Chapter 20 #3
My chest felt like it was caving in as I nodded.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I fought back the burn of tears.
I wasn’t sure if I was more ashamed that they’d seen me doing something so shitty and they’d felt the need to save me from myself, or heartbroken that, for the first time in their lives, I’d done something that they couldn’t trust was the best decision.
“Don’t be mad at Jess.”
“I’m not,” I assured him as I opened my eyes. “I’m ashamed I put them in that position.”
Curtis gave a nod of understanding and pressed a long kiss to my forehead. “I don’t think that we could separate them now,” he said, rubbing my back. “The kids, I mean.”
“I’m sorry.” I sniffled. He was right. In my mad dash to disappear, I’d underestimated what it would’ve done to the kids, not only taking them from Dylan but Curtis too.
“It’s over,” he replied easily.
For Curtis, it was that simple. I’d tried to do something that wouldn’t have been good for anyone, he’d stopped me, we’d talked it out, and now it was done. There was no hesitation in the way he touched me. No recrimination in his eyes.
It would take me longer to forgive myself.
We lay there for a few more minutes, and then we rose in unspoken agreement. As soon as we were dressed, we went to find the kids. Instead of the bonus room, they’d made their way downstairs to the kitchen. Finn was eating a bowl of cereal while Dylan and Jesse talked in quiet voices.
“You’re not movin’ anywhere,” Curtis announced, walking straight through to the coffeepot. “And I’m takin’ the rest of the day off work. What do you guys wanna do?”
“Library?” Finn asked, pausing with his bowl halfway to his mouth. “I need new books.”
“Yeah,” Jesse said cautiously, their eyes on me. “Me too.”
“Can’t really do anythin’ else,” Dylan agreed.
“Baby, where’s the coffee grounds?” Curtis called over his shoulder.
“You’ve seriously never made coffee?” Jesse asked in disbelief.
“It’s in the pantry,” I replied, going to get it. I carried it over to him, and he took it with a sweet smile.
“I love you too,” I said quietly.
“I know you do,” he replied, just as quietly.
“I’m goin’ to get dressed,” Finn announced, abandoning his empty bowl on the table. He disappeared up the stairs.
“So we’re staying,” Jesse said, watching me and Curtis.
“Yeah,” I said, swallowing. “We are.”
“Good.”
“Jess,” I called as they rose from their seat, one hand braced on the table. “I’m sorry. That was a shitty move. I shouldn’t have—”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” they cut me off.
I watched as they followed Finn, taking the stairs a lot slower than he had.
“They’ll get over it,” Dylan said.
I turned to look at him.
“We went to the bonus room first, but we could still hear you, so we brought Finn downstairs.” His fingers tapped in a rhythm on the table. “It wasn’t your fault—”
“Dylan,” Curtis called in warning. He’d turned from the counter to face us.
“It’s okay,” I told him, keeping my eyes on Dylan.
“Those guys,” he said thickly. “When they were searchin’ for Finn, they were talkin’.”
Curtis moved toward us.
“They said that the guy who’d sent them—Finn’s grandpa?”
I nodded.
“They said he told them he didn’t want any collateral damage. They said they were fucked.”
It felt as if I were being slowly suffocated.
“The way I figure it,” Dylan said, clearing his throat.
He started again. “The way I figure it, those guys were actin’ on their own.
The way I figure it, there’s no way you could’ve known.
You didn’t think that guy would hurt us, and you were right, and you were right when you thought he’d try to take Finn. So it’s not on you.”
“I appreciate that, Dyl,” I replied softly.
“And I think,” he said, swallowing, his voice reed thin as he looked down at the table. “I think if we woulda just let them take him, they wouldn’t have hurt us.”
My lip started to quiver as Curtis’s hand wrapped around the back of my neck.
“Jesse and I weren’t gonna let that happen,” he said, looking up at me again.
“Buddy,” I whispered.
“So it’s not on you,” he repeated, his voice thick with tears.
“Come here, son,” Curtis said, moving toward him.
“I’d do it again,” Dylan said firmly. “I-I wasn’t gonna let them take Finn. If those guys got him? He’s just a little boy. If they got him—”
Dylan’s chair screeched as Curtis pulled it away from the table. He pulled Dylan to his feet and wrapped him in his arms as Dylan began to sob.
“Worth it,” Jesse said from behind me.
I turned to find them with tears dripping down their cheeks.
“Come here, kid,” I said, carefully pulling them against my chest.
“We’re better together,” Jesse murmured in my ear. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’re right,” I replied, rubbing their back. “We’re not going anywhere.”
“I’d do it again,” Jesse whispered. “A hundred times.”
“You won’t have to.”
“What the hell is going on?” Finn asked from halfway down the stairs.
“Language,” Dylan said, his tone sounding just like Jesse’s when they corrected Finn.
I met Curtis’s eyes as he chuckled. I smiled back as Jesse pulled away.
“Don’t say hell,” they ordered, pointing at Finn.
“You do!”
“I’m fifteen.”
“So!”
As they bickered and Dylan joined in, I let the noise wash over me, still held in place by Curtis’s gaze.
I’d made a lot of bad decisions. Too many to name.
But standing in that kitchen, I finally made a good one.