35. Strike
Strike
Strike cracked his neck as he shuffled around his room. Darkness touched the edge of his vision.
He’d managed three hours of sleep after his workout. It was enough to keep the exhaustion at bay for another day and ease the pain in his chest.
He wanted to sleep with Millie in his arms, like they had in the tent. But that was impossible. It was enough that she still spoke to him after the last twenty-four hours. She’d dealt with so much. He couldn’t stop thinking about what his therapist had said, either.
Visions of Millie married, but thinking about him like he’d always think about her, frayed his resolve.
“What’s going on, Bear?” he asked, throwing clothes on to prepare breakfast.
“Before we start, I want to let you know that Liss isn’t on speakerphone. We’re trying to respect your boundaries,” Bear replied.
Strike stopped drying his hair with the towel. “What’s brought that on?”
“Something Millie said to Liss. You’ve respected us and what we’re doing, albeit grumpily, while we’ve run roughshod over your needs. We could be better. Sorry.”
A smile crept onto Strike’s face. “Thank you. That means a lot.”
“Millie has been good for all of us. I’ve missed her.”
“Yeah, she’s the best.” He wrung his hands. “I told her why I left.”
“Really?”
“I want to speak to Mum and Dad today, too. I’ve kept too much from all of you, and it wasn’t fair of me.”
“Let me go somewhere I can’t be disturbed.” The sound of a door clicking was followed by birds squawking.
Strike proceeded to explain the highlights of his conversation with Millie.
“So it wasn’t anything I did? It wasn’t about getting away from me?” Bear stuttered.
Strike sat on his bed. “No! You were my best friend—well, you and Millie were. Leaving you was one of the hardest things.”
“I’d had people leave me and reject me. In my darkest moments, I suspected it was my fault.”
Strike dragged his nails across his scalp. “I’m so sorry. I hate that I added to your shit. I loved you, mate. I still do.”
“I love you, too.” Bear sighed. “I’m gutted about everything you went through. Your parents will get a lot from hearing this. But what next with Millie?”
“I’ve no fucking clue. She’s spoken to her family, and I think she believes me, but it doesn’t change us. We liked each other as teenagers, but we’re different people now. And besides, who could love someone as fucked up as me?”
“Millie could. You’re fucked up, we both are, but I’m honoured to call you my friend and wouldn’t want anyone else by my side, whether fighting or watching television.”
Strike laughed. “Thanks. I feel the same. But when it comes to Millie, she could do better than me.”
He didn’t share that after the hungry way she’d looked at him in the early hours, he’d made his workout extra punishing. He needed to tire out his brain so he’d sleep without fantasising about her. But he’d failed. At least he’d managed to stay in the gym, unlike after his call with his therapist.
“She couldn’t do better than you. And you can’t control this like it’s a risk assessment. You’ve just got to see what happens. Do what you do best and just be there for her. You love her, don’t you?”
He sucked in a breath and finally admitted, “Yes. I always have.”
“Then fight for her. Be your real self. Surely, these last days have shown you that you can lose things any second. Don’t let her be something you lose again.”
Strike flexed his jaw. The idea he might never see Millie again gripped his throat. But that meant putting himself out there and giving his heart to a woman who might never want him.
He shook his head. She’d had his heart all this time without knowing. At least now, she deserved to make a decision about what to do with it.
“Back to work.” He cleared his throat, still debating if Millie would be able to cope with the way his past threw shadows over his present and dogged his thoughts of the future.
Would he always have to hide a part of himself from her?
“Randolph’s contacted me several times. He’s trying to track Millie. ”
“It’s worse than that. I’ve spoken to Cain. Someone contacted his bodyguard company and tried to hire them to find Millie. Cain turned him down when he learned we were involved, but he heard a rumour they’re talking to Finshaw.”
Strike grunted. “Finshaw and his team are ruthless. If they find Millie, they’ll drag her to the Danksworths.”
“You need to keep her with you while Luke works on the video. We will sort this.”
“I’ll ensure this house is locked down tight.” Strike strode toward the kitchen, his shoulders hunched. “Breakfast first. I need carbs.”
“If I can help with anything else, let me know.”
“Will do.”
“And thank you for telling me about the past. You’re a good man. Make sure you tell Millie how you feel.”
“I will.” The warmth washing over him died. A note sat on the counter.
I’ve gone for a walk into the town to clear my head. I’ll be back by lunchtime.
Millie xx
“Fuck, I’ve got to go. Millie’s gone.”
“By choice?”
“I think so. I’ll be in touch.”
Strike called Millie as soon as he hung up, but there was no answer.
He scrunched the note and yanked on his boots. His pulse raced wildly as he fumbled with the laces. The idea she’d been taken before he got to declare his feelings was too much.
He needed to bring his woman home.