Chapter Eighteen
Luca
Rowan didn’t really speak about her time with Dr. Maggie.
I wanted to talk about it, but I could tell that she didn’t want to.
I would have given everything to have been in that room with her, just for her to know she didn’t have to be alone.
That she isn’t in this alone. Fuck. But I sat on the barstool and had myself a few glasses of whiskey, my mind spiraling the whole time.
That was two weeks ago, and I’ve done everything in my power to keep my distance from her, which is hard when she’s my magnet. I’m scared I’ll now hurt her. So, I’m constantly walking around with blue balls, and she’s throwing me dirty looks.
Walking into the kitchen, Rowan stands at the island, her body swaying back and forth to the music playing while she preps dinner. I stop and watch her; she’s in her own world. My T-shirt falls to her thighs, oversized. Just like this is when I think she is the most beautiful woman.
I can’t help the smile that overtakes my lips as I pull out my cell phone, quickly taking a picture, wanting to remember this exact moment forever. My eyes pan down to her toned legs. I close my eyes as my dick jumps.
Down boy.
“What are you making?” I ask as I close the distance between us.
She turns slightly, looking over her shoulder, looks me up and down, but doesn’t speak as she turns back around, continuing what she was doing.
She is a brat.
Walking up behind her, I encase her with my arms as I lean over and kiss her cheek.
Her knife that’s currently cutting the vegetables in front of her stops as she leans her head back onto me. I hear her breathing in deeply before she speaks. “Watch out now; you don’t want to break me.”
Pushing away from the island, she stumbles back a bit from my abrupt movement before I walk around it, wanting to look her in the eyes.
“Don’t play that shit with me. You didn’t even tell me what was said, Rowan.
And you expect me to go on about our life as if you’re not in pain, that I know that having sex is most likely painful, but you’ve never told me.
What kind of man would I be? To be okay with you being hurt, just so I can get a nut off.
” I laugh, but it’s more manic sounding.
I lean onto the island, looking right at her.
Her face morphs as I watch her, from neutral to pissed off.
“You don’t think these two weeks have been rough?
All I want to do is bend you over and sink into your pussy.
That’s on constant repeat all day, but I love you and you mean more to me than just a wet fucking hole, baby.
” Straightening up, I crack my neck. Without another word, I exit the kitchen, heading immediately to my gym.
I don’t even give two shits about wrapping my hands.
I hit the boxing bag over and over until my knuckles hurt.
Panting and sweating, I fall onto the bench, elbows on my knees, while my sore hands run through my hair.
“Hey.”
I pan up, and Rowan stands at the doorway.
“I’m not mad at you; I’m just annoyed,” she states as she walks toward me before stopping in front of me.
I straighten up, looking up to her, locking eyes.
“The reason I love you, Luca, is that you’re not like other men.
You care about me. About my well-being, my mental and emotional.
And you love me for all the fucked-up parts of me,” she says, while running her fingers through my mussed-up hair.
On a whispered breath, she says, “I just miss you.”
Her scent wraps around me, and I can’t help wrapping my arms around her hips, pulling her even closer to me, sinking my nose over the T-shirt, right where I know her sweet mound lays, breathing her in.
“Fuck,” I groan out.
I want her, I need her, but my head is scared I’ll hurt her.
Rowan pushes my shoulders, and I pan up at her as she slowly eases down on me, straddling my legs.
“Baby.”
“Shh.” She kisses my lips, stopping any words I was about to say, swallowing them down. Her tongue dances around mine as she softly strokes it with hers, before breaking the kiss, staring into my eyes, into my soul, as she grinds on me.
My eyes close of their own accord, the pressure waking up my dick. My hands wrap around her back, bringing her even closer to me.
The scent of her hair is intoxicating. Breathe her in, squishing my face into her neck. She continues to move faster. Her friction is becoming jerkier.
“With you,” Rowan pants out. “I don’t feel the pain when it happens, Luca.
I’m in my own world with you. And I’d take that pain forever if it meant I could have you,” she cries out as she grinds harder on my dick, which is now straining against my jeans.
“Don’t let them win, baby. Don’t,” she cries out as I squeeze her closer to me, my hips bucking under her.
The noise of the bench squeaking, her moans, and my heavy breathing are the only sounds in the room, before I can’t take it anymore and I come like a teenage boy in my pants.
Her moans become louder and I know she’s reaching her climax, her thrusting slowing.
Once we both catch our breath, we sit there. “I feel as if I’m being punished, and I know that isn’t the case, but I still feel that way. I feel like you see me broken.”
“Don’t say that shit.” I pull her close to me; she lays her head on my shoulder, looking at me. Her cheeks red with exertion, her breathing becoming more even. I kiss her lips, but she doesn’t kiss me back.
“Kiss me,” I demand, pulling her even closer. I can feel her heart pounding against my chest.
“Fuck me,” she replies, petting my beard, trying to tame it back into place.
I close my eyes, her words trying to tempt me.
“I love you,” I tell her as I pick her up, set her on her feet, and walk out of the gym, needing to get myself cleaned up and away from her.
Calling out from the gym, she says, “We can’t do this shit forever, Luca.” Her voice sounds manic.
I understand she is right, but my mind overwhelms me. The thought of hurting her—that fucks with me.
Shucking off my now sticky jeans and T-shirt, I stand under a cold spray of water, my body screaming at me to turn it off, but my mind ignores it. The cold water feels like needles hitting my skin, letting my mind try to think of something else other than Rowan and how I could hurt her.
I let myself enter thoughtlessness when hands wrap around my waist, making me jump in surprise. “If you’re going to torture yourself and me, I might as well join in.” Her words cascade to my ears as she kisses my back.
Shivers immediately take over my body as I become aware of the cold water falling on me.
In seconds, warm water unfreezes me from my spot. I look down at the most beautiful scene: Rowan on her knees in front of me.
“Don’t deny me,” she whispers up to me, her blue eyes bright, and I can’t say no.
I watch as she reaches out, encasing my cock with her tiny hand. She kisses the tip of my dick, followed by licking around it.
“Goddamn,” I whimper out. She doesn’t even have it in her mouth, and I want to come.
My hand shoots out, trying to find leverage on the tile wall, when her lips close around my base, taking me all the way in, hitting the back of her throat.
My moan is animalistic as I wrap my hand in her soaking wet hair, tangling it around my fingers, forcing her to take me deeper.
Rowan looks up at me, slowly blinking, ignoring the water falling into her eyes. She’s a masterpiece, beautiful and all mine.
Not letting myself think for another second, I rip my hand out of her hair, pull my cock from her mouth, and have her lifted in moments, slamming her into the tile wall as she wraps her legs around my waist.
A crazy laugh escapes her before I steal her mouth, swallowing it down. Our tongues fight, each wanting to dominate the other, but I win. I line my cock up with her entrance, sinking into her.
“Fuck, yeah. Oh God, Luca,” she screams out.
Her pussy fits me so well, molds around me, taking all of me, as I use the wall to help me hold her up while I pound into her.
I don’t know where I end and she begins. We’re one and in this moment, I make her a promise. “I will never look at you like you’re broken. You’re the best jagged piece that fits me, Killer,” I moan out to her as she cries out.
Her warmth is like home. Her tightness is Heaven. This, in this exact moment, is what I want my Heaven to be like. Just Rowan and I as one.
Scratching down my back, she groans out, “I love you.”
“Come for me, Killer.” I bite her plump bottom lip, pulling it into my mouth, sucking harshly.
“Ahhh!” she screams as my pounding becomes faster. “I missed you. God, I missed you,” she cries out.
My balls draw up, and I explode into her, as I feel her pussy constricting around me, knowing she’s coming as well.
I drift slowly in and out of her until I can’t handle it any longer; the sensation becomes too much, pulling out of her, easing her back to standing.
“My legs are fucking shaking.” She laughs out loud.
We both bathe one another, taking our time cleaning every inch of each other’s skin, until the water turns cold, and we’re forced out of the shower.
That night, I hold the one thing that matters most to me in my arms, promising her I’ll never look at her like she’s fragile again.