33. Kai
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
KAI
I text him as my cab is leaving the airport.
KAI: Just landed and heading home. Come over in an hour?
The reply comes before the phone lands in my lap.
OZZY: On my way.
The tight, restless buzz under my skin loses its edge.
I’ve missed him so much. All week, I kept telling myself road trips are merciless. Everybody gets strange when they’re running on bad sleep and hotel air. Once I get home and see Oskar, the static will stop. Everything will feel normal again.
It has to, because I can’t be without him regardless of how scared I am.
An hour later, the doorbell rings. I’m already moving before the sound has faded.
The breath goes out of me as soon as I open the door. We don’t move. Oskar is just there, his cheeks flushed red from the January wind, his hair a mess, his eyes wide and locked on mine. He looks like he’s been holding his breath since I left.
Fuck.
The distance vanishes when his cold hands frame my face, fingers sliding into my hair while his body presses me against the wall. We kiss, but there’s hesitation in it. I think we’re both asking the same question and terrified of the answer.
Then a week of distance, weird texts, and deep anxiety burns away. I fist my hands in the thick wool of his coat, pulling him closer, needing the heavy, solid heat of him to ground me. I’ve needed that since the last time we were together.
He moans against my mouth, a low, gravelly sound, and my shoulders finally drop. The tension leaves me exactly as it does when the final horn blows after sixty brutal minutes on the ice.
Jesus Christ. Maybe this was only a bad stretch. A ridiculous amount of travel and too many nights without each other. Too much time for the past to haunt me.
But now Oskar is here, holding me like he’s trying to memorize the shape of my body, kissing me like he never wants to stop. I close my eyes and let myself believe everything is okay.
When the kiss breaks, words rush out of me. “Fuck, I missed you.”
“Missed you too,” he whispers. “You’ll never know how much.”
He covers my mouth with his and slides his tongue inside. I groan because it feels so good but isn’t enough.
It’s nowhere near enough. A single, overwhelming need replaces the canceled plans and the gnawing fear that I’d fucked everything up.
I pull away from his mouth. My hands are already unzipping his coat, shoving it down his arms. It lands on the floor, and my voice comes out raspy. “God, I need you.”
A flash of cold, sharp fear shoots through me. Then it’s gone, engulfed by the fire roaring in my gut. Hunger fills me and becomes one desperate, demanding ache.
“Need you too, baby.” He slides his hands under my shirt. They’re cold against my hot skin, making me shudder.
We stumble down the hall toward the bedroom. Halfway there, he yanks my T-shirt over my head. I get rid of his sweater but have no patience for the shirt underneath. Buttons fly, scattering across the floor as we start moving again.
The bed catches us when we fall into a tangle of limbs and frantic kisses.
He crawls on top of me and grinds his hard cock against mine.
Jolts of electricity race up my spine, silencing every thought except more.
This is exactly what I need—not just sex, but Ozzy looking at me like I’m all he wants.
His eyes are wild as he taps my arm. “Let’s get the rest of our clothes off.”
In fits and starts, we finish undressing, sneaking kisses as we go. Then I use both hands to push him back onto the mattress. “Need to taste you.”
He keeps his gaze locked on mine as he spreads his legs, and I settle between them. When I take him into my mouth, he tastes like salt and skin. The suction makes him hiss, and he tangles his fingers in my hair.
It’s only a moment until he says, “Stop. You’re going to make me come.”
I’d love to swallow his cum, but I need him inside me even more, so I pull off.
He sits up. “Lie back and let me suck you.”
“No. Please fuck me, Ozzy. I need it.”
“I’ve got you, baby. No worries.”
I lie back. His tongue is hot and insistent, licking and teasing me until I’m writhing on the bed.
“Feels great,” I say, “but put your cock inside me.”
He leans over and takes the lube from under the bed. The cap clicks, and then he’s back, pressing a finger against me. I force myself to relax as it slides inside. Soon, he adds another and scissor them, opening me up until I’m groaning with pleasure.
“Ride me, Kai. I want to see you work for it.”
He slides his fingers out of me, and we trade places. I straddle him. My thighs tremble as I line up on his cock and sink down, taking him inch by inch. The stretch is a full, deep ache that’s almost too much yet not enough.
Ozzy grasps my hips. “Fuck, baby. Look at you.”
Rising up and sliding back down, I set a fast pace. The anxiety of the past week merges with my lust into desperation. All that matters is the look on his face and the slide of his cock inside me.
He squeezes his eyes shut, lost in pleasure, and a fresh wave of heat washes over me.
“God, baby,” he grits out, opening his eyes. “You feel so good.”
He wraps a hand around my cock, and his fast strokes push me over the edge. The orgasm hits me like a puck out of control. I cry out as my cum stripes his chest and pleasure overwhelms me.
“Helvete!” His back arches off the bed, and he drives his cock deep. He yells my name as he fills me up.
When the contractions ease, I raise myself off him and lie down. He immediately rolls onto his side, throwing a leg over mine and an arm over my chest.
“Holy shit,” I whisper. “You’re amazing.”
He moans and tightens his hold on me. “And you are everything.”
As I drift off to sleep with him wrapped around me, I know we have to make things okay. I need Ozzy like air.
It’s after eleven the next day before we drag ourselves out of bed and into the shower.
After a night of sex, whispers, and passing out in each other’s arms, I’m more human than I’ve been in a week. Last night quieted the constant noise in my mind. But even as I think about it under the spray of hot water, something inside me pushes back. The knot in my chest hasn’t untangled yet.
We need to talk, but if I can’t admit to myself everything I’m afraid of, how the hell am I supposed to say it out loud to him?
Ozzy pinches my ass hard enough to make me jump. “Scrub my back?”
Pulling myself out of my head, I grab the soap and focus on the heavy muscle of the sexiest back I’ve ever seen.
We eat lox and eggs, potatoes, and sourdough toast, then load the dishwasher and decide to skip working out. Ozzy asks to see my LEGO, and after that, we turn on the TV and sack out on the living room couch.
Before long, he mutes the sound and turns toward me. We make out for a few minutes, but we’re both too tired to do anything more.
He nods off, and I watch him sleep. It’s hard to believe this gorgeous man is curled up with his face tucked against my throat. He thinks I’m worth holding onto.
Don’t trust it. Don’t believe it.
Being wanted and being safe are not the same thing.
Stop. Don’t do this.
With him warm and heavy against my side, I push those thoughts down. For the first time in days, I can almost pretend everything is fine. Who knows—maybe this weekend will fix things.
I come around slowly with Ozzy’s warm lips on mine.
“Hi, handsome,” I whisper against his mouth. “What a perfect way to wake up.”
“You look so good lying there. Want to mess around?”
“Of course, but let’s wait until after dinner. I’m a little sore, and I won’t be satisfied with anything but you inside me.”
We start talking, but it’s about things that don’t matter. Mostly, I tell him stupid stories from the Condors’ road trip.
While I’m talking, he places a hand on my chest and says, “Will you stop talking about this?”
“What?”
He raises his voice enough to make me jump. “We don’t need to talk about the fucking Condors.”
I’m shocked. It isn’t because he stopped me; he’s always been good at sensing when I’m on a verbal breakaway, but he’s never been rude about it. I think I understand why he was, but that doesn’t make me feel any calmer.
“Sorry,” is all I can manage.
“Sorry I snapped at you, but since I got here last night, all we have done is have sex and make small talk. I’m not complaining about the sex, but we are more than that. There are things we need to discuss.”
I let out a rough sigh. “You’re right. Let’s get up.”