’d anticipated.
I was crazy about the guy. Even when he gave one-word answers. Even when he saw through my bullshit—especially then. I liked everything about him, and it was slightly terrifying because it felt like I was holding my breath, waiting for the things I wouldn’t like.
My lips still felt tender after that kiss in the hot spring.
“Thought you’d be asleep,” Gray said quietly as he came out of the bathroom in a towel.
I watched wide-eyed as he strode over to the coffee table to grab his boxers. His olive skin was still slick with water, and it was a struggle to keep my mouth closed as a drop rolled down the center of his back, bisecting the large tattoo.
“No such luck,” I croaked as he headed back to the bathroom.
He let out a huff of laughter as he closed the door.
I stared at that fucking door until he came back out. Honestly, I wasn’t sure why he’d bothered to go in there because when he appeared again, he was wearing nothing but a pair of snug black boxer briefs.
After turning off all the lights except the one next to his bed and grabbing something from his pile of clothes, Gray walked over to his bed and climbed in, pulling the blankets to his waist. I traced the tattoos on his chest and arms with my eyes. There was a quote written across his ribs on the left side. A large lily on his chest. A harp on the inside of his bicep. Some kind of text above his belly button—it looked handwritten. The outlines of trees—like you were looking at them at night—from the bend of his elbow to his shoulder.
“You’re starin’,” he said after a while, looking up from his book.
“I was not.”
He looked back at his book. “Sleep.”
“I can’t,” I mumbled, rolling to my back.
“You need me to turn the light off?”
“No, it’s fine.”
“If you don’t sleep, you’re gonna be wrecked tomorrow.”
“Do you have any weed?” I asked, trying not to grimace. “It’s usually the only thing that helps.”
“Not on me.”
“Shit.”
“Can’t say it’s been workin’ anyway,” he said, setting the book aside. “When’s the last time you got a full night of sleep?”
“Not sure.” I sighed. “How the hell did I get myself into such a fucking mess?”
“None of that,” he ordered. “Shit happens.”
“I can’t fucking stand him,” I mumbled, pressing my heels into my eye sockets. “The craziest thing about this whole situation?” I dropped my hands and shoved myself up, turning toward Gray. “I didn’t even like him that much in the beginning . But he was there, and I needed a dist—”
My mouth slammed shut as I realized what I was about to say.
“You needed what?” he asked, watching me.
“I was bored,” I replied.
“You needed what ?” he asked again.
“A distraction,” I spat, rolling my eyes as I yanked the blankets around my waist.
He was out of bed and leaning over me in a second, his eyes searching my face. “A distraction from what, Francesca?”
“You know what,” I shot back, lifting my chin. If he didn’t want to let it go, I wasn’t going to lie about it. I’d lied enough in the past couple of months.
“You got with that motherfucker to distract you from me ?”
I glared at him. He already knew the answer, or he wouldn’t have asked the question.
“How’d that work out for you?” he muttered, his mouth landing on mine half a heartbeat later.
I fisted my hands in his hair, everything inside me saying yes, this is it. This is what you’ve been searching for. There he is.
“All you had to do was say somethin’,” he said quietly, yanking my tank top over my head.
“Yeah, right,” I argued, pressing my lips against his Adam’s apple. What we were doing was probably a supremely bad idea, but I couldn’t imagine stopping.
“Couldn’t fuckin’ stay away from you.” He gently pushed me back onto the bed, his mouth trailing down my chest. “Tried.”
“Why?” My back arched as his lips found my nipple and tugged.
He lifted his head to meet my eyes. “Not into the club drama,” he said, his voice low. “Knew if things went sideways, we’d be right in the middle of it.”
I nodded. I’d had the same thought, but that was before the first time we’d slept together. After that, I would’ve sacrificed almost anything.
“What changed your mind?” I asked, framing his face in my hands.
He paused for a moment. “Stopped thinkin’ about it. Knew it didn’t fuckin’ matter.”
“You just kept showing up for me anyway,” I said softly, running my thumbs over his cheeks.
“Whatever you need,” he agreed simply.
“Kiss me again.”
He did.
We made out like a couple of teenagers, his mouth detouring to my breasts, my neck, my stomach. The blankets stayed between us, still tangled up around my waist. Eventually, his hand slid beneath them and into my shorts. I arched off the bed as his fingertips thrummed over my clit. He traced every curve and valley, memorizing me as he sucked at my nipples. My body was on fire, but for once, I wasn’t reaching toward my orgasm with both hands.
I wanted to revel in the feelings. I never wanted it to end.
Any time I reached for his boxers, he moved away. By the time I came, his name gravelly and rough as it left my mouth, my hands were clenched tightly in his hair.
“Now you,” I gasped, reaching for him again.
“Not tonight,” he murmured, kissing me softly.
“Gray,” I complained, still trying.
“Not tonight, baby,” he repeated, his hand on my cheek.
“Why not?” I snapped.
“You think you can sleep now?” he asked, ignoring the question.
“You just got me off so I could sleep?” Insecurity smacked me in the face.
“I got you off because I wanted to watch,” he replied calmly. “Because I wanted your tits in my mouth, and I wanted my fingers in your cunt, and I wanted to watch you fuckin’ lose it.”
My eyes widened.
“Do you think you can sleep?”
“Maybe.”
“Good.” He kissed me again and climbed off the bed.
“Seriously?”
I lay there, stewing, as he got back into his bed. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him put his fingers into his mouth, idly cleaning them as he opened his book with the other hand.
My core clenched. Fuck that.
Throwing back the blankets, I marched around his bed and climbed in on the far side. I scooted all the way over until I was plastered against his side.
He looked down at me in amusement.
“Not a word,” I muttered.
He smiled. Half a minute later, he was yanking me over him, scooting so that I was lying in the spot he’d been in, and he was in the center of the bed. Reaching over me, he turned off the light.
“What was the point of that?” I grumbled as he lay down and tucked me into his front.
“I sleep by the door.”
Arching my back, I smiled as his hand gripped my hip to hold me still. He was as hard as a rock, even if he didn’t plan on doing anything with it.
My eyes grew heavy as the arm under my head curved down, his hand covering my breast.
“I think I can sleep now,” I murmured, kissing his bicep.
“Good,” he whispered, leaning down to brush his lips over my bare shoulder.
When I woke up later, Gray was passed out behind me. One hand was still covering my breast. The other had tucked down inside the front of my shorts.
I fell back asleep.
The next morning, I woke up to sunlight pouring through the gap in the motel’s curtains.
“Mornin’,” Gray said from his spot at the table. Doughnuts and his trusty book were sitting in front of him.
“What time is it?” I asked, leaning up as I brushed my hair out of my face. I didn’t remember that I was still topless until the blankets fell, and cold air brushed over my bare skin.
Gray looked me over. I felt it everywhere .
“Eleven thirty.”
“For real?” I asked, looking back at the window. I never slept late. “Why didn’t you wake me?”
“You needed the sleep.”
“We should’ve been on the road hours ago.”
“Says who?” he asked in amusement. “Got somewhere you need to be?”
“No.”
“Then we’ll get on the road when we get on the road.”
“Well, next time wake me,” I said, shoving the blankets off my legs so I could get out of bed.
“Not gonna happen,” he said, watching me as I crossed the room.
The expression on his face was the best kind of ego boost. I pulled my shoulders back.
“Why not?” I asked as I reached him, stepping around his legs until I was straddling his lap.
“You need the sleep. I’m not gonna fuck with that.” He let out a low groan when I lowered onto his lap.
“Is this what we’re doing now?” I asked, running my hands through the hair that he hadn’t yet pulled back for the day. “I didn’t think so, but then last night…”
“That what you want?” he asked, his hands landing on my waist.
“No answering questions with questions,” I chastised.
The sleep I’d gotten had done more for my anxiety and worry than anything else had. I felt strong. Capable. Turned on. Maybe it would fade, who knew.
“Figured out I was gone for you last month,” he said after a moment. “I’m down for any of it.”
“Yeah? Any of it?”
“You wanna be together? I’m in. You wanna use my cock like you own it and walk away afterward? Do it. You wanna keep it friendly? I’ll keep my hands to myself.”
“As easy as that?”
“Probably shouldn’t say it,” he muttered, lifting one hand to give my hair a tug so I’d tilt my head back, and he could nip at my pulse point. “But I’m not sure there’s anythin’ you could ask for at this point that I wouldn’t give you.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“That night when I handed you your clothes,” he continued, making me freeze. “It was already chilly in the bedroom, and I wanted to open the window to smoke. Didn’t want you to get cold.”
“What?” I snapped my head back down to look at him.
“Wasn’t tryin’ to kick you out,” he clarified. “But then you were rushin’ to leave, so I figured you weren’t interested in round two.”
“I—you,” I sputtered. “I’ve never even seen you smoke except that night.”
“I’ve got a pack for when I’ve been drinkin’,” he replied. “Don’t crave ’em otherwise.”
“You mean we could’ve been fucking this whole time?” I asked, slapping his shoulder.
“Probably not,” he replied, chuckling as he caught my hands in his fists. “But you would’ve gotten more that night for sure.”
I huffed.
“Woulda taken me a minute to figure it out,” Gray said, lifting my hands to kiss them before letting go. “But we woulda been right here eventually.”
“Pretty sure about yourself.”
“Baby, you woke up this mornin’, came struttin’ across the room topless, and straddled me. I think it’s warranted.”
“I didn’t strut.”
“You did.” His hands glided up my waist and cupped my breasts before pinching my nipples lightly. “After the way you’ve been lately, it was a beautiful fuckin’ thing.”
“All the drama at home is still there,” I reminded him, running my fingers lightly through his hair. “My life is still a mess.”
“Work’s a mess. Your life isn’t.”
“I think I have to quit my job. I haven’t found anything else, but I can’t be there every day.”
“I agree.”
“I’m so fucked.”
“It’ll work out.”
“Easy for you to say.”
“Give yourself a little more time to put things in perspective without that shit breathin’ down your neck,” he said gently. “We’ve got over a week to ignore it.”
I looked into his dark-brown eyes. He was so calm. Collected. Quiet. The only time I’d ever seen him worked up was when I had my hands on him.
“I am drama,” I warned. “If that’s what you were trying to avoid, you failed. Even beyond this Scott shit—things are never peaceful. I’m loud. Contrary to recent history, I generally don’t take anyone’s shit. and I won’t take yours either. I can hold a grudge for years. I don’t forget, and I rarely forgive—and I’m not quiet.”
“I know you,” he reminded me.
“I’m just saying, if we’re together, I’m not going to change. I know myself. You’ll be jumping into the drama with both feet. I’ll try not to yell at you while we’re at the club, but I can’t promise that unless you can promise to never piss me off.”
“You done?” he asked as I paused to take a breath.
“I think I covered it.”
“All right, my turn.”
I nodded regally, giving him the floor.
“You yell at me, there’s a good chance I won’t engage if we’re in company. I’ll hash it out with you later.”
“That’s fine.”
His lips twitched. “Want you to come to dinner at my parents’ house—”
“I know your parents.”
He waited until he knew I was done. “Want you to come to dinner at my parents’ as mine .”
“Oh.”
“I’ll stay at your place whenever you want, but I’d appreciate if we could spend time at my place, too. I like the quiet.”
“I like your place.”
“That’s easy shit—now for the big one.”
I stiffened, wondering what the hell he could want.
“You don’t hide shit from me. You don’t lie to me. If you’re dealin’ with somethin’, you read me in on it.”
I nodded slowly. That would be harder. I was used to taking care of things on my own and telling people about them later. It had worked for me since I was a kid.
“I want to be exclusive,” I said, countering.
He stared at me like I’d lost my mind. My stomach churned.
“Baby, what the hell do you think we’re talkin’ about right now?”
“Our relationship if we decide to have one.”
“No.” He shook his head. “We’re talkin’ about our life . Together. Of course I’m not gonna fuck anyone else. I don’t wanna fuck anyone else. You shouldn’t want to either.”
“I don’t,” I replied quickly.
“I don’t know where you’re at with this,” he said slowly. “But this is it for me. The end. I’m not gonna want anyone else. I want a life with you .”
I swallowed hard.
Dating had always been easy for me, and of course I’d always imagined I’d eventually find the one , and we’d just stay together and eventually get married. The normal progression. I hadn’t been actually looking for it, I’d just assumed that it would happen at some point.
I’d never imagined I would be sitting topless on a man’s lap, after having sex once months ago, discussing a future together like it was the most normal thing in the world. It made sense, though. If we were doing it, if we were actually going to be together, we had to be sure. If we weren’t, we could pull a whole lot of people into our eventual breakup, and that wasn’t fair to anyone.
It was especially not fair to Gray, who I knew didn’t have a ton of friends. If the people in our lives felt like they had to choose, I could leave him with no one. Not that I thought that would ever happen, he was a member of the club after all, and I was just a friend—but the possibility was there. The stakes were higher for him.
“You want a life with me,” I whispered, my breath catching.
“Gettin’ a front-row seat to all the crazy shit you pull would be a life well spent.”
My chest tightened so much it ached.
“Careful. You’re going to make me fall in love with you.”
“That’s the goal.”