Chapter 20
Teddy
It was time.
I set my packed bag on the bed and looked around the room.
Jesse’s painting hung over the headboard, and my umbrella ring holder still sat on the nightstand, but I’d packed the photo frames from the dresser.
I’d been thinking for days about the things I was willing to leave behind, and though it killed me to do it, I figured eventually Curt could send the rest of it to us.
By the time we landed somewhere, hopefully he wouldn’t be angry anymore.
Leaving the bag behind, I walked to Finn’s room.
It was early, and he was still sleeping on Jesse’s floor every night, so it was quiet as I grabbed his bag out of the closet and packed a variety of clothes he might need.
I wasn’t sure where we would be in the end, but first we were going north, and with summer sliding into fall, I knew he’d need some pants and sweatshirts.
When I was done, I carried the bag into my room and set it next to mine on the bed.
I quietly went to the kids’ bathroom next and packed their toothbrushes. In the bonus room, I grabbed our throw off the couch. Downstairs, I got a couple of paper grocery bags and grabbed three more picture frames that had migrated down there somehow and carried them all upstairs.
When I was done, I took a deep breath and went into Jesse’s room.
They were sleeping on the bed on their good side, their no longer swollen face highlighted by the soft light coming through the blinds.
They looked so much better, and I would never say a word, but there was something different about their face now.
It was as if the doctors had taken it apart and put it back by memory, but they’d missed something. I couldn’t figure out what it was.
Finn was on the floor, also curled up on his side. His sleeping bag was pulled up so far that only the top half of his face was showing. The days of sleeping with his arms flung wide were gone. He was closed off now. Kind and considerate as always, but careful. Watchful.
“Hey, guys,” I said, closing the door behind me. “Time to wake up.”
“Mom?” Finn asked, pulling down the sleeping bag to look at me.
“What time is it?” Jesse asked blearily.
“Early,” I replied, moving to where they’d propped their bag against their dresser. Their backpack sat next to it, full of school supplies, and I made a mental note to grab it and Finn’s too before we left. “Come on. Time to get up.”
“What’s going on?” Jess asked, sitting up in bed.
“Moving day,” I replied with a smile, my guts clenching.
“Where are we moving?” Finn asked in confusion.
“Not sure yet,” I replied, setting Jesse’s bag on the end of the bed. “Figured we could move around for a while until we find a place we like.”
“Is Dylan coming?” Finn asked.
“No,” Jesse replied before I could, understanding dawning. “No, bud. It’s just us.”
“What? No. Dylan will be sad without us.”
“It’ll be good,” I replied, walking to the closet so I could grab a couple of Jesse’s sweatshirts. “You could call Dyl. Whenever you want, okay?”
“Mom,” Jesse called in a tone I couldn’t quite identify.
“It’ll be good,” I said quickly as I stuffed their sweatshirts into their bag. “You need to bring some long pants, okay? It’s almost fall, and it’s going to start getting colder, especially at night.”
“Go to the bathroom, Finn,” Jesse ordered, their eyes still on me.
“I don’t have to.”
“You’ve been squirming in your sleeping bag since you woke up,” Jesse countered. “Just go and come back.”
“Fine,” Finn replied. He got up and disappeared out of the room, leaving the door open behind him.
“Why are you doing this?” Jesse asked me quietly.
“You know why,” I replied tightly. “We can’t stay here, kid. He knows where we are. We’re not far enough away.”
“Curtis said that he’s on it,” Jesse argued. “He said the club is taking care of it.”
“They said that when we moved here. Then look what happened.”
“It’s not Curtis’s fault,” they said defensively.
“Of course not,” I agreed, reaching into their top drawer for socks and underwear.
“Well, what did Curtis say?”
“About what?”
“About us moving.”
“He hasn’t said anything,” I hedged. “He’ll be mad for a while, but he’ll get over it.”
“You haven’t told him?”
“Look, Jess, there are things that you don’t understand—”
“What? Like the fact that it was all bullshit, and you guys had never met before?” they said, climbing gingerly out of bed. “Yeah, no shit. Dylan and I figured it out, like, the first week.”
I jerked in surprise.
“But it’s not bullshit anymore,” Jesse continued. “It hasn’t been for a long time.”
“It was always supposed to be temporary,” I replied gently.
“Right.”
“Who’s the parent?”
“You are.”
“Do you trust me?” I asked.
Jesse stared at me for a long moment. “This is wrong.”
I stood there, feeling like I’d been punched in the gut, as they left the room.
I reminded myself that it was okay. Jesse was nearly an adult, and they weren’t going to agree with everything I did.
That was the nature of the beast. I’d disagreed with my pop all the time as a teenager.
Jess just didn’t see the whole picture. They didn’t realize that the longer we were there, the longer Curtis and Dylan were in danger.
We’d brought it to them, and it was my responsibility to take it away again.
They didn’t deserve to live under the cloud we’d lived under. They didn’t deserve to have to constantly watch over their shoulders or be attacked in their house. They didn’t deserve any of the things that had happened.
David Granger knew our address. He knew who we lived with. We’d escaped to less than a day’s drive from him. I’d been an idiot for believing that was far enough.
I wouldn’t make that mistake again, and I’d also never let anyone else be put in the crossfire.
When Jesse didn’t come back, I finished packing their things myself and then grabbed their baby blanket off the bed and stuffed it on top of their clothes.
Grabbing their backpack off the floor, I carried it to the bed, picked up their pillow and clothing bag, and carried them into my room to set them down with the others.
I still needed to grab Finn’s school bag, his pillow, and both of their sleeping bags before I started bringing everything down to the truck. I was so focused on trying not to forget anything that I didn’t hear the front door open and close sometime later.
I didn’t even realize he was home until Finn’s bag was pulled off my shoulder and sailed into the bedroom, crashing against the wall.
“What are you doin’?” Curtis asked, his tone vibrating with something under the calm words.
“I thought you were at work,” I replied dumbly as I turned. I’d watched him leave a little over an hour before.
“I’m not,” he replied. “What are you doing?”
I glanced over at the bed. “I’m packing.”
“Why?”
“Because we’re leaving.”
“You’re leaving.”
“Yeah. It’s time,” I said, straightening my shoulders.
“It’s time.”
“Are you just going to keep repeating everything I say?”
“Tryin’ to make sense of it.”
“What’s hard to understand?”
“The fact that you waited until I left the house to pack your shit and sneak away,” he replied, his voice rising.
“It’s easier that way.”
“For who?” he thundered.
“For everyone,” I snapped back. “I didn’t want to do all this.” I gestured between us. “Just go back to work. I’ll be in touch later—”
My words trailed off as I realized the kids were crowded outside our bedroom door, watching it all play out.
“Go back to your rooms and make sure I grabbed everything you’ll want,” I ordered.
Jesse shook their head slowly.
“This is ridiculous,” I murmured, closing my eyes as I took a deep, calming breath. “We’re leaving. It doesn’t have to be this big fight, okay? It’s time for us to move on.”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“I don’t,” Curtis replied flatly. “Explain it to me.”
“We knew that it was only for a while,” I said.
“Thought you said we were doin’ this.”
“That was before.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Don’t act like you’re confused,” I ordered in frustration. “It’s different now.”
“Not for me,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Bullshit,” I snapped. I glanced past him at the kids still standing in the doorway and pressed my lips together. I wasn’t going to have this argument in front of them.
“Go into the bonus room and turn on a movie,” Curtis ordered, turning toward them. He walked to the door. “Got it?”
“Got it,” Dylan replied quietly, setting his hands on Jesse and Finn’s shoulders to lead them away.
Curtis closed the door and turned to face me. “How’s it different?”
“It just is,” I hedged. “This isn’t working anymore. We brought all this shit to your doorstep. Dylan nearly died! We need to go before anything else happens.”
“What do you think is going to happen?”
“Who the hell knows?” I yelled, flinging my arms out. “Kidnapping? Drive-by? Bombing? Who the hell knows what’s going through that monster’s head? He’s not going to give up!”
“He already has.”
“He hasn’t, and if you believe that, you’re an idiot.”
“You don’t think I can protect you?” he asked quietly.
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then what are you sayin’?”
“You shouldn’t have to! I knew what he was capable of, and I brought it straight to your doorstep.
I can’t believe how fucking selfish I was.
” Reaching up, I rubbed at the headache forming above my eyes.
“It’s better for everyone if we go. We can go further.
Out of his reach. We don’t have to bring anyone else down with us. ”
“What’s this really about?” he asked gently.
“I just told you.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Stop acting like you don’t understand what’s happening,” I said, my voice thin with frustration. “You know you’ll be relieved when we’re gone. Okay? You know it.”
“Baby, that’s not true.”
“Just stop,” I ground out.
“What the fuck, Teddy?”
“Go take a look at your son,” I yelled, my patience gone. “Watch how he moves so carefully. Check out how he jumps at every sound. How he watches Jesse and Finn like a fucking hawk. Then tell me it’s not true!”
“The attack wasn’t your fucking fault!” he yelled back.