Chapter Thirty-five
Rowan
“It’s been you, hasn’t it?” I ask Stephen, knowing the answer already, but needing him to confirm it.
He sits in the front seat, not saying anything as Damian flies out of town.
As we turn off the street, I can see the fire start to grow, burning evidence and turning David into nothing, like he deserves.
Through the quietness of the car, he says, “We can talk once my son is home safe.” It’s almost like he blames me. Safe? What happened? Damian said Luca was okay, but it was an ambush. By whom?
The darkness engulfs us as the headlights lead us down the dark highway, barely passing any other vehicles. Soon, the sound of the car and the motion lull me to sleep. My come down from the high and fright, kicking my ass.
“Rowan. Hey, we’re here.”
Feeling the crick in my neck, I moan, my hand trying to massage it. Damian stands at the door, watching me.
Peering my sleep eyes open, I open them wider when I see where we are…home. Breathing deeply in, the wet forest and pasture fill my lungs with a smell I didn’t know I would miss so much: home.
With the crunch of the dirt driveway under my boots, I immediately feel grounded before I look around, looking for Stephen. “Where is he?” I ask, ignoring the pain my body is now consumed in from the fight of my life.
Damian smiles, “He took off, said he had some stuff he had to take care of, and will be back. He’ll also be calling the rental car company once they open to see if someone can pick it up.”
Eyebrows raised, “So this is how I meet my boyfriend's father. Nice. And he already doesn’t like me.”
Putting my finger on the door lock, I hear the locks disengage, letting us in.
“Ah, Stephen. He’s a hard case to crack.”
With a grunt, I stop in the entryway. “I need to get Roxy.”
Damian walks past me. “She’ll be fine. We’ll get her back home.”
Toeing off my boots, I pad across the floor and fall onto the couch; the cushion cocooning me. The smell of home welcomes me. Not giving a shit about my dirty body, I pull the throw blanket over me. My tiredness wins out. “How long till Luca is home?” I snuggle into the blanket.
“Not much longer,” Damian replies before he disappears into the kitchen.
Uncomfortableness seeps into my soul. My head spins from everything that has taken place tonight: David's revelation that he's not my father, my mother, and the hell she endured. She tried to protect me. When this whole time I’ve been damning her. Thinking she upped and left, when it was her protecting me by any means, even with her own life. My lips quiver when her images pop into my brain. Brownish red hair, body kissed with freckles, assaults me—tears blur my vision. Sadness that she couldn’t save herself or have someone like Luca on her side.
The magnitude of how lucky I am weighs me down.
From all the hell I was put through, I was sent an angel, and his name is Luca. God’s apology to me.
Pulling the throw tighter around me, curling into a fetal position, I no longer see Damian or hear him.
Not one part of me is sad about what took place tonight.
That was me putting everything to rest. Finishing what they started and ending what my mother couldn’t.
Burying my trauma and sealing it up forever.
Maybe sometimes it’ll seep out from the sides, but I know I can overcome it.
Because those who hurt me are no longer walking this earth alongside me.
Am I blind to the fact that if Damian and Stephen hadn’t shown up when they did, shit could have gone differently? No, I’m not. But I was willing to die alongside David if it meant he was no longer here anymore, too. That was a chance I knew I was taking.
Fucking Stephen. I want to know how.
The sun peeks through the enormous windows, lighting the living room, and my eyes grow heavy waiting for Luca.
Finally dozing off, I hear the crunch of gravel; my eyes fly open. I toss the throw blanket off me, looking out the window. The car flies, leaving a trail of dust behind.
My feet hit the wooden floor, legs carrying me to the front door, swinging it open as the car skids to a stop. Luca emerges, face tinged with anger and something else I can’t quite pinpoint. He barrels toward me, not stopping, lifting me off the ground and carrying me into the house.
“Luca.”
“I don’t want to hear anything right now.” He growls out walking up the stairs. His pace is fast and I can see his pulse in his neck.
Before we disappear into the bedroom, I see Weeks, Thomas, and Damian walk through the front door. Thomas gives me the finger. “What the fuck?” I throw up my hands.
I’m thrown onto the bed; my air escapes me from the unexpected landing. Staring up and locking eyes with Luca. Anger wafts from him as he looms over me. “What the fuck were you thinking? Huh?” His words are clipped. “You promised.” The way those come out cut me.
“I’m sorry,” I say honestly. “I didn’t want to lie to you, but Luca, it’s something I had to do.” I sit up.
His hand jerks out, pointing. “Lay back down. You don’t move until I tell you to.”
“Luca,” I whisper out, feeling like I’m in front of a rabid dog ready to attack me.
He shakes his head. “I walked into a fucking setup tonight, Rowan. A setup. Want to know by who?” He doesn’t give me time to say anything. “Fucking Clare Briggs. Rowan!”
My heart stops beating when I hear the last name. “Wait.” I hold up my hand, my stomach feeling like it fell into my back.
“It was all part of their grand plan. Get you and me. Their payback for Briggs being killed, for the takedown of TUSB. I don’t even want to think about it if that came to fruition, Rowan.
They’ve been here. When I don’t know. But they found us.
” He paces back and forth, hand going to his hair, disappearing into it.
“I’d do anything for you. I do anything for you, and you keep shit from me.
” He stops to look at me, and I see his eyes are glassy; anger and fear fight for the top emotion in him.
My face morphs into concern for the man I love.
I know he’s right. I know this, but my mind wouldn’t stop until David was gone.
Inch by inch, I sit up, waiting for him to scream at me, but he doesn’t.
“Baby.” I cautiously close the space between us.
“I had to do it. I had to, and I knew you would have been against it. I’m sorry I kept it from you, but I’m not sorry I did it. ” I tell him truthfully.
“If Damian and Stephen.” He pauses. “My dad hadn’t shown up. What would have happened, Rowan?” His words are clipped.
I shrug my shoulders, diverting my gaze to the wall behind him.
We both know what would've happened. “I would have probably died,” I say the words, and they hit me like a freight train now that they’re said out loud; my body reacts, and fear is instant.
Realizing how close I was. How close I was to not having Luca.
Of being in the unknown. The cloud of revenge, not present in my mind, lets me see it as a whole now.
I swallow, and it feels like I have something wedged in my throat. Mortality. The unknown. Darkness.
“I did something I said I’d never do, Rowan. For us, for you, to keep you safe, I purposefully left a woman locked in a closet and blew the house up. For you. Because I couldn’t chance you being put in harm’s way again. But here you were, putting yourself in it.”
Tears well up in my eyes because I know his stance, and tonight he went against it…for me.
“Would I do it again? I would a thousand times over if I knew it kept you safe, Killer.”
He reaches out, and I fold into his arms, breathing him in, needing to fill my lungs with him.
Fuck air. “I love you, Luca. And I promise, never again will I do anything like I did tonight.” Can he believe me?
Probably not, but I’ll spend the rest of my life showing him he can.
Because I mean it. I don’t want to fight for my life, to kill for it.
I want to live it, be present, and enjoy it with him.
My body shakes. I thought I’d let myself die with David if it meant David was dead, too.
But at those moments, Luca didn’t run through my mind, only my payback.
And I hate myself for that. For being okay to leave him alone, once again. “I’m sorry.”
“Can we lay down?” His lips kiss my head.
Enclosing my hand in his, I lead him to the bed. I undress him, pulling the covers back before he slides in, patting the spot next to him for me to lie down with him.
The need to be as close to him is strong; in a hurry, I undress myself, wrapping my body around him when I feel his tremble.
Scooting back a bit to see him, his eyes are wide open, tears flowing out of them.
“I could have lost you. Rowan, I don’t want to live a life where you’re not in it.
Stop doing this to me. Please,” he begs, his body racking with his cries.
Closing the space between us, we cry together.
I finally break, letting it all out, everything I’ve been holding, finally able to come to the surface with the realization that I don’t have to fight anymore.
Wrapping my legs around him, he holds me so tight; we stay like that all day, our hands roaming, needing to feel the other.
Clinging to him, I fall asleep listening to his heart beating.
With each step, the voices grow louder, laughter following.
I follow it, leading me out to the back porch where Luca and Stephen sit under the string of lights, drinking a beer, the night their backdrop.
After a moment of standing there, "Hi," comes out meekly to my own ears, hating the way I sound.
No confidence and not wanting Stephen to think this is who I am all the time.
“We’ve been waiting for you to wake up.” Luca scoots over, patting the seat next to him. A whole different aura surrounds him now.