Chapter 20 #2
“You know it was!”
“It wasn’t!”
“Just fucking stop! You know it was my fault!”
“Why the hell do you keep saying that?”
“You haven’t even fucking touched me!”
Curtis reared back like I’d slapped him.
“You know it’s different now,” I said, lowering my voice. “And we both know why, all right? Let’s just move on.”
“Baby.” He reached for me, but I skittered backward.
“No. Just stop. Let’s just stop this.”
“You think I blame you?”
“Of course you do. You should.”
“I’ve never fucking blamed you,” he said, taking a cautious step forward. “Are you fuckin’ kiddin’? I promised that the club would cover you. I’m the one who told you that you and the kids were safe.” He was shaking. “I’m the one who didn’t put the fucking dowel in the slider.”
“What?” I breathed.
“I knew that lock was shit,” he hissed. “I kept tellin’ myself that I needed to put a dowel in the track, but then I kept forgettin’ five minutes later, and I never did it. They popped the lock and walked right in.”
“They shouldn’t have even come here. If we weren’t here—”
“I told you that I would keep you safe.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I argued. “If it hadn’t been the slider, they would’ve broken a window or gotten in some other way.”
“You couldn’t have known that they’d hurt our kids,” he countered. “You knew that Granger wanted Finn. He’d given you no indication he’d hurt Jesse or Dylan.”
“We shouldn’t have even been here.”
“Thank fuck you were,” Curtis barked, running both hands through his hair. “Goddamn it.”
I stared at him.
“Do you have any idea how bad it tears me up inside thinkin’ about the alternative? Not bein’ there for those kids on the worst day of their lives? Not bein’ there for you? Fuck, Teddy.”
“But Dylan—”
“Dylan is gonna be fine.”
“He was hurt—”
“I am fully aware of that shit,” he barked.
“But every time you say that, every time you take responsibility for that, you’re minimizin’ what he did.
My son was hurt protectin’ someone he loves, and if you’d discussed it with Dylan even once, you’d know that he’s proud that he kept Finn safe.
He gave his baby brother time to get somewhere safe.
It would kill him if he knew how twisted you’ve gotten it in your head.
If he knew that you were wishin’ that you’d never come here. ”
“That’s not what I meant,” I sputtered.
“You did come here, Teddy. You’re a part of our lives. We love you. We love Jesse and Finn. Whatever comes, woman. You get that? We’re a goddamn family. Figure it the fuck out because you’re not leavin’.”
“You’ve barely touched me,” I said in confusion, looking around the room. “I—it’s been weeks. It’s my fault your son got hurt. I—”
“Theodora,” he replied, frustration making the word sharp. “We haven’t locked the fuckin’ bedroom door since we got home in case the kids needed us.”
Understanding dawned. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh,” he snapped. He shook his head. “Now, am I comin’ to you or are you comin’ to me?”
I swallowed hard. “I think I should probably come to you.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right,” he bit out.
Cautiously, I moved toward him. When I was in reach, he jerked me against his chest, wrapping one arm around my back and sliding his other hand into my hair.
“I’ve heard you,” I mumbled. “But I don’t—”
“We’ll find you someone to talk to,” he said, his arm around my back tightening. “Get rid of that guilt that isn’t yours to carry.”
“It isn’t yours either,” I pointed out.
“You let me deal with that.”
“I see them when I close my eyes,” I whispered, twisting so I could press my forehead against his sternum. “Every time.”
“Me too,” he whispered, kissing the top of my head. “But they’re right down the hall. Safe and whole.”
“I know.”
“And I’m right here,” he said, tipping my head back.
“Can’t promise we won’t ever have to go through hard shit again, but I can promise you that you’ll never deal with it alone.
I love you more than I realized was fuckin’ possible.
I love those kids like they came from me.
I’m not goin’ anywhere, and you’re not either. ”
“I’m scared,” I confessed. “I’m scared all the time. Of everything.”
“I know,” he murmured, leaning down to brush his lips over mine. “We’ll fix that too, baby.”
He shuffled me backward, and when we’d reached the door, he locked it.
We were nearly silent as we stripped ourselves bare, kissing and touching everything we could reach as we moved toward the bed. When we got there, Curtis shoved the bags onto the floor with a crash. A moment later, my back hit the comforter, and his body blanketed mine.
“I’ve missed you,” he said, pressing his lips to the spot between my neck and shoulder that made me shiver. “Don’t doubt that for a second.”
“I thought you didn’t want me anymore.”
He lifted his head. “I’ll want you until I’m dead,” he said simply.
“You said you love me.”
“Would’ve said it sooner,” he replied, brushing my hair away from my face. “Thought you knew.”
“I didn’t.”
“A little slow on the uptake,” he murmured teasingly, his lips pulling up at the corners.
“How was I supposed to recognize something I’ve never had before?”
“You recognize it now?”
I stared into his eyes. The anger that I’d seen in them when he found me packing hadn’t been anger at all. It had been fear. Now, they were soft. Indulgent. Warm. And I realized in that moment that he’d been looking at me that way since the beginning.
He adored me.
“Yeah,” I rasped.
“Good,” he whispered. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine again, sliding his tongue over my bottom lip.
We were quiet as we rediscovered each other.
My back arched when he finally thrust inside, resting on his elbows as he cupped my face with both hands.
It was languid and slow, both of us reveling in the connection that we’d been missing.
Eventually, I came with a silent moan, my nails digging into his back.
He followed thirty seconds later, his face pressed into my neck.
We lay there, still connected.
“I’ve been alone for a really long time,” I confessed into the quiet, holding him against me.
“You’re not anymore,” he promised.
“Yeah.”
“I don’t think you get it,” he said, lifting his head so he could look into my eyes. “You’ve been runnin’ a long time, baby. Moving every couple of years. Rentin’ furnished places so you could take off at a moment’s notice.”
“I wasn’t—” I protested.
“You did,” he said, cutting me off. “But you’re not anymore. You got nothin’ to run from now. You’re here with me.” He dragged his thumb over my bottom lip, his eyes intent on the movement. He lifted his eyes again. “We move? Dylan and I can carry the furniture now.”
“How the hell did I find you?”
“You accepted help,” he said dryly. “Crazy, right?”
“Are we in the joking portion now?” I asked, glaring at him. “Because if we are, you’re paying to replace the shit in Finn’s school bag that you broke when you tossed it against the wall.”
“Fine with me.”
Tilting my head back, I looked at the bedroom door. “The kids are probably going crazy out there.”
“You ready to put them out of their misery?”
“Can you just hold me for a couple more minutes?” I asked softly.
“I’ll hold you as long as you want,” he replied, rolling to his side. He pulled me with him, so we were pressed chest to chest.
“How did you know?” I asked, looking into his eyes.
Curtis hesitated for a moment. “Jesse called me.”